Friend To Girlfriend

Hi, MH. I am a young Christian male who hopes to have the kind of marriage that I read about in the stories here on MarriageHeat. I want to marry someone who will be both my passionate lover and my best friend, so I always approach girls with friendship in mind first. The trouble is that by the time I am sure that I’d like to develop the relationship further, I find out they want to stay just friends.

Did any of you start as friends and later become a passionate married couple? If so, how did that happen, and what advice would you have for someone looking to grow a friendship into a romance?

Thanks for setting the example for us single hopefuls, MH authors and commenters! It’s great to know that the world is wrong about where the best sex happens! Now, how do I get there?

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22 replies
  1. still in love says:

    We met at a wedding and dated off and on for over 5 years. I was in Florida, she was in the Midwest. We both knew it would develop into something but we weren't really friends. Just let it happend.

  2. LovingMan says:

    I think that many of us have been through being attracted to someone of the opposite sex who was our friend and feeling romantic feelings for them… & then having them place us in the dreaded “friend zone.” In fact many of us had to put a friend who was romantically interested in us into the friend zone. So that is just a rather frustrating part of life. Way before Facebook I heard this called “being friended.”

    On a personal note, I remember several young women I dated who got engaged to someone else only a few months after they “friended” me,

    All that being said, I think you have the right idea. You SHOULD be friends with who you marry. Married life is not just about the romance & sex (although clearly that’s very important too). You want to be able to be together and talk
    about common interests or at least find the other person’s interests interesting. You need to be able to talk over differences and problems etc. You’ll even need to talk about your sexual relationship with each other. However talking about sex early on in a relationship may be problematic. Too many couples “fall in love” but don’t nourish their friendship enough. I think you should be “in like” with someone before you fall “in love” with them.

    People who jump into the sexual part of their relationship right away (way before marriage) are taking a risk. I think many of them fall in love without really knowing the person on a friendship level.

    So actually YOU are doing it right. Just keep looking and keep being a good friend. Pray for God’s guidance and even pray for your future spouse. Do all you can to better yourself in your education, health, etc. In fact even appearance might be improved but that is minor compared to being a good person.

    I think God probably has someone in mind for you and that lady is looking for someone to be her friend as well. My wife was looking for a friend… before we met. And we were best friends first. I don’t recommend this but I didn’t even kiss her until we’d been seeing each other for 6+ months. The friendship was there first and the passion came next. And both are awesome!

    • Mr.Lover says:

      I agree but I have friends who talked to a girl for two to three months and then asked the girl out and then other guys who say that you have to ask a girl out right away or they move on to another guy.

      My parents, give me the usual just be yourself and have confidence.

      The thing is I have confidence, and I like being myself. I enjoy being social with people I meet at school, church and weekly dance events. In fact, dancing itself requires alot of confidence to get over fears of being embrassed. I have even asked out a few girls after talking to them for a few months, and all three have said that they just want to be friends. I do not want to be rude or selfish, but I see guys dating or getting girlfriends all the time, and I wonder what I am doing wrong. I am most definately not a shrinking violet or someone who is afraid to talk and socialize.So what might I be doing wrong, or that I could improve upon to win a woman's heart.

  3. Mr.Lover says:

    As a single guy, I have had times when women have playfully smacked by ass, grabbed my nipples, and gotten really flirty with me. It does not happen often, but I never have a problem with it. I am more careful because I do not want to give a woman the wrong impression, and I do not want to go too far before marriage. As a single guy, I do enjoy flirting, as that is a fun and harmless way to get to know someone while still staying chaste before marriage or at least until we are engaged or close to being engaged. My problem is that the girls just want to be friends and are just using me for attention or to get a thrill. I like the attention, I just do not enjoy having my feelings or time wasted. There was one girl who asked me to grab and smack her butt, but just wanted to do it for some fun and really wanted more than just that.
    I wonder if I should just come out and tell a girl that I like to avoid wasting any time? What I mean to say are that most girls are really cool. but sometimes it can be fustrating when a girl pretends to like me just to get attention or thrill. I think that it is wrong when anyone toys with someone and wastes their time, which could be better spent looking for someone actually is really interested in them. This happens to both guys and girls. I love female attention, but I love it most when it is sincere.

    • Mr.Lover says:

      Just a little more to add to my comment. I was thinking about the incident where the girl asked me to grab and smack her butt, but just wanted to do it for some fun and really wanted more than just that. I remembered that she asked if I like her butt. I told her that I thought that she had a sexy butt. It was fun, but when I tried to ask her out she said that she just wanted to be friends. I have no problem being friends, but I wanted more than that and I thought the same for her. At any rate, our friendship did not last much longer when I found out that she was just wasting my time. Hopefully, a situation with this result never happens to me again. Here's to a more succesful dating future. My future wife is just around the corner.

