Advice for a man who is about to marry a virgin

You are about to marry a virgin. Whether you are a virgin yourself or not, you should prepare yourself mentally now to ensure that your wedding night is pleasing to both of you. Intercourse can hurt a woman the first time, especially if it is forceful or rushed. A bad first experience will be detrimental your future happiness and lead to long-term sexual issues and problems. On the other hand, a great first time will set the tone for a healthy, happy sexual relationship. Of course, you love her and don’t want to hurt her. The good news is, her body is designed by God to work in such a way that when she is aroused, her vagina becomes softer, more open, and naturally lubricated. If she is sufficiently aroused, intercourse will not hurt her. So your job is to get her aroused. She may be shy or afraid. But no matter how her mind feels, her body comes with built-in erogenous zones that, when stimulated, will spark her innate desires. Even if she is terribly bashful, her body will react automatically to your advances if you slowly, gently, and reassuringly activate her erogenous zones. You activate her desire by slowly building up first one erogenous zone, then the next. By the time you get to penetration, she will be ready. She might still be a little afraid, but her body will be ready. And she will like it, too.

Here is what you do:

1. Prepare

Make sure you are clean and smell good. Your nails should be clipped short and smooth. Do not use too much cologne or anything which may be overwhelming. Just be clean. Give her a chance to clean up, too, so she need not feel self-conscious more than she already will. If the place you are staying in has a large tub or whirlpool, bathing together could be very nice and help you both to feel more relaxed. She may feel too timid for that, though, or afraid to get undressed, so do not insist. If she is really exhausted, lie down together and take a nap. There is no rush. When you are ready, a candle or small lamp can provide light so you can see what you are doing without making her feel too uncomfortable later on when she removes her clothing and is naked; a dim room is best.

2. Kiss and pet

When you are ready to be intimate, sit with her on the bed and begin to kiss her gently and stroke her very lightly. You should kiss and pet her all over her face and arms, as well as her neck and shoulders. Trace her body parts with your fingers. Tell her she is soft and beautiful and smells good. The neck, ears, and collarbone are very erogenous and should not be overlooked. Lay down with her when she seems ready to. Stroke her hair and her back, her hands, her legs, her feet, whatever. Just avoid her breasts, butt, and private area at first.

3. Kiss passionately and fondle her breasts

As you begin to kiss her more passionately, and she begins to relax and allow it more, you might lick or suck her lips and neck, french kiss, bite her ear. She might be afraid, so go slowly. But do not stop because even if SHE is afraid, her body is responding. As your hands begin to touch her breasts, she may flinch. They are very sensitive. You don’t want to tickle her. But your hands on her breasts will arouse her for certain. If she still has a shirt or bra on, remove it. Remove your shirt also. Rubbing your thumb across her nipples is incredibly stimulating. Pay careful attention to both breasts and fondle them, always reassuring her that they are beautiful and she is, too. Many girls are worried or ashamed that they are too flat-chested. Make sure she knows that you think her breasts are perfect.

4. Suck her nipples and touch her vulva

Kissing her nipples will activate her arousal more quickly than anything else. Lick them and kiss them. Use your hand to stimulate one nipple as you gently suck the other one. This will almost certainly cause her to get “wet” and feel tingling and throbbing in her private parts. She might not even notice it. But she may begin to squirm and breathe more heavily. As you kiss her lips and kiss and suck her breasts, move your hand down and stroke her stomach, thighs, butt, and pubic area. If she is wearing underwear, rub her whole vaginal area through the fabric for some time, and then put your hand inside or remove them. You can eventually slide your fingers into the slit between her vaginal lips and very gently explore it. If you have lubricant or massage oil, you can use it to make your fingers slippery. It might not be needed. Even if you do have some, do not try to insert your finger in her vagina yet. It could still hurt her.

5. Introduce your penis

At this point, you can take off your pants or underwear and introduce her to your penis and allow her to fondle it. Show her how to stroke it up and down. Tell her when she is doing it right. Show her how to handle your testicles gently. Remember that many girls have never seen a penis in their whole lives, especially if they have never had to bathe or care for male infants or children. Even girls who have small brothers have probably never seen an adult penis, especially not an erect one. It may be alarming to her. Don’t be hurt if seeing it does not excite her the way her body excites you. Women and men are very different in that regard. She might want to put it in her mouth, but don’t suggest it. Follow her lead. Just tell her when to stop if you feel like you will ejaculate by her rubbing. (If that happens, don’t worry. You’ll get hard again in no time.)

