Professional Advice re: Erotic/Boudoir Photography

This originally came in as a comment, but because it was very long and to avoid hijacking the post with follow-on questions, we decided to create a separate post. —MH

WOW, the post about planning an erotic photoshoot is fantastic! Thanks, LovelyLonelyLady for posting. I literally just made an account a couple of days ago to share my and my wife’s experiences with modeling (see the recent “Modeling?” post and my comment for more context). And here we are with another post that we have direct experience with!

Anyway, as I shared in more detail in my comment to the “Modeling?” post, my wife has done plenty of nude modeling, including for boudoir photographers. I’m a professional photographer (part-time, at least), and several of my friends do boudoir photography, so between my job, my friends’, and my wife’s modeling experience, this is something I’m quite familiar with all angles of (and that my wife Allison and I have thought about from a Christian perspective in much detail). I’ll share some thoughts here, but am happy to answer any other or more specific questions as well!

First, it’s fantastic that you’re thinking about all this so enthusiastically, with good body positivity and a positive outlook on your sexuality as well. Boudoir/erotic photography can be such a great way of enhancing that, now and/or when you’re married! If money allows, I love the idea of doing boudoir photos now, to share with your future husband later. People often do boudoir photography when in a relationship, but plenty of women do them while single, too, and find it a really empowering thing to do simply for yourself for the time being, with the possibility of sharing with a partner later. You’d get to see yourself from another (the photographer’s) expert perspective, gain a different glimpse of yourself and your body, embracing your femininity and sensuality. And what a fun gift that would be once you’re in a relationship! Who knows, maybe you’d want to share lingerie photos with him once you’re in a serious relationship? Show him topless ones when you’re engaged, and then full nude ones on your honeymoon?

Don’t underestimate the value of a skilled, professional photographer to do a photoshoot for you! But just the same, I’d encourage you to experiment with sexy/sensual/erotic ‘selfies’ as well to explore that side of yourself. What looks sexy? What makes you feel sexy? I know my now-wife Allison said she used to do that just for herself, too, before we were dating. She’d even make videos of herself undressing, or masturbating, just to ‘see’ herself from a sort of “third person” perspective, and found it really sexy and empowering. (And speaking as her now-husband, is it fun looking at an old video of college-athlete single-Allison years ago before I met her, lying on her bed naked in her dorm room bringing herself to orgasm? um…YES!! lol)

Anyway, the kinds of photoshoots you’re describing are incredibly erotic and wonderful. You’ll likely find plenty of boudoir photographers in your area, but keep in mind that many or most boudoir photographers do mostly lingerie photography with some nudity — topless, sheer, etc. Most boudoir photography with full nudity still avoids any direct shots of male/female genitals, unless it’s indirect/subtle glimpses. Most of them don’t photograph visibly aroused genitals, and most (even if they’re doing couples’ boudoir photos) don’t photograph sexual acts. (So nude hugging or cuddling, but no mutual masturbating or actual intercourse).

All of that can of course still be SUPER fun, but what you’re describing is what most photographers would probably call “erotic boudoir” photography — a typical photoshoot of that type might be you in sexy clothes, you undressed to lingerie, and then fully nude, but (depending on your preferences) would likely also include things like the photographer capturing photos of you lying back with your legs open or other more explicit poses, photos with you masturbating, close-ups showing your wetness, you using a sex toy if you want, being photographed as you orgasm, etc. And then “couples erotic boudoir” photography would be similar, clearly showing his erection, sexual touching, oral sex, intercourse, etc. So keep that in mind as you explore photographers’ profiles! Sexual interaction will probably be off the table unless they specifically offer *erotic* boudoir photography 🙂 Some photographers also do erotic boudoir videography, but that’s typically MUCH more expensive simply due to the added complexity and editing time.

I’ve done *some* boudoir/erotic photography with my business, but not all that regularly. I’ve done basic boudoir photography of a half dozen women over the past 10 years, and of a couple of ladies that were more erotic boudoir — some with more reserved women nervously breaking out of their shells, one of a young woman doing a photoshoot for her husband, who brought her own sex toy and enthusiastically brought herself to at least a couple orgasms by the time the shoot was done! lol. Everyone’s different, and a good photographer will be easygoing, non-creepy, and fully professional in crafting a photoshoot that will delight you and help you see yourself in a new light.

One other thing to keep in mind is that any reputable, professional photographer is running a small business with very tight profit margins — he/she can’t afford to weird out clients or be a creep, or they’ll be out of business in no time. So you can expect him/her to be very clear beforehand — confirming everything from the number of outfit changes to the general goals/feel of the shoot you want, to exactly what will/won’t be shown (body parts, close-ups, specific acts, etc)., and ensuring they stay well within your boundaries and any limits. You can always reign it in if you want to scale back once things are underway, but any good photographer is going to work to keep YOU comfortable and stay within any boundaries you have.

It’s only fair to mention that being a professional doesn’t mean that he (if your photographer is a guy) isn’t still a human being. My wife has done nude erotic modeling for a number of photographers (usually as a hired model, a couple of times for photos for me); I remember one time she told me about, the photographer was doing close-ups as she opened her legs and played with herself for several minutes (pro tip: he used flash to catch the shiny reflections of her wetness, which turned out stunning!!), and when he stood up and she changed poses, she said she could see a bulge in his pants for a few minutes, but even then he stayed perfectly professional. I’ve rarely gotten physically aroused doing lingerie-boudoir photography for clients, but I do remember getting extremely hard (luckily I was wearing briefs under my jeans that hopefully hid it!) while shooting one erotic-boudoir client as she brought herself to orgasm. But 95% of the time, the technical aspects of it are taking up most of my brainspace! But still, the handful of times I’ve done boudoir photography, nude or lingerie, I do often get a bit aroused at times as I sort through the images and work on editing — seeing such lovely feminine beauty and intimate sexuality in 40+ megapixels, well, sometimes I’d have to just go in the other room to take a break and let off some steam so I can get back to work! So I guess what I’m saying, if you’re having someone do nude/erotic/boudoir photography of you, you have to be okay that (if your photographer is male) your photographer is only human, and some physical attraction may be in his mind (which frankly I think there’s NOTHING wrong with) — BUT he absolutely should be expected to remain fully professional, and with a legit photographer, you should be 100% fine.

Anyway, I’ve rambled on too long! But I’ve had such relevant experiences with all this, I could help but share. Hopefully, this is helpful. Like I said, I’ve done boudoir/erotic photography for some couples, my wife has done nude/erotic modeling for photographers (usually by herself, occasionally with another professional model), and for our 5th anniversary, we hired a photographer to do an erotic couples boudoir photoshoot of us, including of our lovemaking. So I’m happy to answer any questions, general or specific!

Bravo for sharing your wonderful sexual imagination about all this, and I hope you go through with this!! Both now, and with your man when you’re married.