  4. Sarge says:

    My wife and I were just best friends in high school, we met in a school singing ensemble but she was a year younger. My mom adored her but we were still just friends. I had gone away to serve as a missionary and was engaged to another girl, whom my mother did not care for. As I was about to return home, God intervened by having me stay another week, and having my fiancé in another state. Note that we were on the outs anyway, but I had no thoughts at all about my to-be bride.
    Mom found out that my fiancé would be out of town and called my Heidi to tell her that I wanted her at the airport. I had said no such thing, but I’ll always be grateful to both God and my mom for having our marriage based on a lie. 😁😂❤️
    Heidi and I went from best friends to married lovers, to very, very passionate lovers. We had both been virgins and so we learned what each other wanted and didn’t want in sex, but mostly it was all still a go.
    Be patient, God will lead you and open the doors for you to find your future wife, just be willing to accept whomever He sends.

  5. MiSWRAPP says:

    As a disclaimer, I’m still single myself…

    I agree with @LovingMan, that you are doing it the right way, being friends and laying that foundation before a romantic relationship. Honestly, it seems like what you are going through is normal and what some people experience as they date and wait for the right one. So, I would say continue on, stay strong and keep the faith because she is on the way!

    To what you posted in the comments…

    I get it, “microwave relationships” are never fun. They heat up quickly and unfortunately go cold just as fast! Instead of feeling like I wasted my time, I have started considering two things:
    1. The friendship was what I (or they) needed at the time and thus the relationship was never meant to be long-term
    2. The friendship revealed to me what I want and don’t want in a marriage

    Sometimes it not that we are doing anything wrong but that the timing and people involved is off (in your case, the girls you have been friends with were just not the one for you). Like @stillinlove commented, we have to let love happen in its own time. Praying for you and hope that God crosses you and your future wife’s path soon!

  6. Mr.Lover says:

    I do not know if it okay to mention this on MH, but here goes.

    When I was teenager, a close female friend was staying over for the night after helping me and my parents do work at the family farm. I had a big crush on her, but never asked her out and she ended up marrying another.

    After she left, it was discovered that my friend had left some of her dirty clothes, including her panties, in the laundry basket. We told her, and she said that she would be back in a few days to get them.

    When I went walking by the laundry room, I grabbed her dirty panties and sniffed them. I know some of the guys on MH and in real-life, like to sniff their wives panties. My friend's female scent smelled so good.I put the panties back and the clothes were returned.

    We kept in contact over the years and eventually she got married. A few years ago we met up a class reunion, and she asked me if I had played with her panties when we were teenagers. I do not know how she knew, but she knew. She told me that she thought it was really hot and had liked me too and was disappointed that I had not ask her out.

    Apparently, her husband really enjoys playing with my old friend's panties.

    I look forward to playing with my future wife's panties. This is one of my biggest fanatisies. Hopefully, my future wife is a MH fan as well.

    Between this episode and the time that I bought panties from the lingere store, I have done some silly things when I was younger. I am not always proud of my youthful mistakes, but then again who does not do silly things when they are young. Just like with buying panties from the lingere store, nobody was hurt in the end. At least this situation, the girl was turned on, and I believe that they were in the other situation as well.

    Looking back I would have done neither activites, but I am now in my late 20's. I'm much wiser and more mature now than I was at 17/18. I believe that is the same for most people. Nobody is going to be the same at 40 as they were at 20. Finally, I was interested in my female friend and could have seen myself dating and potentially marrying her. But if I had son, I would hope that he would do neither of these activities.

    I think that these situations are very complex and not always black and white. Besides, while God and Jesus and the Virigin Mary may have been perfect, we humans are certainly not. I figure as long no one is hurt or treated disrespectfully, a little innocent fun is not that big of a deal.

    • alwayswet101 says:

      You were a teenage boy; you couldn’t help yourself! Don’t beat yourself up about it. Teenage boys have enough stress trying to control all those boners they get and not let them be visible 24/7 Believe me, I get it. I have a teenage nephew. If your friend wasn’t married or dating someone else, then there wasn’t really much harm here if you ask me. When you’re attracted to a woman, you’re supposed to have those desires! I’m sure most men would smell a woman’s wet panties especially when they are attracted to them!

  7. carmelsk says:

    I’ve been where you are. It was frustrating. I thought “we had something” with several girls. I told God, “I give up. You will need to hit me over the head with a frying pan to point out 'the one.'”
    Before we were married, my wife and I were part of a small group. We each individually enjoyed the “group.” I was 8 yrs older, she was living with her parents and still in college, I planned to move in a couple of months for work, and I was “interested” in someone outside the group. She arranged a party for my birthday. At the end of the party, she asked, “Would you like to come over tomorrow night? There’s plenty left over.” I went to bed with a raging erection and thinking I’d been hit over the head. At the end of the “party for two” dinner, I asked her out. I proposed to her on our first date.

