christian masturbation

Christian Masturbation Defense

Christian Masturbation Defense

I have been working on a defense of Christian masturbation for married or singles. I have heard various viewpoints given by the church on this subject, most of them negative, but Inever felt that I heard a strong argument against masturbation.  This led me to study this issue for myself.  I also found that there wasn’t really a strong argument FOR Christian masturbation either.  People seem to just dance around the issue.  I remember asking a Christian counselor once about it, and he just said, “There are two kinds of people.  Those who masturbate and those who lie about it.”  And this is typically the response you get–a vague, dismissive answer hoping you will drop it.  So is it okay or not??  I finally decided, since nobody else had written a clear case in favor of masturbation, that I would do it.  In doing so, I found that the issue was a little bigger than I anticipated and ended up writing 13 pages, plus a couple more paragraphs on page 14.  (Single spaced, I might add.)  So I’ve decided to break it up into two parts to make it easier to read and digest.  My intention is to educate and liberate.  I wish to educate people on what the Bible actually says (and doesn’t say) about masturbation.  I want to educate people on the benefits of masturbation both in marriage and as a single.  I also want to liberate people from guilt and shame associated with their masturbatory habits.  I have found that most people have masturbated, and many of them have felt guilt and shame afterward.  I also find that some people purposely refrain from masturbation out of fear.  And I wish to liberate people from this bondage to fear as well.  With that being said, I have been looking forward to sharing this with you all and I welcome and look forward to any comments and questions you may have.

Christian Masturbation Defense

Solitude_by_mistlelWhenever the subject of sexuality is discussed, the issue of masturbation inevitably comes up.  This is especially true among Christians.  This has been a difficult issue for many years.  And to my knowledge, no satisfactory answer has been provided by the church to respond to the question: What are we to make of masturbation?

Historically the church has often taken a firm stance on the subject of masturbation.  Sexuality, in general, has been a difficult subject for the church over the years, but masturbation, in particular, has been a most troublesome issue.  I was thinking about this and wondering why that is.  I was also thinking of something Peter wrote.  He wrote, “If you are asked about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it.  But you must do this in a gentle and respectful way.” (1 Pet 3:15b-16a, NLT)

Now he was talking to Christians and explaining that when they were asked about their faith, even amidst persecution, be ready to talk about it.  But the principle is that if we are asked about anything we believe, we should be prepared to explain it.  It’s never been good enough for me when I ask someone why they believe a certain way, and they reply: “I don’t know.  I just do.”  That isn’t very convincing.

The Greek word Peter uses for “explain” is: apologian.  This means “a verbal defense.”  And particularly it means a verbal defense in a court of law.  So think of a defense attorney presenting his case to convince the jury.  It isn’t just telling others what you do or don’t believe.  This means you are to present it to them in a way so as to convince them.  Much like a defense attorney would do with his case.  This is what Peter is saying we are to be ready to give about our beliefs.  But the church traditionally has not presented a convincing verbal defense against masturbation.  They have simply stated, “Don’t do it.”  And that isn’t good enough.

People have questions that, I believe, don’t usually get a satisfactory answer.  Individuals in the church act as if they are afraid of this subject and, therefore, don’t study it or look into it any deeper.  They just tell people not to do it.  But people still have questions about it.  The most common line of questioning being: Is it okay?  Is it a sin?  Is it okay for a Christian to masturbate?

These are important questions, and they need to be addressed.  The challenge to this issue is that there is nothing in scripture addressing masturbation.  It doesn’t condemn it, and it doesn’t promote it.  The Bible is completely silent on this subject.  So what are we to do with it?  We can’t ignore it—even though that is the most common way the church has dealt with it.

We can condemn it.  This is the other tactic the church has used.  Any teaching they have provided on this has simply been: Don’t do it!  This is the safe route.  This is saying, “We can’t find anything about it in scripture, so just to be safe let’s stay away from it.”

The problem with both of these approaches (ignoring it or condemning it) is that neither one has a basis in Scripture.  Just because the Scripture is silent about something doesn’t mean it’s wrong.  It doesn’t mean it’s right or required either.  But most people treat the silence of scripture as a “no” instead of a “yes” or even a “maybe.”  And while that may allow you to play it safe, you also run the risk of missing out on things that are perfectly acceptable in God’s eyes.  And this makes you miss out on living life.

I believe this issue can be understood in a more complete way.  I don’t like resigning ourselves to saying, “God works in mysterious ways” or “His ways are higher than ours.”  Are those statements true?  Yes in a sense.  I don’t know if God really works in “mysterious” ways or if it just seems that way because he knows more than we do.  If we watch a magician performing we will be amazed at his skills, but only because we don’t know how he did it.  He just knows how to work that trick, and we don’t.  Have you ever discovered how a magician did his trick and suddenly it didn’t seem so mysterious anymore?  I think that’s what‘s going on with God and us, and so his ways seem mysterious to us.  But they make sense in the end.

However, people use these terms to essentially give up on studying or thinking about an issue.  They either haven’t yet found the answer or they don’t like the answer they found so they attach a “God works in mysterious ways” to it and put the matter out of their mind.  I refuse to do this.  That is intellectual laziness.  Sometimes the answers and the truth are obvious, but sometimes it takes some digging and studying and pursuing in order to find the treasure you seek.  In this case, an answer to a question.  Jesus said, “Keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for.  Keep on looking and you will find.  Keep on knocking and the door will be opened.” (Matt. 7:7 NLT) But if you give up, you will miss it.

So back to our question concerning Christian masturbation.  How do we handle it when there is nothing in the Bible about it either way?  We have to look at what Scriptures we do have and from there make a logical connection to reach a conclusion.  This is something we do in other areas, and we don’t think anything of it.  If you walked into a kitchen and saw flour, butter, chocolate chips and a rolling pin on the counter what would you think?  You would conclude that someone was about to make chocolate chip cookies.  Even though you don’t see this happening, you can put together the information you do have to form a logical conclusion.  In the same way, we can look at what scripture we do have and form a logical conclusion on something that isn’t mentioned.  In this case, masturbation.

The first Scripture that we must consider is Romans 13:8-10.  Here Paul says, “Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another.  If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law.  For the commandments say, ‘You must not commit adultery.  You must not murder.  You must not steal.  You must not covet.’  These—and other such commandments—are summed up in this one commandment: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law.” (NLT)

So the first governing principle in anything is love.  If it isn’t loving, don’t do it.  And this may sound strange at first, but stay with me: The issue isn’t as much about whether something is a “sin” or not, but rather whether something is loving or not.  Because, as Paul says, the commandments are summed up with “love your neighbor.”  So if you love your neighbor you aren’t going to steal from him.  Not because the Bible says, “do not steal” but because you love your neighbor.  In this way, love is truly the higher form of living as opposed to simply living by a list of rules.  Now someone may object at this point and say that some things can still be wrong, even done in the name of “love.”

A good example is child abuse.  Many people who abuse their children would say they are just trying to discipline them for their own good.  They would say they are trying to do the loving thing and that sometimes love is tough.  They may point to a familiar passage in Proverbs and say “spare the rod, spoil the child.”  But this isn’t love.

Paul says love is patient and kind. (1 Cor 13) Beating your child or locking them in the closet isn’t love.  Paul also says, “Don’t make your children angry by the way you treat them.  Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.” (Eph. 6:4 NLT) So here is an example of what I’m talking about.  Nowhere in the Bible does it say, “Don’t abuse your child.”  But we can use other verses like these two and conclude that abuse is not acceptable.

