Anal Sex Advice (A)
(A) – This discussion will obviously contain much mention of anal play, including anal intercourse.
My wife and I have never had anal sex, and neither of us have expressed the desire for it yet. But I am curious to find out: how does it feel for the husband, compared to sex with a vagina? How does it feel for her? What preparations and precautions do you need to make?
Personally I would advise against anal sex.
I know some women like it, but a lot don't.
If you wanted to try something small like a butt plug, it is designed for that. Fingering around the outside, okay. I would not put a finger in, the skin inside the anus is thin and not designed to handle the movement of fucking, it is not natural, it needs lots of preparation and still is the risk of tearing by fingernail or movement of a penis, and then infection.
Also spiritual, (I know some disagree as it has been discussed before), but I think anal sex is prohibited in the bible by Leviticus, 18:22 and 20:13. It says for a man to not have sex with a man as with a woman, it is detestable/abomination. Punishment for men doing this is death.
Not going to be killed in the New Testament for this, Jesus' says repent (as with the woman who was going to be stoned for adultery). Some will argue against me, but I believe God does not wish anal sex, (that being penis in anus).
In answer to your question what it feels like? – don't know, never tried, not interested.
Sarah K.
Thank you sister for your comment. But I disagree about the Bible so called prohibiting it. The Bible is silent on anal sex, but it does prohibit homosexuality & other abominable sexualities. Leviticus and Sodom & Gomorrah are not about the act of anal sex, per se. But they are about the grotesque sexual behavior of having sexual relations with the same gender. Man on Man, Woman on Woman. That is abominable and outside the natural order of things. The parties to the act is abomination. Not the act itself.
Now is it medically risky as far as the anus not being as flexible & susceptible to sexual stimulation? Yes. But that does not mean that God prohibits the act. I believe God leaves it to the conscience of the husband and wife, their marriage's benefit, their intimacy's benefit.
I firmly believe that we live in the Law of the Spirit: Liberty (inside the 10 commands of the New Covenant) and thereby when the Bible/God is silent. It would be wise to not make it a sin. But to leave it between the parties involved in the marriage and God's direction to them.
If a women is interested. Is it OK to try?
I wasn’t sure about responding to your question, but decided to in a brief form to be helpful.
In our case, Jim is extremely well endowed, which pretty much kept anal on the shelf for the first couple years of our sex life together- that is until I first became pregnant and was unbelievably horny like 24/7. One night we were at a party with friends and Jim was listening to this dude going on and on about how “tight” his wife’s ass was after “sloppy” vaginal sex every night. Jim asked if was painful for her and he just replied that after lots of lube she “loved it.” In the car on the way home I told Jim how I doubted that she loved it as much as he did.
Long story short, we decided to find out for ourselves by taking a hot bath together, relaxing in bed with a generous supply of lube at the ready, and go for it! To be honest, I was doing it more for him than me, as I knew the idea turned him on. So, after a few painful launch attempts, I found myself laying on top of him, both in a face up position, my head tilted back and nestled next to his, and with some gentle but steady movement his cock head disappeared into my creamy pussy and I was shocked with light pain and heavy pleasure! I found myself spreading my legs wide open and sliding down to capture all the. Cock I could. It was the first time I was able to work my pussy with my fingers AND Jim’s, to achieve an indescribable double or triple orgasm. I later told Jim I thought the upward angle from my anal cavity was banging my G-Spot perfectly. Anyway, it was awesome.
Jim had said that I actually had too tight a grip on his cock, but that I eased up after my orgasms, at which point he pumped jets of cum in my backside!
So, to each their own, hope this helps!
Its so delightful to see the Marriage GOD has blessed you and Jim with. I am so eager to have a marriage with so much passion as you and Jim do. I hope the Lord will bless me one day. Thank you so much for your contributions. God bless you and Jim.
Request: Can you and Jim teach us how to do anal? Can you write an article on it and how it connected you two?
My advice is fastidious cleanliness, patience, lots of lube, communication, and anal training.
This isn’t something you can rush. Start with a well lubed finger SLOWLY during oral or doggy. Watch and listen for how she responds. If she likes that, continue it and increase the frequency you incorporate it into your lovemaking.
Always discuss it afterwards, likes and dislikes, suggestions on your technique, etc.
