Sexy Language is Not Out of Place

Some of the stories on Marriage Heat are periodically criticized for their language. I believe these criticisms come from well-intentioned, God-loving fellow believers - and that their motives are good. The main criticism is that certain kinds of words are not consistent with the Christian faith.

I am glad there are those who care enough about the gospel and our Christian testimony - to take the time to write. I think it is a loving and good thing to do. I agree that there is a lot of language in this world that is used in a bad, distasteful, wrong, and sinful way. This article is not a defense in any way for using language in a way that is condemned in Ephesians 5:4. It says,

"Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving."

The word for "filthiness" means obscenity, filthy talk, foul talk, coarse talk. We need to take notice that this is further qualified in the passage by saying "which are out of place". There are words that are out of place. There are right places and wrong places for certain kinds of speech. It is fine to indiscriminately yell "fire" underwater in a swimming pool or alone in your car. No one is hurt. Yet, it is "out of place" to yell "fire" in a crowded theater.

It would be filthy talk to address the president of the United States by the name of a female sex organ ("pussy") during a press conference. It would also be out of place. Yet, that same word would not be filthy or out of place if it was addressed to my wife during sex. It would fit the moment and context. It is the right place.

If my wife told me "lick my pussy" during sex, it would be totally appropriate. The same word that would be out of place in a presidential press conference is not out of place in the marriage bed. Same word - yet different contexts show whether or not it is appropriate or out of place.

An anatomy book labels her pussy as a "vagina." There are probably people who think that the only words that should be used during sex are: vagina, penis, breasts, intercourse, relations, and ejaculation.

Please know that I am not trying to be disrespectful in what I'm about to ask! But - Is the only godly way, to have a husband talk to his wife during sex like this? - "Honey, I am having sexual impulses. Are you? I have a desire to lay you flat on your back and put my penis inside your vagina and have intercourse. I hope to touch your breast tissue and end with an ejaculation in your vagina. Are you feeling stimulated for that activity tonight?" Perhaps others might think the purest form of sex is to have absolute silence.

I'm trying to make a point: Most Christians are already more expansive with their language than that sample conversation.

So, what do we see in Scripture? We see in Song of Songs an expansion of sexual language. Some descriptive words of anatomy are used - as well as euphemisms. Vineyard, her breasts, his fruit, her garden, his garden, a garden fountain, honeycomb, wine, milk, palm tree, and more. Proverbs and Song of Songs calls the woman's breasts "fawns". At the very least, this makes the point that there is not just one word for vagina (vagina - and nothing else) and penis (penis - and nothing else). God is creative and He made us creative in His image.

So, Ephesians 5:4 makes clear that there is a "right place" for words; and there are words that can be "out of place" in certain contexts. Wisdom will lead us to use language in the ways that please the Lord and build up one another. Which leads to the next point. Ephesians 4:29 (also Colossians 3:8) says,

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Corrupting talk does not build up or edify others. Notice: We are to use words that "fit the occasion". It is the using of "edifying" words, at the right occasion - that "give grace" to those we talk to.

Let's apply this in the sexual realm between a husband and wife on their marriage bed. Corrupting talk would be language that would tear down or demean your spouse. Or to speak sexually to your spouse in front of a crowd - would not be fitting for the occasion. It would not necessarily give grace to those who hear. Yet, on the marriage bed, or in private foreplay leading up to sex throughout the day - it would edify my wife for me to tell her what I'm going to do to her that night.

How would it build my wife up? By her being ignited by my passion for her. By her knowing that I'm thinking about her and in love with her. It fits the occasion because we are married. Sex is a big part of our lives together. The "occasion" is ongoing for us. We find ways to bring sexiness into our interactions all through the day and night. It gives her grace, in that she knows she is the object of my affections. This continually encourages her. And she does the same back to me.

So, what is the debate about language? I think in some ways that it comes down to synonyms. We need to realize that sexy words the world has turned into trash in the streets - are not owned by the world. Just because people use "fuck" in ways that I detest - doesn't take away that beautiful word from our lovemaking.

The issue for Christians is using language with Scripture-informed wisdom. Proverbs 10:31 says, The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but the perverse tongue will be cut off.