So the issue is not, “Is masturbation a sin?” but rather, “Is it loving?”  For that is the higher way to live.  But the problem is that masturbation is a solo activity.  It isn’t something you do or don’t do to someone else.  It is something you do to yourself when you are alone.  So how can we determine whether it’s loving?

Jesus said the second greatest commandment is, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matt. 22:39) Now this doesn’t mean to have loving feelings toward someone, but rather, to help meet a need in someone else’s life.  This is the point of the story of the Good Samaritan.  (see Luke 10: 27-37) He’s saying: Love your neighbor the way you love yourself.  So from this we can see that it is possible to love ourselves.  The way we treat ourselves is how we love ourselves.  This can be in the form of making sure we get food and clothing as well as what we think about ourselves.  In other words, loving ourselves is making sure we get our needs met.

Now this is simple when it comes to most physical needs such as food, clothing and shelter.  No one would question a person meeting their needs for these things.  But what about sexual needs?  Sexual needs are just as real as the need for food.  So what is a single person to do with their sexual needs?  Or even a married person whose spouse is unavailable for some reason?  (Out of town, sick, tired, etc.) If a wife was hungry and the husband wasn’t, there would be nothing wrong with the wife making herself something to eat.  Or if a single person was hungry they would get themselves something to eat.

So what if a wife was feeling sexual desire and the husband wasn’t?  Or what if the single person was feeling sexual desire?  What are they to do?  The sexual need is a God-given need so it isn’t wrong to feel that way.  The issue is how we meet that need.  So wouldn’t it be a form of loving yourself to get your sexual need met through masturbation if that was your only option?  Whether single or married?

Now some people say, “If you are single and you feel sexual desire then you should pray and take it to God.”  Why not say that when they are hungry?  Or tired?  Or lonely?  Can you pray about it?  Yes.  You can talk to God about anything.  But sometimes the way God meets our need is providing us with a physical option to use.  He provides us with jobs to get money to buy food to meet our need for food.  He provides us with spouses, friends, family and even pets to meet our need for loneliness.

There is a common teaching in the church today that says, “God is all you need.”  But is that really true?  God himself said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a companion who will help him.” (Gen 2:18 NLT) And this was when Adam was in Eden before the Fall!  Everything was perfect and he had a perfect relationship with God and all his needs were met.

Except one.

He was lonely.  And God’s solution wasn’t to tell Adam to spend more time in prayer or to find a hobby.  God’s solution was to make a woman for him.  So even in Eden before sin came into the picture man needed more than just God.  That isn’t to say that God isn’t enough or that man doesn’t need God.  What that is saying is that God made us with certain desires and needs that need to be met.  And not all of them are “spiritual” needs that can be met through worship, prayer, Bible study, etc.  Some are very physical needs such as the need for food, clothing, shelter and sexual expression.

But this is good!  God made it this way and declared it to be good. (Gen. 1:31) So we don’t need to feel guilty about meeting a physical need.  In fact, we honor God when we meet that need in a safe and healthy way.  So when it comes to sexual needs, if a single person meets that need through masturbation they can honor God and thank God for that gift.  But if they go out and have sex outside of marriage, they aren’t honoring God.  If a married person feels sexual desire and their spouse doesn’t, they can meet that need in a healthy and safe way through masturbating and that honors God.  If they take their need to another person outside of the marriage, that would be sin and that doesn’t honor God.

So in both cases the individual can love themselves by meeting a very real, God-given, physical need by acting on it in a healthy and safe way.

What’s the alternative?  Do nothing?  That sexual need will still be there.  And like hunger, the longer you ignore it the stronger it will get.  Trying to subdue sexual desire is like trying to hold a ball underwater.  The more you try to keep the ball underwater, the more the force of it will push back.  It will be difficult and a struggle.  And you have to constantly stay on top of it or else the slightest slip and the ball will come roaring up with a vengeance.

But if you were to let the ball float on the water, it relieves you of the pressure of trying to keep it under control.  It is there, you are aware of it, and you acknowledge it when it comes across your path, but it doesn’t consume you.

We need to live with an awareness of our sexuality.  Let it be in our life, but not consume us.  When it comes up we can acknowledge it then move on.  If we have sexual desires and we can’t have sex (either because we are single or our spouse isn’t available) trying to deny them constantly is like holding a ball underwater.  It’s a struggle and it will eventually consume all our energy and thoughts.  And the pressure of it is constantly pushing back against us and will eventually build to the point where we can’t hold it back any longer.  Someone may say, “But you have self control.”  Would you say that to someone who was hungry and hadn’t eaten in a few days?  Would you tell them to simply use some self control?  Or would you acknowledge a very real physical need and encourage them to meet that need by eating?  Why not acknowledge the very real, God given physical need for sexual release and expression and be encouraged to meet that need in a healthy way?

If we don’t, it can lead to a number of things: we can act out on our sexual desires in ways that are unhealthy.  This can involve looking at porn or pursuing a sex partner besides our spouse.  It could manifest in an addiction.  And the addiction doesn’t have to be a sexual issue.  It could be an addiction to food, drugs or alcohol.  In fact some addictions to those things are in fact misplaced desires for something else.  It’s not always sexual, but sometimes it can be.  So a person could be feeling sexual desire but not have a healthy way to express it so they turn to food or alcohol to numb those sexual feelings.  And the inevitable result of this is that we will eventually realize those things aren’t healthy either and we will feel the guilt and shame that comes with that.  Not to mention other health related issues that come up from indulging in unhealthy substances or unhealthy amounts of those substances.  Turning to food can cause weight gain which can cause heart problems and diabetes.  Excessive drinking can cause health problems as well.  And none of these will address the sexual desires that are still there.  So you have to continually go back to one of these substances to numb the sexual desires again.

Holding back our sexual desires can also come out in our emotions.  Have you ever been so tired or hungry that you got angry easily?  A misplaced need (food/sleep) affected your emotions and you snapped at your wife or yelled at your children.  The same can happen with sexual desires.  Repressed sexual desires can come out in controlling others or anger or perfectionism.  And all of these are unhealthy as well.

We all have sexual desires from God, whether married or single.  And they will come out somehow.  The question is: Will they come out in a healthy way or an unhealthy way?  Will they improve our life or make things more difficult?  The way we express those desires will determine the answer to this.

So I propose we learn a new way to handle our sexuality.  We need to live with an awareness of it and don’t constantly try to squelch it.  Recognize that it is a God-given desire and let it be a part of our life.  This can be as simple as acknowledging that someone you see is attractive or that a scent smells good or a fabric feels good.  Let anything that engages your five senses be enjoyable and experience it as part of your sexuality.  These are natural, normal, God given feelings and we shouldn’t be afraid of them.

Then when you feel a strong sexual desire and you feel the need for a “release,” go somewhere by yourself and continue to feel the good feelings you are experiencing and enjoy the process of having an orgasm.  Then move on with no guilt or shame.  It was simply an enjoyable and relaxing feeling—similar to being stressed and doing something to release the stress.  In that case you might read a book at a coffee shop, take a bath, watch a movie or go for a walk, etc.  There’s no guilt or shame associated with doing any of those things whether it’s for personal enjoyment or to release stress.  So in the same way there should be no guilt associated with masturbating to feel the relaxing and pleasurable feelings it brings and to feel a release of the buildup of sexual desire.  In fact, that is much healthier than turning to something else in an attempt to cover up those feelings.

At this point, some might say that sex is about sharing an emotional connection with someone else.  It isn’t primarily about having an orgasm, but about bonding with your spouse.  They would say Christian masturbation doesn’t achieve this (since you do it alone), so it is counterproductive to the sexual health of the individual and the marriage.

