Maybe I’m Small-Minded?

Am I a small-minded person? I am an ordained minister from a conservative background. I know that when you read that conservative part, you may automatically think anti-sex.  You would be partially correct. Sex was a struggle for me from the age of seven. I understood then that questions about anything below the beltline were never answered truthfully nor should they be asked. Perhaps the prevailing attitude actually stemmed from embarrassment and lack of knowledge disguised in religious belief.

It took some time to realize that Romans 9:20 applied to me personally. “Why have you made me thus?” became not an accusation but a question of discovery. Why am I like that this? There was no day in my life that I decided, “Today is the day I am going to like boobs.” I simply looked out my window, there were boobs, and I was hooked. (I had a neighbor who was less uptight than my family.)

I struggled for years over what I liked. I had come to believe that all I wanted were wicked things. I prayed to change. I prayed to be better. I prayed to die.

I realized as an adult, after learning more than they taught in bible school, that God didn’t create sex for a snare. He created it for joy.  It is we as humans who sometimes pervert it.

I no longer become angry when someone says, “Hey man, you have a good looking wife.” I do have a good looking wife who has been led to choose me over all others.  I now enjoy it when others see and appreciate her beauty, for there is none like her.

I no longer wonder why I was made to enjoy this. God makes no mistakes. I like to hear comments, and I revel in my wife.

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3 replies
  1. ClimaXX says:

    It can be such a difficult road to walk. Why don't you start having open discussion times with those in your congregation who might be struggeling with sex in general. You might find that your congregation will grow at an alarming rate. There is a massive need in this area.

  2. HeSaid-SheSaid says:

    I too am from a "conservative" background. You know the saying "Lets agree to disagree"? Well in conservative church circles the saying used to be (and likely still is) "Lets agree to not talk about sex and desires for fear the youth and weak may fall astray by being brought down with lust and temptation. Instead we will encourage them that sex is GREAT and meant for marriage only, the boys and girls have their respective body parts and I'm sure they can figure it out easily enough when they tie the knot. Instead, lets talk about how long or short the sunday service is and the style of music thats being played."

    Ok, I am being a little toungue in cheek here, but that IS essentially the message I got growing up in the church. Everyone grew up checking each other out and felt guilty for it cause it was "lust". Most everyone I know engaged in pre-marital sex of some kind, they were young and uninformed and they reveled and surprised in what their bodies could do. But when they did get married, somehow the sex wasn't as glorious as it was made out to be. Many have struggled their whole lifes, and the church STILL does not talk about it, except for hushed whispers in the back hallway.

    IMO it is FEAR that has kept the church masses silent or uninformed on the subject of sex and lust and the like. And in my experience, fear usually destroys when you get carried away with it.

    • LovingMan says:

      I gotta agree with everything you said. If we were more open about sex & our bodies I think we as a Christian society would benefit greatly. I think that the young people would not be so tempted either. I heard so much negative about sex that I was 19 before it occurred to me that sex in marriage was a good thing. Now I know that marriage sex can be absolutely glorious. But that is not the message I got at church or at home.

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