If you move further and the play continues, you can suggest anal plugs. You can buy a stainless steel set from small to large. When/if she’s comfortable with it, you can start by inserting the smaller one during sex. Again, this takes patience – don’t rush it. She may not be able to keep in in for very long, but if she’s willing, the two of you can work together to increase the time it’s in and the size of the plug over time, until she’s comfortably stretched enough to accommodate your cock.
This is a process that if done right can prove pleasurable for you both, but it has to be something she wants and you can’t push her to far or too fast.
My wife and I have done anal several times and here are some things we've learned:
Communication is key! Anal might be fun, but it is a terrible surprise. You both need to be on the same page. If your wife is not enthusiastically willing to try it, don't do it! Even if you are in the middle of it, if she says stop then stop.
Safety and hygiene might not sound sexy, but if you ignore it, it can ruin a good time. I suggest wearing a condom and cleaning up immediately afterwards. And NEVER ever go from the anus to the vagina. Nothing says infection like pulling out of her ass and sticking it in her pussy
Take things slow. Her ass is probably not used to having things enter it. While this means it is tight, it can be painful for her. Before trying anything, get her really aroused. Warm up with lots of foreplay, oral or even vaginal sex. The more horny she is, the better. Not only will she be more into trying it, it will help her relax.
Unlike her vagina, the anus does not self lubricate. Use LOTS of lube, more than you think you will need.
Take things slow with penetration too. Start with fingers when lubing her up. When you go to penetrate her, enter her only a little bit at a time, waiting for her to relax before going any further. And listen to her! If she says stop, stop. If she says go ahead, then go ahead slowly. When you are all the way in, pause before you start thrusting. This is not your time to pound her like a jackhammer. Start with slow shallow thrusts and only go faster when she says she is ready. If you go too hard, you could tear something in a place where infections are common.
I hope that helps. My wife and I enjoy anal from time to time. While it is fun, mainly for the tightness and the novelty, I have to say that I prefer oral and vaginal sex. It's like a rich dessert that is nice to have every once in a while, but not every day.
Luvbug , I like how you put it!
I always wanted to try it. asked wife was willing and we try it without complaint. I have to agree about the tightness too. Its good to switch it up once in awhile.
Lots of good advice here.
I might add one thing. If it's a husband who wants to try it more than a wife. See how he likes it by trying it on him first.
Good way to learn what not to do
That’s a good point, but I’m a fan of prostate play anyway, so that’s an easy one for me.
For too many men, though, sex is one-sided. Sacrificial love is the key. It’s fine to lust your wife, but it’s not fine to lust for her without loving her.
And for a lot of guys, anal is something taken or wanted without much regard for the wife’s wants or needs.
A very keen observation from a very wise man K. M.
Same here, love prostate play and good communication with the misses is keen, sometimes when things don't feel right just stop and try something different.
As a single virgin, I have only tried a fingertip barely inside my anus a couple times, and honestly it wasn't fireworks. It was more the "naughtiness" that got me going lol. I doubt I would ever be able to take more than a finger or a small plug back there. I am cautious and don't want to tear or injure anything.
The truth is, most sex that is not considered conventional is a turn on by nature of its taboo or naughtiness.
It's the thing that keeps the passion alive in a marriage. Doing things together that are out of the norm. Things that are more risque or daring. Engaging more parts of the body than just the genitalia, using the mind as well as the body,
The willingness for both people to engage their questions and desires together. For lack of a better term, being partners in crime.
I prefer the term sexual co explorers.
It took us several years to get used to anal but after we got over the guilt factor that somehow we were letting God and our church down by indulging in such practises( which is a load of baloney) it was great. Naturally we were very hygienic BUT from time to time my wife would get the odd UTI from it. We have since learnt that her taking a shower afterwards greatly prevents any of this. Plenty of lube is essential but there was a time where she orgasmed 5 times out of 5 from anal. These were always of a higher intensity that say from oral.
We have discovered that she is very receptive anally in that she can orgasm easily IF in the mood and worked up.
Enjoy the discovery of anal as we have.
KingdomMan hit most of the important points in his first line:
– Cleanliness
– Patience
– Lube
– Communication
– Training
I'll expand on those a little.
