Question for “Small” Guys
In my sex research, I’ve heard two opposing views: many women seem to say that they want a guy with a big, or at least wide, penis; others say that penis size is actually not as important as technique, and that it can be uncomfortable if a guy is too big.
Can both of these be true? Does it depend on the couple? For guys who are unusually small, how do you give your wives pleasure? Is it impossible, tough, or just needing more effort? Are there any men here on MarriageHeat who have had issues with size? What are your solutions?
Personally, I would probably be fine with an erect cock that’s the size of the vibrator I got, which is about 4 or 5 inches long and fairly slim. (I’m not sure of the circumference.) Of course, I’m VERY tight, so that will play into it. I think it’s due to hypertension and the way my body stores stress. I wouldn’t be surprised if, should I ever marry, I may have to do pelvic floor therapy, especially if I get a more well-endowed guy.
Anyhow, I’d love to hear back from any of the gents on this topic.
You could read my comment on SinglePringle's post about dilators to get my full views but there's a wonderful article on the Hey Epiphora site called "My Vagina Is a Black Hole" which would probably be encouraging to read if you haven't. I applaud SP's proactive approach. It's strange that guys are worried about not being big enough to please a woman while girls are terrified of guys being too big (perhaps terrified isn't the right word). I think any opinions on penis size that are based on porn or promiscuity should be taken with a whole shaker full of salt. Anyway look up the statistics on what percentage of women regularly orgasm through penetrative sex: foreplay and the clitoris seems to be much more important. As far as size concerns go though, my impression is that the majority of penises and vaginas are going to work incredibly well together and while outliers exist they are rare; I don't think you're necessarily one of them, but again please read that article.
So, I am a bit longer than average, not much and I would say average girth. My wife is a smaller person. She says if I bump her inside, it hurts, I have to be careful to not do that.
I think most women want a guy that will take care of her needs and satisfy her, not sure how important the equipment size is to getting the job done. I suscribe to the "she comes first" rule.
I worked with a woman for many years. She had been married twice and had a least 3 long term boyfriends. I asked her one day if any of them were sexually a standout or different. She said one of them was really large. The first time she saw it, she said there was no way that was going to fit. She said they had to go very slow everytime getting started and take their time. She said too big was not really good.
I’ve heard a saying, “It’s not the size of the ship it’s how you rock the boat!”
Our society has been obsessed with penis size for a long time. The truth is that size does not matter to most women. Sadly there are a lot of women who have had multiple sex partners outside of marriage but even most of them are not obsessed with an overly large penis.
In our experience first intercourse was painful, but once Melody’s hymen was ruptured her vagina soon adapted to my rather larger than average size – & she really enjoyed the experience. Of course not all women have the same experience but the vagina is able to accommodate.
About penis size, I myself thought for years that I was smaller than average and I let it worry me some. But several years ago I came across an online penis size calculator. I measured myself and I was surprised to learn that I was well above average. What a waste to have worried about my size for so many years.
The fact is that unless a man has a very very small penis (called a micro penis) then size really is usually a nonissue. It seems that we men are more obsessed with our penis size than most women.
Don’t get me wrong, my wife & I enjoy my size during our lovemaking sessions, but if I were smaller she’d still enjoy sex with me & I’d enjoy sex with her. She loved the rest of me before we got married. When she saw and experienced my erection on our honeymoon she loved that part of me too. I would expect that most women feel the same way about their husband – whatever the husband’s erect penis size.
Basically, large or small we men should not be so worried about the size of our penis. Just like there are some challenges with a large penis, I assume there are challenges with a small one. But psychologically we all should probably find more important things to do than worry and/or obsess about penis size.
I only react on the pelvic floor therapy. I had quite some tensions in that area. After a few appointments it was already a bit better. I can really recommend that for you. Maybe do that anyway and not wait until you have a relationship. I feel more relaxed now, even though I have some treatments to go.
I'm with you on the size really only needing to be 4 to 5 inches, maybe not even that for some people. We are all created in God's image and are all blessed in different ways. Not to be too boastful or disrespectful but my husband is extremely blessed in his size and I love the feeling of his big cock in me. He is able to spread me wide and satisfy me beyond measure.
I'm with you, HPAHSW, even though as often as we have sex, Jim will ocassionaly pound me in a place that is so deep I get an awkward "jab of pain" – but in the heat of things it's soon forgotten.
It’s very refreshing to hear from any happy wife, particularly a pastor’s wife, weighing in on penis size. As a husband with an erect penis just a touch over 4 inches, I know I’ll never be able to give my wife the filled, stretched, “satisfied beyond measure” feeling your husband’s large cock can give you. Moreover, my wife’s previous sexual relationships most definitely featured a larger penis than me, and the battle I fight in my mind can be a cruel one. I can’t say that I know where to turn to be consoled.
