Erotic Sexual Fantasy in Marriage
Heya, MarriageHeat!
Surprisingly, I haven’t seen any discussion articles here on MH about sharing fantasies with other couples and singles, so I thought I might as well put in my two cents worth.
I’m actually in the midst of writing a few of my own erotic sex fantasies that I’d love to share with you all, but I thought it’d be interesting first to solicit your opinions regarding just that —sex fantasies—and mention some of mine.
My husband and I both enjoy erotic sexual fantasy, me especially. I’ve always enjoyed reading steamy erotic novels and graphic Internet sex stories, even before I met my husband. Yet even with a fantastic sex life with hubby now that I’m married and in my early thirties, I continue to love reading erotica and exploring the amazing imaginative world of erotic sexual fantasy.
I think written erotica and sexual fantasy can actually be quite beneficial to a married couple’s sex life and relationship. I can attest that, at least in our case, sharing them has contributed quite a lot to our marriage sex life, strengthening our bond, and has certainly given flammin’ hot fuel to the bedroom fire ?.
I find reading fictional sex fantasy fascinating and sexually exciting, and I also especially enjoy learning about other married couple’s fantasies, whether taboo or not. There are practically endless erotic fantasies and scenarios that appeal to me and get me wet. And more often than not, the more taboo they are, the wetter, and the better ? ?.
Some of my more taboo fantasies include such sexcapades as a threesome with two men or two women, watching or being watched, swapping, group sex, hot girl-on-girl sex with another beautiful lady, and being extremely dominant or submissive with another man or woman.
I want to be clear that while I find certain sex fantasies hot and exciting and take advantage of the stimulation they provide, I am one hundred percent committed to my monogamous marriage. Fantasy is for imaginative play only.
I personally think that every couple and individual spouse has their own erotic fantasies that turn them on. So please feel free to tell me more about yours! ??
Lila ♥️
Note from MH: As a discussion post, the comments are expected to be more involved, but this one has the potential to get out of hand. Please remember our purpose and guidelines. Descriptions of fantasy subjects should remain general, as above, and reasons for or against sharing them with one’s spouse and/or talking about them with others should be the focus.
Ok, this is just my personal viewpoint:
Fantasies are just that, fantasies, and I don't think we are judged for our thoughts, only our actions. But what I've noticed is, at least in my life, if you dwell on a fantasy for pleasure, it can become very unhealthy, and I'm talking about a fantasy that, if were to come true, would break God's commands, like sleeping with another man's wife for example.
So personally, I would avoid the fantasies which directly break God's commands, just as a precaution to your own mind. There are many things in fact that I've found that don't appear to be wrong, like premarital sex or lesbian sex – there are no commands against these things in Leviticus.
So just exercise caution with what you invite into your mind because the Greek word relating to thoughts and ideas is what has been translated out as spirit in English, so be careful what "spirits" you're inviting into your life, what ideas you allow to take place in your head.
So agree. This is a fun topic and there is a lot I could say about it but I think you really nailed it.
Leviticus is not specific to the whole of mankind. So, not finding a rule there does not equate to there not being a prohibition. Romans 1:26-27 is very explicit. And many other passages indicating heterosexual behavior as God’s standard. No where in the Bible will we find anything that specifically mentions heroine use or smoking crack, but it is likely very obvious to all where God stands on that subject.
LilaY69, oh I love… fantasy. The 3-4 some? Swapping, same room sex and all the rest? My lady And I LOVE to explore like you do. Nice to meet you.
Mine was simple. At the end of the vows in the wedding ceremony, we would go to a side room and the consummation of the marriage would take place, witnessed by the officiant/minister, parents of the bride and groom, and the brides maids & groomsmen. Not just a kiss at the end.
I have many of similar sexual fantasies as you. I would rather not go into detail here. Feel free to DM me on SOFB. Maybe SOFB can create a fantasy section
I’m kind of with Sam2009. I’m willing to talk about my more wild fantasies, but not sure if I’d get criticized on this site. So I can be DMed on Song Of The Believers as well (and my email is easy to guess).
SOFB?
What is SOFT?
[From MH: We believe the acronym is SotB, for Songs of the Believers. It is a forum created by some members of MH as a way to have more community interaction and provide a DM function. It is not a part of MH, but you can find many MHers there along with many people who are not on MH. We aren't "affiliated" with SotB, but we do think it is a good place to have more individual and group conversations.]
I’m intrigued… I’m going to check it out!