Yes, sharing sexual activity with your spouse is first and foremost about the emotional and spiritual connection.  It isn’t just physical.  There IS a bond that occurs when you have sex with someone, even if you aren’t married to them! (1 Cor 6:16)  It is called “pair bonding” and it fuses your soul together with someone.  This is why sex isn’t to be taken lightly.

But that is if you are engaged in the sex act with another person.  It is the person you are bonding to, not the experience.  The act of sexual intimacy is the means to an end in this case.  It is a method of bonding.  There are other ways a couple can bond with each other: talking, going on a date, raising children together, laughing together, crying together, etc.  The list could go on.  But we use many of those things to bond with other people as well.  We laugh and talk with friends and share experiences with our families.  But the thing that sets marriage apart is the bonding that occurs in sexual intimacy.  This is something they only do with each other.  That’s what sets their relationship apart from that of friends.

This is a separate act from masturbation.  Masturbation is about feeling the relaxing and enjoyable feelings of an orgasm.  It is also about experiencing sexual release when you feel the need.  As we said earlier, it is a way to meet a physical need.  This doesn’t take anything away from your marriage or the sexual relationship you have with your spouse.  What you share with your spouse isn’t just a physical experience.  What you share with your spouse transcends the physical experience.  It includes the physical in the process, but it is more than just physical.  It is a joining together of your bodies and your spirits.  In masturbation, you aren’t joining to anyone.  They are two completely different experiences.

The only way masturbation would take something away from the marriage would be if you were only masturbating and never coming together with your spouse.  But that would indicate a deeper problem in the relationship that would be there whether you masturbate or not. Christian Masturbation is not the cause of that situation.  In this case they aren’t coming together as husband and wife, but they still have that physical need for sexual release so they masturbate to relieve that pressure.  The issue here is that they aren’t coming together as husband and wife.  Not masturbation.

Someone may say that Paul says a wife gives authority over her body to her husband and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. (1 Cor 7:4) So, they conclude, the wife doesn’t have the right to masturbate by herself and neither does the husband.  His body belongs to her and hers to him.  The problem with this reasoning is that it isn’t the context of what’s going on in 1 Corinthians 7.

Paul is addressing the issue of sexual immorality in Corinth. He says the solution for Christians dealing with the sexual immorality in the culture is to get married so each man and woman has a legitimate way to meet their sexual needs.  He then says that “the husband must fulfill his duty to his wife and likewise also the wife to her husband.” (1 Cor. 7:3 NASB)

A brief Greek word study is useful here.  The word Paul uses for “duty” is the Greek word “opheile.” (Pronounced of-i-lay.) This word means: a debt that is due.  So the husband has a debt to his wife and the wife has a debt to her husband.  They each owe it to each other to meet each other’s sexual needs.  Much in the same way as you would owe a debt to a creditor.  And the word he uses for “fulfill” is “apodidomi.” (Pronounced ap-od-eed-o-mee.) This means: pay off.  So the way to pay off this debt they owe is to fulfill their spouse’s sexual needs.

And in verse 5 he says, “Stop depriving each other.”  The Greek word he uses for “deprive” is “apostereo.” (Pronounced ap-os-ter-eh-o.) This word means: to rob.  So what he is saying is that the husband owes his wife sexual pleasure.  And the wife owes her husband sexual pleasure.  And if either doesn’t meet that need in the other, they are robbing their spouse of what is rightfully theirs.  They are also robbing their spouse of a way to avoid sexual immorality in the culture.

So when he says that the wife gives authority over her body to her husband and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife, he is simply saying: The wife is to use her body to meet her husband’s sexual needs and the husband is to use his body to meet his wife’s sexual needs.  And that’s when he says they are not to deprive (rob) each other of this way of meeting their sexual needs.

The focus here is on the word “deprive.”  To deprive your spouse of sexual pleasure is to withhold sexual activity from them completely.  This isn’t saying that you can’t ever say “not tonight” due to fatigue or lack of time.  Instead this means don’t say “no” all the time.  Don’t withhold yourself from them and deprive them completely.  Recognize that your spouse has a right to your body and you don’t have the right to withhold your body from them.  That is the focus here.

But this isn’t saying you can’t masturbate.  He never mentions masturbation in this passage.  (Again, the Bible never addresses it anywhere.) The focus here is on making sure the husband meets his wife’s sexual needs according to her needs.  And the wife meets her husband’s sexual needs according to his needs.  So as long as you are meeting your spouse’s needs, there is no prohibition on masturbating by yourself.

So if your spouse is meeting your needs, why would you want to masturbate?  As we have already discussed, there may be times when your spouse is unavailable due to travel or illness.  During those times, you may feel the need for sexual release so masturbation would be the only option.

And in most cases one spouse has a higher sex drive than the other.  Let’s say, for argument purposes, the husband has the higher sex drive.  (Sometimes it’s the wife who has the higher drive though.) Paul would say for the wife to meet her husband’s sexual need.  But if the husband sees that his drive is stronger and even though his wife is willing, he sees that it puts a lot of pressure on her due to his higher drive and her lower drive.  So he lovingly relieves some of that pressure by masturbating part of the time and then enjoys frequent intercourse with his wife.  In this way, both of their needs for relational sexual intercourse are met during times together, but his higher sex drive calls for him to have more frequent release.  This doesn’t take anything away from the times he shares with his wife, for his wife still gives him her body regularly and he gives his body to her.  So in this case neither of them are depriving the other, therefore they are not violating Paul’s instruction in 1 Corinthians 7:5.

Another common argument against masturbation has been Onanism.  Onanism is named after Onan who is mentioned briefly in Genesis 38.  He was the second born son of Judah.  His older brother, Er, married Tamar.  But we are told that Er was a wicked man in the Lord’s sight and the Lord took his life. (Gen 38:7) So Judah tells Onan: “Go and marry Tamar, as our law requires of the brother of a man who has died.  You must produce an heir for your brother.” (Gen 38:8 NLT) “But Onan was not willing to have a child who would not be his own heir.  So whenever he had intercourse with his brother’s wife, he spilled the semen on the ground.  This prevented her from having a child who would belong to his brother.  But the Lord considered it evil for Onan to deny a child to his dead brother.  So the Lord took Onan’s life too.” (Gen. 38:9-10 NLT)

Traditionally the church has pointed to this story and said when you “spill your seed” you are committing sin.  So they conclude masturbation is sin because you aren’t using your semen to get someone pregnant.  But that just isn’t what the text is saying.

As Judah explained in verse eight, their law stated that the brother of a dead man must produce an heir for his brother.  So when Er died, Onan had a legal responsibility to get Tamar pregnant.  That child would be considered Er’s child.  This was called a levirate marriage.  But in verse nine it says that Onan wasn’t willing to have a child who would not be his own heir.  Why?  Because the inheritance that would have gone to Er as the firstborn would now go to this child who would be considered Er’s child.  But with no child belonging to Er, Onan would be in line to receive the inheritance of the firstborn.  So he went ahead and had sex with Tamar for the purpose of getting her pregnant, but he pulled out before ejaculating and “spilled his semen on the ground” instead.