What we witness so often in the world are people using language in foolish and even perverse ways. We hear people constantly using the word 'fuck' as an adjective ('my fucking car', 'my fucking boss'). What are they doing? They are mad at their car that broke down; or are upset with their boss at work. And they use a word that describes sexual intercourse for the purpose of describing and accentuating their anger. The question is: Is there a law that says 'if a word gets hijacked out in the world in a negative way - then Christians can never use it'? Of course not! If that was true then who is the word police? No, it takes wisdom from God to use language.

So, what should we aim at? We should use speech that accomplishes the goal of building up others. This brings glory to God. The words we choose are going to change depending on the setting and context. There are times when words of judgment are appropriate. At other times those same words would be harsh.

It is partly a person's perception of what a word means that should guide us in choosing our words. We can't be perfect in this regard. Some people think certain words are out of bounds - while others don't. Just like some people think putting your elbow on the kitchen table is impolite - others are not offended by it at all. The speaker needs to exercise wisdom in this regard. We are to aim to use words that build others up in Christ.

The Bible doesn't tell us what the perfect list of words we can use is. It doesn't tell us all the words that are off the table. Ra Mclaughlin, who is very helpful in this area of study and has been a blessing to me. He writes,

"In fact, "vulgar" does not describe a word as "bad" or "evil," but rather "common" or "low class." "Profane" does not mean "evil" or "gross," but simply "worldly" or "non-sacred." The "bad words" are the ones that cultured society does not use, but which lower class people (or by association, the "bad people") do use...Over time, in our society these words began to cause negative reactions in some people because they considered them to be offensive. However, there is nothing magical/spiritual in the sounds or meanings of the words themselves that caused this association. Rather, it was the contexts in which these words were generally used. For nearly every profane word usage, there is another non-profane way to say the same thing that does not cause the same negative reactions in those who are more sensitive to profanity. But this does not mean that the words themselves are somehow evil sounds."

Knowing what words mean and using them that way is important. I can't just say a word means something to me that doesn't mean that for everyone else. Language would be chaos if we all chose to just have our own vocabularies.

But, should Christians use words that some people think are profane? To answer that question, we need to look at how the Bible uses language. Scripture promises to equip us for every good work (2 Timothy 3:17) - which includes sexy talk with our spouse. In light of this, we have examples of the Bible using words that many would consider profane, common or low class. In Philippians 3:8, Paul uses a word translated as "rubbish" or "garbage".

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ

This word for "rubbish" is thought by many to be profane. It literally refers to "dung" or "excrement." The word was used in ancient graffiti. Paul used this word in Scripture to describe how he now saw his former works that he confidently did by the power of the flesh. Does this mean that Paul was loose with language? No! He was accurately describing what his works before faith in Christ gained him - Nothing! They all amounted to a pile of excrement.

So, the Bible also uses language in ways that some might think is profane. Thus, it could not be ruled as totally inappropriate language. Is that the only example? No.

Another example is found in 2 Chronicles 10:10. It says, "And the young men who had grown up with him said to him, “Thus shall you speak to the people who said to you, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, but you lighten it for us’; thus shall you say to them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s thighs."

The young men told Rehoboam to tell Jeroboam that his "little finger" was thicker than his father's loins were. In that text, "little finger" is a euphemism for his penis. Bible commentators point out that when Rehoboam actually confronted Jeroboam, Rehoboam omitted that phrase - probably indicating that the phrase was considered inappropriate. But, there it is in the Bible.

Ezekiel 23:20 speaks of Jerusalem acting like a whore - saying "she lusted after her lovers there (in Egypt), whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose issue was like that of horses." The Bible here is describing the penises of those they were adulterous with as being like the penis of a donkey - and the ejaculation of the penis like that of a horse. This was a disparaging phrase for sexual potency since the sexual heat of these animals was well known. If you read all of Ezekiel 23, you see highly sexualized language that some in churches might be uncomfortable with.

2nd Kings 18:27 uses language that most people around the world would find offensive by saying, "But the Rabshakeh said to them, “Has my master sent me to speak these words to your master and to you, and not to the men sitting on the wall, who are doomed with you to eat their own dung and to drink their own urine?” These words were meant to threaten Judah, by saying the Assyrians would bring them to such deplorable times in their history - so that dung and urine would be what they would have to eat and drink. This was shocking language. Again, it is in the Bible.

