My Wet “Nightmare”
Hi All,
Sooo this is beyond difficult for me, so please bare with me. I am a single woman late 20’s, and still a virgin waiting for my faithful Father to send me my husband. I have been waiting for so long, and have never really experienced what it is like to be in love. I love the Lord with all my heart, and here recently I have been struggling with, you guessed it, masturbation. I know that it is a sin to lust after a man, period. And while I belong to a wonderful church with wonderful leaders who love their sheep, I still feel uncomfortable talking about certain things with them because I am still so new.
My heart skips a beat when I think about my future husband and how lovely it will be to meet finally him and spend the rest of my life making memories, but I also acknowledge that God wants me to have a fully developed, strong relationship with me first so that I don’t lose sight of why I live in the first place. I live by faith in everything that I do, but when I’m alone, I’m overwhelmed by shame, guilt because I touch myself when I think about my husband. I want to know what it’s like to be held, for him to make love to me and see me as his long awaited blessing and have just the thought of having finally found me be a reason to rejoice that God truly answers prayer.
I stopped recently for over a year, but now out of the blue for whatever reason, I have started, and now just the thought of us holding hands is enough to make me want to do things. I love Christ, I truly adore Him and want Him to look upon me with joy, not sadness, or shame because I can’t keep my stupid emotions in check. I don’t want to be a hypocrite!!
I feel like I’m breaking His heart, and all I want is to be at peace with my singlehood until he comes, but I’m always aroused, always daydreaming of him, and I’ve even escalated to watching porn again! Not lusting after them that I see but just wanting to see the “act”. I imagine what we will be doing, and I’m terrified at how my body’s cravings are getting Sooo much worse!!! I quit for well over a year and now out of the blue I’m starting again?? I know it’s the devil, but why oh why am I falling for it??
It’s not written plainly that masturbation is a sin, but “not a hint of sexual immorality” covers it, I’m sure.. Even when I stop with porn, which isn’t as difficult because there’s not a hint of love, but just plain raunchiness in half of that crap anyway, but I still have the urge to touch. I think of pleasing him…being a good wife to him, fulfilling his desires, romancing and just the simple things even, but I’m so ashamed of how God sees me… I don’t want to sin! I feel trapped! I know better than this, yet I feel like I can’t stop. Please, you all have known the difficulties of being single and alone. Please pray for my strength and deliverance from this trial. Please…
Hello Waitn4him! 🙂
Wow, I honestly feel like this could've been posted by me not too long ago. I just want you to know that I'm praying for you and that I've definitely experienced what you're going through right now.
My first words to you are actually a question: have you read HornyHubby's article regarding masturbation? It's a Christian viewpoint of the subject, and it relieved me of so much guilt. I would recommend that first of all.
My other words to you are words of caution regarding pornogrophy. It may seem harmless to you right now, but it is a deadly sin. It held me captive for years, and it can do the same to anyone. I understand that you say you aren't lusting after the people in the film, but I want to share a few conclusions that I've come to over the years. God commands us not to covet, right? By watching porn, even if you aren't covering the bodies of the people involved, you are coveting their actions. You long for sex, so you fill that void by watching other people experience it. I personally think that even if your intentions aren't to lust, coveting and lusting are inevitable. Also, I've recently thought about being married and looking at my wife's body, knowing that it isn't the only nude woman I've looked at. Even though I can't change the past, I don't want to "add to the list" of nude women I've seen. I wanted my wife to be the only one, but now that she isn't, I don't want any others joining the list.
I hope my advice has helped you out! Please know that I'm not judging you… I'm trying to warm you of the sin I've fallen into and the consequences of those sins.
God bless! -PM
Well said, Paul! Thanks for commmenting and we hope all is well with you!
All is wonderful! I have a story pending about my conversation with my girlfriend. I hope you'll check it out!
I can’t wait to read it! I’ve been wondering how everything turned out for you!
