My Heart Waketh, Part 1

He was heavy on her, not at all flabby, just muscle and bone mass.  Not to mention a height of six-foot-four.  With every twist of his hips, every thrust into her, he gifted her with new delights.  She couldn’t help but cry out as they moved.  How could it ever get better than this? His mouth was hot, desperate to melt into hers.  His hands squeezed and gripped and stroked with a masterful tenderness that was only inborn, not taught.  Her skin glowed and burned at his touch.  This was paradise, the taste of heaven that God in His benevolence gave for mankind to know while on earth.  To be with this man was all Ann could ever want.  His body thrilled her; his voice intoxicated her.  His kiss on her lips and her body ignited a fire in her such as she thought impossible.  The rhythm was growing more intense, more wild.  She heard him panting and groaning in her ear, his breath hot.  Her own climax was rushing in fast, like an unstoppable wave.

And then… Ann woke up.

It was that same agonizingly delicious dream.  Every now and then, when she was particularly desperate for physical release, she dreamed like this.  The unnamed man was always there, clenching her in his arms as they lost themselves in unrestrained sex.  But before she ever reached that final moment of bliss, she would come to consciousness.

She wondered who the man was.  Perhaps he was to remain in her imagination, her ideal of a husband.  But with every passing day and every recurrence of the dream, she wanted him to be real.

“Dear Lord, please bring him my way!” was her prayer.

In the meantime, she wasn’t lazy.  It was the summer of 1951.  She, as a skilled pianist, had been asked by one of her father’s business associates to play for a cocktail party.  The event would take place this evening.

She was dressing, hoping she wouldn’t sweat too much in this heat and ruin her clothes.  Alabama in June was a real roaster and very humid.  She was very thankful that the Hodges had air-conditioning.  And she loved their piano.  It was a baby grand and easy to play.

“Ann, you look so pretty!” her mother exclaimed when the young woman made an appearance in the living room.

“Thanks, Mother.  Like the dress?” Ann asked, swaying a little to showcase the skirt’s flow.  It was black, a thin silk, with ribbon-like straps.  It fit Ann’s slim figure nicely.

“Very much.  Just be careful that none of the young men come around hitting on you,” smiled Mrs. Pearce.

“I’ll try,” laughed Ann.  “Knowing Mr. Hodges, he’ll keep the wolves at bay.  Well, I should go a little early to make sure the piano is ready.”

“Have a good time, dear.  And tell Vera hello for me,” Mrs. Pearce instructed.

“I will.  Love you, Mother!”

Mr. Pearce had just pulled into the driveway in his long, light blue Chevrolet.  At the sight of his daughter, he quickly got out.

“Who’s this gorgeous stranger?” he joked.

“The famous pianist gracing the party at the Hodges.  Didn’t you know?” she grinned back archly.  “Do you mind driving me over, Dad?”

“Not a bit.  I guess I got home just in time.  I left work early today.  When do you want me to come get you?”

“Uh, how about eleven? I have no idea how long the party will last, but I presume they’ll want music for most of it.”

“All righty.  May I?” and Mr. Pearce opened the passenger door for her.

The sun was still brightly shining though falling westward when they drew up to the big, gated estate in the sprawling neighborhood.  Mr. Pearce deposited Ann at the front door, wished her well, and drove away.  She hastened gracefully up the steps and rang the bell.

Vera Hodges answered it.  “Ann! Hello! I’m glad you came early.  Come right in!” she welcomed.

Ann had taught piano and some art to the Hodges’ young daughter, so she was familiar with this lovely home.  She always enjoyed coming here.  It was the epitome of luxury and taste without being extravagant.  Mrs. Hodges left her to make herself comfortable at the piano and warm up if she wanted.  The piano was situated in a big airy ballroom, its French doors all open to the terrace outside, and through these, Ann caught sight of waiters and maids setting up refreshment tables and carrying out food.  There were lights strung everywhere and floating candles in the swimming pool.  The whole scene was flooded in late afternoon summer sunshine.

