God’s Design for My Penis

I’m new here, and I don’t mean to dive into the deep end of the pool, but I am seeking advice, constructive thought, lessons that real-life experience has taught, and complete and total honesty. So I’ll start with my unanswered question and then tell my story, which should offer a resounding explanation for “where I’m at today” in terms of my mental and emotional state and the erotic triggers that have come to roost in me.

Let me establish that I trust God, my creator, with everything, and He is teaching me to understand how deep that trust can be. I truly trust Him more and better as He leads me down my path in life.

Now my question: Why would God equip many men to provide their wives with satisfying intercourse, allowing some to provide mind-bending unforgettable ecstasy yet give others dimensions that do not provide their wives with significant pleasure?

To make things even more difficult, my wife and I are each other’s second marriage. She was single for 15 years, and early in those years, she had a red hot sexual furnace of a romantic relationship with a man who could not get enough of her. They were both in their mid 30’s.

Meanwhile, my wife of 20 years and mother of our four children launched herself into a purely sexual affair with someone built for intensively satisfying, deep-penetration orgasmic sex. She fell so deep she could scarcely go a day without a rendezvous.

For my part, I was sexually active through college until I was married, and I wasn’t the least bit bothered that my fully erect penis is 4.25 inches long, although slightly thicker than average. Now that I’ve aged into my 60’s and my stamina has dramatically reduced, I’m left in the unimpressive status of wifely duty. She will have sex if I really pursue it, but she is mainly indifferent to the whole sex thing. I’ll stop here hoping there are some intuitive readers and some who have real experience in this gritty reality of life who can help me ponder the meaning behind my situation.

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17 replies
  1. LovingMan says:

    First of all it seems you’ve forgiven your wife for her having an affair. That is being a true Christian if you have forgiven her. If you have not then you probably need to work on that I think.

    I honestly think that your best bet is marriage counseling. My wife & I have a good sexual relationship but when we retired there was some real disagreement about sexual issues, (including desire discrepancies), so we found a good marriage/sex therapist. In fact it was a husband/wife team and we each got some individual therapy and couples therapy together.

    The therapy improved our relationship a great deal and we worked things out – including setting up a sex schedule that we negotiated together. Health issues have necessitated modifying our schedule and having to be flexible but things really have worked out for us.

    God cares about you and your wife. Pray for her and for yourself and for your relationship, including your sexual relationship. Pray for God to help you find the right therapist. The sexual relationship problems might be manifestations of issues in your overall relationship that finding the right therapist can help you with.

    We went to a different therapist first & she was not very sex-positive…. so we found the other therapist team who were sex-positive Christian therapists.

    As far as penis size, I’ve always read that thickness was more important than length. Many of us men – no matter what our penis size – feel inadequate. My first wife & I had a very rough relationship and I thought my penis size was possibly part of the problem.

    It wasn’t until I read articles about studies of penis size several years ago that I realized that I was actually larger than average. Yet I am sure that whatever size I was & am my wife of almost 30 years, Melodie, loves me & is very sexually satisfied in our marriage – as am I. Yet I spent all those years feeling that I was inadequate. In the end I think that penis size was not near as important as the world has led us to believe.

    A few years into our marriage I developed the beginnings of rheumatoid arthritis and my wife has a progressive neurological condition. This meant that it was becoming very difficult for us to help her reach climax. I got brave and went to a sex store and bought her a vibrator. That did the trick! We now almost always use a vibrator or vibrators to help her reach the big O.

    I’m larger than average yet now I still can’t bring her to orgasm without a vibrator. That is just how life worked out and we have a solution. We even have found sex positions that allow Melodie to buzz her clitoris during sexual intercourse. We have a G spot vibrator that we use sometimes inside her vagina while she buzzes her clit as I love on her nipples. Lately that gets her there to an orgasm when her progressive nerve condition is blocking it.

    Sorry my comment is so long but I do hope this was helpful. God bless you in your marriage journey.

