Wait, Women Actually Want Sex?
I recently discovered MH. At first, I thought I stumbled into pornography. The erotic stories have explicit (vulgar) descriptive nouns and verbs, and the activities described seem like they are pure sexual fantasy because nobody ever really has sex the way it’s described here. Or do you?
When I was a teenager I was so naïve, I never imagined that any of my peers were actually having sex. As I started dating in college, I was a bit of a shy nebbish who sent out vibes that are the exact opposite of what would attract women. I was the opposite of confident. I don’t mean to say I’m unattractive but my only relationships were with women who weren’t exactly comfortable with their bodies. That’s the only type of woman I could feel comfortable with, because women who look like the photos on the MH website would be waaaaay out of my league.
I began to believe that women really don’t want to have sex. If they do, it’s a favor, or they feel guilty of depriving you. It never occurred to me that women actually wanted sex. Pornography was the only place—a purely fictional one—that appeared to show women who actually craved sex. That did psychological damage to me, which I still carry over three decades later and after two decades of marriage.
My wife has also managed to shy away from sex over the past twenty years. Our marriage easily qualifies as a “sexless” marriage. So it has been a self-reinforcing belief that women simply have no interest in sex, and if they do, then there is probably something wrong with them. Very sad, I know. I suspect more than a few women reading this will assure me that sex is absolutely something they crave and desire on a very regular basis. (LLL in particular piques my interest woman whose existence seems impossible in some ways.)
I’ve come to realize an important concept that single men should be aware of. How can you know if a woman will be an exciting sexual partner in marriage? Pay attention to every clue she gives about how she feels about HERSELF. If she feels good about herself, if she thinks she’s sexy and she’s comfortable with herself and her body, then you have a powerful clue that you will have a fulfilling sexual marriage. Because when you find a woman who feels comfortable with her body and is comfortable exploring her entire physical body (eg: LLL), then you should feel safe in looking forward to an active and healthy sex life after the wedding.
I have zero intention of divorcing my wife due to a sexless marriage. Ultimately, she and I are probably a perfect pair, because I am willing to stay married wereas perhaps a healthy sexual male would divorce her or cheat. I just feel sad and angry sometimes when I read stories like yours and sincerely ask myself: Do y’all really do the things you describe in your stories, or are they complete fiction or extreme exaggeration intended to provide sexual arousal? Please let me know. G-d bless you all.
Always Remember:
a) Be Humble
b) Ask Questions
c) Seek Truth
d) Focus On your Blessings
e) Remain Calm
f) Give The Benefit Of The Doubt
g) Lead By Example
h) Share Wisdom
i) Pursue Justice
j) Trust In G-d, No Matter What Has Happened.
So, as a woman married about 11 years now , together 17 total, I can speak the evolution of a couples sex life a bit. When we got together we used to make out like our life depended on it. When we started having sex I didn't know how to cum and it took me a few years. Probably would have taken less if I’d masterbated regularly but I thought that was bad at the time. I put all the pressure on him to figure it out. He had a couple sexual partners before me and he’s been my one and only. We were busy in college and working so we’d maybe do it few times a month, sometimes more sometimes less. I always wanted it more often than he did. And he wasn’t the type to do it more than once a day, so once he was done that was it.
I felt like (still feel) we are on the other ends of the spectrum. The more time passes the more pent up sexual energy he has and he initiates it more, and the more time passes for me the more I forget about sex and don’t feel like it. On the opposite end, when we have sex it’s amazing and I want to have more and more sex and make sexy comments to him or touch him and for him all the flirty behavior is gone and he’s not into it anymore. And I have to wait until it builds up again. I love my husband, but I have always wanted more sex than him. Since the start, and it’s still that way. When things were difficult in our lives I wanted sex even more to just combat anxiety and stress, “life's hard but fuck it at least we have each other” and for him stress and anxiety was a huge turn off. And he’s really only in a sexy mood when things are good. I had to come to terms with the unpopular idea that I’m just more into sex than my husband. And it made me feel like something was wrong with him or me because that’s not how it’s “supposed” to be.