Same! I think there’s room for fantasy, and I understand the DM aspect can be a double edged sword – but when used properly, can be a great tool and a safe space to discuss fantasy.
@LilaY69 if you ever join SOTB (which I personally do recommend lol), my door is open for fantasy talk.
Further – I really agree with @SouthernHeat and others that there is room and fun in fantasy, but it can be a be careful area.
How long does it take to be accepted on SOTB? I've not heard back regarding my application.
I’m pretty interested in this site as well. Would love to check it out.
I’ve tried a membership request for SOTB and can’t tell if it’s crashing or nothing happens. Any suggestions?
I could not get the membership as well??? @MH how we can communicate then?
We don't know. But we have neither the resources nor the inclination to manage a forum, nor will we put people in touch privately. It just isn't what MH is about.
Hi LilaY69,
Did you see my post on romance novels?
One of the things my wife loved was when I’d write erotica. Whenever I could, I would write a mid-length story that often reflected my own fantasies, but I also knew most of hers as well, so I would tailor the stories on those themes.
When I had finished one we’d read it together and 100% of the time she became a wildcat in bed. She knew my fantasy was a 2fem&1man sexual encounter, even though I would never have had one, but I would at times include a ménage à trois.
I was deployed a lot so I would write stories while I was away and read them to her a couple of weeks after I got home. Note: we did not need those stories after a long absence. ?
I encourage the MH family to write their fantasies for sharing, but be careful not to go too far. I’ll leave you, and the MH administration to decide what that may be. FYI. I love female masturbation stories, true or fantasy. I so miss watching my wife, or having mutual masturbation with her. Sigh.
I would say that fantasies can be a boost to your sex life but we feel like our fantasies should still involve God-sanctioned marital sex. In a way, MH provides this since us reading a story (even a true story) of another couple’s sexcapades is like a fantasy bc it wasn’t us.
I’ve written some marriage erotica that gets really steamy but all the hot sex is AFTER the couple is married. And of course, I’ve shared some of our sexual experiences and done a few fictional married sex stories for MH.
For us, a story about illicit sex doesn’t work. A story about hot married sex is great!
I think everyone has had illicit fantasies, but I prefer the married sex stories/fantasies. But I’ll also admit that the MH role-play stories that in the end turn out to be between husband and wife are often incredibly hot! I’ve written one or two of those role-play stories, and we acted it out to great success! So, maybe we’re really conservative, but the couple in the role-play (us) were married or got married before they (we) had any sexual contact.
Although I think many Christians get too prudish about discussing sex and recognizing how erotic and fulfilling married sex can be… I would say that ever having sex with anyone other than your spouse is against God’s design for sex. Fantasizing about it may be risky, but in a role-play with your spouse… that may be 100% acceptable. (Of course, we also believe in the power of Christ’s forgiveness.)
Just my opinions (& my wife’s views as well.)
Good points of discussion by all. Define Fantasy. Are they wrong? Could they be? If we fantasize by reading material on MH, then is viewing porn a fantasy too? What if your fantasy was your spouse. Would it be ok then? These are just a few of many questions.
What changed it for me was the definition of lust. The word lust in Matthew is the same word as covet in the 10 commandments.
As a kid I understood covet to be wanting something you can't have. Now I understand it to be planning how to acquire something you can't have. There is a difference between imagining what a sex act would be like and making the arrangements for it to happen.
I agree with others that if you dwell on a threesome, for example, you might be more enticed to commit that act in the future. But that is for each person to know their limits. For some, it might be better to stay away from those thoughts completely. As for me, I don't ever want to; it would go BADLY. But the scenario can be exciting.
That said, fantasy for me is just that. I don't personally want to imagine a woman I know naked. I think it would be awkward when we met. But some anonymous woman seems safe.
Yes you should be able to share your fantasies with your spouse. It's okay to have fantasies. Like southernmost said, I’m cautious about letting my thoughts linger on fantasies that could lead me to be dissatisfied in my relationship. We must guard our hearts and minds. That’s just for myself; I respect others' views.
Thanks so much for your feedback, SouthernHeat!
Love your stories btw, they bring my wet pussy so much pleasure!!!
XOXO ?♥️
Consistent with the moderation note opening the posting for comments, I'll refrain from detailing my own sexual and erotic fantasies here. I'll simply identify a couple of things that have worked for us as a couple.
We have written each other erotic stories, and included characters based on us. We have taken turns co-writing an erotic story together, several times. It's a great way of sharing fantasies and talking about the writing is a way to open the subject.