I love the point you made about not wanting to add to the list! I’ve never looked at it all from this perspective before. That is super helpful (at least to me already). I’ll keep that valuable advice in my heart, so that when temptation would try to lure me back away from the narrow path of God, I’ll now be even better equipped to withstand it. I’ve failed God at times before in this – having looked at inappropriate, explicit pictures on the Internet for a short while (just a few minutes on one day a few weeks ago but that’s enough to feel the guilt and shame about that bad choice of mine strongly for me). I immediately feel God’s conviction in my spirit when I do that – urging me to not go there, to not look such stuff up, encouraging me to stay on His higher ways for my life. His conviction is always loving and protective (not condemning), always seeking to lift us back up after we messed up, always there to help us make it better and restore us without tearing us down – and I’m so grateful for His grace and mercy in Christ that instantly catches us, as we repent for what we have done in disobedience to Him. Thank you for your comment and beautiful advice, Paul! God bless you! 🙂
*future wife, that is. I'm not yet married. 😉
Dear Waitn, first of all, I wanna salute you for having taken the step of faith to reach out to the MH fam about this matter so close to your precious heart – I know firsthand about the courage at heart it takes to write about these inner turmoils that you've shared about here with us. I am a single Christian woman, 30 years old, who has, just like you, never experienced what it is like to be in love so far. As I've read through your post, I could so relate to the shame and guilt cycles you described as well as the inner longing for God's future spouse. I have been no stranger to these excruciating cycles of shame and guilt that just rip you to pieces on the inside and make you be your own worst enemy. I too love God with all my heart – He is everything to me, and the one thing I never ever ever wanna do is to let Him down or displease Him in any way. The place I came from in the area of sexuality was one of basically utter self-destruction – me being in a constant battle with myself to repress the whole sexual part of my being… thereby actually trying to annihilate a whole part of myself (which I wasn't aware of until God opened my eyes to what I was really doing to myself, to His masterpiece, to His beloved, whom He created in detail and intricately and declared to be a very good creation). Before I ever discovered MH, God took my hand and led me through an in-depth study of what His Word says about sexuality and sex (the sexual freedoms between husband and wife in marriage; the sexual sins; the question about masturbation…) – I have shared more elaborately about this journey He Himself led me on in the comments to Horny Hubby's "Christian Masturbation – A Defense (Part 2)", which you can find here:
https://marriageheat.com/2015/03/15/masturbation-defense-part-2/#comments
There are 2 extra thoughts I wish to share with you. First, I believe the inner longing you feel so strongly for your future spouse (even though you don't know yet who it will be) is perfectly normal. I believe it is part of getting prepared well within our heart and soul for marriage by God's design. As with everything else, I believe balance to be important. Nurture the longing with God together, deeply, lovingly, devotedly, but don't let the longing make you a slave to it. Secondly, I would strongly encourage you to stop watching porn. Porn is a perverted, worldly distortion of the pure, beautiful and spiritual act that God created sex to be. Your personal fantasy of yourself with only the shadow of your future spouse in mind is far more healthy and far hotter than any porn scenery will ever be. Plus, you imagining/thinking about your future spouse (not picturing anyone in particular) is something spiritually pure to do. Apart from the porn-watching, as I've read through your confession here, I honestly believe that you're not doing anything wrong or shameful. Masturbation is not a sin in itself – it can become one when our motives are wrong or when our thought life while masturbating is messed up… HornyHubby's thorough study on Christian Masturbation gives some excellent guidance and biblical references to the matter (also for singles) – you can read the whole post here:
https://marriageheat.com/2015/07/07/christian-masturbation-defense-part-1/
As I mentioned, I have had my own personal study, as God grabbed a hold of me and led me through the topics before having discovered MH, but everything HornyHubby pointed out was in accord with what I myself had found out through His gracious guidance.