Things that helped us: we did therapy (for various reasons) for a while and he finally opened up and it helped us communicate better. And better communication led to more sex. I started masterbating, I got a vibrator, nothing too fancy and mainly do clitoris stimulation. This helps me when I want stress relief sex and he’s not into it. But we also had to come together and build a better sex life. He still does his sexual camel thing but also he’s more receptive to my come on’s. I initiate more than he does but usually follows through on my advances.
MH streamlines the work a bit, but behind all the sexy stories theirs a couple who has worked on their relationship to get to a sexy place. I’m willing to bet that even if you’re the more sexual one, she’d be into it too. DO NOT just let your sex life die. Things you feed will get stronger. Just because you’re sexless now doesn’t mean you have to stay that way. Let her know you find her sexy. Start small, set the mood. Get her a vibrator and make that a part of your foreplay. Or maybe start with some heavy petting if that’s too much. If she’s really self conscious about herself maybe encourage something that would make her feel better. A day of beauty, regular workout regiment, get some new clothes, therapy. You could do it together. I would just come from a clear and kind place that you want things to change, and you want to help her feel better about herself.
Being self conscious about your body doesn’t mean you’re not into sex, the culture now is pretty critical. You just have to change the narrative.
Women ARE into sex, it ebs and flows like anything. But keeping a sexual connection with your partner brings a closeness that nothing else really does. And vibrators are a game changer. I hope that helps. Your not alone
Dear Sapphire, Thank you for your thoughtful insights. "And vibrators are a game changer" was in your closing statement. Please elaborate. Blessings to you.
I can relate to your statement about sex and anxiety or stress. It seems when I am stressed that I do not want to do it. I actually don't want to be touched at all. But my wife is the opposite. She says the endorphins that are released after make her feel better.
I have made a professional change to limit stress and try to be there for her.
Wow Saphire! Your comment matched a lot of what I was thinking of saying in my comment. Counseling REALLY helped our marriage. One of the things I learned from our marriage/sex therapist was what you mentioned: Women ARE into sex but it ebbs and flows like anything. So one day my wife be a hot vixen and maybe next time a willing but less enthusiastic participant. I’ve learned to appreciate what we have – including the ebb and flow.
Yrms, my comment of “vibrators are a game changer” for me it helped in 3 ways. It helped me understand what stimulation worked for me, it helps take the edge off my desire and pressure for my husband to fulfill every sexual urge I have, and thirdly it has really helped with foreplay and being incorporated in our love making. You can get some pretty powerful orgasms with dual stimulation.
A vibrator helped me understand what’s effective stimulation. My husband would rub my clit in a bunch of different ways and though it was great, it was either too much or not enough. He’d eat my pussy and it was amazing but I could never finish, id always plateau at a crazy horny place and then he’d start fucking me which was great but all the clit stimulation never got released. Now he’d flip me over and fuck me and I’d finish off my clit. Or sometimes when I cum it lasts longer than him so I can continue cumming with a vibrator even after he’s done. And he’ll spoon and kiss me. When I started using a vibrator alone, it helped me understand what cumming feels like for me, and how to give my husband better direction. I had one that had different vibration patterns and intensity adjustments. Sometimes pulling stimulation away when you’re really stimulated and then going back in after a few seconds can help with orgasms.
I think theirs a lot of different kind or orgasms out there. When I got over the idea that “masterbating was shameful” a vibrator helped me relax and cum without pressure. In truth I’ve been masterbating since I was young but I didn’t know that’s what it was. I would just wiggle on the edge of a pillow until I got tired and fell asleep.
It was unfair to just assume that my husband could figure out all the depths of my pleasure when I didn’t even understand what I was feeling. I used to pull away from gspot stimulation because it was so intense I thought it was pain. Boy was I wrong!!!!
I’ve got a story on here where i orgasmed with my gspot and then added in a vibrator for my clit and both of those different pleasure zones being stimulated together just blew my mind!!!