One thing that we both particularly liked was to read Nancy Friday's then-groundbreaking book "Forbidden Flowers." It's a collection of actual women's fantasies (about 2-8 pages each), and the follow-up to her less graphic first collection "My Secret Garden." My wife and I took turns reading one story per night aloud to each other from "Forbidden Flowers." At the end of each story, the one who listened would thank the other of us for reading, and we'd talk about whether we found the story/fantasy exciting and arousing, and why. It was a great conversation each time, and when either one of us found a story to be arousing, the reading and discussion became part of foreplay.
Love this!
Open honest conversation without fear of judgement or loss is critical to a strong vibrant marriage and sexlife. ❤️
Lady L. 💋
This book really hit the nail on the head for us.
The Fantasy Fallacy.
I read that book, too, but the psychoanalysis of the fantasies didn't really ring true for me. Maybe the reasons for the fantasies doesn't really matter if a) both of you enjoy them and b) neither of you wants to pursue them in real life.
On a related note, I wonder if book reviews/discussions would be helpful to this community?
I think many fantasies are fine and can be turned into reality. I accidentally hit upon one of my wife's fantasies, and it was an absolutely spectacular thing! Not only that first time but time and time again after that! It also got us communicating about other fantasies, but all things sexual as well. None of our fantasies were of something wrong or sinful by any means.
Those fantasies some have of threesomes, or girl on girl, etc….things that are out of bounds, are better pushed out of one's mind, in my opinion.
I'm in agreement here Tulsa, it's best to not meditate too much on things that have to potential to cause a lot of pain to both you, your spouse, and especially your children.
I'm not against fantasy you know, and many know me on here as someone who has challenged Christian norms through the study of the Greek Bible.
However, I think we should still aspire to do the best we can, after all, Jesus came so that we could lead better lives. And I just feel it regressive to meditate on fantasies that do openly go against God's laws.
Regarding fantasies that fall short of the ideal, those still seem ok, especially if there aren't laws against their real life counterparts.
Thanks for your feedback and input, Tulsa!
I respect your position on that matter! I think it really is up to each individual to decide and come to their own conclusion.
XOXO
Lila
I am sure my wife has fantasies I don't know about. I am quite sure she fantasizes about a mmf threesome. We will more than occasionally simulate mmf with my cock and one of her dildos and she really enjoys those. I don't know if she ever fantasizes about other women. Deep down, I have had fantasies of swinging and wife swapping as she has some friends who are quite hot but I really try to keep those fantasies at bay, though a few years ago we did have a playful–and rather shockingly honest–conversation in bed about swapping.
A fantasy we have both played with is uploading some of our best sex videos to a porn site and creating our own channel where people can watch them. We have some amazing videos. Will never happen but it would be fun.
We have acted on some fantasies, such as some exhibitionism, role-playing, being videoed by a film crew, having sex in the wilderness, etc.
Some of those sound amazingly fun. Probably why I shouldn't read stories about it though.
Wow! That’s really hot!
Wish I could watch them!!
Lila ?
I am glad you brought this topic up LilaY69. I think a lot of people struggle with fantasies. How far can you go within your mind? Is it okay if I fantasize about sex with two or more (wo)men? It is hard to masturbate without erotic thoughts, well at least for me. Especially for me as a single male. I am happy to be on this website where you are among Christians and can share your struggles with this kinda topic.
I think we all have fantasies. A huge fantasy for me was to be able to have a squirting orgasm until one day it just happened. Now I squirt all the time and it’s amazing. Another fantasy I always had (since I even started to masturbate as a young teen) was to have great pregnant sex with my future husband. And now I am actively doing that. Pregnancy has always been a huge turn on for me and I would fantasize about it in my future. I can honestly say it’s even better than I thought it would be. Another fantasy I have always had would be to get caught masturbating and have whoever catches me start masturbating themselves because they’re so horny (this has happened a few times lol)
Thanks for your great contributions here Alwayswet101! I love reading them on most interesting topics, oh well, what I think it is interesting for myself. It can make new fantasies for other people, the way you and others write here. Keep on writing and sharing!
Another fantasy I have always had would be to get caught masturbating and have whoever catches me start masturbating themselves because they’re so horny (this has happened a few times lol)
This is a fantasy of mine too. So what happened those few times?
I too started masturbating in my early teenage years. I was always hyper sexual, compounded with just being young and newly exploring myself. I can honestly say I don’t think that level of excitement has decreased.