So, there is language even in the Bible that can offend. This doesn't mean that we would be wise to use it without wisdom - if at all. As we've already seen in the New Testament, there is a proper place and context for the use of words. So, how do we practically decide what is appropriate and inappropriate for us? We certainly should not aim to be offensive to anyone. That would not be loving. Yet, we don't always know what will offend. We are to live with a kind of carefulness. We want our intentions to be right. Thankfully, we learn over time and gain wisdom in how we are to talk. Our vocabulary is something that grows. God is gracious.

I have never been one who "cusses" in my life. I am very sensitive to the way I use the Lord's name. When I stub my toe, I say "ouch" - and pretty much leave it at that. When I've spoken in anger, I have not resorted to profanity. My wife and children are known to do the same. By God's grace, this typifies our family's speech.

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How does all of this apply to words we use with our spouse concerning sex? I'll mention four applications: 1) We are to aim to build up our spouse up with our language. 2) We are not to aim at offending them with our words. 3) We are not to use words that are out of place for the context of sex with our spouse. 4) In knowing our spouse, we are to refrain from words that will offend.

Let me amplify these four (4) points of application in a personal way:

1) In the context of my marriage - my wife and I find many sexual words very satisfying in our relationship. We have found them to be very encouraging in stimulating each other. This encouragement is consistent with building one another up. We don't let how others wrongly or hurtfully use them (out of place, not fitting the occasion) in the street make them taboo for us in bed or in sexual conversation during the day.

So, for us - the words and phrases that we find satisfying and erotic together include: sex, fuck, intercourse, pound your pussy, ride your cock, pump, titty fuck, finger fuck, tongue fuck, face fuck, butt fuck, boobs, tits, fawns, rack, breasts, pussy, pussy lips, labia, vulva, cunt, fuck hole, vagina, garden, cherry, clit, cock, dick, boner, erection, hard-on, rod, weiner, penis, butt, butthole, ass, asshole, balls, nuts, fruit, testicles, blow job, giving head, cum, semen, seed, white milk, sperm, load, orgasm, ejaculate, oral sex, 69, eat me out, lick my ass, tongue my asshole, finger my asshole, deep throating, kiss, french kiss, masturbate, mutual masturbation, beat off, jerk off, hand job, fingering, hot, horny, sex machine, frisky, lustful, kinky, juicy, wet, aroused, bulging, humping, juice, cunt juice, pussy nectar, pussy cum, quickie, marathon, doggy style - and more. As you can see, there is quite a variety that helps keep the narrative fresh.

2) We also have words that we choose not to use. We receive them in a way that does not build us up. We don't necessarily think these words must necessarily offend other couples. If they don't offend others in their marriages, good for them. For us, we choose not to use words like whore, bitch, slut, shit, damn, and bastard. We personally don't associate those terms with love and endearment. That is who we are.

3) We find ourselves talking sexually to one another mostly in the bedroom. Yet, our foreplay can begin early in the day sometimes - and our communication. Yet, we are careful to use our sexual communication when it would be out of place. Thus, we are mindful of who is around us. This actually makes our sexual communication something very special and erotic. It is for us. It is our communication. My wife doesn't hear me saying one of our sexual words when I'm disappointed with the outcome of a ballgame on TV. I don't take our sexual language in vain! Nor when I stub my toe. It is our "in the right place with thanksgiving" sexual communication." And it is spicy to the hilt!!

4) My wife and I are not clones about everything sexual. I am heartened to see that other couples on MH are not clones either. Though we are not clones - we are very compatible on this subject of sexual communication. Yet, I am aware of certain phrases that my wife likes more than others. I refrain from what she would not prefer to hear. Though, we both have expanded in this over time - while still maintaining a sexual language ethic that only builds up.

In conclusion, I want to leave you encouraged. We need to have a handle on what our freedoms are and are not in regards to language in general. We are not to take the Lord's name in vain. We are not to use words in a context that is out of place. We are not to tear our spouse down with our words. We are not to aim at offending.

In the sexual realm, we see that the Bible doesn't just call breasts - only "breasts." They are fawns, too (Song of Songs 4:5, 7:3). A woman's vagina is also a garden (Song of Songs 4:12, 16). It is not a surprise that over time - the people made in the image of their Creator God - are also creative! In our creativity, there has been a whole bunch of other sexual phrases that have come to be used. Let's celebrate them and use them with wisdom. They have power to incite great erotic passion!