Just because you and your partner might have different libidos doesn’t mean you can’t have really hot sex. And you’re never too old. Experimenting and research has made my orgasms much more powerful now than when I was in my 20s. I think women don’t always understand all the different pleasure centers and those feelings. I don’t know if men’s orgasms all feel the same but women’s have a huge range. I’m sure there are more toys that do more, but a vibrator is a nice starter tool if you’re new to everything. Sorry this is so long.
Wow Sapphire, this is all wonderful! You should definitely write more, submit a few more stories here. It seems like you have a lot of great advice to pass on!
Compatibility of any kind in a marriage is important and you are right to see it as important in the quality of a marriage. How do we raise the kids, what does faith mean to you, where would you be willing to live, the roles and limitations of couple’s family in marriage. All of those including a partner’s sexual needs and desires as foundational.
We’ve been married forty years so whatever my experience and advice is worth, here goes. For us, compatibility isn’t about checking off a laundry list of needs, but rather an understanding that a spouse is central and having a willingness to accept that those needs exist and are important to them. A willingness to try and fulfill those needs is also important.
I’m not sure that true sexual compatibility exists right out of the starting gate. But it is something you can arrive at. Additionally, the discovery of a spouse’s sexual desires and quirks can be a lot of fun. I’ve told my wife for example that anything she wants to do sexually (within the confines of marriage) I will say yes to without question. I do that for two reasons. First, there is nothing that gets me harder than getting her off. Fulfilling her needs is an expression of my love and commitment to her well-being. Second, it allows me to know her more completely and you might be surprised that there is plenty to know about someone even after forty years.
We have as a rule, the ability to approach the other about our sexual needs, without judgement. We have surprised each other with some of those needs and honestly, it’s made for a few pretty funny sometimes wonderfully awkward memories that are forever a part of our story.
For example, my wife is fairly shy, so my desire to watch her masturbate for me wasn’t easy for her at first. These days I can’t even record her; she’d melt the fucking camera. She’s not a huge fan of oral ass-play but she knows I like it, so she lets me. (I think she likes it more than she lets on) I discovered she likes to get naked and have sex when we hike in the mountains. I’m not sure I’d have ever known that without establishing an environment where that expression could be voiced. We’ve discovered in the last five years or so that we enjoy being nude with other people and even though that isn’t a sexual thing, it is a result of the openness we share together.
Compatibility in all its forms seems to me to be about creating a way for each spouse to honestly express themselves while the other holds that expression charitably and respectfully. I’m pretty new here, so what I have written hasn’t been published yet. But I would imagine that behind the stories here are couples who have worked to get to where they are, it’s true with us.
Alright CA, I think you need to write some stories too! Funny and wonderfully awkward sounds like an interesting combination to put into a sexy story.
Hi Faith-Manages, I’ve submitted a couple stories that are supposed to go live sometime in March. I look forward to getting responses to them! Yes, we’ve had some interesting sexual adventures. Great username BTW!
My wife is more vocal about sex than I am. I initiate with back rubs and the like but never can bring myself to ask for it. She will.
I think I have two stories on this site and both are based on entirely true events. Any I submit in the future will be as well. There are some fictional stories here from others but I think most are true happenings.
My experience is that many women desire and want sex but there are those for reasons that vary who do not. There are men who have no desire at all as well. I don't think there is any tips or advice I can give anyone to help unlock those feelings within them All I can say is the good Lord blessed me with a gift of detecting good horny women. Nothing I have done created the horny. I just help her express it by being loving and supportive of it.
That said not all horny men and women are created equal. Those women that brazenly live a promiscuous lifestyle have never been attractive me. A good horny woman has her special one as does a good horny man. This is God's design to create strong families that are protected from Satan's reach. Make no bones about, he will try to break that bond every day and in every way.
There are other aspects of a marriage besides sex so that they can work. I can only pray for your marriage and hope something changes.
Hi YRMS,
I can relate to you because I also felt very self-conscious and unattractive growing up. Mainly I had a very lean build, a somewhat high voice, and emotional personality, sort of like some consider a stereotypical gay man would be, even though I was very much a straight guy and only attracted to women.