Dear girl, I can deeply relate to the battle you find yourself in within your soul. I will not only pray for God to give you strength, as you walk with Him through every step of this season, but I will also pray that God would give you the wisdom and inner personal assurance you need to make the right choices, to stop beating yourself up, and to continue following His ways in everything (incl. healthy masturbation). May He break the chains of shame and guilt that bring you under condemnation (condemnation is not from/of God) and may He help you to be and stay anchored in His rest and love all the way through this personal process of growth you're experiencing through all this. May He give you the peace that passes understanding, as you walk by faith with Him into a new dimension of His Truth. Stay close to Him. Your heart is beautifully set and fixed on Him – this can be sensed so tangibly through what you share, and this is the reason I can tell you that God is surely proud of you. Know that He is for you and wants to see you whole in yourself (not in conflict with yourself – Remember, you are His beloved own handiwork). Let Him guide you through it all – the Holy Spirit within you will lead you into all Truth in His perfect timing. If you ever need anything or want to talk about something, feel free to reach out to me or the rest of the MH fam, I/we will be happy to stand with you in Christ. God bless you!
Amen, PFC! Thank you for again sharing your wisdom and your caring heart! I always love reading your comments, they’re so encouraging and Christ centered! Stay strong, my friend!
? Thank you, CMLove! You are someone so amazing in my book. I never cease to marvel at your own most beautiful heart for God. You are a huge inspiration and encouragement to me in my walk of faith. Feeling so blessed to know and be in touch with you, my dear! God bless you!!
The other two members have written such wonderful replies! I agree with them. I would also add that almost anything can be a sin if practised in excess, and you will know whether masturbation (once you have released shame to Jesus) is sitting in it’s rightful place in your life, or whether it’s excessive.
In regards to porn, I too have watched porn and I try my hardest to stay away from it. I can be tempted to look at it when I want to get off quickly. I don’t think it should be our aim to cheat our way to orgasm, if you know what I mean. Something that turns me on alone is to dress myself sensually, and when I *feel* sexy, I enjoy exploring my body. I do believe that the tools you are gaining now through learning to explore your body can aid your future husband and marital harmony.
If you feel that God would have you abstain from masturbation for whatever reason, then my tip for giving something up is this: don’t focus on the thing you want to give up, but on the positive things you want to replace the habit with. Ie try to not think ‘i must not masturbate’ but instead think ‘i would like to phone my mom’.
I can tell you that as someone who experienced pre marital sex, what I would change now is not the pre marital masturbation! That never crosses my mind, truth be told.
Great points made, dear friend! I love that: “I don’t think we should cheat our way to orgasm” – Agree!
I’m in general not too tempted by porn or explicit stuff but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have to be on guard also nonetheless. That one moment of weakness I talked about in my other reply, when I gave into the temptation of looking up some inappropriate pictures, was exactly because I got impatient in my own build-up and gave into cheating my way to the O. Instead of deliciously enjoying my own moment, within God’s frame for it, I took temptation’s bait and rushed ahead. It was wrong, and I immediately felt clearly convicted about it.
Currently I’m enwrapped quite a bit in exclusively using my mini vibe when I treat myself to some lovely time… I used to just use my hands because, coming from scratch, I wanted to do it right, to learn it appropriately, to really get to know/discover the feeling and sensuality of it (which I first had to reawaken completely after the years of repressing my sexuality)… Since I’ve gotten myself a mini vibe (only external use), for the last 2 weeks or so, I’ve kind of fallen for opting to use only that… It can move me so much deeper than my hands can in terms of felt arousal… Personally, I am a little concerned that I may spoil myself to being sensitive to touch if I don’t stop with the vibe, so I’m a little torn right now myself between ‘Am I cheating my way to orgasm with this?’ or ‘Is it ok and not something that will cost me later on in my marriage?’ (Somehow it seems that lately Saturday turns out to be confession day for me on MH ? lol – Oh well, confession is good for the soul)
I love your point about focusing on building a good habit, rather than on breaking a bad habit. That’s a wise, practical and helpful approach.
God bless you, Wife to a Gorgeous Man! 🙂
“Instead of deliciously enjoying my own moment, within God’s frame for it, I took temptation’s bait and rushed ahead. It was wrong, and I immediately felt clearly convicted about it.” This is so well put! Exactly!