Have fun and be creative with your covenant spouse. Let your sexual speech be enjoyed - as you use it in the right context and the right place. What your ears hear - will work with what your eyes are seeing - and what your body is feeling - and perhaps even with what your mouth is tasting! It is a beautiful mixture. God has given us a variety. Use it with wisdom and aim for His glory. God bless you!

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34 replies
  1. CMLove says:

    Wow, Mentor Love! Excellent post! I must have shouted "Amen!!" about twenty different times LOL! Thank you so much for your Biblical stance on a subject that most people shy away from discussing. My husband and I have often talked about the language we use within the bedroom and how it is solely "kept" for the bedroom but your writing has confirmed what we have been trying to put into words! Thank you, again, so very much! May God bless you and your dear wife as you follow Him!

    • Mentor Love says:

      I love getting "wow's" CMLove - especially when it is because this has blessed you! I'm with you on language that we solely keep for our bedroom. I would not want to waste the f-word on something so less beautiful and tender. When it is used - it is for the right time and the right person!! Thank you! ML

  2. jesusfanatic says:

    This was a very helpful article. I have felt for a long time that the world has high-jacked sex and so many aspects that relate to it. The word "erotic" itself is a great example - Biblical word: Eros God blessed! But almost every Christ-follower I know would immediately assume something pornographic/inappropriate. While I still struggle with same words due to how much they have been used out of context, we are finding more freedom. I am also a minister which adds another level of caution 🙂 I copied your word list to review with my wife and added other words we use. This has opened up a conversation that my wife tends to avoid. It is very healthy to have a forum to discuss these issues openly since the Church has difficult time dealing with this most critical subject. (I guess the Liar knows that too!) Thanks again!

    • Mentor Love says:

      Thank you Jesusfanatic. I am glad you are finding more freedom - while being careful to be appropriate. I find using the words for what they mean, and in the right context, and with love does the trick! May God bless your ministry! I would love for you to write back the word list that you and your wife use. My wife is definitely the more shy between the two of us - but enjoys spicy talk between us. I love this healthy forum, too. God Bless! ML

  3. PassionateForChrist says:

    Great work on this post, Mentor Love! Very good points! Thank you for it! Your example for how a hubby would talk to his wife in only anatomically correct terms cracked me up!! Love the whole post from tip to toe!! Best of blessings!

    • Mentor Love says:

      Thank you Passionate! I'm glad you liked the humor, too. 🙂
      I always love your writing / comments / heart! ML

    • PassionateForChrist says:

      ML, thank you so much for the blessing! 🙂 I cherish these words of love a lot, especially as they come from you, a brother in Christ, whom I respect and love for the integrity, which you portray and hold dear, and for your own heart, which seeks to add value, to help redeem what has been perverted by the world unto its place of original purity in the Creator and to help set others free through Bible-anchored truth.

      No worries at all, the serious points were not lost amidst the humor. 😀 I believe the humor made them stand out all the more. Until a talk I was blessed to have with Silver on here a few weeks ago, to whom LH added his precious wisdom as well, I frankly was... how can I best say this... pushed away by the use of the f-word. Because society has abused the word so much into something dirty and devaluing and degrading, I saw that word to be nothing more than a cheap cuss. To me, honestly, I wasn't even perceiving its original meaning anymore in it - a meaning undefiled, when used with the proper mindset and heart attitude (love, endearment and respect), at the right time and in the proper frame of event. I love the list of words you shared and, by God's gracious work on me, I have by now grown myself to love a few of those in the context of sexy talk. I personally do also wholeheartedly agree with you on the words that you do not use - I have the same limit on these. The points you've made are indeed essential and I personally thank you for this, for amongst other great things, you've helped me become freer by the truth of the Word you shared about this here! 🙂 God bless you and your dear wife!!

    • Mentor Love says:

      Dear Passionate, your response is exactly why I wrote this! I hope there are others who will see these sexy words as redeemed from the wrong way the world has hijacked them! There was a time when I only knew of them in the wrong way. What a joy it is with my wife to rescue these words - and always in a situation that is so sexually euphoric for us! They are now part of the spicy sauce that gets sprinkled on our favorite sex "meals" - and their taste is so erotically satisfying. These words function now as superlatives in language - able to touch nooks and crannies; and scratch particular sensual "itches" that other words don't. So, keep them in that holy and singularly set apart category Passionate - and you will do well! God bless you! ML

    • Mentor Love says:

      Glad you found it insightful Silver - I always love your writing(s) and comments. I bet your husband would fall off the bed if you spoke anatomically to him during sex! 🙂

    • PassionateForChrist says:

      Silver, my friend, I bet that you could make talking anatomically with your hubby like so sexy! I see how you can put that in a scene, totally surprise him with it... he will surely fall off the bed... but because you are so hot to him, he will be so enticed and intrigued by you talking vanilla to him... what's a superlative for vanilla... yoghurt? coconut? Oh, I like that... I'll call it coconut talk... You write the rest of the story 😀 God bless!!