  2. Soulman says:

    Sir, great question. The way you state your question, I read it that you are mainly asking about physical attributes and your ability to physically satisfy a woman.
    I think the most important thing here is to understand that we are multi-dimensional beings. Remember, we love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. We are emotional, spiritual, intellectual and physical beings. And we are all of these in our genderness. (The differences between the genders is more than just the physical). So, when you think about the “mechanics” of physically approaching your bride for intimacy, you must think across all dimensions of your beings. It’s too much to unpack here completely but, for example: Physically, you must be both firm, yet also pliable to penetrate your wife. And for her to receive that, she must be open, vulnerable, and trusting. Now take that visual to every part of your being, and hers. Intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally, when you move towards your wife, to become one with her, are you both firm (strong & confident), yet pliable (kind, tender, fair, putting her first)? In all dimensions of her being, have you created a relationship where she is open, vulnerable, and trusting? There certainly may be some compatibility differences on the physical side but if everything is as it should be in all dimensions of your relationship, the differences are usually just degrees of good, better, best.
    What is described above is the challenge for all of us. We men tend to focus on the physical. But if we “tend the garden” in these other dimensions with our wives, the physical often takes care of itself.

  3. Ron33 says:

    I would guess it is not your penis size, but your wife who is older now, doesn't have as much interest in sex. Post menopause. Many women lose most or all of their desire for sex after menopause.

  4. SecondMarge says:

    Penis size like boob size is way overrated. You are long enough to satisfy a woman. Do some women wonder what a really big cock feels like? I did, but it did not consume me. As far the affair? Spouses have affairs for many reasons mostly not involving penis size. Her lower sexual desire is typical of aging women. But all I can offer you is what reaction is most likely as all women are different. For me, intercourse never provided “ mind-bending unforgettable ecstasy ”. Regardless of cock size. Most women do not climax from PIV sex on a regular basis, many never have.
    How were other parts of your sex life? Oral, manual, play of various types? Did she use vibes? Dildos? What size were they? Did she complain about your cock? Compare others to you? Did her satisfaction change over years? Just prior or after the affair?
    Personally I doubt God decided to give you a slightly smaller cock. I hope someday we mature to the point that we can seek sexual pleasures from others while, before and after marriage much like we eat cooking from others. I do not believe that offends God or is a sin.
    I know couples that survived affairs. One told me, in a church support group, that their happiest days and best sex were during the affair. Things only turned bad when the affair was discovered. Makes me wonder if she told you she was having sex? Tell you how big his cock was? That he was giving her “ mind-bending unforgettable ecstasy”?
    All I can offer is what people told me when my spouses passed. This too shall pass.

    • Second Chance says:

      SecondMarge, what do you mean when you say “I hope someday we mature to the point that we can seek sexual pleasures from others while, before and after marriage”? Can you explain that to me a little bit more in detail, please?

    • LovingMan says:

      Second Marge I agree with you that penis size & boob size are overrated. Basically we can enjoy whatever size, shape etc of the body parts our spouse brings to our marriage. It is a choice and we worry too much about it. I know I did for years – what a waste of time that was.

      I have to disagree with you on seeking sexual pleasures from anyone who is not our spouse. I think monogamy is best in the sight of God. There are exceptions in the Bible but monogamy seems to be how God wants us to live now.

      We have to say kudos to your statement’s about most women needing some other stimulation besides PIV to reach orgasm. Like you mentioned, we started using vibrators early in our marriage and Melodie was able to climax much easier with a vibe than PIV or even manual stimulation. We now have quite a collection of vibrators.