Pregnant sex was awesome with my wife. Some of the hottest uninhibited sex we had. I loved her sucking me off and exploding all over her tits and beautiful belly. Just looking at her in bliss. Oh, to reminisce.
The fantasy about being caught masterbating or catching a lady masterbating definitely applies to me. Hopefully, in either case it would be my future wife. That would be a fun experience to look back on and recall at a later date, that's for sure!
Lila, I've been really mulling this over. My first response was rejection of the idea. But I think that is my upbringing talking. I got to wondering, where do you engage with those kinds of stories? Is there any safe, Christian space to read pretty wild fantasy? I am super worried about being led astray on a non Christian site.
Leigha95,
I think that if you investigate fantasies that don't seem to transgress God's laws, it's generally safe. My own experience has told me that spending a lot of time on fantasies that would transgress God's laws (let's say swinging for example, although this never was one of my fantasies), tend to create an unhealthy head space for me and I began doubting whether it was good to fantasize about such things. Ideas are what the ancient Greeks called "spirits" and we should be careful of letting such spirits into our lives that in reality would cause a lot of pain and complications.
That is good advice Southernmost. Why is it that some of the fantasies that get me most horny are also more edgy? Is it just that I am still very much new to embracing sexuality? Like, I have never for a moment felt same sex attraction in real life, but as a fantasy my body gets racing.
I agree completely. I have never really had same sex attraction but something about another woman and masturbation together or oral sex is a fantasy. Makes me wet thinking of it. But again just a fantasy and one I like to discuss here.
Hey, Leigha! Sorry for the late reply….
I mean, Marriage Heat does have a Fantasy section, so if you’d be interested in writing one of your own fantasy stories I would say go for it.
I think you’re completely safe discussing or sharing any of your wilder more taboo fantasies with us, babe!
Judging by the feedback in this thread and others here, I think all of us would love to hear about or read your fantasies!
xoxo ?
@Alwayswet101
Your comment made me really wet! Glad to see other hot wives here that think the same or have similar thoughts! Love the trust and open honesty!
Please do tell us more about your fantasy of experiencing oral sex or masturbation with another woman, or even write a fantasy story about it!
?
Actually, that would not be likely to meet the guidelines,even as a fantasy.
Love you, southernmost, but are we living by the beliefs of ancient Greeks now? Difficult enough to get people to agree what the Bible says on these topics. Inviting Spirits is all Greek to me.
@Marriage Heat
Oh… I thought that was entire point of the (F) for Fantasy.
It seems that a majority of us here also have the same fantasies and it would great to share them without leaving the site…
Or is it because there is no longer an ignite section?
Thanks!
Lila
Hmmm. You are right about the F-rating being for fantasies that we wouldn't live out. But we weren't thinking same-sex scenarios there, though they are quite common. MH is very much about upholding Biblical marriage ideals while allowing for the fun of play-pretend. We'll have to think and pray on this one.
Lila, I understand your puzzled reaction. What is open for discussion seems like a moving target. I’m guessing at least 8-10 of the females here have mentioned either a desire to try some play with another female or that it excites them as a fantasy. Yet now we can’t talk about it anymore? That is not even to bring up nothing in the Bible denies women the right to touch each other for pleasure. I’m fine with following any rules here but often it seems different people moderating comments have a different concept of what the rules should be. Looking back, there are probably 4 dozen or more comments that include the topic in a positive way. I don’t suggest we discuss actual girl with girl experiences but as Lila said, the fantasy would seem a reasonable place to air those thoughts. After all discussion was clearly stated to be about fantasies.
Yup, you're right. In discussion posts, we do take a more liberal attitude. Stating *that* one has such a fantasy is just truth-telling. Describing the details of a scenario in a story is the problematic area for us.
It could be done well by focusing on the husband and wife who, in the course of the tale, tell each other about such a fantasy and/or egg each other on to play it out in words or with toys. We could put an (F) on that and I think it would be fine. But posting just the fantasy by itself would make MH no different than Literotica or any other erotica site; most of that stuff is pure fiction and not about encouraging God-honoring sexuality.
Do some of us have those kinds of fantasies? Of course. Should we share them with our spouses? Yes, with concern for their feelings, being sure they know we don't desire to make them real. That's what a post with an MH (F) rating should convey.
P.S. It's just me and Calvin on comment moderation. Sometimes stuff gets past us because we are working and homeschooling too, but we try to talk over and agree on anything controversial. Sorry if we are confusing with our decisions sometimes.
