Curious About Keeping It Hard
Hi, brothers and sisters.
I’m a 29 years old virgin man. As I have never had a real sexual adventure with any one, I’m curious about how long a man can keep an erection before cumming. Actually, I’m a little unsure if I could satisfy a woman in bed.
I am currently… studying some lovemaking techniques by reading books and watching some educational videos. I know that women hardly ever hit an orgasm with just penetration and need a lot of foreplay to get there, which includes oral stimulation and masturbation. But I’ve also learned that a heterosexual woman loves receiving pleasure by feeling her man’s penis going back and forth inside her and the friction of his body against her clitoris while they passionately make love. Since a woman takes time to get achieve orgasm, the longer a man can keep an erection the better. My concern is that I don’t know if I am able to stay hard long enough to please my future wife.
I have kept my penis hard for 45 minutes before cumming one night. I could’ve made it longer, maybe 15 minutes more, but I didn’t want to push my limits. This was the only time I tried to make it this long.
Is this normal, or am I doing something great? Of course, I was alone, and I’m sure it is way harder not to cum when one is face-to-face with a beautiful woman.
How long can a man keep an erection without any medicine? I know there are drugs for this, but I am not going to risk my health.
I am not sure if I could be good in bed with a woman, and I’m very insecure about it.
I'm a married male, and very close to your age as well. It took me a little time to unlearn and unsee things in the movies.
Keeping the pressure off of sexpectations helps.
I think it's healthy that your training yourself for stamina, rather than using a death grip (and hopefully not porn) to masturbate. Also you're preferring your future wife's pleasure, above or as much as yours, even as your masturbate currently, which is a great thing to do.
I can definitely feel the insecurities here, and I understand. I don't want to make lovemaking a formula. With your future wife, you'll have good sex and bad sex from time to time. You will both learn as you go if you commit to growing with one another, and that's a beautiful journey.
Hi MrCumming! Are you saying you could only keep your cock hard 45 minutes before you had to shoot your load?
In my opinion, a 45 min session of actual intercourse is way longer than average. That said, there are more things to do sexually than just intercourse. And losing your erection can easily be remedied unless you let it become a bugbear. Also, it's normal for erections to soften and harden during the course of a sexual interlude, especially a long one. You don't have to stay hard while you are eating your wife out—though for us, that's one way to regain an erection!
You are right that many women have a hard time climaxing clitorally without direct stimulation. And the penis typically can't provide that. It's usually accomplished during intercourse by grinding on the man's pubic bone or manual manipulation by him or her. (For some ladies whose clitoris is positioned nearer to the vaginal opening than others, thrusting can stimulate the clit.) And at other times, oral sex can be used to focus attention on the clitoris—and there are always vibrating toys that can be used during or apart from coitus.
All that to say you needn't worry; as Lingre0nn said, it's a learning curve, but you are off to a great start!
I think you are right that at first, the novelty of actual sex with your wife versus the fantasy will make things go quickly, but it'll also be so exciting that you'll be raring to go again soon. Use the time in between to cuddle and bond, as well as explore other ways of pleasing each other while you wait for your refraction period to pass. At your young age, that shouldn't be very long at all! And if you want to extend the time of your erection, take breaks from thrusting to kiss, touch, smell, lick, suck… all the things! I promise you, she doesn't need you to go hard for 45 minutes or an hour straight. She needs you to learn how to trigger her responses—and that will be a life-long study.
45 min? On a good day I last about 5-6 minutes; if I’m very exited, it’s more like 2-3 min. By this, I mean actual thrusting, not foreplay. Usually, I bring my wife to orgasm before I enter. But my wife prefers fast and hard, so that is part of the reason I don’t last long. When we take our time and change positions multiple times, I can last around 10 min.
If you will last around 45 min with your future wife, make sure to reapply lube.