Cleanliness:
There are a few options here. The bare minimum is a wet wipe or wash cloth to gently clean the anus, but this only gets the outside. For external play, this is probably adequate. But if you're planning on internal play, such as penetration with fingers, tongue, or penis, you may want some interior cleaning as well. If the receiver's bowel movements are regular and reliable, you can time your anal play so that the rectum is empty, then just take a shower and use a finger with some gentle soap to do the final touches. For an even more reliable clean, you could do an enema to make sure the receiver is completely empty. There are enema kits available pretty cheaply. Essentially, just use slightly warm (body-temperature) water, take in however much is comfortable, expel into the toilet, and keep doing that until the water coming out seems completely clear. Do it at least twice to make sure, even if the first one seems clear. Tips from personal experience: Make sure the water is no more than a few degrees off of body temperature. Any colder and it gets really uncomfortable, and it even gave me some cramps one time. Not fun! And any hotter… well, let's just say you don't want to burn the very, very sensitive inside of your rectum! And again, take in however much water is comfortable. For me, even just around half a cup per rinse cycle was comfortable and did the trick, but I'm on the smaller side for male physiques, so depending on who's receiving the enema and their particular anatomy, more water per rinse may be needed. And it should go without saying: use the purest water you can get. You don't want weird chemicals or other contaminants up in your business! Wearing a glove for finger penetration, or a condom for penile penetration, can also provide another layer of cleanliness. Oh, and of course, be sure to thoroughly clean anything you plan to insert into the anus before you do so, whether that's a finger, toy, or penis!
Patience/Training:
These are closely related so I'll combine them. Go slow. No matter what you're inserting or which direction you're going, go slow. Go in slow. Come out slow. Increase the stretch slowly. Don't go straight for full penetration with an erect penis or a large dildo. A butt plug training kit is a good idea! There are a number of them online with graduated sizes that are perfect for getting the anus accustomed to penetration comfortably. They start small and slowly increase in size by small fractions of an inch. One of my first anal toys was a set of 3 glass butt plugs, and they're still favorites! The smallest one I think is an inch or less in diameter, which is a good place to start. (I also highly recommend glass or metal toys for anal play, as other materials may leech chemicals, break down with certain lubricants, and are very difficult or impossible to get perfectly clean. Metal or glass solves all of these problems, and also provides the smoothest surface for minimizing friction along very sensitive anal and rectal surfaces.) Based on personal experience, it may take weeks or months for the anus to truly become accustomed enough to penetration that it can accommodate something the size of an erect penis comfortable and pleasurably.
Lube:
There are lubes made specifically for anal play, but I haven't tried any of them. The one tip I'd give is DO NOT use a desensitizing lube, or desensitizing ANYTHING. Being desensitized to pain only increases the risk of injury! Plus it minimizes the potential for the receiver's pleasurable sensations. I have personally found food-grade coconut oil to be an effective, natural, inexpensive lube option that, because it's food grade and body safe, is very unlikely to cause any irritation or adverse reactions, unless the receiver has some kind of coconut allergy.
Communication:
Like KingdomMan said, always discuss how things went afterwards—talk about what was enjoyable, uncomfortable, annoying, ANYTHING positive or negative. But definitely discuss it before too, and during as well! There needs to be a constant line of communication open so that any discomfort isn't pushed too hard. If you go slow and constantly communicate, the chances of pain, other discomfort, or injury is dramatically reduced. It also helps you make adjustments to keep the experience pleasurable, especially for the vulnerable receiver.
I'll add that if you're starting with finger stimulation (external or internal), consider wearing some kind of medical exam glove (of a material the receiver isn't allergic to), and/or make sure those fingernails are short and smooth. A long, rough, or sharp fingernail in the very sensitive anal region could be very uncomfortable, or even cause injury.
As for what it feels like, I can only give you a male's perspective from my experience with toys. There's a chance that deep penetration will not be possible, as the rectal anatomy does not provide a long canal going straight into the body for most people. There's often a curve which, depending on the length of the toy or penis being inserted, will prevent full penetration. This area also does not expand and lengthen with arousal, like the vagina does. It also does not self-lubricate like the vagina, so outside lubrication will need to be applied and refreshed occasionally to maintain smooth penetration. It will likely be tighter than a vagina, especially at first. For the receiver, there will likely be a stretching sensation that could be uncomfortable, but if kept below the threshold of pain, I've personally found the stretching sensation to be extremely enjoyable, and in fact, one of the most enjoyable parts of the experience. In males, anal penetration at the right angle can pleasurably stimulate the prostate, and in women, because the rectum and vagina are so close together internally, anal penetration can cause sexual pleasure in tissues around the vagina. Pleasure can also be received directly through sexually-sensitive nerve endings in the anus and rectum, and even stimulation of normally non-sexual nerves in the area may be received and experienced as sexual pleasure if the receiver is aroused enough. Our "neuroplasticity", or the ability of our nervous system to adapt, means that these nerves can be trained to receive sexual pleasure, especially by stimulating them during states of high arousal and sexual pleasure from other sources.