I was also homeschooled and very socially awkward around women. All my attempts in college and church to get a girlfriend failed dramatically.
I ended up marrying an overweight woman with whom I initially had more of a friendship type relationship. She was heavier than I thought I’d ever be seriously attracted to, but she had large breasts and was very kind. I wasn’t quite her ideal either, she had been more popular with men than I had been with women, and I was not as rugged-looking as she usually was attracted to or went out with. Believe it or not, overweight women who have large breasts still get lots of attention. This made me jealous and, along with other things, made me realize how much I liked her. We ended up dating and getting married. What really won her over was how kind and gentle I was to her. I wasn’t trying to grab her breasts but genuinely wanted to be her friend and then wanted to actually marry her, not just sleep with her and move on.
We kept our relationship pure until marriage, and it’s mostly been satisfyingly sexual since then. There’s been times when due to serious injuries I’ve experienced or depression she’s struggled with, that sexual droughts have occurred. Even during normal times we tend to go a few days or occasionally up to two weeks with no sex, more of a friendship sort of vibe, and then we will fuck like there’s no tomorrow. Everyone has their frequency and routine I guess. I like ours. We don’t look like porn stars (unless you count plus sized porn stars I guess my wife could give them a run for their money), and we aren’t always having sex, but when we do we get pretty crazy and sometimes go multiple times a day. Then we’re quiet for awhile. That’s just how it goes, honestly.
My stories are all based on reality but sometimes I’ll combine a few different memories. Any story where you wonder what exactly happened feel free to comment and ask and I can explain. I am an aspiring amateur writer but I also try to be realistic unless it’s complete fiction and I will try to be clear about that too.
I hope that helps.
[…]
Yes one thing I agree with you on is that many stories here include some exaggeration. I do think some women are very interested in sex while others are not. Often they see it as an obligation. MH seeks to help mismatched sex drives. Don’t hesitate to share your wisdom on sex, dating and a happy married life.
[From MH: This comment initially made it through moderation, but we see how it could be taken as sarcastic and in bad taste. SecondMarge, could you please clarify what you meant by this? The logic seems difficult to follow if it's a sincere comment, and if it's meant sarcastically, this is not an appropriate way to engage with someone looking for advice on our site.]
[Update: Edited for tone.]
That intro was unnecessarily cruel.
[From MH: We apologize for that. Somehow in the moderation process we didn't pick up how that could come across as a personal jab. Now that it's published, we're giving her a chance to clarify, and hopefully it wasn't meant to be what it sounds like. That kind of comment is not what we aim for on our site.]
I want to say this with the deepest love and open heart but I do believe he was asking a question rather than offering advice.
Please be sensitive to others issues and be mindful of others. I understand you have your own experiences that led you to comment. I pray sincerely for full healing. And you did offer up a tidbit of advice saying that the sex drives of women do vary.
You may be further along in the sexual healing realm and I do understand that. I do, however we must refrain from being condescending in our additudes here.
You are welcome to disagree but I urge everyone to be respectful. I say this with love. I know you know you may or may not recieve what I am saying but please, ymrs, do NOT be discouraged.
I pray for healing in Jesus name for all Parties involved
Not meant to be cruel. As always feel free to delete it if you feel its’s incorrect.
I have been her a long time, while my opinions sometimes differ from the average they are never thought to be cruel. As far as sarcasm, “Wait, women actually want sex” how would you label that?
[From MH: You're perfectly welcome to express your opinions. However, in this case, the way is was expressed carried an insulting and condescending tone, whether or not that was the intent. Sarcasm can be okay, as long as it's not directed toward insulting someone. The post author's title may be slightly tongue-in-cheek, but based on the content of the post, it also comes from a very real place of personal experience. We all in this community know better than most how sexually repressive many church teachings can be, and when people wake up to those lies, there can be some surprising realizations, such as "Wait, women actually want sex?"]