I don’t feel tempted by videos but by nude images and also stories outside of a marital framework (written stories are my favourite erotica!). I’m so glad I found this site! It helps keeps me imagining sex with my hub. I used to think that any desire for erotica was wrong but through this site I have seen that it can be used to enliven our marriage.
I don’t really have any good advice about the vibe! Pray about it. I used to use a vibe a lot years ago and I don’t typically any more and I haven’t found it has diminished my sensitivity.
Confessions are good for the soul! Be blessed 🙂
Hi, Waitn4him! Your heart for God is so evident in your post and I just want to applaud you for your desire to live a holy and pure life! I met my husband when I was sixteen and we married soon after (at nineteen) so I do not share the blessedness of having waited for my other half as you and PFC and Paul are doing. I say "blessedness" because it is just that, I believe. God has blessed you all with the strength, the fortitude, the courage, to wait. Just a glimpse of what Christ feels, I think, as He waits to take us up to Himself. We the Church are called the Bride of Christ and He is waiting until the day He gets to take us home!! What a precious gift God is giving you, to feel even just a glimpse of what He feels! I don't think the desire for your future spouse is wrong at all. I do caution letting it become an obsessive priority in your life and I think the only way to keep it in check is, as you said, through prayer. I committ to praying for you sweet sister! Do not be discouraged! God knows your heart and He is able to keep you from stumbling!! Sorry for all this rambling! Just know our hearts and prayers are with you!
I absolutely love this Blessedness perspective you’ve shared here, my friend!! I’ve never seen it this way before. I so love how I’m learning so much on here from all of you dear sisters and brothers in Christ! Thank you for painting that mighty fresh vision for us, CMLove!!
Ps: You are totally MH’s prayer warrior? Thank you for keeping us all so lovingly covered in the most powerful way that exists – prayer!! You are such a beautiful example of faith-living to me. I hope to grow into such a beautiful prayer warrior as you already are, my dear. Love and blessings!
“Just a glimpse of what Christ feels, I think, as He waits to take us up to Himself. We the Church are called the Bride of Christ and He is waiting until the day He gets to take us home!! What a precious gift God is giving you, to feel even just a glimpse of what He feels!”
Love how well you expressed this! Thanks for sharing!
I pray that all those who are in waiting would know how blessed they are! God has given you all a special gift.
Oh, thank you so much for the encouragement, ladies! I wasnt sure when I wrote it if I would be able to get my point across. Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot! Concerning praying for all of you, I am not as faithful as I want to be but I am trying….for I have seen first-hand the absolute power of prayer! I love my MH brothers and sisters and I am so blessed to be able to witness what God does in our lives when we trust Him implicitly!
Waitn-
You talked in your post about your conviction that the "no hint of sexual immorality" scripture must certainly include masturbation. And I would just like to caution you against making such a giant and all encompassing leap. To go down that road of assuming that all things sexual are sins is problematic on so many fronts and it can lead to a life of bondage and fear and guilt and shame. And if that is all the Christian life has to offer, then the Cross might as well have never happened. Christ came to free his people. He did not come to further enslave them.
I want to remind you that God created your sexuality. God created your clitoris. God created your vagina. God created your orgasm. And God created your imagination. And after he created all of it (an the rest of you too ;), he said it was, "very good." When God created you, in your mother's womb, you were naked. When God created the first man and woman, they too were naked. And in their innocence, just like the innocence of a young child (an innocence you certainly once experienced, though you probably don't remember it now), our primitive parents had the freedom to explore their own bodies and in their case each other's bodies to their hearts content. It was only after sin came into the world that they could no longer enjoy this freedom.
But here's the thing… as soon as they sinned, God made a plan to give them back their freedom. And some 2000 years ago he did that. He came to free his people from their sin and to give them back the freedom they had lost. He came to give YOU back the freedom YOU had lost.
My point is this. Your masturbation is not the problem. God created your body and he takes pride in what he created and he wants you to enjoy what he created. That isn't to say that there aren't ways that masturbation can involve sinful attitudes, anything you do in this life, including eating (if you are doing it to escape life), brushing your hair (if you are doing it out of vanity), and going to the mall (if you are seeking status through material things), can involve sinful attitudes…but that doesn't make the activities themselves inherently sinful. It just means that if you are going to engage in those activities, you might need to adjust your attitude.
