Closer Than Ever
When my view of sex morphed from disgusted and fearful to excited and welcoming, I still had lots of questions. One of them I posted on this site a while back. I asked how women ever got any pleasure or orgasms from PIV sex, because I’d read stats that said that few women ever climax from vaginal penetration, and I myself was getting nothing from penetrative masturbation.
However, if y’all are keeping up with my posts, you’ve read my descriptions of how my body seems to be “waking up”. To my amazement, I am actually enjoying penetrating myself with my vibrator (which, as you know, I use like a dildo). And every time I have a self-care session, the sensations get better and stronger. Let me tell you about my most recent discoveries.
I began employing both my hands. I use the left to gently thrust and twist the vibe around in my pussy, and with my right, I rub all over my clit and outer lips. That doubled stimulation has been incredible! My hips literally writhe as I dig deep into my core.
But what astonishes me is the level of sensation I am feeling in my vagina. As I manipulate the vibe, I can feel it rub along my walls and squeeze through tighter places. I never thought I’d experience this. I feel like I’m closer than ever to the pleasure that a woman can get when a man is inside her. This new bliss floods me with gratefulness to God.
Formerly, I was worried that sex was not going to feel that remarkable and I’d just have to bear it. I confess that sometimes I’d get a little angry with God; it seemed to me that a person who obeys Him by abstaining from any sexual practice outside marriage should be rewarded with great sex once they do get married, and I’d hear so many stories where that wasn’t the case.
Obviously, I needed to check my heart and make that right with the Lord. He helped me to put my trust in Him concerning this issue.
And then all of this followed. I’m orgasming almost every time I penetrate my pussy, combined with rubbing the whole clitoral hood. The inner sensations are unbelievable. I enjoy it so much. I feel so much more ready for the time when I can welcome my future husband inside my body.
Maybe there’s a purely scientific reason for the changes I’ve experienced as I’ve pursued this sexual exploration, perhaps because I’ve gained so much knowledge and experience as I try things and do research, but I think it’s God’s miraculous grace and goodness. I praise Him for this. I praise Him that, as far as I can tell, I will be able to revel in the gift of penetrative sex someday, and I won’t need to be hampered by pain or just dullness and lack of feeling. The Lord is good!
Hi LLL,
I just absolutely love following your sexual journey. It’s been so wonderful watching you grow from the place you mentioned in your first paragraph to the place you are now. Thank you for sharing all of this with us.
BTW…how’s that book coming? 😉
Thanks for the praise! It's a joy to share this journey with you all!
I guess my memory is malfunctioning, because I don't remember when or where I made a comment about a book. To which book are you referring?
One of your recent posts generated some discussion in the comments about how you could use your personal journey to help other young women.
One of the ways mentioned was maybe teaching a class, and another was you writing a book.
Oh! Yes, I am still thinking about how to reach other young women. I'm taking the mini-course that MH recommends, God's Design for Sex, and it's very good. Plus I've been reading and watching some other things to help build my knowledge. As to writing a book, I still have much to learn before I could do that, but it is on my mind.
That’s great LLL. Please don’t think I’m being condescending or holier than thou in any way when I say this, but I’m really proud of you and the way you have tackled this journey of yours.
Goodness, I would never take it that way! Your uplifting words are always appreciated. I'm so thankful for this online family with whom I can share this stuff.
I was struck by the term"self care" that is exactly how people should feel,not some deep dark thing that lurks in the shadows.Consider your self fortunate for the knowledge you have.Most women I suspect a good percentage of you have no clue about a "blended" orgasm which it sounds like you are progressing too.Enjoy!
Yes, I pretty much always call it "self-care" now. Not in a selfish way, but in a caring-for-my-wellbeing-and-health way.
I'll have to research "blended orgasm". I started watching a YouTube channel by a holistic sex therapist named Alexey Welsh and he talks a lot about the fundamentals of female pleasure and how to bring about orgasm. It's very interesting. I'm sure he discusses the various types of orgasms. There's so much more to sex than I ever dreamed!
LLL what a joy it has been to watch and witness your journey! We have enjoyed reading your posts of late, and reflecting on our own journeys, which have not always been simple.
It’s also got the added benefit of making me rock hard typically when I read your posts! I’m not always able to deal with that in the moment, but in those cases I come back to it so I can enjoy it again while I play and stroke my cock, or have my wife stroke it while I read. It can be very sexy!
So many questions I wish I could ask you about your journey but following here will have to do!
Please feel free to ask anything! Sharing and dialoguing with everyone here is a big part of how I have grown, so it's very enjoyable to have discussions. And I am delighted if my posts are titillating for you and your wife!
I’m so happy that you’re discovering more about yourself and your body!
I want to speak to your fears about penetrative sex because there is no reason in my opinion to fear of not enjoying it as long as you are with someone who cares about you!
The biggest thing about it is going slow at first and being communicative with your partner!
I remember once my husband told me that he felt insecure and felt like he couldn’t compare to my dildo and I literally cut the entire thing up in front of him threw it away and said “this piece of plastic could not ever compare to the sex I have with you. If it is not adding to the sex we have together,I don’t want it.” Rest assured I’m certain that you will have a good time with your future husband and won’t need to worry so long as you love each other and care about each others needs.
Wow, that was so encouraging! Thank you! I am definitely looking forward to it, if it's in God's plan for me.
I don't think that scientific explanations make something any less of a miracle and God's hand was definitely in how your attitude towards sex has changed; may it happen to other single ladies and gents out there. And OMG LLL this is hard to type one-handed but your descriptions of self care make me feel the need to keep my other hand occupied with other activities!
Glad I came back today and saw your newest post, though I've been frequenting places where I'm much more likely to find Christan singles looking to date; trying to be more proactive about it all. I don't know that I'll be back too frequently until I have something to report, but you continue to excel in your writing–your attitude & approach has affected my own path of Godly sexuality.
I've also watched some videos from Alexey Welsh! What's great about the internet these days is that there are instructional videos for almost anything.
Good to hear that you are getting out there! Even if it starts small, it can be the right step. I too am little-by-little trying to find new settings where I might meet Christian singles. Let me say, it ain't easy. I do hope you'll continue on this site though! I've enjoyed some of the dialogue we've had, especially with old music and such things. I've got a post coming up about Gone Wild Audio. I think it was you that recommended it. You opened up a can of worms for me with that!
Yeah, YouTube is my friend. So much info on everything. I'm trying to find good resources like Alexey to help me in my prepare-for-marriage journey.
Glad you tried out GWA, I thought it would be up your alley!
Indeed, agree with FM, these descriptions always get me feeling naughty and lead to commenting with one hand 😉
I have said it before, and I will say it again.
LLL your story is a testament to why all Christian women should be into self-masturbation, especially those with a desire to be married.
To that I would also add my insistence that when/if you do get married, your healthy self care (masturbation) should continue as a married woman.
I give my witness as a married self-masturbator that masturbating in marriage benefits my family and love of my husband and sex with him.
It’s really great to hear you and other women on here who actively, freely, and happily masturbate as a part of married sex. It’s truly wonderful and I wish it was more accepted and practiced.
I will absolutely continue and build on my masturbation practice, whether I marry or not. I love your stance. Hearing it from a married lady is really inspiring. I wish my mom had that mindset.