Yrms, note my comment to Sapphire. But I wanna add some more. With us both working while raising our children there were times we were too busy or too tired for sex. But we managed at least once a week – sometimes more often. At retirement I was raring for more frequent sex but my Melody was not. Still, we had sex 2-4 times a week. We saw a couple of therapists before we saw a husband and wife team who were also certified sex therapists. What a difference that made!
One of the things that helped was establishing a sex schedule. We were flexible with it but mostly kept to the schedule. This pretty much guaranteed regular sex and we both were no longer frustrated- her frustration with my uber-high libido and my frustration with her rather normal libido. Of course with the counseling came the advice about ebb and flow. (Like I mentioned in my comment above) In fact my therapist told me that he n his wife loved sex yet I was whining about my lack of sexual frequency and my wife n I had more frequent sex than HIS wife and HIM.
Whatever sex schedule you negotiate you n your wife agree to keep to it. If you have extenuating circumstances like illness you have to be flexible- but otherwise you have to stick to the schedule. The lower desire spouse doesn’t feel harangued and the higher desire spouse knows the sex is coming. You may need a marriage therapist to help you negotiate your schedule. In fact I’d recommend it.
I liked your list at the end. It’s very wise to focus on your blessings. We are dealing with health issues including advanced heart failure and a treatable form of cancer. Yet we stick to our sex schedule
as much as possible. So sex is one of the blessings that we share. I’d agree with Sapphire: don’t let your sex life with your wife die. Marriage therapy can be such a blessing to bring you close together emotionally and physically.
Now about your question of do MH writers really have sex as described: for Melody n I…YES! MH introduced us to role play and that was a game changer for is. We only do role play occasionally but we have sizzling sex when we do. Our more “vanilla sex” and our chocolate cream sundae sex stories are shared on MH. They are 100% true!
Our current schedule of sex every 3-4 days is working out well for us. With advancing health problems we have adjusted our sex schedule to every 3-4 days. It used to be every other day but we had to adjust. Sometimes my wife will surprise me in her open cup open crotch lingerie and be passionate off the charts. We’ve had amazing sex on vacation including role-play sex on vacation. We’ve done it out in nature a few times n almost got caught once. My wife has surprised me by instigating sex in nature. We have great massage sex occasionally too! Abd cruise ship sex sometimes with role play sex has been a blast as well!
One of our negotiated items is fellatio. My wife gives me oral sex on holidays n special occasions like birthdays and our anniversary. Yes I’d like it more often but like you said, focus on your blessings. I give her oral more frequently.
Nowadays or lately our sex is usually less adventurous but still very fulfilling. And I know we’ll find more lovemaking adventurers together.
Focusing on our blessings really helps as we fight the good fight of old age and scary health issues. But God is with us. And we are there for each other.
Now I want to mention that Melody n I are both survivors of childhood trauma including sexual abuse. Going to therapy before we met and afterwords has been a blessing to us both so we could overcome it. We have to be careful about triggers and we talk it out when one of us is triggered into a bad memory. I am so grateful that therapy has helped make a happy marital experience possible. I do not know what traumas you n your bride have faced but a good therapist can make a real difference in your mental wellbeing and in your marital relationship.
Sorry for the loooonnng comment but I’m trying to be helpful. I hope I was. God bless you n I will pray for you and your wife.
Loving man, you are a true blessing to this community and the relationship you and your wife share is truely a blessing!
I can tell that your beautiful, stunning relationship with your wife is a result of the hard work the both of you have put in and that BOTH of you are a testament to God’s glory! God bless the both of you for your cherished relationship and eagerness to share your knowledge with others!
I forgot to add that vibrators we’re a game-changer for us. I began to get R arthritis and carpal tunnel early in our marriage so I could not manually help bring my Melody to climax. I got her a vibrator and it made all the difference! We have quite a collection now. Mostly we use the same four or five in sequence. We also figured out a great sex position that makes it easy to use the vibe when having sexual intercourse.
yrms~I commend you for reaching out, being honest about your marital status, and providing insights that could assist others in their future-through what you have experienced!…
You ask…
“Do y’all really do the things you describe in your stories, or are they complete fiction or extreme exaggeration intended to provide sexual arousal?”
