How Do I Tell Him After 10+ Years:

[Editor’s Note: This is a heartfelt poem portraying the longstanding struggles that can result from infidelity. We are publishing it because it fits with our sex-positive, pro-monogamous marriage stance and because it is an honest outpouring which does not blame or bash the spouse, but relates the lingering effects of the past. If reading it may cause you to stumble or judge, please enjoy a different post today.]


How Do I Tell Him

That he still makes me blush

With the smallest

Of details.


That I find him desirable,


When he dresses up.


That I find his lips,

His walk,

His thighs,

His feet,

His smile



That I love the feel

Of his tongue,

His lips

On my clitoris.


That I absolutely LOVE

How he

Opens me wide

And sticks his cock

Inside of me.


That I wish

We could fuck more often.


That I wish

I wouldn’t think of her,

Of them,

When we fuck now.


That when he says he loves me,

Desires me,

Is all mine,

Texts me,

The first thing that comes

To my mind is,

“This is what he did

With her.”


That I love him,

Forgive him,

Want to believe him,

But still can’t shake

The feelings I have

Of betrayal,

Of not being enough.


After all,

She is,

All of them are,



More ‘eye candy’ than me.


That I feel,

If it weren’t for the kids,

He would have left

A long time ago.



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11 replies
  1. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    I'm so sorry! I think the best thing to do is to be open and honest with him. Maybe seek counseling of some sort? And pray for God to give you the strength to forgive him and move on. That's all I can think of. God bless, my dear. I wish you the best.

  2. HeSaid-SheSaid says:

    If the last line of your post is a real question, the answer I would give is to show him this poem.
    I'm sorry for what has happened. Praying for honesty and healing for you both.

  3. CrazyHappyLoved says:

    Oh, my heart! I have no words of comfort, only experience.

    For me, I set my mind on the fact that he *chose* to stay. I affirmed to him and myself that I trust he is committed to us as a couple. And I made that same commitment. Eventually, I was able to accept that it was me he *chose* to love. And I *chose* to love him in every way.

    [The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and] Hannah Whitall Smith's book, *The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life*, were instrumental in this heart change. My prayers are for you both.

    [Edited for length]

  4. iwantiteveryday says:

    I'm truly sorry for what you experienced in your marriage. I do agree with Harper, continue to be honest with him and most importantly, continue to pray to GOD not only for your heart but for your marriage. I strongly believe that he is praying that your heart gets healed by the ONE who created our hearts.
    I also agree and strongly I may add!! with what CrazyHappyLoved said about the fact that he chose YOU! He chose to stay with you rather than her [any of them], he made a mistake{s] that cost him a lot and I'm pretty sure he's doing and will continue to do anything to regain your trust and he will find that ONLY if he's making JESUS the center of his marriage!… I will continue to pray for your heart!

  5. Slinger says:

    I write this from the opposite perspective. He likely thinks about it too. In my experience, the offender worries that you will never forgive them. That anytime you make love, you think of their mistake. That they may never convince you that you are the one they want. My advice: show him this poem. Then listen to and believe him when he tells you that you are THE ONE

  6. hornyGG says:

    Prayers to you my dear! Trust that God will lead you in a path best for you and your marriage. So saddened by the pain you are feeling. But God is an awesome God and can lead us through the storms and trials of what life and marriage can sometimes put us through. God bless you!

  7. Mokey says:

    nodesire4sex, thank you so much for sharing a piece of your heart, that in itself can be helpful. May I suggest a book written by Dr. Douglas Weiss, it is called Intimacy, A 100 – Day Guide To Lasting Relationships. This is a Christian based book written by an amazing man. Dr Doug has taught my wife and I very much. After 35 years of marriage Dr. Doug has taught us that intimacy does not come naturally, we must invest ourselves in it. Bless you in your journey, never give up.

  8. nodesire4sex says:

    The night I wrote this poem was one of desperation for me. I clearly remember laying in bed and hurt at my husband for conversations that didnt go a anywhere. It was my 1st time writing after 2-3yrs if having this account and never posting anything. I was desperate to be heard and desperate for a word of advice. I didnt think anyone would reply. Since then so much has been happening at home, work, kids etc add that I wasnt sure how to respond to the comments that I let time pass without saying anything. 1st I thank you all for the time you took to read and respond to my poem.

    I can tell you that my husband has read my post and we have talked about it. But there are so many emotions with in me. Ex: I am having moments where out of nowhere I hear a song, a preaching or read something and I start to cry. I have to stop myself from breaking down because it happens at random times. There is a deep hurt in me that I can't describe.

    I feel:
    so useless
    so unloveable
    so not enough in every category

    I contemplate so many scenarios of what could have happened.

    Of things I should do so that my husband can be "happy" even if it means to be with someone else.

    Of how I am not good enough and can never meet that standard of what he wants in a wife.

    I find myself DESPERATE to speak to someone that can HEAR ME and help me. But although I have my pic of many people I stay quiet because ONLY GOD can help and heal me. How deafening is His silence yet I know it is only because if Him that I am still standing.

  9. PatientPassion says:

    While it may be true that only God can help and heal you, keep in mind that God very often does His work through others. I would guess it is quite likely that it's God's will to help and heal you through the counsel and support of other people who love Him. Don't be afraid to seek the help of a counselor or pastor whom you trust!

  10. Lovinghusband says:

    Hi nodesire4sex

    Like CHL prefaced above, I too know that whatever I say to you is not the "fix" to all your heartache.

    That said, it seems like I can't leave the MH site this morning without sharing a thought with you. I think it is a truism.

    God's call on our lives to forgive as He forgives is perhaps the most Christ-like action we can do (by His grace). Forgiving doesn't always and immediately take away all our pain- but it does bring a level of peace in knowing we did what we should do. I'm sure you have experienced that in part.

    Along with that – every man and woman knows after a short while that there will always be better looking, funnier, more sexy, smarter, smaller here, bigger there people than us! We are not immune to our minds considering others in ways that would embarrass us if anyone knew. Fortunately, that does not usually dominate a marriage between 2 believers. But, big mistakes can be made that can bring devastation. The only remedy is God's grace and truth over time. Your husband is choosing you – and maybe at first for stability sake. Yet, don't rule out God's grace and truth over time making you closer than ever. God is a Master Restorer! You need Him and you know it. That is a good place to be. I've gone too long here. Many of us will pray for you – your poem helped us care about you. God bless you. LH

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