    • Mentor Love says:

      I can see it now - A new book offered on MH: "Silver's Guide to Kinky & Coconut-Laced Spice"


      "Passionate's Tips to Using Vanilla Yogurt in Your Bed"

      You better get the copyright soon! 🙂

    • PassionateForChrist says:

      Hahaha! Awesome ML!! Love it! 😀

      Don't forget the 3rd part of the trilogy though: "Mentor's Secret Spicy Sauce - Exotic Recipes for the Erotic Gourmet". 😉

  4. Upcomingauthor says:

    Awesome article. I would also point out that MH does put the (L) after the title for even the tinniest bit of language. To everyone their own, what someone can handle may not be what someone else can handle. Well put LM! Thank you 🙂 Especially loved that paragraph of the bland language, that made me laugh so hard! 🙂

    • Mentor Love says:

      Glad you liked it Upcomingauthor - and another who liked the attempt at humor! I hope the serious points were not lost. God bless you. 🙂

    • Mentor Love says:

      Thank you El Khem. I'm not quite sure what that means but the exclamation point makes me think you liked it. God bless you! ML

    • Mentor Love says:

      I agree that this needed to be said - and it is not an attempt to make anyone adopt our word list. I hope you two are having hot, loving sex - and that it is simply an extension of your marital bond in Christ! ML

  5. Malaps says:

    Well researched. Then so well said. Proves to me once again that scripture must be studied in its full context in order to arrive at its intended message. God bless you And ye family.

  6. ilovemywife69 says:

    Great post. And we have a small breakthrough! I sent this story to my wife and when we talked about it, she told me that dirty talk kinda turned her on. Thank you for your article! Also i work construction so curse words are common speak. I quit cursing 10 years ago but last night I used a few words as test sentences for my wife. Normally I would feel guilty for using the "f-bomb" but when used in the correct connotation it felt good and my wife liked it as well! Now if I can get her to talk to me a little during intercourse it will be awesome. Thanks again.

    • Mentor Love says:

      Great report - small breakthroughs can lead to substantive change. The difference between using words out of place on the job and rightly in bed with your wife is huge. To recognize that is the beginning of taking back sexy words for the right purposes. Be patient and thank Gpd for the presence of mind He has granted you. Enjoy the sexy language with your dear wife with new vigor. God bless you. ML

  7. hornyGG says:

    Great post! I think it is all in how such words are used. If we use such language in anger or to be degrading, then to me that is wrong. Ben and I love "dirty talk" during sex, it is language we use only in the confines of our bedroom and during our passion. In the thro's of passion we may say things to each other that we wouldn't say any other time. Ben sometimes calls me his " hot little bitch" or something, but it is never meant in a derogatory way. Just as I may call him a " big dicked bastard" in the heat of the moment, once again not meaning it in a negative way. Of course I don't think any husband will have an issue with their wife calling them a " big dicked anything" when your going at it hot and heavy. Lol.. Like I say, it's all in how and when you use such words. Like I said we never use such language outside the bedroom. God bless and stay horny my friend.

    • Mentor Love says:

      Thank you HornyGG. I love how you and Ben communicate - as I've read all of the posts from both of you. They are hot and inspiring. Though I don't share the exact same freedom to call my wife a "bitch," etc. - I don't think for a minute that you guys are using it in a derogatory manner. So, I'll have to settle with sharing 99.9% of the same sexy vocabulary as you two! Close enough! 🙂

      What a blessing you are to MH. Thank you for all your contributions and encouragement to so many. ML

  8. Alicia G. M. says:

    At the risk of being frowned upon, I will admit to being a bit of a curser at times. The occasional "shit" , "damn" and yes " fuck". It is a habit I am trying hard to break. Not that it makes it any better, but I have never used the Lord's name in vain. I am ashamed to admit to using the "F-U" term in anger as well. Trey also curses quite often. We too enjoy dirty talk in bed.
    If I may ask you all to please pray for me and Trey. I am so ashamed to admit this and willing to take all criticisms as constructive criticism.. I have prayed for forgiveness and ask that you all forgive me as I truly love and value this site. God bless each of you and much love.