Ann breathed in, basking in the whole thing.  Tonight should be very pleasant.

~~~

People wandered around, stopping to chat with friends or browsing the tables of edibles.  Ann had gone through six or seven songs, mainly hits from the last decade.  Now and then someone would pause to compliment her playing, and she would nod in appreciation.  At times she would lose herself in the music, daydreaming that the romantic lyrics to some of these songs might one day apply to her.

She raised her eyes at one point… and gasped softly.  Across the room, standing by himself and intently taking in her performance, was the man in her dream.  It was him!  Ann tried to easily move her focus back to her playing, but she was greatly distracted, and she felt her cheeks get hot.  Did he notice her fluster?  She hoped he couldn’t read her thoughts through her face.  How embarrassing that would be!  But it was delightful too.  The tall, masculine build with a subtly handsome face and keen eyes and hair dark as coal… it was exactly as she’d dreamed.  And he looked extra-classy in a nice tuxedo and white tie.  Only he’d never been wearing a tuxedo in her dreams.  Come to think of it, he’d never been wearing anything.  Ann turned very red at that thought.  She must not look up again, she rebuked herself, or she’d definitely do something stupid.

It was dark by nine-thirty, and many of the guests were out wandering the illuminated grounds.  Mrs. Hodges came over to tell Ann to take a brief rest and have some refreshments, which Ann was glad to do.

She collected a glass of lemonade and some fruit and shortbread, then strolled down a deserted path under the heavy green palms.  Her thoughts were still quite active, and, she confessed, rather steamy.  So, as she often did, she began to pray.

“Lord, You know my heart and my desires.  I want them to be everything that is pure and good.  I believe You want me to get married, but You must bring the right man along.  I can’t rely on my own wild fancies or I might make a mistake.  Oh, but… it’s too strange that that man looks just like the one in my dreams!  Father, could he be the one?  Please show me!”

She was practically isolated from the rest of the party, considering how thick and lush the palms and grasses were.  It was understandable that she would jump when a voice spoke quite close to her.

“Good evening.  I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Spinning around, she found herself facing him.  The man.  The deathly gorgeous, keen-eyed, strongly-built, rugged-faced man.  Ann swallowed and commanded herself to relax and proceed with grace.

“It’s quite all right.  I hope you’re enjoying the Hodges’ party,” she replied, grabbing the first commonplace topic she could think of.

“I am, thanks.  May I ask who you are? I’ve never seen you before,” he remarked.

“Ann Pearce.  I taught their daughter piano, and my father works with Mr. Hodges.”

“Ah!  I see.  You play very beautifully.  And you weren’t using music,” the stranger observed with interest.  “Do you play by ear?”

“Yes.”

He smiled.  “So do I.”

Ann looked at him more fully.  “You do?”

“That’s why your music caught me.  It was… natural and original, from your soul.”

“I’ve never met anyone else who had that same gift,” Ann said.  “It makes talking about it so much more pleasant when two people love the same thing.”  She was smiling too and looking very lovely.

“Oh, by the way, my name’s Ed Hansley.  I’m sorry my manners are so bad,” he apologized, holding out his hand.

Ann took it.  “Not at all.  Are you by any chance in the military?”

“That’s why my manners are bad,” he laughed.  “Yes, I just got out of the Navy.  Now I’m going back to medicine.”

“You’re a doctor?”

“Yes.  Just finishing some brush-up courses.”

“That’s splendid.  And how do you know the Hodges?”

“Their family and mine go way back, though my parents are both gone now.”

“I’m so sorry,” Ann said gently.

“It’s all right.  I know where they are,” and Ed’s smile was positively sun-like.  “Out of this broken world and in the presence of Christ.”

“Are you a Christian?” Ann’s heart thudded joyfully.

“Absolutely.  Are you?”

“Completely.”

They talked for half an hour, their conversation flowing as easily as if they’d been friends from babyhood.  Then Ann recalled the reason she was here in the first place and said she had better return to the piano.  But when she reached the terrace, Mrs. Hodges waved her away with a smile, saying her husband was going to put on a record.  She’d caught sight of Ann and Ed and secretly thought Ann had better things to do than play for the guests.  Ed had come up to catch this, and, turning to Ann, asked her for a dance.

The song was “My One and Only Love,”  a favorite of Ann’s.  As a matter of fact, there was a part in the middle that grew passionate and moving, and she’d always pictured a scene with a man and woman caught in a blazing kiss right there.  Of course, she was the woman.  Now, as the segment flowed over them and she kept in step with Ed, she wished for just a second that she had the boldness to draw close and kiss him.  She wouldn’t.  She was too shy, for one thing, and she also wanted something that special to only happen with the man she knew would be hers alone.  Still, it was romantic.  She smiled quietly to herself.

As if on cue, Ed pulled her closer so his jaw was against her cheek.  The intimacy of the move weakened Ann.  It was thrilling, in a gentle way.  Here she was, held in this wonderful man’s arms, pressed close to his body as the glorious orchestral music swirled and gushed around them.  Ann closed her eyes, trying to memorize every aspect of it, from the sound of dancing footfalls to the scent of Ed’s cologne.  That alone was driving her crazy.  His clothes smelled so good, so manly.  Unconsciously, she nuzzled her face into his jacket and breathed in.  She hardly noticed that his hand quivered a little as it rested on her waist or that his fingers twitched, aching to stray farther down her body.

When the guests began departing, Ann knew it was time to head home.  She didn’t want to.  She wished this was a dream she wouldn’t wake up from.  Still, it was a pleasure to have Ed Hansley walk alongside her out to the front drive.

“Goodnight, Miss Pearce.  I hope I’ll see you again,” he said frankly, extending a hand.

She accepted it.  “Thank you.  I… I can say the same,” she answered.  Her eyes held his, and she thought that he slightly tightened his clasp of her hand.

And then her father drove up.  He got out and met Ed, then shuttled Ann into the car and they drove away.

“He seemed like a nice guy,” Mr. Pearce remarked.

“Oh, he was.  Very nice,” was all Ann got out.  Her mind was too far away.

That night she dreamed again.  She and the dark stranger made love all night, sometimes slow and tenderly, other times passionate and crazed.  When she woke up, she wanted it so badly.  Not just the sex.  That was one aspect of a much bigger picture.  She wanted to be with him, to tell him anything on her mind and listen to everything on his, to hold his hand or stroke his hair, to dance with him, to cook him a homemade dinner, to wash and fold his laundry, to walk with him into town and sit with him in church… and the list went on.  She wanted him as friend and companion as well as lover.

She read Song of Solomon that morning, stirred so deeply by her dreams that she was drawn to the most sensual piece of Scripture.  When she came to the line that said, “My heart waketh,” she lay back and closed her eyes.  Yes, her heart was waking.