MH, never think that because I disagree with you means I do not respect your views. Accept your decisions. And realize how difficult your work is in keeping this place in the slot it has to occupy. Thank you for your efforts.
A great erotic sexual fantasy would be my future wife wearing a thong like that.
I fantasize about showing my lady, in lingerie, to others, like a model. I like the idea of guys getting super horny seeing lingerie pics of my wife and going at it with their woman, imagining my girl's hotness…
I hope I stayed within the limits.
Outside of imagining having sex with a lady that I am interested in or could see myself dating, my biggest fantasies have involved a woman watching me masturbate or watching a woman masturbate.
That's also a lovely fantasy. Besides mine, you've given me a new one.
This is one of my favourite photos on MH. That is one big ass. Yay!
I thought the photo was very hot too!!
She does have quite a nice ass if I may say so myself! Lol
Lila XOXO
Hi Bighead and others,
If I had to make a list of my top fantasies they would in random order be the following:
1) Seeing a woman masturbate,
2) A woman seeing me masturbate,
3) Mutual masturbation,
4) Oral sex,
5) Sex in variety of positions from missionary to having a woman riding my hard cock.
Finally, last but not least there is heels/lingerie.
Repeat after me, guys, heels/lingerie.
My wife is always in heels and stockings… Our highway stories posted earlier described everything. My wife has been a fantastic lover.
These are some hot fantasies that I’m sure your future wife will love. Made me a little wet hearing you say these things. Mr. Lover you will be a great husband, I can tell. Your wife will be honored to ride your hard cock, believe me. Most of us wives usually adore our husbands tasting our wet pussies and can cum large amounts from oral. Getting caught masturbating is so hot and something that keeps happening to me recently, since I’m not as cautious and more horny since being preggo! In fact, I’m a little too wet to not do anything about it, and the hubby isn’t home yet, but I’ll certainly devour him later!
Brother Paul said that all things are possible but not all things are profitable. Southernmost has a good POV. Some fantasies are very stimulating to the flesh but some things are not beneficial to our mindset as we seek His purity.
I have had a thought of mmf for my wife because she loves cock, but I choose not to play that out since the very premise is not God’s way for our lives. Fleeting thoughts of "hhhmmm" and "what if" means we are human. But there are limits.
Someone mentioned same-room sex. We have done that one. That is not an activity for the less mature among us.
Brother Nietzsche said “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
My POV has been if you consider trying a fantasy make sure you both are completely in favor. And more importantly, make sure you have a strong loving marriage.
Hi Bighead,
That's so hot. Hopefully, my future wife loves to wear stockings and heels.
I always feel women should be given respect and admiration. My wife looks totally different when she dresses up for me in heels and stockings. She becomes so bossy, and I just love that. Ahhh, I love how my wife gets ready?
Hi Bighead,
I was looking for you're highway stories.
What are they called?
[From MH: Here you go.
https://marriageheat.com/author/bighead/ ]
Thank you MH.
Mr. Lover u will love our stories. As i told you, this website—since my marriage—has always given me great response from different couples. Our experiences may also help you to have fun with your future spouse.
Hi Bighead,
I love you're stories. Hopefully, my future wife is as neat as you're wife is.
Thanks, bro. I hope yours will be even better and sexier than mine is.
Fantasies can be fun and also surprising. The key is not to judge each other for having these fantasies. I admitted to my wife that I had a taboo fantasy – particularly watching her in bed with another man who is more endowed than me and I was shocked and turned on to hear that is her #1 fantasy too.
I agree completely. I have never really had same sex attraction but something about another woman and masturbation together or oral sex is a fantasy. Makes me wet thinking of it. But again just a fantasy and one I like to discuss here. It makes me hard. Of course, as a guy women quite often make me really hard.
When first started reading erotic stories online, I started with the Literotica website. However, I looked for something different because this website had too many elements and stories that were going too far, in my mind, and were very in favour of cheating and group sex and not in the spirit of faithfully married life. I prefer stories I could explore in roleplay with my future wife, like nurse or teacher fantasies.
Great list of fantasies Lila. As someone raised very conservative and who now has for myself concluded that God never intended for us to deny ourselves thoughts and even act out some that do not weaken our marriage, I think the logical boundary involves any lie to your spouse or intercourse with others while married. I have acted out a couple fantasies and plan on discussing my list with the young man I am now dating and hope he shares his. It’s not up to any of us to tell others which fantasy they should or should not have.
Thanks for the feedback, SecondMarge!