    • Mentor Love says:

      Dear Alicia - God bless you dear young lady! I just prayed for you and Trey in this regard.

      Be encouraged with this: God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. The heart of your comments is one of humility!! Praise God! So, purpose to use the right words in the "right place." Ask God to give you grace to have strong convictions about where and when to use those words. Yet, remember that there is no shame is using sexy words with Trey!

      It sounds like your conscience is bothering you about sinfully speaking in anger and using words about sex and damnation / judgment in ways that are wrong. The gospel is that those who repent of sin and trust in Jesus have their sins forgiven. The same Jesus who has forgiven me has forgiven you.

      I must say that your love for the MH family is so obvious. Your comments and presence on MH is truly a blessing to so many. Thank you for being so open and honest. Your desire to follow God is encouraging to me. Sit down and talk with Trey about this. Pray with him. My heart's desire for you is that with the knowledge that you have been cleansed by Jesus' sacrifice for you - will free you to not only feel the release of your forgiveness - but give you great conviction to apply this in your life. Let the joy of sexy talk grow with you and Trey! Guard those words. Don't waste them on sinful anger or a stubbed toe. Use them when you two are naked and unashamed! When your are lost in erotic joy together. As time goes on - you won't even want to misuse those words and make them cheap.

      Alicia - people like you are what make Marriage Heat an internet destination! You are part of the blessing to me as I read your heartfelt comments. God bless you and Trey!! ML

    • PassionateForChrist says:

      Dear Alicia, of course I will lift you and Trey up in prayer, and don't you be afraid, I'm sure no one on MH will push you down in harsh criticism, especially not because your heart is towards God and repentant. That's the first important step: you gotta want to change. And you do. Yay you!!! 😀

      Now I would encourage you (and your husband) to not just pray for forgiveness to the Lord for when cussing has happened but that you begin to proactively pray to the Lord and ask God to help you by the power of His Holy Spirit to work this change in your soul, so that you can be free from the habit and the urge to use foul language or abuse words like the f-word. Tell Him (He knows everything already but there is nothing better and more anchoring than just speaking to God openly and fearlessly - He loves you and He loves it when you pour your heart out before Him)... Tell Him that you commit to doing what you can do, that you are willing to cooperate with Him on this, and ask Him to do what only He can do (like giving you a new want-to, a new desire in your soul, a desire that will not even want to speak foul language anymore (even in anger) or abuse words). Look up the verses in Scripture that concern this topic and bring His Word to Him - His Word always produces what He sent it forth to do - There is nothing more powerful than praying, and especially praying the Word of God itself. You can pray Psalms 141:3 for example ("Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips."), asking God to help you for His Word said that no one can tame the tongue, we need the help of the Holy Spirit, the help of God, ask Him to set up a guard over your mouth as in Psalm 141:3; you can pray for God to help you speak with a gentle tongue always, for this is your desire... you want life, you choose life - Proverbs 15:4 ("A soothing tongue is a tree of life, But perversion in it crushes the spirit."); and so on and so forth 🙂

      I would also encourage you to maybe handle the anger as well. I believe you would benefit from it greatly - for it could open up a whole new level of rest and peace in your being. I believe (and I've seen it in my own life) when you tackle the anger, in the sense that you work with God on getting you to a point where you are so anchored and stable in Him (in His truth), then pretty much nothing that happens in a day can unsettle you into an angry attitude (no hurt toe, no clumsiness, no unforeseen unfairness or other aggravating event). If you can stay peaceful and calm amidst the unsettling circumstances, then you will have no desire to use wrong words because you just know God will take care of everything (of righting the wrongs as well as of making you laugh through any clumsiness) and that gives you inner serenity and you will find it much easier to get back to your happy self much quicker than if you let yourself get carried away into an angry attitude.

