We Are Stuck! Any Ideas
My wife and I have been married for many years, and over this time we both have had affairs which needless to say put considerable pressure on our marriage. However, through it all, we have stayed together and have maintained a fairly good marriage. Notwithstanding we are not together when it comes to sex in our marriage, with her lacking a keen desire for sex and me wanting it more. We are both in our 50’s, and she claims that her lack of desire is due to age which I can readily understand. However, I would accept her just performing oral sex, but she refuses to do any of this. So I am left to either care for myself or just forget about having sex. We average sex about once every2 weeks, and I prefer 2-3 times a week, so there is a wide gap in this aspect of our marriage. Anyone have any suggestions as to how to change things?
Additionally, while I know some things about her affair I know there is much she hasn’t told me. She does not want to talk about my affair, but I would like to talk about hers, and she refuses. I do know when she was having sex with her lover his wife was pregnant and when the baby arrived, she was christened having my wife’s name. When I 1st asked my wife about this, she claimed she had no idea but after many attempts from me to find out she confessed knowing but lied as to why the child was given the name. I want to know all details of the affair, but she claims I am too vindictive. Am I wrong to want to talk about this?
I'm not an expert in the field, but I think you two need professional counseling.
I agree with copen1, you do need some professional help. I'm so sorry about the affairs. Now it's certainly not wrong to talk about this, because it can help you to move on, otherwise you'll be stuck. I don't have experience in this regard, so I'm probably not the one best for commentary, but maybe try telling her why you want to talk about this. Maybe you can also try a care-free fate night, where yo just talk about things you like before having sex later at home. God bless, I pray things go better for you, dear.
Agree with the others. You two need to see a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, or LMFT. I don't see your situation improving without professional help. Best of luck to you both.
I've been married for 38 blessed, beautiful years and we're now in our 50s as well. But sex is still wonderful for us as it was on our wedding night, and that doesn't have to change at all, even though it sometimes tends to. But maybe she doesn't want to because she's haunted by the affairs, which would be understandable. Pray, communicate, do what you need to do to save your marriage.
With the sex, try complimenting her throughout the day, to "warm her up", so to speak, that might get her in the mood. Surprise her with something special, anything to make her feel loved and beautiful. God bless
Counseling or your marriage is gone – better sooner than later, why waste time?
I recommend you put it in those terms.
If you are Christians, reconciliation is not optional: It is your job.