So first of all he wasn’t masturbating at all.  He was having sex with his brother’s wife.  So this has nothing to do with masturbating.  But he was required by law to provide a child for his brother.  So even though Er was considered evil, God “considered it evil for Onan to deny a child to his dead brother.” (Gen 38:10) Partly because he was breaking the law they had, partly because he was denying his dead brother an heir, but also because he first used his sister in law for his own sexual pleasure.  So basically Onan was selfish.  First he didn’t want to provide a child for his brother because he wanted the inheritance for himself.  Second he still took advantage of the situation to get sex from his sister in law.  He selfishly used her for his own sexual pleasure.  And that is what the Lord considered evil.  It wasn’t just that he spilled his semen on the ground.  And it certainly wasn’t that he masturbated.  Because he didn’t.  It was his selfishness and his taking advantage of others for his own personal gain that God considered evil.

Another verse that is used against masturbation is Leviticus 15:16: “Whenever a man has an emission of semen,

he must bathe his entire body in water, and he will remain ceremonially unclean until the next evening.” (NLT)

Those who point to this verse say, “See there?  An emission of semen makes you unclean.  Therefore masturbation makes you unclean.”  But wait!  Two verses later it says, “After a man and a woman have sexual intercourse, they must each bathe in water, and they will remain unclean until the next evening.” (Lev. 15:18, NLT)

So are we to conclude that sex between a man and woman is unclean?  The same wording is used for this as it is for the man’s emission of semen in verse sixteen.  It’s interesting that people will jump to use this verse to condemn masturbation, but they ignore what it says about sexual intercourse.  The people who condemn masturbation have no problem with sexual intercourse.

But the first thing we can learn here is that “unclean” doesn’t mean “sin.”  That would make it a sin for a husband and wife to have sex.  And in verse nineteen it says that when a woman is on her period she is unclean.  That is something that happens to every woman once a month.  It is a normal biological function.  It is not a sin.  So whatever we are dealing with here is not “sin” but uncleanness.

But doesn’t uncleanness still indicate that something is impure about it?  No, because again that would make normal, marital sex between a man and his wife impure.  We have to understand what is meant by the concept of “uncleanness” in the Old Testament.

This passage was addressed to the Israelites while they were still living in the desert.  It was during the period of time when Israel was forming its religious identity.  This was when the tabernacle and the priests and sacrificial systems and their laws were being formed.  So the simple answer is that it doesn’t apply specifically to us since it was not addressed to the New Testament church.  And Jesus fulfilled all of the Old Testament laws anyway.  But we still want to know what is meant by “unclean.”

The Israelites were unique in that they followed just one God and there were no idols used to represent him.  But they were surrounded by a culture who worshipped numerous gods and had idols for each of them.  They had a god for the sun and for the rain and for the harvest, etc.  They attributed a God to every separate need they had.  This was in stark contrast to Israel who only had one God and he was sovereign over everything.

But one of the main ways the pagans would interact with their gods was through sexual immorality.  They would often have temple prostitutes and their version of “church” was to go to the temple and get drunk and have sex with prostitutes.  But God wanted Israel to be separate from the pagan nations around her.  He did not want them to mimic the worship practices of the pagan nations around them.  And since they used sex and sexual immorality to worship their gods, he wanted them to make a distinction from this practice.

So he told them they would be ceremonially unclean until evening after having sex.  And all this meant was that they couldn’t enter the temple or offer sacrifices during this time.  Again this wasn’t to say it was sin, but to teach the Israelites to be separate from the pagan nations around her.

There was also the practical side to this.  Since they were in a time when they didn’t have the modern conveniences that we have, they had to have special rules for special situations.  Now women can wear pads during their monthly period.  But they didn’t have Maxi pads during the Old Testament!  So when a woman had her period, you can imagine the mess and inconvenience it was.  So she was considered “unclean” during that time.

The same could be said for an emission of semen and sex.  Body fluids would interact or get on each other or on the bed, etc.  And even between a husband and wife, there was still fluid interaction.  So just as a practical matter, he was saying they were unclean until they bathed in water and washed those fluids off.

So this wasn’t a condemnation of masturbation.  It was first a call to separate from pagan worship practices involving sex and second, a matter of practicality concerning body fluids and being clean.  But if a husband and wife have sex or if a man has an emission of semen, are they still considered unclean?

No, because we have more sanitary ways of living now than what they had back then.  Also concerning worship, our bodies are now the temple of God and not the tabernacle the Israelites had.  (1 Cor. 6) Their worship was more physical, but that system has been done away with. (Heb 8) Now our worship consists of how we live and how we interact with and treat others. (Rom 12) It isn’t the same system so it doesn’t apply to us anyway.

Another common objection to masturbating is that you can’t masturbate with pure thoughts. The reasoning is that to masturbate you must think of sexual thoughts to be and stay turned on enough to masturbate to orgasm.

The problem with this reasoning lies in the assumption that sexual thoughts are bad. Yes, it is true that to get turned on to the point you would even want to masturbate, you must think of sexual thoughts. But does that mean ALL sexual thoughts are bad? The fallacy lies in the assumption that the individual will automatically think of illicit thoughts as they masturbate.

Now to be fair, I understand the concern. Many people use porn to stimulate their sex drive. And it is well understood that if someone looks at porn, they will conclude with masturbation. So the two typically go together. At the same time, some people will imagine things that are inappropriate in order to get turned on enough to masturbate. Some may imagine they are in a group sex scenario.  A married woman might imagine she is with a male co-worker. A married man might envision himself with a female co-worker. Some even imagine they are being raped. Someone might imagine themselves to be with a movie star they think is attractive. At the same time, some may recall seeing someone attractive earlier that day and masturbate to thoughts of that person. And while these might serve to stimulate the sexual desire, it is clear they are not pure thoughts.

But is there such a thing as pure sexual thoughts (or fantasizing) while masturbating?

Yes, there is. And while those thoughts will differ from time to time and depending on your particular situation, it is possible to think pure, healthy sexual thoughts while masturbating. In fact, it is encouraged to fantasize as it will help to enhance the masturbation experience.

I would like to review this as it applies to the married, engaged, dating and single individual. Each one of these groups has a slightly different way of handling this, but as we will see they can all enjoy fantasizing while masturbating.

For the married person, obviously they can think of their spouse. Fantasizing about your spouse is an excellent way to enjoy Christian masturbation. But how in particular? You can think of physical characteristics that you enjoy. A man might think of his wife’s breasts. A woman might think of her husband’s penis. They might think of their spouse’s eyes or the way they smell. A man might think of how his wife looks naked or in lingerie. Or he might think of how she looks wearing a favorite outfit. A woman can think of her husband in how he looks naked or wearing a favorite outfit as well.
Another way to think about your spouse during  Christian masturbation is to recall a precious time of making love with your spouse. This is especially useful for marriages where one or both partners travel frequently. So if you made love on a Sunday and your spouse left town on Monday and won’t be back until Thursday, on Tuesday you might think of Sunday’s time together and masturbate. But even if there is no travel involved you might just think about a particular time with your spouse you enjoyed. Maybe you made love by the fireplace or on vacation and it is one of your favorite sexual memories with your spouse. So you think of it as you masturbate.
You might also think forward as you anticipate a future time with your spouse. Maybe you have a special vacation planned or your anniversary is coming up so you think of how it will go and get turned on and enjoy the anticipation as you masturbate. You might even think about your spouse masturbating, and that turns you on so you masturbate to that image.
You could have a little fun with it too and think about what it would be like to be with your spouse alone on a deserted island. You can picture yourselves running all over the island naked and having sex on the beach of the island.

So you see there are any number of ways to direct your sexual thoughts to your spouse during Christian masturbation. But the point is it is your spouse. Thinking of your spouse sexually (whether you masturbate or not) is never immoral. In fact, it is very good and should be encouraged and done often.