On sarah k's note about the biblical morality of anal sex, I have to express my disagreement. As she noted, this has been discussed and disagreed upon on MarriageHeat before. I have great respect for much of what she posts, but I have never seen an exposition of the passages mentioned that can reasonably condemn anal sex as immoral. The passage is pretty clearly focused on homosexuality, not anal sex, which is merely incidental to the male-lying-with-male arrangement, and I've seen no evidence that the involvement of the anus is a contributing factor to the sin described. Now, there's a plausible case to be made against anal sex by a "natural-order" argument, since the anus is clearly not designed for sexual penetration, but then that also would beg the question of whether acts like oral sex are "natural" either. Unnatural does not always mean immoral. Computers are wildly unnatural things, but while they come with their pros and cons, they are not inherently sinful to create or use. Likewise, sex acts like oral or anal, though they are not directly in line with the natural design, are not inherently immoral, unless another factor makes it so. But since we've been over most of this before, I won't go into it any further.
Absolutely to all, PatientPassion! The anal region is super packed with pleasure sensing nerves. Done carefully and respectfully, anal is not inherently dangerous. As several commentators have noted–relaxation of the muscles and LOTS of lube, please!
As for size, as the pro-anal comedian Nikki Glaser points out, stools are often way bigger than than most cocks. Accommodation just takes patience and practice. AND LUBE! (did i mention that lol)
The natural law supporting oral and hand sex but against anal sex often revolves around considerations of physical anatomy, hygiene, and health risks. Here are some common points made from this perspective:
1. Anatomical Compatibility and Safety:
Oral and hand stimulation involve parts of the body that are naturally designed for such contact, generally being easier to perform safely without causing injury.
Anal sex involves penetrating the anus, which is more delicate and less naturally designed for penetration, increasing the risk of tearing or injury if not performed carefully.
2. Hygiene and Cleanliness:
Oral and hand sex can be more easily managed in terms of hygiene; they don't inherently involve exposure to potentially harmful bacteria or require as much preparation.
Anal sex requires additional precautions like thorough cleaning, use of condoms, and lubrication to reduce health risks, due to the higher presence of bacteria and the potential for injury.
3. Health Risks and Risks of Infection:
Anal sex carries a higher risk of transmitting sexually transmitted infections (STIs/STDs) because the tissues in the anus are more susceptible to tears, providing an entry point for infections.
Oral and hand sex generally have lower transmission risks, especially with proper hygiene and protection.
PS, I got AI to help me write it.
Just a practical advice: whenever you wanna try anal sex of want to try anal stimulation by hand. Always use a lot of lubrication and be patient with yourself. Never force yourself down there to put in anything. When it doesn't work for you stop with it.
P.S. There are several comments in this thread and others about the Bible prohibiting this and that, and certain things being an "abomination" to God.
I think we need to put forward our thoughts in these things in humility and say, "the way I read the Bible" …. Because here's the thing (well, two things): 1. there's a LOT in the Bible that is more than fuzzy. Otherwise, we wouldn't have centuries of serious disagreements among Christians about what books are canonical, what's the "true" nature of God, and what things are or are not sinful. And many theologians have changed their mind about matters throughout their life.
Bt here's 2.: the Bible—and especially Jesus in his teachings—is forcefully clear that religion is not about rules! It's about relationships: with God and with our fellow humans. See Jesus' quoting the shema in Mark 12:29 and adding Leviticus 19:18b. Also 1John 4:7-8. In short, heaven is not a reward for "being good". Heaven is a state of being in a relationship with God outside the constraints of time and space.
By all means, if it helps you in your life to have rules and to stay connected with God and your family, friends (and enemies!), then go for it. Just understand please that it's not "unfaithful" to have a different perspective. We're all striving for the good.
Sorry to go against the grain here, but I think Sarah K is more correct biblically.