6. Lick her vagina and insert a finger

When you resume kissing her and fondling her breasts, make your way down toward her vagina, kissing her chest and stomach as you go. keep rubbing her breasts and body with your hands, and gently spread her legs. She will feel ashamed to let you kiss her there. But do it very timidly and slowly and reassure her that she smells wonderful and you think she is beautiful. Especially let her know that her vagina smells good and it excites you. Very gently lick her. Tell her she tastes good. Reassure her, putting your hands on her stomach and pet her if she becomes too bashful. Tell her to be patient, you are just seeing how beautiful she is. If she is too shy, see if you can beg her for just one kiss or lick and then another. Licking her will make her very wet. Both with your saliva and her own natural juices. It is likely that she will start wanting you to do it more. Explore every part of her with your tongue. When you find places that make her squirm or gasp, remember them and pay more attention to those places. If you know where her clitoris is, you can try to lick and suck it and see how she responds. In any case, at this point her bodily response will be very much activated and inserting your finger in her vagina will be very easy, not hurt her at all, and will increase her excitement. Use lube if you need to. Continue licking her clitoris or around it and sliding your finger in and out of her vagina at the same time. Do this as long as you like, until you feel like stopping. She will probably enjoy it very much. If your other hand can reach her breasts, rub them at the same time, too. Pinch her nipples gently and maybe even twist them. Having the nipples, clitoris, and vagina all stimulated at the same time is very powerfully arousing and she may scream or moan. You can even touch her anus too, and see how she responds. If she seems to like it, keep rubbing and touching there as well. But basically, the combination of fingering her vagina while you are licking her clitoris is unbeatable. She may have an orgasm, or two or three. If she asks you to stop, don’t be upset. The feeling can be so intense it is overwhelming or scary the first time.

7. Intercourse

Now you can penetrate her and it will not hurt her. If she is dripping wet, don’t even worry about lube. But use some if you are not totally sure. If you feel some resistance as your penis enters her, pause, ask her if she is ready, and then thrust gently but firmly in. Once the hymen is broken, it will not hurt anymore, so get it over with. At this point, you can just follow your instinct. Remember that you get to do this again and again, as many times as you like, so don’t worry about anything being perfect the first time or any time. Each experience is unique and wonderful.


I have been married for 20 years. Oh, how much better the first few years would have been if we had had advice like this before our wedding night! I hope other experienced couples will weigh in with advice in the comments.

4.36 avg. rating (86% score) - 28 votes
9 replies
  1. Adam Rose
    Adam Rose says:

    Great advice. Also don't be afraid to talk about your sexual expectations with your fiance before the wedding.
    Lay out your fears and hopes, pray together. Honesty honesty honesty.
    I've known quite a few people who had the "nature will tell you what to do" approach and ended up hurting each other.
    Open honest communication is so so important.

  2. Sarge
    Sarge says:

    Remember to respect her as much as you love her. She is not a porn queen and if you have high expectations because you've seen too much porn, stop. You'll have years to open up new techniques and fun ways of getting busy. As for oral sex, you should tread lightly there, some girls might not even know there is such a thing. Though that's difficult to image in this day and age.
    Many people wonder how to introduce masturbation into their sex lives. When you are able to preform oral sex on her, use one hand on her breasts, and masturbate yourself with the other. This will introduce her to the idea that it's normal for you, and she may relax and feel free to explore that part with you without embarrassment.

  3. Harper Shelby Thornton
    Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Wonderful! It's been 33 years since I've been married, and I remember my hubby really making it wonderful for me. He was amazing! And that's really good advice you're giving, I think my husband would pretty much say the same things. God bless 🙂

  4. Clara Olivia Thornton
    Clara Olivia Thornton says:

    When I got married 38 years ago, I was only 18, and my Paul was 19. So that age, sex drive can be pretty high, but we were both nervous that night, just a little bit. Paul was certainly aware that the first time can hurt for a woman, and he was so patient with me, although I was more than ready to get it on! I remember it hurting just a little tiny bit, but still encouraged my husband to keep going, and it felt pleasurable was he was "in", so to speak. It was a beautiful night.

    You give splendid advice yourself. It shows how much you care about women and their well being.

    I remember him touching me, caressing me all those beautiful things to turn be on. Now I'm a bit wet, thinking about this! I'll go find my husband! God bless

  5. bravo1
    bravo1 says:

    One more piece of advice from an old geezer. After you complete the act. Ask her to think about the act and encourage her to talk about what she likes and wants more of and what was not so good and try to get her to tell you how to improve. Give her some time to think! Remind her that men are wonderful creatures. But there is none of us that can read a girls mind, EVER! God Bless!

  6. PassionateForChrist
    PassionateForChrist says:

    I love everything about this post! Thank you so much L.B. for sharing this! You hit the nail on the head. How I wish I would be able to experience this one day (and then forevermore) with the one that would be the love of my life – to share in this unfathomable intimacy, this mutual gift, this blessed oneness that no words can ever really grasp! I have become quite bold about communicating rather freely about all things intimacy – I fear a bit that my being so open in talking about it and cherishing it and being excited at heart about it, may end up being too much to handle for a man… I've been in the process of getting to know a (to me) wonderful guy – our conversations were open and honest, as far as I can tell… I enjoyed them very much and for as much as I can say the feelings were mutual… then, as is my luck, our line of communication got cut off due to technical difficulties and ever since I don't know where we stand – how is he? Did I do wrong? Does he think he did something wrong? I so wish I could let him know that I miss him and that I so enjoyed getting to know him and would love to continue discovering him and that he did nothing wrong in my eyes. I miss him.

  7. Trucker 53
    Trucker 53 says:

    Wonderfully explained. My experience with my wife was somewhat different. We were both married before we met.
    She told me not long we wed that her sexual experience with her first was not good. When she met me, she said it was like she was a virgin for I was able to really enjoy being with her even though we weren't virgins. She said that when I pointed out certain things she said she felt like it was the first real time experiencing the thing I was doing with her. It really was amazing.

Comments are closed.