And what is the attitude that you have to culture? Is is the attitude of love. If your actions are loving toward yourself, toward others, and toward your Lord and Savior, then your attitude is as it should be. But if your attitude is one of self loathing or if your attitude is such that you are imagining using someone else for your selfish purposes, or if your attitude is one of disrespect for another human being made in the image of God, that is where the sin comes from. That is where the lust that we are so frequently warned about comes into play.
Personally, in reading what you've written about your experiences with masturbation, I don't see anything of any concern jumping out at me. You are a perfectly normal girl who is craving loving sexual touch. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing in that that you need to be ashamed of. And when you are imagining that sexual touch, you are imagining it with a person who you are devoted to, whom you love and who loves you in return. That is the sort of healthy expression of sexuality that God designed for his children. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you imagining yourself in this situation and touching yourself while you do so.
So, I pray for freedom for you. Freedom from the shame you feel and freedom to explore the amazing body God has given to you. And freedom to love yourself as you have been loved by the God that died to give you that freedom.
Haha! Thanks TW.
My heart and prayers go out to you. I’m in the same boat as you and we’ll, It’s hard. It’s emotional. It can be scary. At times it’s easy to get discouraged. But it’s all apart of God’s beautiful and unique plan for your life. I have Bible verses all over my house, and 1 Corinthians 10:13 has really helped me. “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to ENDURE it.” It just reminds me that when my sexual desire is without a doubt strong, God is so much stronger.
Hi Waitn4him, after reading your post, I just wanted to hug you and figure out how to help untangle the guilt and shame, most of which I believe is manmade. Then after reading the comments, I thought that most people are saying the right things. Maybe I need to be "bad cop." So here it goes. But all done with the same helpful and caring intentions.
Eva noted concern about your broad Biblical interpretations. I'm just going to add to that — that my biggest concern is how you feel that these natural sexual cravings lead you to believe "I know this is the Devil." To me, that is the most destructive part of the whole post. You will have a very difficult time looking at sexual desires as a single as being from the Devil to flipping the switch that your marital sexual desires are from the Lord. It could cause long term damage.
You seem very proud that you went a whole year without an orgasm. But most folks here are not applauding. We're saying "Aw, poor thing. You thought that ignoring or repressing your sexuality would make you more pure, holy, and pious. But it just ain't true!"
You can actually immensely serve your marriage by knowing your body well. Enjoy guilt free orgasms! Go! For realz!
Playing off of what pacman says about your year w/o orgasms, I’d just like to add that it isn’t biologically healthy for a woman to go extended periods of time without one. Orgasms help to regulate/reset our hormone levels and help us cope with stress. Not letting your body experience this natural regulation might be the emotional equivalent of not exercising for a whole year. Your monthly cycle will help do some regulating if you continue to deny yourself, but it will only be the bare minimum of what your body needs. The same is true for men. Men will have wet dreams when they deny themselves intentional orgasm, but really their bodies crave so much more.