For the engaged it is similar. You can think about your fiancée. Since you know you are marrying this person; you can fantasize about what it will be like to know each other in this way. Doing so usually turns you on so you masturbate. You can also think about them and what you like about them physically. Even though you haven’t seen each other naked yet, there are still physical traits in your fiancée that you find attractive. You can focus on those traits as you masturbate.

The concern here is that thinking of your fiancée sexually will increase the temptation to have sex. That may be possible, but anyone who has been or is engaged knows there is a sexual attraction already. And masturbating alone can serve as a healthy outlet so that you don’t fall to sexual temptation when you are together.

If you are single, and you don’t have a significant other to direct your sexual thoughts on, what do you do? Let me assure you that you can still enjoy sexual fantasies while masturbating. You can imagine what it would be like to be married and to have sex with your spouse. You can picture in your mind the idea of just having a spouse without necessarily having a specific person in mind.  You can imagine all the things you want to do when you get married. It’s a time to anticipate marriage but also find sexual release through Christian masturbation.

At the same time, you can let your mind focus on the good feelings that masturbating and orgasm brings. You don’t necessarily have only to think about being married. You can masturbate and enjoy the feelings and the orgasm just for the pleasurable feelings it brings.
So in this way the single person can still enjoy sexual thoughts that lead up to masturbation as well as sexual thoughts during Christian masturbation.

If you are dating and not yet engaged, this can be a little trickier. Since you don’t have the engagement commitment, you don’t know for sure you will marry this person. So even though you have a dating partner, you might not want to put too much mental energy into thinking of them in a sexual context.  The concern here would be any problems that would develop if you were to break up.  Since you don’t know for sure you will marry this person, you wouldn’t want to attach a sexual image to them until you have that commitment.  If you were to break up with them, it might be difficult to stop thinking of them in that way and think of a new person.

So if you are dating with no engagement, you can do the same as the single person and imagine the idea of being married but with no specific person in mind.  You could also take time to simply enjoy masturbation for the pleasurable feelings it brings as well as the relief of sexual tension built up inside you.  This way when you are with your dating partner, you can enjoy the relationship without the sexual attraction building to such an extent that it becomes a problem.

At the same time, any one of these groups (married, engaged, dating or single) could simply enjoy masturbation strictly for the pleasurable feelings it brings.  They don’t necessarily have to focus on a specific person.  They could simply enjoy the experience just for the sake of the experience.

So we see that no matter what your relationship status, sexual thoughts during masturbation don’t have to be bad or a problem. And in fact, they can be good and serve to enhance the masturbation experience.

Now for some single people, they may have the concern that if they masturbate it will awaken an insatiable sexual desire so that they masturbate all the time and then eventually want to have sex at any cost.  I’ve even heard some point to Song of Songs 2:7 and say they shouldn’t awaken love until the time is right.  But that isn’t what’s going on in Song of Songs 2.

The verse says, “Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the swift gazelles and the deer of the wild, not to awaken love until the time is right.” (SOS 2:7 NLT) Notice it points to gazelles and wild deer.  This is significant.  If you were to approach a wild deer, how would you do it?  Would you run at them screaming at the top of your lungs?  No that would scare them off.  Instead you would be gentle and slow and quiet.  You wouldn’t make any sudden movements.  You would work to establish their trust by approaching them gently.  And you would let them come to you.

Also notice this is within the context of an already established relationship.  So she is telling these “women of Jerusalem” not to rush into sex.  Don’t force it.  Let the desire build gradually and wait until the moment is right to have sex.  Much like if you were to approach a deer.  You would be slow and gentle and let the deer come to you.  So she is essentially giving advice on foreplay within the relationship.  She’s explaining how to arouse a woman and get her ready for sex.  The Message Bible puts it this way: “Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you are ready.”  A woman has to be ready to have sex.  Physically, mentally and emotionally.  And this is what she is saying here.

The rest of the chapter gives us further clues about what is going on here.  In verses 8-9, she talks about her lover and compares him to a swift gazelle or a young deer bounding over the hills and leaping on the mountains.  Then he looks though the window is gazing into the room.  In other words, her lover is pursuing her and looking to see if she is ready.

In verses 10-13, she describes what her lover said to her.  He is talking sweet to her and inviting her to make love.  In verse 14 the man speaks and asks to see her and hear her, and he tells her she is lovely.

Then in verses 16-17 the woman speaks again and says, “My lover is mine and I am his.  He feeds among the lilies!  Before the dawn comes and the shadows flee away, come back to me my love. Run like a gazelle or a young stag on the rugged mountains.”  Again she compares her lover to a gazelle.  In other words, she is saying she is ready now so he can have full access to her and she is inviting him to have fun while he does it.  She is also giving him total freedom over her body much like a gazelle has freedom to run on the mountains.

Christian Masturbation Defense and Singles

But again, this is within the context of marriage.  To apply this to singles and say, “Don’t masturbate or entertain thoughts of sexuality because it will lead to unbridled lust” is a poor application of this passage.

Besides whether they masturbate or not, singles still have a sex drive and sexual thoughts from time to time.  They even get aroused.  So using this verse to say don’t arouse your sex life is inaccurate.  Singles’ sex drive can be awakened at any time just like a married person’s.  And nobody masturbates to stir up sexual feelings.  Instead a person feels sexual feelings and becomes aroused and that’s what leads them to want to masturbate.  So in addition to being theologically inaccurate, using this verse to condemn masturbation is physiologically inaccurate as well.

To say that Christian masturbation will throw you into bed with someone is like saying: I don’t want to eat when I get hungry because I’m afraid once I start I will never stop.  First of all, you have self control.  You can still maintain that control over yourself even when experiencing sexual feelings.  A single person who doesn’t have sex is already exercising self-control over their feelings of arousal.  A married person who only has sex with their spouse is exercising self-control over their sexuality.  So you don’t have to be afraid that once you start you will never stop or you will want more than just masturbation.

In fact, knowing that singles feel the same sexual arousal as a married person, and knowing they can’t have sex, masturbation would be a way to release some of the pressure the sex drive can build up.  In addition, it would be a way for the single to express their sexuality in a healthy and safe way so they aren’t tempted to have sex before marriage.  This same concept can also apply to a married person whose spouse has a lower sex drive than they do or whose spouse is travelling or ill.  And this can help keep down temptation to go outside the marriage to meet your sexual needs.  This could also apply to a divorced or widowed person who once had a way to enjoy the sexual relationship, but not anymore.  What are they to do since they’ve experienced it?  Just because they got divorced or their spouse died doesn’t mean their sex drive diminished.  Masturbation would be the best (and only) way for them to express their sexuality as well.

When we tell singles and the single again crowd they can’t masturbate, we are being unfair.  Usually it is a married person telling them this.  But the married person has a way to express his or her sexuality!  They don’t consider the predicament the single person is in at all.  They have a sex drive just as the single person does.  But it is very unfair to tell someone: “We both feel the same sexual desires, but I’m married so I can act on them.  You’re not so you can’t act on them in any way.”  That is unfair, unkind and hypocritical.  The sex drive is one of the strongest drives that we have.  The fact that it’s called a sex “drive” should tell us something.  It drives you to express your sexuality.  It pushes you on and urges you to find a way to express it.  Everyone has this.  It’s just a matter of whether you are expressing it in a healthy way or an unhealthy way.

