Learning how their husband thinks with sex

I cannot speak for women, as far as all that turns them on.   I only know what I have been told.  But, I can speak for men, based on my experiences, and also based on 100’s of men that I have talked to over many, many years.

Surely, someone has written down every possible sexual interest that is known to man.   I have not come across such a thing, but I would love to find such a thing.   I would love to see a list of possibilities for men as well as women.   Maybe it would tap into my analytical side.  

I truly believe that many of our sexual interests probably stem from our childhood.  Again, I have not studied that at length, it is just my beliefs.   I base that on such things as this.   For example, I have read that most guys that become gay had the strong interests in that direction for one of two main reasons.   One is their first sexual experiences were with men, usually at an early age.   So, they associated sexual feelings with guys.   The other reason I read was they did not have a good father in their upbringing.   So, if this is true, they developed sex interests based on their childhood experiences.

Let me give you another example: myself.   At an early age, I had several experiences with girls where we played the game “Show me yours and I will show you mine.”   None of those experiences went any further than that.    But, those early experiences turned me on greatly.   Today,  one of my turn ons is the feeling of being exposed to someone that asks to see it, or just exposes me.   Let me show you how this plays out with my interest in playing strip poker with my wife.   

Occasionally, my wife and I will play strip poker with each other.    When we do play,  we play it in a way that the loser has to expose themselves on the first time they lose instead of taking that item completely off. Here is what I mean by that.   If I lose the hand, then my wife picks the item.  So, let’s say she says “Your jeans.”   I have to slide my jeans down to my knees only.   So, I sit there exposed to her through the next hand.  The same thing would happen if she loses and I say “your shirt.”   She will just unbutton the shirt, and leave it open until she loses another hand.   The biggest turn on for me in this game is when I am almost naked, and I have to push my underwear to my knees and sit like that until I lose another hand.   Being exposed like that turns me on greatly, and I will be as hard as a rock, dripping precum.  Of course, we continue playing the game when we are naked,  whereby we tell each other what they have to do for 4 minutes.    

I love playing this strip game, probably because it taps into some of those childhood experiences.  Again, I am not a professionally trained counselor, but I am betting that is the connection for me as to why it turns me on so much.   It is the same thing when I play around in the car with my wife.   She is partially naked (exposed to me) , and I have my pants down, exposed to her.   There is something about doing that which is very satisfying to me.   And, it goes back to one of my earlier writings that I called “A Husbands Thoughts on what makes sex…”   I talked about for sex to be very fulfilling; it needs to have mind fulfillment.   Maybe that is at least one reason why I like sex in the car and strip poker.

I think for many men,  they wish they had a wife that they could say anything about sex to them.   I think they wish they could tell their wives ALL of their sexual interests.   Instead, most men hold those things secretly inside of themselves or share them with another guy who they find out likes the same things.  I think that is unfortunate because it would be better for the wife to know those things.

But, again, most men I have talked with over the years rarely tell their wives all of their sex interests.   They are afraid of being rejected as being a weirdo, or whatever.   Some have even told me that they don’t dare say anything to their wives for fear that all of their sex life will stop.    

There are an FEW women who are incredible at finding out all of their husband’s sex interests and fantasies.   My guess is those women never rejected the husband or made the husband feel weird because of their interests.   And, those women probably were open to trying to understand their husband’s sexual interests, and wanted within reason, to help him fulfill his interests.  

So, what are the sexual interests of men?   Would your husband tell you, or would he hold back and only tell you things he knows you would be open to hearing?   Would you reject him, if you knew all of his interests?   Would it scare you to know?

Obviously, Christians are limited in the things they can do, or should do, sexually.   But, there are many things that your husband might love that may not be in violation to scripture.    

Here are some things that guys may like that may be different for some women’s thinking:

Love their ass massaged

Love being in a position of exposed (pants and undies down) and have to sit that way.

Love being put on all fours (hand and knees on the bed) and being stroked (milked) like

that

Being dominant, or Being submissive

Loved to be asked by the spouse to do something sexual for them. (like “Stroke your cock

for me.”)

Love to be naked as much as possible (almost like they are a home nudist),

Love the idea of masturbating in front of each other

Love their asshole being touched, rubbed

Sex in car, sex outside, sex in the pool, sex in public places (in the woods, dressing room,

etc)

Role-plays of all kinds

Use of sex words like cock, pussy, suck, etc

Enjoys wearing panties – Talked to 2 types of guys that like this:

Ones that want to do it to be feminine looking (Kind of wonder how biblical that one is)

Ones that just love how they feel on their cock and how their cock looks in lace.

Enjoy cum (sperm) in various ways. Eating it out of the woman’s pussy, Made to squirt it

on his own face when he cums, or just enjoys watching it shoot out during orgasm.

Stripping each other while dancing with each other during sexy music.

Again, getting to do some of these things may be very fulfilling for the guy for various reasons.

Many times women worry that “If he wants this kind of thing during sex, how much more will he want?” Some of it frightens them. One wife, I talked to was exactly worried about that type of thing.

At times, I have wondered whether it would be an advantage for a naïve woman to get on a sex chat site and listen to all the things that guys say. In less than a year, a woman would learn all the possible thrills of every guy. The problem with that, once again, is it very well may violate scripture. It is just a shame that many christian women are so naïve about sex. The result is their husband suffers.

A christian site like www.marriageheat.com  might just be a safer alternative to educating women who did not grow up in an environment where they learned how guys think in regards to sex.

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11 replies
  1. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Men wearing ladies underwear in certainly wrong (Deuteronomy 22:5) but the stripping each other while dancing with each other during sexy music is one of our favorite foreplay activities. Role play was always fun too (e.g. Mr & Mrs Bond) and variety was always there in our sex lives, and even if it wasn't, it was still fine because that too was a change. Again, be careful not to violate scripture. That being said, if the Bible doesn't forbid something, who is man to say it's right or wrong? Blessings!