Lila
XOXO ?
Always wet: "Another fantasy I have always had would be to get caught masturbating and have whoever catches me start masturbating themselves because they’re so horny (this has happened a few times lol)"
[…]"Caught" stories are some of my favorites! I'm certain I'm not the only one…
[…]
You’re certainly not!
I found this site because I was looking for stories by women like me who also have similar fantasies… This site is awesome! I’m not married but I would love to share my fantasies with my future husband. I too, find edgy fantasies like experiencing a woman a big turn on. Are there any fantasy stories like that on here?
No, Kaleigh, this site is strictly focused on heterosexual married relationships. Same-sex fantasies, while they could be relevant for discussion/advice post or mentioned in passing as a factual occurrence, won't be published as stories.
Everyone has fantasies that do not fit in with this site, but might be hot to discuss with your spouse. We have zero restrictions on what turns us on. And do not believe in judging others. And if you look at lists of the most popular fantasies probably half are not for MH. Does not mean they are wrong. MH has a purpose it fills and is best to stay in it.
I had the great idea of creating my own little 'journal' to write about my fantasies where I can post them… I used WordPress to make it, the name I came up with is […]
I wish I had more time! Life is busy but very fun idea, indeed! It was cheap too… only like 5 bucks!
Look forward to any thoughts from ya'll about my journal site!
[Editors' Note: MH may occasionally allow links to sources that are relevant to certain discussions, but as a general rule (not as anything personal against any MH community member), we do not publish links to other sites, especially ones intended to host erotica, because they may not be in alignment with our values and mission.]
No worries, I understand! It's a really fun idea if anyone wants to create their own [wordpress] site because its free too and really easy.
This is a great idea. We have several fantasies as well, some of which we have written down but probably aren’t shareable here. I guess I could make it into a journal of some sort online.
@JohnClancy you should!!
I have lots of fantasies. Girl on girl and threesomes are my favorites though
I saw your comment on my blog ([…]) Thanks !
Keeping a journal is a good idea, LilaY69, for many reasons. Good for making the effort!
It sure is!
Like most, I would say, I have a litany of fantasies. Some are tame and some are similar to those others have listed. Some of them could be easily acted out, while others could only be fulfilled with toys. None of them are likely to be fulfilled anytime soon.
Most, if not all of them trigger involuntary arousal. At times I have masturbated to them, and at times I have felt guilty for doing so.
I can’t reconcile the cognitive dissonance of being a man with these fantasies and being a Christian with these fantasies.
Reading through the comments, I marvel at how some are able to accept them, (with no intention of carrying them out), as a part of being human.
With many of the same feelings about there being some desires that are “wrong” and create guilt, I struggled to even masturbate at all when young and even early in my marriage. As I started to have a healthier sex life I found many thoughts and actions that, as you say, triggered arousal. Some within what many Christians find acceptable and some that turned me on as much if not more that conservative Christians might conclude are sins. I read here at MH that only acceptable inspiration for self pleasure was thoughts of my spouse. After much contemplation and reading I could not agree. First guilt is a destructive emotion and of no value. Second if actions or people that help me achieve self pleasure whom does that harm? Letting my imagination roam to build my excitement accomplishes my goal of sexual satisfaction then it is a good thing. Regardless if some person decided I should not have thoughts about certain people or genders. Or multiple people, use of toys, what I am reading, watching, or who can watch me.
Realizing that even we as Christians have come a long way in accepting different forms of sex, it is clear to me at least, that as long as the actions are in my fantasy and not real life, it makes no sense to deny myself more and or stronger climaxes.
Can everyone find a path to believe this without guilt? Depends how deeply indoctrinated one is and how important healthy sexual desire is to you.
If as my fingers explore my breasts, pussy, anus or other place, I think the fingers belong to an acquaintance, or stranger should I feel guilt? Should I feel the need to seek approval from my spouse? My Minister? My parent? My Shrink? I think the answer to all is no. I do share by fantasies with my spouse and they excite him to the point of imagining me with others pleasuring me make him very hard. Will others ever know they played a role in one of my fantasies? That is a more difficult topic. Should I act them out, again far more complicated.
In reply to SecondMarge,
I'll refrain from responding to every point, since I think our disagreements have been made clear in the past.
However, there's one point that I do want to address. You say "Guilt is a destructive emotion and of no value." Biblically, this is simply inaccurate. We must acknowledge our guilt in order to repent of any sin we commit. If we don't acknowledge we are guilty of doing something wrong, we have no reason to repent, which means we will never take that necessary step for salvation. Therefore guilt, though a negative emotion, plays a vital role in our salvation.