Masturbation is the only healthy way for a single or single again to express directly their sexuality.  Yes, they can express and experience their overall sexuality in other ways, (such as how they dress, e.g.) but I’m talking about that point where they are turned on and must act on it.  They have that feeling of needing release.  Their only option at that point is to masturbate or find a sex partner.  Since they aren’t married, they don’t have a right to find the sex partner.  So masturbation is the only choice.  And if they try to hold it in, as I said earlier, I would be concerned that it would manifest in other ways.  Ways that are unhealthy and even dangerous—compulsions, addictions with other things such as food or shopping or work.  Or it may manifest in their attitude toward others.  Again, they may become angry or controlling.  Or they may just push too hard in another area because they are trying to compensate for their sex drive.  These behaviors are unhealthy as well.

The church and even society teaches us to fear our sexuality.  But the problem is that we are all sexual beings whether we like it or not or whether we acknowledge it or not.  The issue is: How do we express our sexuality in a way that honors God, ourselves and our spouse if we have one?  For married people, this includes engaging in sex with their spouse regularly. But if one spouse is unavailable, how can the other can find a way to express their sexuality that honors God, themselves and their spouse?  They can’t go to another person.  That wouldn’t be it.  The only option for them is masturbation.

The single person has the same situation.  Since they aren’t married, they don’t have the option of having sex in a way that honors God and themselves.  So for them the only option that fits that criterion is masturbation.  And if done with this in mind, it is a healthy and safe way for the single to express their sexuality.  It is also a healthy and safe way for the single again or the “married but spouse isn’t available” group.

For too long we have lived in fear of Christian masturbation in the church.  The Church has railed against it for years.  But it was unnecessary—and even destructive.

In 1 Timothy 4 Paul says: “Now the Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some will turn away from the true faith; they will follow deceptive spirits and teachings that come from demons.  These people are hypocrites and liars, and their consciences are dead.”  Let’s pause and consider the reality that some of our theology has been influenced by demons working through human teachers.  And not just on sexuality, but sexuality has been heavily influenced by these demonic influences.  And what kind of teaching comes from this?

Paul continues, “They will say it is wrong to be married and wrong to eat certain foods.”  Is it possible that the teaching saying it is wrong to masturbate is a teaching from demons passed on through human teachers and authority figures?  If teaching that it’s wrong to be married is part of demonic teaching, it follows that some of that teaching is that it is wrong to express your sexuality at all, whether married or single.  In fact, some of the early church fathers taught that sex within marriage was wrong!  And we have bought into it because we never stopped to look at the issue ourselves.  And this teaching has passed through the church and then passed down the generations until we have a great number of people under bondage to their sexual desires.  So much so that they don’t fully enjoy their sexuality in any way even when they do get married.  Could it be that this was a strategy of demons to ensnare the church through their sexuality?  And to rob us of something good that God created for us?

Paul continues, “But God created those foods to be eaten with thanks by faithful people who know the truth.  Since everything God created is good, we should not reject any of it but receive it with thanks.  For we know it is made acceptable by the word of God and prayer.” (1 Tim. 4:1-5 NLT) Since he mentioned marriage at the beginning, we can correctly interpret this to include marriage.  God made marriage and it is good.  God made sex and it is good.  God made the sex drive and it is good.  We should not reject any of it but receive it with thanks.  For we know it is made acceptable by the word of God and prayer.

Expressing our sexuality is a good gift.  And we should embrace that gift with thanks.  If a single person does this through masturbation, then it is acceptable because it is done with thanks.  If a married person’s spouse isn’t available but they want to express their sexuality, they can receive masturbation with thanks, and it is made acceptable by the word of God and prayer.

God gave us our sexuality to be a gift, not a burden.  And this is true whether we are single or married.  Expressing our sexuality through masturbation is simply one way to enjoy that gift.  Don’t be afraid of it and don’t let demonic teaching steal it from you any longer.  If you feel the desire to masturbate, feel freedom to embrace that part of your sexuality guilt free.  For it is a gift to be received with thanks.  Just as your entire sexuality is a gift to be received with thanks.

Honor God with this aspect of your sexuality by releasing yourself from the lies you have believed concerning God’s gift of sex and masturbation.  Abandon all “doctrines of demons” no matter who or where you heard them from.  Then walk with God in your new sexual freedom.  There is no greater way to honor God than to walk in freedom.  Paul said, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” (Gal 5:1a NIV) Christ died so we could have freedom from the bondage that comes from believing lies.  This includes lies about our sexuality.  And masturbation is part of our sexuality.

So with this understanding it is possible to honor God with Christian masturbation —whether single or married, male or female, alone or with your spouse.  Because it is the freedom in your mind that honors God.  It is releasing yourself from the lies you’ve believed about this aspect of your sexuality and living in the freedom Christ gives you.  Live in that freedom.  Masturbate in that freedom.  That freedom is what God wanted us to experience through Christ’s death.

“Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” (Gal. 5:1b NIV)

Marriage Heat note: There is a real danger for masturbation when people watch porn and masturbate. This TED talk  raises about the dangers of porn and masturbation. In our opinion, Christian masturbation is to be done without porn and done in moderation as this article points out.  Christian masturbation is to be a blessing to marriages, future marriages, and the marriage institution as it glorifies God. As this article points out we are encouraged to enjoy Christian masturbation without being mastered by a new obsession that takes away from how God intended us to live.

1 Corinthians 6:12     “Everything is permissible for me”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”—but I will not be mastered by anything. Enjoy Christian masturbation in moderation!


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30 replies
  1. SingString says:

    Thanks for the effort you obviously put into this. It’s well thought out, and I can add a response also. I struggled with guilt for many years on this also. I am a Pastor also to give you a little background. We would be lying to say that every person who is trying to walk with God their very best will struggle with what is right and wrong in this area. My wife and I had a huge break through recently in this because even though she helped me when I needed release (and it was really pleasurable to both of us), that didn’t take away the desires I had when she wasn’t around. This website actually brought the walls down for us and it has made masturbation a freeing topic now for us. Here’s my stance on it from a theological angle… The Bible is not clear on it either way, but Song of Songs clearly describes areas of “the Beloved” (her) having desires for Solomon while he was not present. We can presume (I believe personally) that she is describing pleasuring herself in that scenario. Either way, if a married couple both are agreeable that this is an okay thing between them, and it they are the focus of their fantasies during their masturbation, then how can it be wrong? I do not have any guilt any longer because since finding this website, my wife and I do not even desire to wander into pornography. The line I believe is drawn right there… If you are looking at pictures and videos of other people it crosses the boundary into adulterous behavior because we are going there even in our thoughts. This is not okay by God’s, and word many places it is indicated as such. When we read these stories on Marriage Heat together or apart, we are visually placing ourselves in these roles as though it’s us acting them out. It’s extremely hot, and adds a new exciting element to our sex life that we wished we had for so many years. Porn was wrong and we knew it, but because we can both partake together here, we have crossed the bridge of guilt and shame, and it’s very freeing knowing we are not in sin any longer.

    The key to this through (even as a single), is that you steer clear of the graphic imagery (pics and video). It is what lures us into fantasy that we do not need. I personally believe that if your spouse is on the same page with you, you have just created a hot new part of your marriage and you should not feel any guilt. If they are not agreeable, I think it’s a topic of prayer for you both, and I hope God works through it with you. I know not every person is going to see it my way either, but each person needs to feel peace and release in their mind and heart on this topic. Have fun with it, enjoy masturbation together!

    • HornyHubby says:

      Thanks SingString…I always picture myself and my wife in the stories I read as well. I think that’s what sets this site apart from a porn site. The focus in porn is on the people on screen. Here the focus is on your own spouse and marriage. It truly lives up to its name and bring heat to marriages!

