Sex With Your Ex: Hot, but Is It Okay?
Right out of the gate, I must confess that having sex with my ex-wife is extremely hot! We both already know each other’s bodies and what turns the other on. The oral, the positions, the white-hot fucking that turns me into a wolf with her as my Little Red Riding Hood. I love it: ripping off clothes and diving headfirst into wild 69s, sex in the kitchen, bathroom, shower, and throughout the house.
After? That’s when the real problem with the heart, mind, and soul begins. We still love each other, maybe more than before, but the animalistic sex leaves God out. I don’t sense Him there between us like when we were married.
When we were married? Same crazed sex, but afterward, I sensed The Holy Spirit there between the sheets, felt His approval. It was as if He smiled.
I’ve been avoiding staying overnight for now, just dating her instead. It makes me feel better about myself, and respectful of her too. MarriageHeat and all the stories help me. As I read, you know, I do what we all do—wildly masturbate. I appreciate this site, and I think that my ex and I will remarry. I write this because I want to be totally “naked” with everyone here.
Have you ever been in my position, and how did you handle it? I really need your advice and love.
Sounds like there is something kind of unique and special between the two of you. Given you said you still love each other, have you considered counseling?
It sounds erotic and intense! I know some will disagree, but I think it’s totally okay to have sex with your ex. If the sex is the thing that makes you want to remarry (among other things), that’s beautiful. Sounds like you two have some regrets and realize your bodies need each other. Enjoy! ?
I think you’ve figured this out. Yes the familiarity with your ex can lead to great sex – yet the Holy Spirit not approving and His withdrawal is exactly what happens. I know that not everyone agrees here on MH but I believe it’s clear that any extramarital sex is against God’s commandments. So the Holy Ghost leaves you when you do that.
It sounds like getting a divorce may have been a mistake for you two. I agree with MHB in that perhaps you should get counseling to resolve the problems that led to your divorce. And of course remarry each other so you can enjoy the animalistic sex play with God’s approval.
If there is one thing MH teaches us is that erotic animalistic sex is great and God-approved within our marriage!
Of course you know that. I loved this paragraph:
“When we were married? Same crazed sex, but afterward, I sensed The Holy Spirit there between the sheets, felt His approval. It was as if He smiled.”
That is a profound statement that I 100% agree with! The Holy Spirit smiles on our God-approved married sex no matter how crazed, erotic, animalistic, kinky, and pounding it is!
Hellohoneyiloveyou1, it is great that you guys are considering re-marriage. I have seen couples remarry with good solid results. I hope the best for you.
Have you? WoW how long were they apart before they got back together? That’s next level ??
Honeyiloveyou1, I just thought of one other thing: I DO understand some of what you are experiencing. I was divorced from my first wife & we almost went all the way once shortly after the divorce was first finalized. I am glad we didn’t have intercourse but it is amazing that we didn’t. It is a very strong temptation because, like you said, it is so familiar and you both know each other’s body so well. Plus sex with your wife was a bonding and a very pleasant experience and you miss it.
To me this sounds like fornication which the Bible would condemn. You aren’t married anymore… Did I miss something or is this a hypothetical question?
Agreed ??
Nice Story. Never have had an EX so I can't help you.
Unmarried sex is unmarried sex, and God is clear on this being sin. She is you ex-wife, not your wife.
Agree with this comment 100%. Was a bit surprised to see this story posted given this site is “MarriageHeat”.
No doubt ??
I was very surprised to see this here. It is typically Christians which would tend to mean married before sex. Just odd.
Amen.
It is only wrong if one of you is remarried to a different person.
I would say definitely get remarried. You both still love each other. Absolutely go into couples/marriage counseling. Talk to each other as well and prayerfully re-examine why you got divorced in the 1st place so that you can build a firm foundation and new start together. Then after you have dealt with the past, move on. Forgive and forget. You both are not the same people, so to speak, as you were then. Your marriage can be great and possibly stronger than before. God bless!
???
Hey mate ??
I’ve always wondered about this scenario: remarriage, having sexual intimacy again with my ex-wife.
You see I’ve been divorced for almost 7yrs this year in June. I’m turning 34 around the same time.
I’ve only been with one woman & nobody since, no dates.
I’ve always wondered what the way back would be like for a couple separated for so long. It would be foolish to reengage in a relationship again just for sexual purposes no matter how horny or lonely you are; it ain’t worth it long term.
For me if this were to ever happen again, there would need to be real, genuine repentance from both parties, counselling to really deal with what went wrong in the first place so it is less to repeat itself, consistent actions in behaviour towards the process of restoration. Trust would take time.
Those would be my expectations before even being remarried. I wouldn’t have sex until all those things happened & were working. It would be super difficult if it wasn’t that way, because I know where I’m weak in my flesh. I really have to be intentional to not put myself in those situations because if I do, I know I’ll fall every time.
So yeah, bro, that’s just my opinion. But I really encourage you to quit the sexual intimacy until you are in a committed covenant relationship again ✊?
I'm a bit lost. Are you currently married?
In God's eyes you're still married, despite what religious institutions and courthouses say. 1 Corinthians 7:39. Go for it!!!
I disagree.
Certainly was the Catholic Church's view. Unless you marriage is annulled and you remarry, certainly not a sin to have sex.
The only possible negative is if it prevents you from moving on to a new relationship that meets the needs your first did not.
BALove, I think this story was posted as “Advice Needed.” I also think this statement (in my opinion) says he kind of had already figured it out:
“ When we were married? Same crazed sex, but afterward, I sensed The Holy Spirit there between the sheets, felt His approval. It was as if He smiled.”
I find that to be a beautiful & true statement.
We have repented & now things are going along in a very wonderful way.
It's like God is renewing us.
Bringing us closer .
Praise the Lord! Few things bring me more joy than word of a marriage being healed. I know it’s gonna be tough and I want to share something that I heard that I felt was the most encouraging thing for a Christian couple. It was from a video series our church was doing on marriage. The wife in one couple being interviewed shared how in the midst of all their counseling she began to think it would never work and they should give up. Their counselor said the following: “You are a believer in Jesus, correct? You believe He rose from the dead? [to which she confirmed.] So you’re telling me that you believe God could raise Jesus from the dead, but He can’t heal your marriage?” She said that she gave her doubts to God, and they continued counseling, and God did heal their marriage. Don’t give up. God bless.
I wholeheartedly agree with those who encouraged you to seek counseling and get married to your wife again. I believe Jesus told us that for a man to divorce his wife was to cause her to commit adultery (Matthew 5:32 and again in Matthew 19:3-9). I know that's a controversial opinion, but He seems to be saying in that passage that mankind dissolve marriages; God doesn't. And I think Paul concurred: "To the married, I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." (1 Cor 7:10-11)
If you gave her the "roll of divorce," rip it up and *then* I think you'll feel free to "tear it up!" again. ?
Let me be clear, though, that I don't condemn anyone who has chosen or had divorce thrust upon them, and I don't think Jesus does here either. He even said not everyone could accept this teaching.