I don't think this is something to worry about. Guys don't vary that much in size when erect. I am at the 85th percentile, and that's only a half-inch longer than normal. The vast majority of men will be more than big enough to get the job done with the vast majority of women. My wife is small, and we had minor problems with size until she gave birth. We probably should have used dilators in the meantime. Most women don't orgasm reliably from penis-in-vagina anyway.
The vagina is an amazing organ. It can pass a baby with minimal damage, yet squeeze a little finger. The best thing you can do is Kegel exercises. It will make sex more enjoyable for you both.
If a guy really is extremely small, they can use penis sleeves to make them bigger. I have also heard of women inserting an anal plug to give them a more filled feeling during intercourse.
"Personally, I would probably be fine with an erect cock that’s the size of the vibrator I got, which is about 4 or 5 inches long and fairly slim. " Your experience with your vibrator will not be like a penis at all. Penises have some give to them near the surface and the glans. You will be able to comfortably take a lot larger penis than your vibrator. One finger is more than big enough to stimulate my wife. Two fingers are a lot smaller than my penis, but are uncomfortable for her.
A 4” cock would be on the quite small side, and I’m convinced it can do a fine job pleasing a wife. Plus, many wives (mine included) almost always need extra stimulus on her clit (fingers or vibe) to reach orgasm. And it’s not always easy, but a guy shouldn’t take that personally as though their cock isn’t enough. Sexuality is different for each person, so in marriage you get to explore a shared sexuality. It doesn’t always means that the “endowment” of either genital is ALL that’s needed. There are many ways to enjoy each other’s bodies sexually.
This is a topic I’d hoped to see for a long while.
I’m happily married to a wonderful woman, the second marriage for both of us. Our sex life is loving and affectionate, yet not a high level of heat.
She has experienced 6 guys over the course of her life, all monogamous yet a few she knew weren’t legitimate.
When fully erect, hard as a nail, my penis is 4.25” long. Im easily the smallest man she has known. My first wife of 20 years fell in a ravenous mind-bending sexual affair with a man in our community who was very large. She got lost in it and did not recover. So small-penis concerns are very real, and large penis pleasures are equally real, though many women are not picky about size.
As one of the resident MH single guys, I can't speak from a married perspective. But from a purely logical standpoint, it makes perfect sense that both cases can be true at once: some women want larger penises, and others have trouble with them being too big. Each woman is different, along with her anatomy and preferences.
Depending on how male and female anatomy lines up in certain couplings, there can easily be different levels of ease or difficulty associated with intercourse. One couple may be made up of a woman with a looser-than-average vagina and a man with a smaller than average penis, leaving that couple wishing for a larger penis size to create a more filling sensation. But another couple might be made up of a petite woman with a smaller vagina, and a man with an larger-than-average penis, and she might have more trouble accommodating that.
However, vaginas are designed to be flexible and accommodating, as ILoveMarriage mentioned, so if everything's working properly, they can either stretch and get used to accommodating a larger penis, or settle into receiving pleasure from a smaller one. In addition, penises typically don't vary much in size. 95% of men are within 1 inch of the average erect penis length (which is around 5 to 5.5 inches, so 95% of men are 4 to 6.5 inches long when erect). I seem to recall the distribution being similar for girth (or circumference, for which the average is about 4.5 inches). When you take those two facts together (the vagina's accommodation and the penis's relatively low size variation), almost any combination will work.
As a way for you to gather more information, I'd suggest you find a tape measure. (Like the ones used in sewing or tailoring, not construction!) Measure the circumference of the vibrator you're referencing, and see how it measures up against the typical penis girth (I recall the average girth being between 4-5 inches, but do your own research too). If you're describing it as "fairly slim," I'd guess it's probably smaller than many real penises would be. In that case, I would definitely recommend finding a way to open up more, including pelvic floor therapy if that's what's needed. If I was pursuing marriage with a woman who suspected she had an issue with being too tight, I'd highly encourage and support her in finding solutions like therapy (or dilators as mentioned in a recent MH post), so that sex isn't miserable for her! Female sexual pleasure is a beautiful thing, and it's a tragedy that so many women experience pain instead. Do whatever you need to so that you receive pleasure rather than pain with your future husband! (Even if he's smaller than average, therapy might be a good idea. I'd guess it would help with birthing babies too if you ever want to have kids!)
And it's been well said already, but I'll add my voice: penis size may be a factor in pleasure, but an 8-inch penis or a 4-inch penis can't determine the quality of a sexual experience. Size is a far less important factor than the strength of the relationship and the overall sexual skill of the married lovers. It's the relationship and skill in using hands, tongue, words, caresses and more that determine how good sex can be.
Having had various experiences I agree while size can be a factor, it is only one factor to how much I enjoy sex. Some think anything under 6 is small and over 8 is big. I think most that think that are men. A bigger cock might be nice to look at, but for most of us average women, average size men can accomplish what we need.