This is shown in 2 Corinthians 7:8-12, especially verses 9-10, where it's very clear that negative feelings can have positive effects. Verses 9 and 10 (in the ESV translation) read: "As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death."
I believe the "grief" spoken of here, based on the context, can be understood as nearly synonymous with a sense of guilt.
Yes, some guilt is unwarranted and causes unnecessary negativity and harm. But it is a logical fallacy to say that because SOME guilt is unwarranted, therefore ALL guilt is unwarranted. That doesn't make any sense. I hope we would agree that if someone did something deeply wrong and hurt another person, they SHOULD feel guilty for that, and respond with repentance.
This is shared not in disagreement, rather in clarification.
The Greek word in 2 Corinthians 7:9 for ‘grieve’ is not the English word for ‘guilt.’ Elypethete means ‘to be made sorrowful.’
Satan is the author of guilt whereas the Holy Spirit convicts. The H.S.’s conviction brings us to repentance in our grief.
An excellent commentary on the book of Romans, The Normal Christian Life, delves into this important Biblical exegetical distinction.
A search on this topic of guilt vs. conviction will render similar commentaries as this one . . .
‘Condemnation is Satan trying to make you feel guilty. Conviction is the Holy Spirit reminding you that through Jesus you are righteous and have no need to sin any longer. Condemnation pushes you to desperation; conviction pushes you to repent and rely on Jesus.’
Therefore, guilt is indeed ‘destructive and of no value.’ The Holy Spirit’s conviction is incredibly positive and of great value.
An alternative view …
In 2 Corinthians 7:9, the Greek word for "grieve" is “λυπέω” (“lypeō”), which generally means "to cause sorrow" or "to distress." Understanding the difference between grief and guilt involves examining the broader context of the verse, particularly in how Paul discusses godly versus worldly sorrow.
Paul writes in this passage about how the Corinthians were grieved (sorrowed) by his previous letter, but that their sorrow was beneficial because it led them to repentance. The concept of "godly grief" (7:10) is contrasted with "worldly grief," which leads to death. Godly grief leads to repentance and salvation, which suggests an emotional response that is transformative rather than merely regretful.
“lypeō” does not explicitly exclude guilt, but it emphasizes a kind of sorrow that leads to repentance rather than lingering condemnation. Guilt, understood as conviction of sin, is part of the process, but it's not meant to be a paralyzing force. Instead, through godly grief, one is moved to repent and experience the grace of God. Worldly sorrow, which may include guilt but lacks repentance, is viewed negatively.
“lypeō” encompasses a range of meanings tied to emotional distress, with its specific meaning determined by the context in which it is used.
So, in summary, “lypeō” in this context could involve guilt, but with a distinction between a guilt that drives one to repentance (godly grief) and a guilt that leads to death (worldly grief). The focus is on the repentance and transformation rather than the mere feeling of guilt.
Well explained SilverGold. It is easy to be confused by the devil. And poor translation of the Bible.
I write this comment separately because it maybe rejected but I feel the topic is important. It is very common for young teen boys to have an experience with others. That sometimes brings thoughts to them after they mature. I think it’s important they feel no guilt for the actions of their youth or of fantasies they may trigger as adults. Many girls at slumber parties have far more innocent experiences.
That slumber party stuff really happens sometimes, eh, ladies?
@IndyDad Especially when toys are involved. 😉 😏
@LilaY69 surely no toys at teenage slumber parties?! But I hear sex toy parties have replaced Tupperware parties for adult women!
Regarding the comments on "guilt" …
Guilt can be both beneficial and necessary for a Christian when it leads to conviction of sin, repentance, and restoration to a right relationship with God. This understanding flows from a biblical view of the law and the gospel, where guilt is used by God to bring believers to Christ and to ongoing repentance and sanctification.
Here are some key points on how guilt can be beneficial:
1. Conviction of Sin
Guilt serves as a signal that something is spiritually wrong. The Holy Spirit works in believers to convict them of their sin and lead them to repentance. This conviction is essential to the Christian life, helping the believer to recognize their need for grace. (John 16:8) The Holy Spirit's conviction often brings guilt over sin, but it is not meant to drive the believer away from God but toward repentance and reliance on Christ's righteousness. (Romans 3:19-20) The law reveals sin, and guilt arises when we realize that we fall short of God's standards. This recognition of guilt is vital for understanding our need for Christ.