      With God, you got this, my friend! I surely believe you will make it to freedom in all of this through Christ. Do it together as a couple and be committed to supporting each other in not cussing anymore, be committed to help each other to navigate circumstances peacefully. You are repentant, you have prayed and continue to pray, you are earnest about this, now stand and pursue doing what's right. Don't beat yourself up though when you should slip into a wrong word anew in the beginning. Tell God you're sorry about it and get back up right away on the course with your eyes firmly on Christ and on the goal: your cuss-free being. Don't give up and don't get weary. Keep pursuing! God is right there to help you. He is proud of you for having your heart on Him in this. And as you keep seeking diligently after Him in this area, you can stand on His promise that He will reward you for it 🙂 Much love always and God bless you!!

  9. hornyGG says:


    Baby, I believe everyone at MH are in full support of you. You know I am. Being your moma I always will be. You made a courageous step in sharing and I am so proud of you and Trey. I love you so much baby! Talk to ya soon.

    • Mentor Love says:

      Alicia - I know you've heard this many times in your life - but "your mom is absolutely right!" Much love from the west coast to you and Trey! ML

    • PassionateForChrist says:

      Absolutely agree with dear GG!

      Alicia, you are such a sweetheart! You are so brave and courageous - it takes a woman of godly character to speak the words you spoke, to be able to humble oneself under God's hand and to take the bold (and scary 😉 ) step to confess about an area where we desire change but haven't been able to bring it about yet. You are a mighty woman of God and you are perfectly walking on the path towards a greater freedom in Christ. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ, we are loving family here on MH, so, my dear, know that you will never have to fear.

      The mouth is an area we all struggle with, and we all can continually improve in it. My father is a thoroughly worldly man - he cusses, he yells, he judges, he emotionally manipulates, he divides people, he is primarily self-focused... My father and I are worlds apart - especially since Jesus saved me and began His amazing work in me, for which I am so deeply grateful, for there is nothing more precious in this life than to realize how valuable, how life-giving it is to know God's Truth, to see Him work His love out of you, to see Him change you from within, from the depths of your being, to see Him crucify you to this world, to see Him make you whole... nothing humbles me more, makes me more grateful and brings me to my knees, so to speak, in awe-inspired praise to God than the knowing that He so loved me (and you) that He chose me (and you) to have my eyes opened, that He personally picked me (and you) out on purpose, knowing my every weakness, my every shame, my every downfall and uprising beforehand, that He so loved me (and you) that He set me apart for Him, not just for His use but also to experience life with Him as He has it - peaceful, joyful, fulfilled, true, deep, rich in all that really matters - true life in its purest form. To know God and to be chosen to live for and with Him is the greatest blessing of all.

      Now... unlike my father, I am not a cusser by nature but I used to use some foul language occasionally when I was younger, especially when angry. I picked the foul language up through society and through my father. Through the years, my father has gotten worse and worse (it is not fun at all to handle him - a challenge that has both broken me and made me at the same time as God has done and continues to do His greatest work in me through and despite the pain the Enemy brings through the vessel my father lets himself be to the devil’s deceits, schemes, attacks and lies). God freed me from the urge to cuss through dealing with my anger. He has worked in me diligently and has led me to a place where very little can unsettle and aggravate me anymore, and if something does it most of the time doesn’t last too long till God by His grace helps me to find rest in Him. (Thank You, Jesus!!) Anger is not sin but we need to be on guard that when we are angry, we keep a close watch over our mouths. With our mouths we can speak blessing or junk. We can bless, enrich and uplift the atmosphere around us (regardless of circumstances) or we can poison and deplete the atmosphere around us. I’m sure we all would rather choose to enrich, bless and uplift it, for we are a part of this very atmosphere – if we deplete and poison it, we deplete and poison ourselves in the end. I have seen it happen in my own life over and over and it crushes the heart, it crushes the spirit. I’ve messed up in the area of the mouth more than I’ve wished to as well – my biggest challenge being to not get loud in the tone of my voice when fighting for those I love or when facing off with my father while he is being irresponsible or mistreating me or others... But the great thing is we've all got room for growth – the possibility to change, to improve, to strive to do better (not left alone to ourselves but always with the Helper close by our side) – that’s something I rejoice about... I’m grateful and am so glad that we have the possibility to always get back up, shake the dust off and move forward with God 😀

      Dearest Alicia, I too am super proud of you! You are endearing! You are amazing! You are a precious child of God! Rest assured, we all here at MH love you truly, madly, deeply (yes, there is a song entitled this way but it’s true, we do – we love you!). We cherish you being here and are blessed to have you enrich our MH family with your lovely soul. God’s got you. And you’ve got this! 😀 God bless and keep you always! <3

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