I actually think men don't realize how many other men are near the average size of 5 and a half inches. I think those from even 7 inch and up are not common, as least in most places. I've heard many women complain that the "big" ones hurt too much, and for those who love anal, anything over 7 usually isn't possible they say. I'm 6in myself with an average girth and I've never had complaints.
I’m 6.5” long and 1.5” diameter. So when I was married I had to be mindful of going too deep. Unfortunately, it took a while to realize this was causing my wife pain. The key is communicating. This is communicating at your most vulnerable, not in some steamy romantic novel where years pass by in pages. Communicating about sex also is not like sorting papers into folders, but more like trying to grow a plant (or slowly killing the fungus on my big toe.)
The biggest thing, too, that’s not really talked about is how your spouse kinda starts feeling like a second skin; you treat them how you treat yourself. So make sure to treat yourself well.
As has been said, size really doesn't matter…contrary to what porn industry or spam ads that appear in your inbox junk folder say. Thinking size matters is a mind game..the clit is located above / in the front of the vaginal opening, not toward the rear. That's the area that has the bundle of nerves that provides pleasure during intercourse. If a woman is experiencing pain upon insertion for PIV intercourse, some warm-up foreplay can often be a solution. If not, there's a bunch of lubes that will help. Some add a warming or cooling effect for a little added bonus; fun to try, if you haven't.
I've found my small-sized wife's love canal can seem to enlarge as her excitement builds. Despite being menopausal, she can still get very wet with a little lube & foreplay, so much so that I've notice I can last longer because of the lessened friction
due to her building excitement. Since a vagina can expand to the point that a baby can pass through it, the idea that someone is" too big" doesn't hold water… just more lube, a slower approach, and more foreplay may be needed.
In playing with toys, I've been impressed with what can "fit" once a few orgasms have been experienced, as well as with how many orgasms a woman can experience before wanting to quit. Women must be God's greatest creation—after Jesus, of course.
We humans are interesting and varied creatures. I have seen muscle heads in the gym sporting the average cock. Did not see them erect but they hung very small. For me, I am 5’7” 153 lbs and I am a little more than than 7.5” long erect. My shaft is like 1.5” in diameter and the head more than 2 inches at its widest. My wife, who is 5’2” and weighs 120lbs takes me with only occasional trouble. She usually says, “Go easy” or puts her hand up to indicate “not too deep”. She tells me that “stuff” has to move out of the way. Then later, she is like “bring it on,” telling me to curl my hips and matching my thrusts.
Then other ladies, I have heard it said, want more than their husband sometimes but are not disappointed with the partner. To them I say, get a cock sleeve! Sometimes I have to not use my full length (wife loves the girth), so why not invest in a sleeve? Role play might even work into the moment…🤷🏻♂️
I'm not sure if I am small but I definitely wouldn't say I am large. All I know is that once while in the shower after a nice romp, the wife opened the shower curtain, looked down at my cock, and said, "I like that," in a sultry voice.
It is what you do with it, I guess.
My husband is about 4" long and I think average girth. I have never watched porn, and his is the only adult male penis I have ever seen so my frame of reference is small. When we were first married, he hit my cervix twice making love to me and it HURT. Six babies later, that doesn't happen. When we grocery shop, he will always pick out a 6 or 7" cucumber and tell me that would be nice; I will pick up the 4" and tell him that is all we need. He will always bring me to orgasm manually, and then I will usually have a second when he is inside me. I really like to have the second one at the same time he shoots his cum. Regardless of penis size, even his 4" takes very good care of my needs. What does surprise me it the amount of semen he produces. That is one of my big turn-ons: the amount of cum he leaves in me. I will have it seeping out on my panties one or two days after he finishes.
So I am like 6.5” long and my wife is very small. She is like 5’0” tall and 110 lbs. There are definitely positions that we can’t do. Doggy is out. I wish we could but it hits her in a way that hurts her so we can’t. Her favorite is “the rider” which is kind of like reverse cowgirl. She uses her vibrator while she is up there and cums every time. I feel her pulse in my dick and it is amazing.
As a man with a 4” erect penis, I’ve found that mature women who have experienced average to large men, there is a definite and noticeable difference in the sensations my penis can give them. That’s not to say sex with me isn’t enjoyable, but if there is an intensity in intercourse they crave that’s due to the size of their previous partners, it may leave them with a desire that my size will not give them. I do not believe that “size doesn’t matter”, but I do believe that “size doesn’t always matter”.
I have a very good female friend with whom I can talk freely about these things, and I asked her one time if size really matters.
Her response: "If you can't reach the bottom, f… the hell out of the sides."
I like her response there Steady89.
I have no idea if size really matters. I’d like to hope that if a man and woman were in the confines of a loving and respectful marriage and length or girth were an issue that a mutually beneficial solution could be reached.
A penis sleeve or even a strap-on could be utilized for her, and she could in turn make him fell well and truly satisfied.
Loving and respectful communication, I think, is key. That along with a open mind should lead to a happy sex life.