    • Ilvmywife69 says:

      Ok so let me preface this with the fact that I'm not a bible scholar and I am nowhere near homosexual as I love my wife dearly and detest sexual sin. I also on the other hand have been known to put on a pair of my wife's silk panties as I really enjoy the way the silk feels. I don't do it often but I don't understand why it is wrong when done in the privacy of your house with your wife. I read deuteronomy 22 and if we followed all of those rules we wouldn't be able to wear mix blend clothing and we would all have parapet walls around our roofs. Maybe someone can help me understand and if I'm wrong I guess I could always get some silk boxers.

    • Harper Shelby Thornton says:

      Silk boxers are good, my husband used to wear those. Of course, I'm not in any way suggesting you're homosexual at all, I know you love your wife very much. I just don't get why it'd be a turn on, but if you want to keep doing that, that's your business, not mine. It's ultimately between you and God. Bless

    • HornyHubby says:

      With all due respect, I don't agree with your use of Deut 22:5 here. Several reasons: 1. This was written to the Jews a long time ago, not to us.
      2. We are not under any part of the Law anymore. (Rom 3) And any attempt to achieve righteousness actually causes us to fall away from grace. (Gal 5)
      3. Looking at the text, it says women can't wear men's clothing and men can't wear women's clothing. So what about a Tshirt with your favorite football team on it? Many of those are worn by both men and women. Or what about when a woman wears her husband or boyfriend's sweater? If my wife and I are out somewhere and I have a men's jacket on and she gets cold, does that mean I can't give her my jacket? Or what about wearing clothing with two different fabrics? (Deut 22:11) Most shirts are some percentage cotton and some percentage something else, like polyester. Or if a man gets married and then later finds out his wife wasn't a virgin, are you suggesting we stone her? (Deut 22:20-21) We have to be careful with how we try to apply Old Testament Law to our lives today. There is wisdom in it, but we have to be careful that we don't pick and choose which laws we apply and which we don't. Paul says in Galatians that either it all applies, or none of it applies.
      4. We must also remember the cultural context these things were written in. Deuteronomy was written to the Jews as they were about to enter Canaan. In Canaan there was a HEAVY use of idolatry. And specifically, the use of pagan prostitution worship. There was a heavy focus on sexual idolatry. So that is the context in which this is written. And basically the Canaanites would dress like the opposite sex to engage in this temple prostitution. So that's really the heart of what this verse is saying. Basically he is telling them not to engage in the temple prostitution that the Canaanites engage in. But for a husband to wear his wife's panties just for fun between the two of them, and they are the only ones who know about it, that is not what this verse means. And I would see nothing wrong with them doing that, especially since it IS just between the two of them.

    • Harper Shelby Thornton says:

      I didn't mean to upset you, Hornyhubby sorry if I have. You're right on that, actually and of course, I don't pick and choose. Thank you very much for clarifying, buddy you got a point there, I also thought that "effeminate" meant a man behaving in any way like a woman (including dressing like a woman). Bless

    • Tony Conrad says:

      The verse says it is an abomination to God for men to wear female clothes. Apart from splitting hairs over jeans etc. the meaning is obvious. A man dressed up like drag. Regardless of not being under the law why would it stop being an abomination to God? I keep well away from it personally.

  2. youngtxhubby says:

    Hey gcms, great thoughts here! I for one was nodding my head with most of the things you mentioned. I agree, I think most husbands are scared for one reason or another to admit these things, I know I certainly was! Is there a way I could get in contact with you? I've got a few questions and would love to pick your brain if you didn't mind!

  3. Ilvmywife69 says:

    Great post. I know as far as I'm concerned I agree with you. The reason I have had a hard time expressing my fantasies to my wife is because my wife and I grew up in ultra conservative households and to want the things you mentioned was basically unheard-of. If I mentioned acts out of the ordinary I would get strange looks so I basically quit trying to expand on our sexual endeavors. Now 13 years later and with the help of Marriage Heat and open minded Pastors our sex life is much better. I am getting more loving now than I did right after our marriage and she is much more open to my quirky fantasies.

  4. PacMan says:

    Dear GCMS,
    Im always glad to hear from new contributors on MH.com, and I don't want to discourage you from contributing, but I'd like to make a constructive criticism. You often mention that you are not a trained counselor, but have done counseling with 100+ men. I can totally understand how this might give you the impression that you are an authority on how men think and act. However, if you did have some counseling training, you would know the importance of "i" language. A counselor will ask their patient to not say "this is how it is" but rather "this is how this makes me feel." It is often better for sentences to begin with "i" instead of "you." In that way, your writings have several times tried to tell ALL women how ALL men think. Please guard against this. You do not represent me. Not all men think the same. Not all men have the same "triggers" for their sexual interests (e.g. childhood memories). I however am interested in YOU. I want you to tell us your interests and desires and stories. I would much rather you share a list of "My sexual likes that surprised my wife," rather than "Here's a list of what most men like that will surprise most women." Approach your stories with more "i" language, and I will nod along with the stuff that relates to me… and even the stuff that doesn't will offer us a window into your personality. Thanks. I hope it encourages you to write more, and for me, these tweaks will help me engage more.

    • gcms - great christian marriage sex says:

      I think I was clear on things that guys MAY like. My list was preceded by these words: "Here are some things that guys may like that may be different for some women’s thinking":

      Guys open up to me very easily, and I have heard a lot of comments over the years. I think I got a pretty good feel on many of their frustrations. But, I will pay closer attention to making sure it does not appear to be speaking for all guys.

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