~~~

Ed Hansley at once became part of the community as he set up his practice and began acquainting himself with the townsfolk.  Ann almost had a heart attack when one Sunday morning, he walked into church and found himself a pew.  He was going to attend the same church as her family! She was the pianist, and though she was turned three-quarters away from his side of the sanctuary, she knew his eyes were on her.  It was a struggle to keep her attention on worshiping the Lord and serving with her musical skill.

Ed came up afterward to greet Ann’s parents, shaking hands with Mr. Pearce genially.  Mrs. Pearce seemed very pleased with the young man and raised a half-sly, half-approving eyebrow at her daughter.  Ann lightly flushed but smiled.  Of course, her parents invited Ed over for lunch so they could welcome him to the area and better get to know him.  Though she maintained an admirable reserve outwardly, Ann was thrilled.

From then on, they saw him often.  Mr. and Mrs. Pearce quietly observed him with their daughter, and they liked what they saw.  Ed Hansley was a good man, one who was intently pursuing God and whose heart flowed over with love for people, especially those suffering, like the war veterans that made up his largest clientele.  When Ann came to her parents and confided that she felt a deep attraction to Ed, they began praying together about it.

Then something happened to throw a wrench into the planning.

It was a rainy evening in autumn.  Mr. Pearce was still at work.  Ann had finished cleaning up the dinner dishes while her mother went to the study to organize the month’s accounts.  The foggy dusk called to her romantic side through the wet window, and she decided to take a little walk.  Afterward, she could snuggle up by the fireplace with a good book and a cup of tea.

Of course, thoughts of Ed filled her mind.  She tried to temper them with prayer; God knew her heart’s desires and He had a very good plan.  She needed to trust.

Suddenly she heard someone coming along the path through the wet leaves, and Ed rounded the corner.

“Ed! Hello!” she greeted in pleasure.

“Ann,” he began, then he paused.  He looked grave as he came up to her.

“What’s wrong? Ed, are you all right?”

“I’m fine, but I need to tell you something.”  Rain was running down the brim of his hat.  He drew her under a thick tree which would provide some shelter.  “Ann, I’ve been called back to the Navy.  We’re going to Korea.”

Her heart fell into her stomach.  “What?” she breathed, her eyes distressed.

“In four days.”

“Four days?” She couldn’t grasp it.  Just when things were looking so beautiful.  “But… you can’t… not now.” He didn’t answer immediately, and realizing she had been a little bold, she added, “I mean… we’ll be so sorry to see you go.  When do you think… how long will it be?”

“It could be months,” he said slowly.

She couldn’t hide her distress.

“I’ll miss you, Ann.”

“I’ll miss you, Ed,” she couldn’t help rejoining.  “I can’t imagine not seeing you for… who knows how long.”

“That’s the part I don’t like,” he said with deliberation.

Ann swallowed, feeling close to tears.  This wonderful man was about to leave her, and she wasn’t sure how to let him know her feelings without sounding brazen.

“I don’t either,” she whispered, unable to help herself.

Ed licked his lips, his eyes bright.  “Suppose we spend these last four days together?” he suggested suddenly.

Her eyes shot up to his in confusion.  She knew he couldn’t mean anything inappropriate.  But what did he mean? “You mean, go out, sort of… on dates?” she hedged.

His jaw clenched and his nostrils flared, but his expression was closer to amusement than anything else.  “I was thinking… would you marry me before I ship out?”

The question startled her.  “What did you say?” she whispered.

“Ann, I love you!” Ed’s voice was almost desperate in its earnestness.  “I’ve been at your father’s office for the last two hours trying to get him to give his permission.  He did.  I mean, he said he would abide by your decision.”

“You love me…” Ann realized what it meant.  What he meant.

“More than my life.”

“Oh Ed, I’ve been in love with you so long!” she confessed, folding her arms around his neck.

“You mean it?” His jaw muscles tightened, and his lips quivered.

“I mean it.  Yes, I’ll marry you!  I want every moment I can get with you!”

“Thanks to God!”  Ed clenched her close and kissed her.

They wished they could just stay there, under the tree, enjoying the sweetness of this new phase of their relationship.  Ann was quivering and her heartbeat was thick and fast.  Abruptly the walls of hesitation and uncertainty had crumbled.  He could hold her close, and she could breathe his scent, and it was right and good.  Their hearts were bound to each other.  Her dream was coming true and a song of joy and gratefulness rose to God from her deepest soul.