    • SecondMarge says:

      LovingMan we only disagree on one word “now”. There was a time when it was important.
      Second Chance for the most part we have sex for three reasons. Procreation, the most important but least often. For that monogamy is important. Second is love, slightly more frequent probably and also benefits from monogamy. Although many believe the Bible allows for multiple wives and possibly multiple husbands.
      Third and by far the biggest reason we have sex is pleasure. For pleasure the benefits of marriage can be argued but certainly are not mandatory. I would guess that far more unmarried or second married people are having sex for pleasure, than married couples.
      Solomon, who we often quote, certainly had sex mainly for pleasure with his hundreds of concubines. Also sex for love with his hundreds of wives.
      It’s pretty clear these activities in todays world aren’t against God’s wishes because while there once was good reason to only have sex with the person you married, most of those reasons no longer apply. Just as many other things the Bible sought to protect us from.
      That is a short answer to a complicated question. Clearly cheating, for example, is still wrong as it hurts others. We need to find the path that fits us, that is what God wants. Not a path that people needed 2000 years ago.

    • Mercury7 says:

      SecondMarge are you on Songs of the Believers? I've appreciated many of your comments on this site and would love to have some dialogue with you

    • SecondMarge says:

      Mercury7 are you a big fan of space flight? Song does not allow opinions that are not in keeping with their extremely conservative beliefs. So no.

      Second Chance by using what God gave me and not those he wrote the Bible for, a Brain filled with knowledge and ability to have rational thought. Based on tons of Bible Study groups and several Religion courses at University. In union with a study of science and the realization that God wants us to learn, not fear facts.

  5. Salcpl says:

    I am also on the smaller side. Probably about the same as you, without the thickness. I have had plenty of success pleasing my partners, at least from my perspective. I make up for my lack of size by other means, mostly oral. I love eating my wife and seeing her climax again and again. I’ve asked
    myself the same question. However, we are all made differently. We have many physical differences, height, hair color, eye color, pronounced chins, recessed chins. I think we should focus on the positive attributes we have been given, not the negatives, or the perceived negatives. We also have to put our priorities on the eternal and not the temporal. One thought that has occurred to me is the following. If I were a well endowed man, I would probably be so happy with my abilities to please women, that I would never be able to love just one woman, or I would be even more focused on pleasing my wife that I would never turn to Christ. I wish that we could PM each other on the site. I could definitely share some thoughts, experiences, etc. with you.

  6. King Arthur says:

    I guess the same reason he provides some with great riches and others not so much. It is all to his glory. There is a parable about that. (You know, the one about some he gave 10 talents, some 5 and so forth)

    Also, what if God provided marriage not to make you happy but to make you holy?

    I'm 64 years old and have been married 42+ years.

  7. Lori D. says:

    In my opinion, penis size is not important. The length or girth of a man's penis doesn't determine a man's ability to satisfy a woman sexually or for the man to enjoy sex. What is more important than size to me is empathy, confidence, and communication. Let's be honest. Whether a man's penis is small, medium or large…. he will have an orgasm, he will ejaculate. If size does factor into your sex life, use sex toys. Another option which my husband and I love is oral sex, lots and lots of oral sex.

  8. Ashlynn2469 says:

    Sizes, for me, have given different feelings and experiences. But my orgasms came from our emotional love and connection. And being full and stretched wide by a well-endowed man who doesn't care for you during, yes, can be pleasurable to a degree, but the morning is a different story.

  9. EZDunne says:

    As a result of surgical treatment for cancer six years ago, I am left totally impotent–pills, injections, and pumps do nothing–and have even lost much of what size and girth my smaller than average flaccid member originally had. We have had to find alternate means to enjoy each other sexually and intimately. My wife has been a bulwark of strength and has shown an unexpected willingness to explore and experiment. The only advice I can give is to make sure your wife knows you love and wish to please her. Ask for her help. Let her know you need and desire her. Talk. The original four-letter word for intercourse. Listen. Then act.

    • SecondMarge says:

      Sad to read what demon cancer has done to the w/o of you. But great to see both of you are willing to do whatever possible to share intimacy. When my husband no longer was able to have sex before passing we found ways to be close. Even if only verbally or watching me.

  10. MarriedtoaHotBabe says:

    I am slightly over 7” and have solid girth. I am saying that because my wife has only on a few occasions orgasmed from penetration alone. For her to orgasm requires clitoral stimulation. She enjoys my size and I do think women prefer guys with larger cocks but I think a smaller cock can get it done as well. Use what you have.

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