2. Leads to Repentance
Guilt that is rightly understood leads to repentance. True repentance is a turning away from sin and toward God. Guilt becomes beneficial when it moves the believer from self-reliance to dependence on God's mercy. (2 Corinthians 7:10) There is a distinction between godly guilt (or grief) and worldly guilt. Godly guilt leads to repentance and salvation, which ultimately brings peace, while worldly guilt leads to despair.
3. Points to the Sufficiency of Christ's Atonement
Guilt has a proper place in driving the believer to the cross of Christ, where they find forgiveness and cleansing. The Westminster Confession of Faith (Chapter 15: "Of Repentance Unto Life") states that repentance involves recognizing the sinfulness of one's sin, feeling guilt for it, and then resting in the sufficiency of Christ's atoning work. (1 John 1:9) Confession of sin, prompted by guilt, leads to forgiveness through Christ’s atoning work, which assures the believer that they no longer bear the weight of their sin. (Romans 8:1) While guilt is initially useful to point us to our need for forgiveness, once we are in Christ, we are no longer under condemnation. Any lingering sense of guilt should remind us to rely on Christ’s sufficiency, rather than to burden us with shame.
4. Motivates Sanctification
Guilt is not merely about past sin but can also serve as a motivator for growth in holiness. When a believer feels guilt over ongoing sin, it can spur them to greater obedience and conformity to Christ through the process of sanctification. (Psalm 51:10-12) David’s guilt over his sin leads him to repentance, but also to a prayer for renewal and sanctification. This shows the beneficial role of guilt in spiritual growth.
Conclusion
Guilt is beneficial when it leads to 1. Conviction of sin, highlighting the need for grace; 2. Repentance and a turning away from sin; 3. A deepened reliance on Christ's atoning work; 4. Motivation for ongoing sanctification.
In summary, guilt is beneficial when it is used by God to drive a believer toward the gospel—toward repentance, grace, and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit. It is not to be seen as a permanent state for believers but as a temporary means to a greater end: a restored and sanctified relationship with God through Christ.
PS – this site is not the forum for extended theological debate. Second Marge offered her opinion; I felt the need to summarize a more classical theological understanding. Done.
Very informative!
@LovelyLonelyLady You could also just create your own blog site like I have above… it's just a [Wordpress site] and its free I think I may have just paid like a yearly fee of like 5 dollars.
If you ever wanna check it out it's […]
[Edited by MH: While this wasn't technically a link, we feel that allowing recommendations of this site conflicts with our mission and values.]
Great site!
@Monogomyman1 thank you!
If anyone would like to submit their own fantasies that may be crossing the border of what marriageheat allows… just submit them on my blog site […]
[Edited by MH: Sorry, as a policy, we generally don't allow links to other sites with erotic content, especially if they host content that is starkly misaligned with our mission and values. We strive to uphold sexuality as God designed it, and will not refer our community to sites that glorify its misuse.
Due to technical limitations, an author's comments on their own stories will publish automatically without admin pre-approval. Abusing this feature to post disapproved links will not be accepted. Please consider this a friendly warning, but please also take it seriously so that we don't have to take further action to maintain our site as we believe is right.]
Firstly, I am thankful for this site snd yhe vigilance which keeps it from becoming a sanctified hookup site.
At the same I'm thankful to have a place where believers can express themselves sexually .
Having our marriage and sexual life pass in and out of phases of at first, very openly sexual then becoming more serious about our faith and thus more sexually conservative. Then to virtually non sexual ( more because of my listening to some harmful spiritual understanding.) living with guilt and shame because of my continuous attraction to women, keeping that a secret.
His eventual infidelity our restoration and sexual revolution. Becoming sexual co explorers. Including my freedom in confessing my bisexual attractions and fantasies.
Then our becoming a living fantasy together!
Now openly able to share our desires, attractions and fantasies openly to one another.
Heading towards 70 we are more in love and having an incredible sexlife (monogamously)
And joined fantasies.
We both say it can be done! And its WONDERFUL!!!
Lady L.💋💋
Yours is quite the journey, Tutchh; and it is, in many ways, inspiring.
What you have, (and also your husband), is honesty in self-reflection and a desire to do something about it. What you and your husband went through would have ended many marriages, but you are to be commended on not only sticking it out, but also on the tenacious effort to make it better.
Having this type of sex life as you approach your seventies is just wonderful.
Cheers to you both!
Thank you K. M. We are humbled by your lovely words.