  8. Hotnorthern says:

    You need to be intentional about your thoughts and interests. I’m sick of knowing or getting the sense that a guy likes me and him never taking any initiative or asking me out or telling me he is interested. Like, why??!! Especially with Christian men. I have never been pursued by a Christian man, but I have been pursued by non-Christians. It’s one of the deepest hurts of my life ongoing that it seems that no Jesus-loving man is willing to pursue me, but the ones that don’t know Christ seem to have no issues telling me they like me and want me for their wife. I’m 30 years old, and I really want a Christian husband who would be my best friend and lover. If you are waiting around for so long, she probably has given up on you and moved on. I recommend you be straightforward about your interests within a few months. Don’t wait two years, watching a girl and then asking her; if she was interested, she’ll have moved on by then and found someone else.

  9. MarriedtoaHotBabe says:

    I worry that you are trying to overdesign things. With my wife, and with women who I dated before her, here's the truth: It all started with sexual attraction. I had never met my wife but when I saw her I was super sexually attracted to her. We then met, we talked, and we started dating…… We became not just lovers but also best friends. The plain truth, I think, for many (but of course not all) marriages is that they started with basic physical/sexual attraction and went from there.

    • Mr.Lover says:

      Hi MarriedtoaHotBabe,

      How did you meet you're wife (or any of the other women that you dated) and how/ when did you ask her/then out to start dating?

      I have never had a girlfriend, so how did you get the ball rolling?

    • Mr.Lover says:

      Hi MarriedtoaHotBabe,

      Also, if I am reading you correctly, are you stated that I should just ask out girls who I am sexually attracted to?

      What about their personality? It is equally important to know a girl's personality and for her to know you're personality. Do you get to know them first before you started dating? I say this because I have friends who talked to a girl for two to three months and then asked the girl out and then other guys who say that you have to ask a girl out right away or they move on to another guy?

      Thanks for the advice.

    • MarriedtoaHotBabe says:

      I met my wife in college. I saw her and was instantly attracted to her (she is a tell, slender yet curvy Swedish woman!), and we started to talk and really liked each other. I fell in love with her from the first word she spoke to me. I could see she was so smart and confident (she would become a surgeon). What I am saying is that often the initial aspect is attraction, and then there’s interaction that leads to mutual interest. Does that make sense? Good luck!

  10. Honeymooners says:

    My wife and I have known each other since she was 4 years old. Our families were close growing up. We attended church together and my father is a preacher. We started dating as teens.

    My advice would be God first.
    Start off sharing things about yourself .
    Develop a relationship. What qualities are you looking for?
    Pray together.
    See each other in public.
    Be friends first to know the person.

    My wife and I knew each other since childhood. We hung around each other a lot. I saw her as a friend until I developed feelings for her. I tried to ignore these feelings but clearly God wanted us together. We would attend Bible study and hang out in groups. We went to Christian summer camp together too. What attracted me to her was her love for God, her love for animals and others, her shyness, her smile, and her love of pizza with pineapple lol. When I graduated high school and enrolled in college I knew I didn't want to wait. I graduated at 15 and finished college at 18. I couldn't wait any longer. At her graduation the next year and since our families were close I asked her parents permission to date her. Two days later I asked to be my GF scared she'll say no. She had similar feelings and said yes. From that point my friend became my girlfriend. My girlfriend became my wife. We're still friends but we're married.

  11. Mr.Lover says:

    Hi MarriedtoaHotBabe,

    Thanks for you're advice.

    I will have to keep that in mind this fall, when this start to open up some more and I can maybe see some familar faces again in person.

  12. Mr.Lover says:

    Hi Alwayswet 101,

    Thank you for you're dating advice. I was just curious how you met you're husband.

    In my story Friend To Girlfriend, a few others mention how they met their wives/ husbands (a.k.a. their better halves).

  13. Mr.Lover says:

    Admittedly, I have had a sexual relationship with a close friend that almost led to marriage. However, I have never actually had a "girlfriend." At any rate, it never hurts to get advice from outside sources if possible. Then I can do the best job possible at being the best husband to my future wife. The wild part is that my close friend could have been my wife if things had worked out.

  14. alwayswet101 says:

    Mr. Lover, my husband and I knew one another all throughout college but didn't start dating until the end of it. He had asked me on a date a few times but it wasn't until close to graduation that we actually went on a date and started dating. I remember dating and hugging and kissing and getting a little moisture in my panties. There were a few times he got a boner that just could not be hidden, but I sure didn't mind; it excited me and I went right home to touch myself. Now I am sitting in OUR bed with my legs spread, knocked up and horny as can be with his (our) baby inside of me and nothing gets me hornier than that! You will find someone soon; it's a blessing how this stuff works.

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