Cum for a Woman
The following is a question posed to our wives to possibly help us husbands understand what foreplay has to consist of and how to shorten the time it takes for our wives to orgasm. The real question is whether there has been some bad societal teaching that is causing the disparity in orgasm time between husbands and wives.
I once read that studies that indicated women in Amazon primitive societies cum in the same length of time that men do on average. That being true, it would imply that the time for western women is lengthened by their learning of inhibitions.
My question is:
For a woman who has not been taught that sex is somehow dirty or to be hidden; how long does it take to orgasm using a sex toy? Does it take the same length of time it takes with your husband? Do you spend an hour in foreplay or can you lubricate the toy and go directly to masturbation alone and touching yourselves?
If you can go directly to self-stimulation it might imply that the length of time for foreplay and the time to orgasm is influenced by mental inhibition and learning. That it is cultural and not physical. That your husbands could go directly to perhaps oral stimulation as foreplay before intercourse. I do not believe that one could go directly to intercourse without some kind of foreplay, but could oral sex alone be an adequate method of foreplay? Like for instance waking you up by performing cullingus on you? Is that adequate foreplay?
For us men, it is quite possible to go directly to hand or oral stimulation without any time touching before playing with our member. We often daydream of our wives doing just that. We dream of cumming on your face. We dream of having you truly eagerly swallow our juices. We wish that you would play with our member without being asked. We wish that you enjoyed making us cum. We wish that you loved feeling the power that you have over us, that you truly enjoyed seeing us cum. That you tried to see how you could make us climax on your breasts. That you dreamed of ways and places where you could show your love and desire for us. We long to do that to you, to make you cum too!
Why is that not possible for wives? Why can’t we just remove your panties as you come in from work or from the store or where ever you were and begin tasting and licking your delicious pussy? We dream of sucking your female wifely juices and allowing them to run over faces. We will sometimes leave a little on our beards and/or mustaches to smell and savor the taste for later. We spend our days dreaming of the wonderful smell and taste and the feel of your orgasm on our faces, but have very little luck carrying out the dream!
As we have aged, our member may not be as erect as it used to be, but that does not stop us from wanting to and dreaming of giving you pleasure. And when we are unable to fulfill our dream of giving you pleasure, we feel like failures. What holds you back from fulfilling the dream of doing that for you? What holds you back from wanting and dreaming of receiving and giving that kind of love to us. Love to us is your ability to lose yourselves in the moment and to enjoy the feel of being tasted. The feel of your orgasm on our faces. We need you to want it, to long for it, so much so that you too are like primitive women who can orgasm almost by anticipating getting home.
But, do not fake it!
Faking is destructive to your marriage. To fake it is not Biblical, it is not loving, and when we learn the signs that you are faking, we will lose interest in our marriage. We cannot fake orgasm. There is visible evidence left behind and it is hard for us to have multiple orgasms. You, wives, don’t have that problem. I have a suspicion though that if you really enjoyed making us cum, it might reduce the time it takes you to cum too. If giving was an act of love that was anticipated and looked forward to rather than a chore, that receiving might become less inhibited. Am I wrong?
Do you wives look for ways and places that you can make your husbands cum? Do you savor the taste like we do yours? Do you climb into the shower with him unannounced just to ask him to taste your pussy? I would love to eat my wife’s va-jay-jay like that! Do you wake him up by sitting on his face because the thought of him licking you was too much to delay! Do you wake him by climbing into the 69 position and starting to make him cum too? Then does he lick around your labia? Does he delight in sucking your pussy? Do you dream of showering and then after just laying back on the bed or in a chair and calling him into just to lick your pussy like he was your slave? We do! Do you wives think and dream of doing that for the one God gave you? We wish you did. We do! We have dreams like that several times a day! I dreamed of that this morning and am dreaming of that right now and had that thought and daydream yesterday and the day before too!
We may tell you that it means nothing to us if you don’t enjoy oral sex, both giving and receiving, and that it means nothing if you don’t swallow. We are lying! If we perform oral sex on you, you best believe we swallow your honeydew and love it! When we kiss you on the mouth or your pussy we are tasting your liquid honey that our Father has provided for us. We consider you succulent! Could it be that your foreplay time might lessen if you thought and dreamed of us, your husbands, the same way?
I understand where you're coming from. Men are visual, and some women can be too. But mostly, we women need that emotional connection. I've mentioned before that woman need to feel loved to have sex, and men need sex to feel loved.
The stuff you're describing sounds great and erotic. However, different people have different preferences. My husband went down on me, so to speak, a few times, and it was lovely, but we both preferred intercourse because we loved the "fullness" feeling it brings. Now, not every man likes to receive oral – my husband never did.
Now women may not like being "cummed on" for that same reason. Regarding foreplay, it depends on a few things – your wife's libido, her mood. These kinds of things contribute. I've never used toys, so I can't really comment on that, but with foreplay, find out what she likes. I agree, faking it – don't do it. I never have and never will. And it doesn't make the sex any better.
I wish to stress that I'm not speaking for everyone here, this is just my husband and me. God bless
P.S. Sometimes it does depend on what the women have been taught, and sadly it's not always positive. Thankfully, the Bible says positive things about sex, especially in the Song of Solomon. Sometimes there may be traumas that weren't dealt with which is one reason they may not like being "cummed on" (sorry I meant to mention that, I didn't edit my last comment properly)
So wish my ex would have even been into any of that…..hoping someday i will have a man….