    • El Khem says:

      Without being trite, these two references seem fairly clear on the matter (and appear to be the approach for many here at MH):

      Ecc 11:6a In the morning sow thy seed, and in the evening withhold not thine hand: … [KJV]

      Ecc 9:10a Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; … [KJV]

      Also, you could add these for good measure and specific guidance on the above:

      Prov 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. [KJV]

      Prov 16:22a Understanding is a wellspring of life unto him that hath it: … [KJV]

      James 1:5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. [KJV]

    • HornyHubby says:

      Thanks Silver! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I certainly hope it helps to liberate many! 🙂 It certainly liberated me in writing it. LOL! God bless, my friend!

  2. Ainawen says:

    This is FANTASTIC. Thank you so much. It puts a bunch of things I’ve been thinking about as a Christian single woman who grew up in “purity culture” into a logical framework. I feel like I’ve yet to hear any pastor teach/preach on sexual purity in singleness and address what singles are supposed to *do* with their thoughts and desires. I feel like all that ever gets said is “no, don’t think any sexual thoughts, don’t act out sexually at all.” After experiencing the consequences of this in an ex-boyfriend’s life in his addiction to porn and his guilt in masturbating even apart from porn, I’m so passionate to see this perspective propagated in the church! How awesome would it be if we taught young people to train their fantasies towards marriage, and that pleasuring themselves was a gift to be enjoyed with self-control like food or alcohol! I think it would be huge in helping young Christians avoid the trap of porn by giving them a more appealing, healthy alternative than “just don’t.”

    • Blondie says:

      I agree with you, Ainawen, the “just don’t” mentality has caused many issues in the Christian youth, not only is it is dismissive, it unhealthy. This is a great post for any young Christian to read, HH, thank you!

    • HornyHubby says:

      Thank you for your comment! I’m so glad to hear from a single person on this. That’s what I was hoping to accomplish- a logical framework for masturbation as you put it. I’m so glad you enjoyed this.

      Keep an eye out for the second half. It’s still pending so any day now!

  3. petrafied says:

    Carefully and well written. There is much written elsewhere on refusing spouses and some would suggest that the refused spouse refrain from masturbating and just wait. This is typically from people who are well matched in their interest level. If your spouse only is available 1x-2x a month or less and 3x-4x a week would be good for you waiting creates some very difficult situations. When desire arises and is not fulfilled there is often a period of irritability and frustration, often some resentment. When this has passed some feelings of apathy and a general “why do I even try” outlook. As a believer this is a ferocious time where the enemy throws everything he has at the refused. Obtaining some form of release is essential -in addition to prayer- to resist the sinful opportunities that will arrive. If this is not managed properly the result will be sinful behavior on the part of the refused. The primary reason for this refusal has been mentioned by the OP. Health concerns, travel, chronic fatigue and a general lack of interest all come in to play. It may not get better, it may get worse and having a proper method to cope is essential. The OP has laid out an excellent case in favor of masturbation. I would add that including petitions to help avoiding sinful responses are vital as well.

    • HornyHubby says:

      Thanks for your comment. And you make a good point. I knew a guy whose wife was a refuser and I could see this very dynamic working in him. I could see the bitterness and resentment and “why bother” attitude. It even affected my friendship with him.

      I don’t know if he masturbated or not. He probably did but more than likely he felt guilt for it. Which would have only added to his frustration. I wish I had written this years ago to share with him. Maybe it would have helped a little.

    • Tambele says:

      Dear Eva,
      Thanks. This is my present situation. I moved into 'why bother' mode, and my observed I didn't 'disturb' her for over a month. She blamed me for refusing/withdrawing so we had sex but I can say it was just physical, no emotions. It's been over 2 weeks since then and we're as brother and sister. I am very active sexually and she's a refuser. It seems we will just continue this way. I observe we have sex mainly when she wants it, leading to us having 4 children. Perhaps I'm frustrated so masturbation is the way out for me.

  4. Eva says:

    HH, can I just say that I love your application of the greatest commandments here? I had to sign back on tonight to tell you I’ve been thinking about it all day. The use of the word “sin” has bothered me for a long time, but I could never put my finger on why. I love how you turn the question around and just ask “Is it loving?” instead. I feel like we could apply this new question to so many other issues (both sexual and nonsexual) as well. I have a feeling it’s something you’ve thought quite a lot about, and I’m curious how far you take it.

    • HornyHubby says:

      Eva, thanks so much for your comment! I’m so glad you are enjoying this. And yes I have thought about all this a lot! LOL! Especially recently as I’ve been working on this paper.

      I’m so glad you enjoyed the discussion on the greatest commandments. I was pretty excited when I first saw it that way too.

      Part two is in pending status so it should be up soon. Let me know what you think about that part! 🙂 God bless, my friend!

  5. hornyGG says:

    So I guess this means I can continue playing with my pussy! Yay! Lol. ( just a bit of humor).

    Great post HH! Bless you for posting this. I am sure this will make people feel alot better about masturbation. As you know I have always been a huge advocate on the pleasures and benefits of masturbation. I always look forward to your post. Keep’em cumming my friend! God bless and stay horny.

    • HornyHubby says:

      Yes you can keep playing with your pussy! LOL! I have a feeling you would have done that anyway though. 😉 I’m so glad you enjoyed this.

      Unfortunately I haven’t always had the freedom you have had to masturbate. I had a lot of guilt when I was younger over masturbation. But I did it anyway. Then I had guilt for continuing to do it. So the guilt just compounded. I’m sure I’m not alone in that. That’s partly why I wanted to write this out. I know there are people who struggle with this. And of course there isn’t a lot of teaching on this so I was left in the dark so to speak.

      Thank you for reading this. Part 2 should be up soon. Let me know what you think! God bless, my friend!

  6. HornyHubby says:

    Thanks so much everyone for the comments. I’m so glad you are enjoying this.

    I know most of us don’t exactly need “permission” to masturbate at this point (LOL) but sometimes it is good to have a theological position on something. Partly for your benefit but also for someone else’s. I know that in putting this together it has helped me to see that any guilt I felt from masturbating when I was younger was unfounded. So it was a freeing exercise for me in that regard. Hopefully it will be the same for someone on here as well.

    And if you ever run across someone who says that masturbation is wrong you can point them to this post to at least give them another perspective to think about.

    The second half is still pending so it should be up soon!

  7. TuggingHeart says:

    HH: Thank you so much for posting this article. I love it! You have said a number of things that I have been thinking and even written about, but I haven’t yet shared my writings on these things. Also, I am utterly fascinated with your analogy of holding a ball underwater. You see, about two years ago, while I was thinking about dealing with attraction to the opposite sex and my former system for combating lust, the metaphor came to me of trying to hold a ping-pong ball underwater. No matter how long we hold a ping-pong ball underwater, even decades, as soon as we let go of it, it will come to the surface just as fast as ever. Denying it the privilege of floating will not retrain it to stay under the surface.
    But, I want to add something to your article and to the Christian world in general. What I’m going to say threatens to make the earth quake for a lot of Christians. Everyone says the Bible says nothing about masturbation. What if I told you it’s right there in plain sight but we just refuse to see it?
    The passage I’m referring to is Proverbs 5:15–17 (NIV): “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.” The key is in verse 17, “Let them be yours alone.” The Hebrew here indicates masculine second person singular, as in, “Let them be yours alone, boy, by yourself.” The Hebrew is lәka, lәbaddәka; the exact same phrase occurs in Psalm 51:4, “Against you, you only, have I sinned…” The phrase is emphatically addressed to one person alone. Go ahead, take that to your Hebrew professor. In Spanish Proverbs 5:17 says, “Sean para ti solo…” Does that sound anything like solo sex?
    So, I’m saying the Bible recommends solo sex to young men to help them to contain their sex drive until they are married. Notice that Proverbs chapter 5 starts out addressed to “My son…,” who is presumably an unmarried young man. I can understand if anyone reading this resists this conclusion; however, I don’t think you can entirely rule it out, either.
    Okay, having said, that, I still enjoyed the rest of your discussion and look forward to the second half.

