What is “Normal”?
I discovered this website about two years ago. It has been a blessing to me to let me know that monogamy is okay in this day and age.
I work in a blue collar industry. My wife and I just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. I discovered then that we were not the norm for my workplace. My wife is a school teacher and worship leader/choir director at our church. She was a virgin when we married, I was not. (Can’t unring a bell). I would guess 60 to 70 percent of my co-workers cheat on their wives. I often wondered if I was abnormal for my dedication and love for my wife.
Like many of you, I assume, we are what I would call regular folk. Both about ten pounds overweight, trying to lose it. I’m average size. My wife is curvy like a starlette in an old John Wayne western movie. I love every curve she has. We are semi-empty nesters. One child is living in another state and one is living in the college dorm part-time and at home the rest of the time. My wife has gone through menopause.
My question to Marriage Heat is, am I normal or am I different for my love and dedication to my wife? It doesn’t really matter to me, because I would never cheat on her. Maybe my question is more about today’s world than about me?
I love this website because of the open and honest discussion between married people. There is no judgement or ridicule here. My question is, am I, in today’s world, normal for adoring my wife or am I different? Perhaps an even better question may be, why would I ever question my love for my wife? I love this site for the honest, mature and non-judgemental discussions. What is normal?
CB, NO!!! You are NOT normal – Well, that is If you take normality according to the world's standards.
But if you ask about the Lord's standards, my dear friend, you are NORMAL, healthy, correct and a blessing!
We are supposed to be in love with our spouse and ONLY our spouse. You should love her, make love to her, seduce her, lust after her. Think wild things about her, try new things, eat her, suck her, lick her. Make love to her inside, outside, in the garden, in the car, on the beach,……. do I have to say more?
You are normal and it is what God has called us to be.
Yes you are abnormal and that’s Great! God didn’t call us to be normal. If we were just like everyone else we couldn’t be examples and a light to others. God called us to be abnormal, you know be in the world but not of this world. Though your colleagues are cheating I’m sure a part of them is jealous of the happy marriage you have. Obviously they are missing something in their own marriage and lives to continues to search elsewhere. Yes it takes work in this sinful world to remain pure in your marriage. Congratulations to you on 25 years of marriage!
You are both… “Different” in the sense that most people do not share such a vibrant marriage bond. The divorce rate is climbing towards 60%, and even many of the remaining 40% are not in “happy marriages.” To the non-Believer, the sanctity of faithfulness is not as important. Some people think infidelity is almost an expected trait… or if not there, it’s the “thrill” of trying to not get caught while having your cake and eating it too. • You are “normal” in that I believe what you are experiencing is God’s design… faithfulness, growth, joy, passion… for a lifetime. Sometimes our culture thinks that all relationships are equal (with your boss, best friend, Pastor, cousins, neighbor, etc). Biblically, we are commanded (of course) to “love one another” (John 15:12) — which includes all of these. *However* there is only ONE earthly person who we have a “covenant relationship” with… our spouses. We should protect and nurture that relationship and not let other “priorities” undermine that covenant. You are “normal” in that you are a shining example to others… a “city on a hill” (Matt.5). As their lives and relationships unravel, they will look to you to be an example of someone steady and stable. So keep up the hot monogamy my friend!
To be honest, the “normal” standard in our society is not to desire a lifelong monogamous relationship but who wants to be normal anyway? What you have with your wife is so much better and you’re the much better person for not cheating.
What is the value in “ Normal” ….what is the gain in saying we’re normal? You love your spouse, she loves you….You have a great family !! I’d say you’re blessed !! Who cares about “ normal” ? Are you sure 60-70 % of your coworkers are cheating? Seems high….
Is that % Normal? If so, most folks I know want no part of that “ normal”..So keep valuing your wife, family, and your life !! Forget labels, who gives two sh**’s….they have ZERO value !!!
“Normal” is a weird term. It is misleading anyway. Since Satan is working so hard against marriage he would like us to have lots of sex outside of marriage. . . and as little as possible within our marriage. (I read that quote online.). The media and the world consider that “normal”. The media portrays extramarital sex as passionate and romantic. They rarely portray married sex at all. What a bunch of hogwash! Yes there are many married couples who let their love & passion grow cold. That is sad for them. But by looking for fulfillment in sex outside their marriage they are falling for Satan’s lie. What I love about Marrige Heat (this site) is it reminds us that faithful monogamy can be passionate and bonding to the married couple. Married sex is beyond the quick hookup that may feel physically good but leaves you emotionally empty. In married sex it is truly love making. Yes there are times you both are keyed up for each other so much that it leads to a passionate romp. Yet other times it is tender and sweet. Sometimes it’s a quickie. Yet every time I make love or have sex with my beautiful wife it is without guilt and it is still exciting and bonding to us both. We also have been married a long time. There have been ups and downs in our marriage. But we have stuck together throughout it all. This long term commitment to our relationship has only made the sex better! The media lies. Studies have shown that long term Christian married couples report the most satisfaction in their sex life. Married couples have both far more frequent sex and far better quality sex than singles do.
If a couple is having problems in their sexual relationship then counseling may help. With God’s approval and His help we can enjoy a passionate marriage and focus our sexual passion on our spouse. That kind of life is more “normal” than the media or Satan wants to admit.
Good question. Here's another: Who do you love more? (God or your spouse?) John 14:23
You are what should be normal. You are blessed and an example to the world. Enjoy it, value it, treasure it.
CB, you are normal! Noah Webster's 1828 dictionary states, "NORMAL: according to a rule or principle". I say you are normal based on the rule that matters. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. His normal is all that matters. The rest of the world may be doing things that are common to the masses; however, their lives and lifestyles are not normal because they fail to adhere to his rules and principles for living. Theirs can be an enticement to momentarily satisfy the flesh, but His ways truly fulfill us and give us hope of unimaginable glory to come. There is a vast difference between horizontal (worldly) happiness and vertical (eternal) joy. I believe God always gives the best to those who let Him choose their paths. He has chosen and its a narrow way. Stay monogamous for Him, for her and for yourself! I have a friend that understands God's monogamy and holiness in a profound way. Oddly enough to my POV, but wonderful for him/her, she gets turned on, and says so in mixed company, when her husband is acknowledging his obedience to God and his desires for marital unity. God's ways are higher than my ways!