In recent years, I have been able to orgasm quicker and more often. It brings both me and my spouse more enjoyment and satisfaction. I was never taught that Sex is dirty and have always loved it. My husband wears it as a badge of honor how many times he can make me cum during one of our lovemaking sessions.
As far as his wants and desires, I am all in. We have been married 32 years and I know that total trust and respect along with the depth of our love for each other is what makes it so wonderful.
I will say. Ladies if you would try some of this you MIGHT like what you try. I have a wife that wants nothing to do with any thing except what she thinks only works for her. She wants nothing to do with new stuff! Maybe she just does not want it with me after almost 40 years.
Mary, that is a wonderful testimony! I am so happy for you and your husband. LH
Sorry Marie – not Mary! LH
First off I'm not married and thus have no 'hands on experience' so to speak. However I have studied male and female psychology and I think there's some earnest confusion here.
I think the confusion here is over male and female sexuality.
Male and female sexuality is different.
To simplify it as much as possible…
1. Male's 'aka husband's' desire to have sex with their wives so that they can reconnect emotionally.
2. Female's 'aka wives' desire to reconnect emotionally with thier husband's before engaging in physical expressions of love.
See the difference?
Men want sex so they can connect.
Women want to connect so they can have sex. (Kind of). Sex thoughts, actually comes into their minds 'after' they feel loved cherished and addicted.
Obviously life is more complex than this and so are relationships. For instance, woman's monthly sycle can turn this rule on it's head sometimes. However generally speaking, if you want a wife who jumps your bones. Romance, romance, romance that girl! (And do it without expectations of sex or anything else in return. Give selflessly.)
I agree with Adam Rose to a point, but being in a successful marriage and considering that I am a sexually liberated female, I can tell you that, like men, sometimes my juices can flow out of the blue and all I want is to sit on Jim and ride him hard, or grab my magic wand and release myself into a powerful orgasm.
It's not always so complex and thought out; I have learned to go with the flow (pun intended). Like your thoughts, Adam!
Although we've used toys and oral sex in the past, my Anne prefers my hand and her hand to make her cum.she is very orgasmic and through experience can cum quickly or at leisure – when her mind is engaged. There are times when an O is elusive, not so much due to a lack of foreplay as her state of horniness. IOT, when she is horny she cums quickly at her hand or my hand – sometimes in less than 2 minutes from first touching.
I think it is more of a mental block that both men and women can experience. There are times that I enjoy lots of foreplay and other times when all I am craving is for my husband to lick my pussy or let me suck his cock. Men tend to be more visual but that doesn't mean that we can't get wet at the sight of something sexy like a couple having sex, a woman undressing or a man with six pack abs and a huge cock. I have woken up from a dream with my panties soaked and the desire to climb on my husband's face or to fuck myself back to sleep with my dildo. I can almost always make myself cum the quickest with one of my toys but that doesn't take away any enjoyment from being with my husband, in fact it enhances it. Hope this helps.
My thoughts exactly Loving Couple!
I just watched a TED video and noticed that it also has been discovered that women who engage in lesbian sex cum at the same time interval that men do. And at least in this documentary they did not differentiate between which woman was acting the male or agressive partner. Apparently they both could cum in 2 to 5 minutes or in other words the same interval that most men do. This implies that there is either greater arrousal for women in lesbian sex or that the time interval between heterosexual partners is affected by societal learning. You are supposed to be inhibited and so you must overcome your subconcious teaching. That value has been taught since birth and at least since the victorian age. Notice how our society has taught you that your breasts must be covered and or hidden while we men are free to go topless in public. You have been taught that you genitalia must be hidden and that to see an erect penis is sinfull. Otherwise you would see erections in movies that were not porn. Therefore there are a whole bunch of inhibitions that you must overcome to get into the place where you can freely cum. Since so many of you can have multiple orgasims it is probably better for us that you are inhibited otherwise it might be as hard or harder for you to be monogamus as it is for us. Look around you at all the places where you are allowed to be enticing, but, only to a degree. It is just the latest generations that have finally learned that sex with their husbands and wives is not sinfull.
for a Christian interpretation of sex and nudity see genesis2twenty5.com
I get why people say foreplay for men is more visual and for women is more emotional. But I believe it’s more accurate to say it’s mental and that’s what I hear from this article. Years ago it didn’t take much visual stimuli to move my mental state toward sexuality but now I require more emotion or want from my wife to stimulate my mind toward thinking sexually. I always craved her want but now I need it. The older I get the more it seems I have to lead my mind where it should go and away from where it shouldn’t. In this way I think the stereotypes disappear, a wife can direct her thoughts towards erotic acts with her husband, as the author suggests, just as a husband can direct his thoughts toward serving his wife. It only takes a small amount of energy and initiative to get started but reaps huge benefits for each of them and the marriage as a whole.
I really like this perspective!!
Could not agree more. I wish my wife would just jump on my face with a wet pussy and wake me up. I love her fragrance, her taste, and the warmth of her body. It’s magical. But alas, it’s not to be so. I love her, but sex is a once-in-a-great-while thing. I don’t think God intended it to be that way. God created sex for us to enjoy in a marriage. There is No condemnation to enjoy between husband and wife. I will keep praying and trying to encourage her.