  8. John Spade says:

    What an exceptionallly well written piece. I found and continue to visit MH not because I am Christian but because I enjoy erotica and adult material that is more cerebral and subtle than the “hit you over the head with it immediately” porn of today. I have found several blog posts/articles like this that deal with sexual topics and sex in marriage that aren’t titillation but excellent research material for husbands and wives who love their spouses and sex with them.

    This piece covers so much ground about not just masturbation but the puritanical subconscious that modern Americans still deal with daily. That old deep rooted reflex that anything that feels good must be wrong. If a man and wife love each other and are committed in marriage masturbation should be the last thing they’re worried about. Most men (and women too) would much rather be with their partners but if schedules amok, impossible logistics, health concerns or libido differences are present masturbation is a friend to a healthy marriage.

    Adultery, divorce, custody battles and permanent broken hearts are so much more serious than the release that one seeks from masturbation. It is normal, healthy and a great asset to a successful marriage. The sooner married couples of all ages and society as a whole come to terms with that the better.

  9. Julia says:

    Hi to everyone of the MH community! I’ve been led to this unique site a couple of weeks ago and, first of all, I want to thank the whole MH community for the incredible work you’re doing on here. Thank you all for sharing so frankly and encouragingly from your experiences in this miracle of marriage! I’m single and had a rough start in this whole area of sexuality while growing up, but God has begun to redeem me for the years and I’m so very grateful to Him that He’s now led me to this site. I’m so grateful for the wisdom that you all share and for the vision of a committed, thriving, loving, passionate Christian marriage I’m blessed to develop with God now through MH. I’ve opened this account because I just wanted to express this gratitude I feel in my heart for you all in the MH community. Thank you so much, HH, for this thorough work and heartfelt effort that you’ve put into seeking an accurate biblical direction about masturbation! I’ve read several Christian takes on it before and none of them was as on point, as strong and as in-depth as you went in your study. Part 1 has been a total blessing to me. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading it and loved it in fact so much so that I’ve forwarded it to a dear Pastor friend of mine. I can’t wait to read Part 2!!

  10. Carolyne Wangari says:

    Thank you so much HH for ths elaborate n educative piece. Masturbation is not only an American issue but one for people -christians especially-all over the world, am glad i signed in and am on to part 2.

  11. Oldersingle says:

    I have read both Parts 1 and 2 and have been remiss in commenting on this terrific and well-written piece! I did a fair bit of research on masturbation trying to find answers as a single man. Early life, and even in the church as an adult, had me deceived into thinking this was a shameful act which led to massive guilt.
    To find this site has been a blessing beyond words – HH’s article is the best confirmation I have had that we single believers can actually be sexual in a good and Godly way.
    I can say that as an older man, when my future wife comes along, she will be the first woman I will have a clean and Godly sexual relationship with. This site has been such a picture of the holy and righteous union God intends for a man and a woman, and I am enjoying so much the freedom we all can share on here.
    I believe we are redeeming the area of sex from the enemy, and for me, to see Godly men and women – being a man, I tend to read more carefully the reactions and stories of the women – being so free in both description and language, is allowing me to prepare myself for the woman who is in my future, and I hope she is doing the same!

  12. HudCamp5 says:

    I am an unmarried male though I am dating someone who I have certainly considered marrying. We are both very strong in the idea that we want to completely save ourselves sexually until marriage. So, I want to make sure I’m doing everything to accomplish that. Could you please explain why masturbation should be done in moderation, and if it is a sin when not in moderation. I’d very much appreciate to hear any input on this, thank you very much.

    • Eva says:

      Hudcamp- I think masturbation is like eating or drinking (alcohol), you know you are doing it too much when it starts to have negative consequences on other aspects of your life. Eating is a good thing, but if you eat too much, your weight and your overall health are going to suffer. Alcohol can be a great, relaxing, and enjoyable beverage, but if it becomes an addiction or if it causes you to have poor judgement and hurt the people around you, it’s a problem. With masturbation, I think it’s the same. For instance, A married person is probably masturbating too much if it is detracting from their sexual relationship with their spouse.

      In your case as an unmarried person who is trying to reserve sexuality for marriage, masturbation is probably going to be one of your greatest earthly tools (pun intended) to do that. So you are probably going to use it a lot. And my guess is that’s probably not something you need to worry about too much. Unless you are skipping out on work or not going to church or avoiding time with family and friends for the sake of doing the deed, I’m going to guess you are doing it “within moderation” and that you are just fine.

      I also just want to point you back to what horny hubby wrote in this masturbation post about changing the question we ask. He said that instead of asking if something is a sin, we should ask if it is done in love. I think that for you, you would do well to rephrase your concerns in terms of love. You can get tangled up in knots trying to figure out exactly which types and how much of something is a sin or not….but when you ask instead if the action is done in love, the answer usually becomes clearer. Is your masturbation done in love? Is it the loving way to to treat yourself? To treat your relationship with your girlfriend? Does your masturbation demonstrate your love for womankind as creatures made in the Image of God?

      And if it is done in love, by all means, go at it with gusto! And if it us not, let the Holy Spirit convict you on that and show you how it can be done in love, and then modify your actions or thought life appropriately. And then go at it with gusto!

      Hope that helps clear the water for you. God bless you as you enjoy your God-given sexuality!

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Eva – I love what you wrote here! Especially the emphasis that something that is good can be used in ways that would not serve us well or bring glory to God. I think you struck the right biblical chord. Thank you! LH

  13. Dean316 says:

    I must say i love masturbating. Yes, at a point in time in my teens i masturbated to the wrong thing for the wrong reasons (porn). But after my awaking from god, i came to realise masturbation is not bad, but a gift. Now i throughly, throughly cherish it. MH gets my cock excited thinking about my future wife and the lovely sexy time's we'll have together. I do not understand how its a sin. For real.

    Thanks and god bless,

  14. CrazyHappyLoved says:

    I'm so glad you wrote this, HH! So many people have been taught that masturbation is dirty and shows a lack of self-control. Done without desiring someone else's spouse, I believe it is more a *form* of self-control or at least supports it. Of course, if one is convinced it's sinful, then they will hurt their own conscience if the do. But I would encourage all to question whether they are believing what God says (in his word or in their heart) or what men have said about it.

  15. sarah k says:

    I am going to have to spend some time reading and digesting this. In the meantime.

    Song of Solomon, Chapter 5.
    Vs 2.
    I slept, but my heart was awake.
    Listen! my beloved is knocking.
    Vs 5.
    I arose to open to my beloved,
    and my hands dripped with myrrh,
    my fingers with liquid myrrh,
    upon the handles of the bolt.

    (It is about him in between those verses.)

    Something else you need to know about this girl in chapter 5.
    Who is she?
    Chap 1:8 “fairest among women,”
    Chap 4:7 ‘You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.’
    Chap 5:2 “flawless”
    Chap 5:9 “O fairest among women”

    Chapter 6:11 identifies her as a Shulammite. The meaning of the name is “From the verb שלם (shalem), to be or make whole or complete” – getting out of bed with her hand dripping with 'myrrh' – she was masturbating herself.
    It means sexual purity includes being about to masturbate oneself.

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