As the guy on this account-(and while we have not posted a story yet-we have provided replies-long winded at times)-our replies have been real (ENJOYABLE!!!) life experiences! From where I am standing I want to be purposefully pursuing the one I fell in L❤️VE with ~enough to put a ring on her finger, to say I DO, to sleep with her and make passionate L❤️VE to her (for her to cum-1st, then both together 😀) and to let her know every day that she is cherished!!
Life is like a dance and you may need to go back to “dance101” (or whatever you both relate to -or find something that you begin an interest in). Making passionate
L❤️VE is real and from my perspective it can be real for you. However you may need to date each other again, begin talking again through coffee moments out, long walks, or something/place where you’re not distracted but focused on each other. It may be awhile before you reach some of the levels that you read here. But start from scratch and begin showing her by little things and gestures! Fold the laundry, make meals, I don’t know you~ but whatever will get her to see your pursuit!! Then the other really cool stuff will happen!
A few suggestions: Maybe discussing watching something erotic together and discussing it-?- Possibly discussing seeking a sex therapist-?-
Passionate L❤️VE in a marriage (which was created and sanctioned by God) is sooo wonderful!! Do everything you can to create moments of conversation and then if you need professional assistance-seek it!
For us-(before we have a 2 hour foreplay/love making session) -we usually enjoy making dinner together-naked much of the time, sip a bit and chat for several hours with low music and candles and before we know it we’re rolling in bed (or out on our property somewhere) under or on top of each other and WOW~a great night’s sleep happens after we are both delightfully spent with those blissful orgasms~created from our L❤️VE for each other!! I wish for you the same in your journey!
A lot of them are guilt ridden about it, so they want it but they don't, if that makes sense. So they get married and if they don't deal with it, they slip into legalistic thinking. Thusly, poor sex life.
Many just stay in it and can't be told differently, so again, no improvement.
And a lot of them have been told by the church and culture that good girls don't talk about it, so they marry, end up sexually mismatched, and again, no improvement.
The chances of a single, average man, of normal income and simple interests, marrying a Christian woman with a high drive are about as good as your odds of winning the Powerball.
I have not read other responses to this question yet, however, as a woman myself I can say with certainty that the stories I share here are very much real and I have had friends whose sex drive is very high as well ( much like I have understood mine to be)
The thing is with my stories Is that sometimes I do combine details of multiple sexual experiences together in order to get across a particular emotion or feeling that I am feeling about the sex I have with my husband.
I do consider us to be pretty sexually active, participating in sex a good once a week or more on occasion. I have gone two ish weeks (a bit more right after the birth of my child) without having sex with him every so often and that is due to a bunch of different factors: time, energy, my Particular history of sexual trauma causing me to have a bad week etc, but generally speaking once or twice a week tends to be our average even with a baby.
That being said I do understand that many women do not have the same sex drive that I do but us women are very emotional in nature as much as I hate to admit it; and it also is important to point out that we are each different, and impacted by things such as personal sexual trauma (which women are unfortunately disproportionately affected by), our unique sex drives which can vary from one woman to woman, and the degree to which we are open to sexual experiences along with the way we view sex in general.
Women are often conditioned to be not interested in sex and to be scared of sexual advances in general by both society and experiences with unsafe men. It definitely pays to have a multitude of deep conversations with your wife about how she views sex, what makes her uncomfortable, and what turns her on so you can get a full picture of what it’s like from her perspective,
You may have to move at what seems like turtle speed to reap the benefits of a full and healthy sex life depending on the individual person to reap the benefits. The most important thing is to be someone that she considers safe.
Yes, I will admit that it is unfair to unexpect you to untangle the web of societal expectations and past experiences that you had no part of in order to lift those barriers to sexual intimacy with your partner but I strongly encourage you to open up communication about these difficult topics with your wife.
I have personal experience with sexual trauma in my past and it can be tricky to navigate that and other reasons why a block has formed with sexual intimacy, but it’s ultimately the only gateway to healing.