I am all for liberty & freedom, but there is absolutely no instance of pecker in pooper sex in the bible. So, to defend the act without God's creation in mind seems a bit selfish. Just because this site is pro marriage sex is not license to promote what we feel over the sound foundation of scripture. If we are going to follow God, then let's follow Him.
Is it biblical to say that because there are nerve endings in the anus, God approves of anal sex? Every sin feels good at first, so God must approve of all my sin then? Maybe God gave us the feel good nerve endings so that taking a dump would not hurt & be painful?
There are plenty of examples of piv sex, oral, & touching sexually in the bible. This site can't get enough of the Song of Songs. So, to say those are off limits if anal is, that is a straw man.
Then there are the anal complications associated with anal sex: incontinence, HPV, & prolapse. Raise your hand if you want your wife to have these happen? I don't know anyone who gets a thrill out of these. No, they don't have to happen, but can. I, for one, am glad my poop stays in my anus until I get to a toilet.
Bottom line: God created our pooper for good reason. Using it to work against that would be grounds in a court of law to designate it a sin. We call murder a sin, and that is a use of the body against God's will.
I get it. These complications are hardly ever heard of. No one hardly hears of complications of gay relationships either, but they are there.
Have my wife & I done it? Yep. My wife swears by an anal orgasm. But, we don't practice it anymore. Tried it, gave it up. The pooper has complications without anal sex. Why, add to the problems?
My personal opinion is it is not as great as piv sex. Piv sex is a whole cock/vagina experience where my whole cock & her whole vagina are in complete contact with each other all the way in & out. The anus opens up a little after the sphincter muscles, meaning there is no pressure on the penis after it passes beyond the muscles. This can be prevented with different positions, but it is a thing that messes with the sensation. To me, anal is not as fun as traditional sex.
As we have dominion over God's creation, I won't say anal is a sin. But, if I were forced to pick a side? Sin it is, all day.
What if we pluck our eyeball out & use it for a golf ball? Would that be a sin?
@She Calls Me Mister
Seems like i hit a nerve there. Goodness. You do know that anal sex happens in nature–i.e. non-human species? Behaviourists aren't sure why, but it seems—at least among primates—that it helps males release their sexual tension without rampaging among the females.
Jes sayin'
I'm not here to convert anyone. Just pointing out that there are reasonable differing points of view. So, I think you and I must agree to differ.
Pax
As a matter of fact I do know. Yet, again it is such a compelling argument that animals poking the pooper means it is safe & righteous for us humans to do. Let's all hold hands & listen intently to the conjecture of animal behaviorists for our life decisions before God. Let's throw out the Bible, prayer, & church & watch Madagascar. Maybe those talking animals are what we should fill the evolutionary gaps in with & make evolution true after all these years. What is it up to nowadays trillions of years?
I see we church having trouble keeping the pecker in the correct spot, and the Bible tells us the whole creation is infected with sin, if we humans made in the image of God have trouble figuring out which way is up, it should be no surprise the animal kingdom does, too. Gorillas also eat their own poop. Mmmm let's all go to that party.
Nature/animals have hardly any bearing (none) on human sin & righteousness. But, God says not fuck them, & not to worship them instead of Him.
I understand how we humans get to where we are, what we believe. I am having fun with this & I mean no real judgment. You do you. But, I kinda think things like this should actually hit a nerve for those who strive to follow Jesus,
1 Timothy 2:5-6 (ESV) "5 For there is one God, & there is one mediator between God & men, the man Christ Jesus, 6 who gave Himself as a ransom for all, which is the testimony given at the proper time."
"You found desertion. I found my place in the dirt." (music lyrics, look'em up)
I was against it at first when my so called BF who is now my husband get aroused watching anal porn. However, i since he really would like to try, i decided to give way. We did not use any lubricant during sex. We just use cum to wet my anus. Yes the first anal was so painful and unbearable. I moan loudly that i believe people can heard me. He fucked till he penetrate inside my anus. I just bear the pain while he enjoy the excitement. From that day onwards till today, each time we had sex, he will fuck my anus too and it became routine of sex and i really enjoy anal fuck. No more pain if you get use to it. Had a friend who share his sex life. I also share my sex life with him about how to spice your sex life with your wife. Introduce him to anal with his wife it really enjoyable. Guess what he get horny when i told him i did anal with my husband. […] I admit i addicted to it. […]
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