I do agree with what Eva has so beautifully elaborated on in her first reply and with the point about health and O's she made. I also agree with what Pacman said, especially concerning the practically neck-breaking shift that would be required in such an evil vs. good perspective about sexuality… I just wanna shortly add to what Pacman mentioned and I wanna speak this to dear Pacman and the community in order to further understanding…
Because I have come from a very similar place as the OP concerning the inner pattern of thoughts that she experiences in this and all, I can perfectly understand her strong feelings towards the accomplishment of having managed to go a year without an O. Pacman, what you have perceived as pride is actually really just a relieved state of accomplishment that is felt by her, not because she believes that this repression would make her more holy or pious or so, but simply because she believes that she has managed to be (in her eyes) obedient to what she believes to be right and wrong in God's eyes. I have been there, and I can guarantee you, as I viciously denied the existence of my drive and fought against it within myself, I didn't think in terms of holiness – my motive was to just do what was right, what God expected of me as I believed it to be (I was deceived and blinded about what was really right/wrong in God's eyes in the area of sexuality back then but I couldn't see or know that until God radically opened my eyes to it). So, back then, when I managed to not give in to my drive, I felt powerful, relieved, at rest – After my salvation, I managed to go without giving in to it/being confronted with it for a few years, and I thanked God for delivering me from it. I was certainly way more extreme than Waitn4him, for to me (before God took care of me radically) everything sexual was just plain evil (and I mean everything). Hence, whenever I did fall into giving in to my drive (before having found out, through God, His Truth about it all and a new freedom in Christ), I was trapped in the cycles of my thought patterns and the vicious grip of shame and guilt and I did strongly beat myself up because I was convinced that I just simply did let God totally down by having been disobedient, by having catered to the flesh. Let me say it clearly, I was deceived (and truly headed towards self-destruction, in my case) – I didn't know the Truth about godly sexuality and God's perspective – but these are the patterns of thinking that had governed me, and they were sheer real to me until God thankfully served me His truthy Truth radically, as I would have never gotten around to getting a hold of it on my own as caught up as I was in all of my patterns.
PfC, I think that’s a really good distinction and explanation. Thanks for sharing!
Hello All, I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments and for those who posted kindly, I sincerely appreciate all of your love and support. It's been a little while and I surely have been going through quite a few changes. I've been faithfully praying about my situation, and God has certainly done a work in me. I admittedly feel embarrassed because some comments, while weren't intentional were kind of a little, I don't know, harsh, or maybe just a little strong and hard to swallow, in that certain beliefs were clashing, and I wish I could just sit down and really explain everything, better instead of summarizing in a post, but..I'm still humbled by all of you even choosing to pay my post any attention. I'm not bound by pornography any longer, although I know the temptations won't stop, but that's fine since everyone I feel tempted, I'll pray and give God the glory. Not to say, I'll be perfect, but I don't find any satisfaction in it. There's like a never ending loop of "It's not worth its" that I go through when I think about it. As far as my other issue goes, I'm going to pray in faith and ask God to reveal His truth to me as I know that He will always give knowledge to those that seek Him. i know that most of you are married here, and are truly blessed with long standing relationships. To me, this is new territory. I mean I'm not super young here, but I'm still a virgin, and being that I am the worst at opening up, I feel like a kid with her favorite rag doll when someone asks her if they can see it… It's sensitive and I'm at this point, in the sorting stage of my life…I'm not naive, I don't believe that all things pertaining to my body are evil when it comes to my sexuality, but I just want to be careful so as not to inspire being mastered by anything. When I mentioned before that I hadn't self served in over a year, I wasn't boasting…I hope it didn't sound that way… I meant that I'd made a commitment and promise to God to keep myself pure, and to put my emotions in check for Him because I felt like it was taking over my life. I would do it, barely reach the goal, and then afterwards I would immediately burst into tears and feel even more lonely than I was from the start. Now, it's different because He's filling my heart with the love I've been looking for, but when I think of my future husband and how I can't wait to learn him in every way, the feeling is different. My desire for why I want to touch is so drastically different from a year ago. I don't want to do it to fall into oblivion for a few minutes, I want to because I Love this man that I don't know, and although I've never met him, I miss him So much, and am already so grateful that he's mine, that it brings me to tears, and I've never even seen the guy yet! Don't know his name, nothing. But because God made him for me, I know he's already everything I've ever dreamt of. Sorry… I don't know if that's crazy, and I never used to be such a softy, but I can't help it..I think I'm starting to experience a balance now. I mean, a month or two ago, I was crawling out of my skin because of my obsession with the whole situation, dreading having to talk to anyone about it, but now while I'm still anticipating, and in longing for him, I'm…okay. It's not unbearable, like I'm not wanting to claw my face off like before, but it's actually pleasant to experience when I have those moments when I'm smiling like an idiot to myself and secretly aroused. I pray that it stays this way, haha! Thank you again for all of your prayers!! I really really needed them, and please continue to pray for me that I gain more Wisdom and peace to endure throughout my singlehood. ? God bless all of you!