I say with love in my heart to open up a vulnerable and honest conversation with your wife about these issues and to have a soft heart to recieve the input she gives you with an attitude of understanding and acceptance.
I believe full healing is possible with God in every aspect, sexual health included and I hope for the best for you and your wife moving forward
LLL is certainly special, I think anyone here will tell you that! But with so many wonderful ladies posting here, it's obvious that the attitude is out there, and honestly I don't believe this thing of female frigidity (I'd almost call it a myth). But the more that people tell you it's like that, it's almost like they're speaking a curse into existence. And I've had even men that lead counseling programs say things like that about women, and it's so sad, because it's not supposed to be that way. Nor do I believe that women would stop having sex post-menopause, if they had grown up masturbating regularly and had sex regularly with plenty of orgasms! Hopefully the attitudes are changing.
My wife certainly wants sex! She doesn’t ask either, she just goes for it if she’s horny! And if I’m away, and she’s horny thinking about having sex with me, she masturbates.
As far as drive, we are the same.
The few stories I have posted here are all real. We have years of experience, and many of those experiences are note worthy!
Thank you so much for sharing your situation with this community. My heart goes out to you and every spouse on here who is living in some type of hurting marriage. Know that I pray for every couple and single on MH. Since I am a single virgin, I can't say that my fictional stories are real, but I pray I can someday make them real with the right man! My self-exploration posts are all completely true; I definitely have found a strong sexual being within me and it has blossomed the more I experiment with it. Thank you also for the compliments! All the praise goes to God for leading me to the place I am in now, a place of healthy, excited, Godly horniness. My prayer is to be a wife someday who will bless her husband in every area. I have so much to learn, but I am finding the learning to be very fun. 😀
Sapphire dido to much of what you said
I’ve
Always been the higher drive
I would get my feelings hurt that he turned me down when I initiated sex
It was once a week and all he wanted. I got one orgasm that was it. We have only been with each other. He doesn’t want sex when he’s stressed I want sex to relieve stress.
He didn’t want me to show him or tell him how I wanted to be touched he got his feelings hurt that he wasn’t pleasing me
Many years later we communicate better he has some crazy incredible oral and finger skills as well
As his wonderful cock
Things started to improve when he knew that sexual was an emotional need for me to feel
Connected and loved
So he states to offer a toy a finger and oral every night even though her was not horny. He started to have more desire just by doing that for me and he started letting me show him how to rough me and tell him how fast how slow how soft how jars so I was able to cim
Easier and much better
Now almost 38 years and sexy is AMAZING
I've learned that as with most things in life, time changes..almost everything.
This includes our libido , as my life & experience illustrates.
When young, (20's-30's) I had a strong drive for sexual interaction, which my wife willingly accommodated.
Can't recall our discussing this as a topic, or whether here needs were being met, she seemed to enjoy our activities, expressed no dissatisfaction or regrets/complaints.
I recall there were times work related issues ( stress related) had my mood change , and my interest waned .
I recall once incident when she began crying, asked me "don't you love me anymore ?"
We got past that and activities of daily living became an issue, (40'-50ss) both working different shifts, caring for aging parents with health issues, raising 2 young boys, time together became scarce..no hospice assistance, no family / friends to provide childcare, & my mistrust of strangers for" babysitting".. I saw too much of what can happen to others caring for children, all were challenges to intimacy time together.
As boys finished H.S., attended college & work, moved out on their own, things improved & Libido reignited.
( late 50's -present) Retirement came & now we have time & opportunity to focus on each other.
I made it a goal to try and improve / enhance our intimate time together. Wife was interested in my offer to improve our sex lives, so we were off & running. Though I don't have the dive / stamina I had when I was younger,
I can say she enjoys our activities more than ever,despite being in our early 70's..having the best interactions we've experienced. Only wish I'd learned to implement the changes when I was younger, but as they say, better later than never.
Excellent post and comments. Many of us men/husbands are in sexless marriages,,, my wife literally, almost cold and heartlessly, told me she could do without sex.