Dearest Waitn, Thank you so much for your follow-up comment! This is not crazy at all. None of what you've spoken is. I'm so grateful that you've taken the time to share this heart of yours with us. And I am so happy for you! You go girl!! You are beautifully on your way with God in everything. No need at all to feel embarrassed. You got this! You're amazing!! Your heart for God is so awesome! I so love it! Just like you're already doing, enjoy this season of anticipation to the full with God, while growing into the next glorious season He's got up ahead for you!
Ps: Re-reading my comment to the community in reply to Pacman's, I realize that the way I said what I said could be taken as me suggesting that you would be kind of like me… Please forgive me if it came across that way – I didn't mean it to… I know that I've been way far out/off track in my personal journey and as I've just shared from what I've experienced in order to further general understanding on the many nuances that exist concerning the motives behind our decisions, choices and behaviors, which no one but ourselves and God truly know, I spoke the words I spoke – I'm sorry I didn't give enough careful attention as to not make it appear like I'd be speaking in your name, which of course I never can nor should. Know that I am super proud of you and have no doubt at all that God is building in you a powerful wife and preparing you beautifully for a mighty marriage for His Glory. I love you dearly and am fully rooting for you. I'll keep you in my heart, as you continue to dance out your wonderful journey in God's path for you. God bless you in mighty beautiful ways, dear!! Much love, PfC 🙂
Ps: Also, thank much for the words you shared, for what you shared about balance and obsession touched me. I'm still seeking such a balance. I haven't attained it yet within me and I know it's because I haven't managed to stay close enough to God in this season of my journey. These days and weeks I'm yearning to get back to that place in my relationship with Him where… I don't know how to put that into words… In the days before I had wholeheartedly incorporated the new freedom He led me into, my days were all about growing in Him… it was all about just Him for me… With the new freedom He granted me, I'm not completely happy with myself so far, for I haven't managed to put the new me in its fully proper place lately. I haven't attained this balance yet – it's not God's fault… It's mine. I fail to exercise the discipline I'd need to exercise at this moment to embrace the new me fully yet keep it in its proper place. Sorry y'all if this won't make much sense, sorry for rambling a bit out of my current personal struggle… It's late… Anyways… Dear Waitn, thank you for inspiring me to keep pressing towards that healthy balance you've by now already reached! God bless you!
Well said, Waitn! Thank you for coming back with a comment. I love what you said about loving this man that you haven't met yet. So beautiful! God is blessing you with a longing heart! You will never get this precious time again! I hope you're journaling your thoughts during this time! What a gift to your future husband! I admire you! Stay strong, Sister!
Waitn4him- I'm so glad you were able to come back and write a follow-up post! And I'm sorry if I was one of the people who came across harshly. This is a topic is very near and dear to me and I am sure I can get carried away sometimes. 🙂
At any rate, I'm glad you are a part of the MH family! And I hope we get to hear more from you and your journey in the future. I think it is so important for us to hear the voices of singles on this website. Sexuality is a lifelong experience and there is so much value in hearing from people experiencing it from all stages and walks of life.
Take care!
You have NOTHING to be ashamed of, NOTHING! You should be describing this as a dream, not nightmare. Your thoughts are NOT wrong, they're natural, God gave us our sexual desire, though during the middle ages and even before people were only too happy to make sexuality and anything that felt good a sin. That's oppression and that's WRONG. Why do you think God included the Song of Solomon in the Bible is He didn't want us reading explicit material. Just an example. It's normal to yearn.
As for your porn use, I'm iffy on that, but that's also a sign of a high libido, which is wonderful so you can be available to your husband when he wants you in bed 🙂 No it's NOT the devil that's normal sexual desire. Don't let false believers get to you, darling. Be free. God bless
Harper, I never saw any of this before! Your comment drew my attention to it for the first time. I enjoyed this whole thread – a great discussion. I like your comment, too. I hope Waitn is doing well! God bless you Waitn and Harper! LH
Thanks, God bless you too!