Reconsummation (L)
We had been married 22 years, but hadn’t had PIV sex in almost 5.
Stephanie has vaginismus and sex had always been a struggle. We were each other’s first. We had oral sex before we got married, but we felt some guilt about that. Stephanie was by no means a prude. And she was spared most of the ill effects of purity culture, becoming a Christian in college. Always the avid masturbator, she had a strong libido in her youth. She had been looking forward to her wedding night for years.
But instead of a happy wedding night, she cried tears of discouragement. We didn’t know what was wrong, and were too scared to ask. She thought (in her words) that she was just being a wimp. In 2002, when we got married, there were less resources online to deal with this sort of thing. We were on our own. I tried stretching her with my fingers, and we found cigar cases that were kind of like dildos. We consummated our marriage after three months and fell into a routine of once-a-week maintenance sex. There were a few times we tried different positions. But PIV was often a drawn-out ordeal involving a lot of stretching exercises and stopping and starting.
A couple years into our marriage, we came across the word “vaginismus” online. While the symptoms seemed familiar, we really didn’t know who to turn to for advice. At the time dilators were too expensive for us. A primary care doctor told Stephanie that she had an unbroken hymen and a simple procedure would cure her.
In 2019, we finally saw a specialist who told us that her primary doctor was wrong. We were told she needed pelvic floor therapy. We decided to stop PIV sex altogether. During this time, we had many arguments about sex. Stephanie’s libido had tanked. I was frustrated. I wanted sex to be something that would bring us together. An adventure and escape that we could share like many of the couples on Marriage Heat.
In 2022, we began to experience a turn around. First, Stephanie agreed to sex twice a week. Now it’s important that people know that sex is not just PIV. We were not having PIV together, but we were making love through foreplay, long kissing sessions, and mutual masturbation.
The next turn around was some great advice we got online. A woman on a similar site told her story of bioidentical hormone replacement therapy. I was convinced the first thing Stephanie needed, before treating her vaginismus, was her libido back. BHRT sounded like science fiction. On another similar site, someone mentioned hog pheromones. It sounds weird, but there has been a lot of positive testimonials about this. People said spraying a little of this farm product on their neck, or their wife’s pillow, brought a complete turnaround. One guy said his wife turned from a prude into the kind of woman men would pay to be with.
In October 2022, we decided to buy a set of dilators and start working through them. The first one was about as narrow as a pencil. One by one, she worked through them. Some of them were conquered in just a few weeks, others took months. By December 2023, she was on the eighth and last dilator with ease.
On the last day of January 2023, Stephanie experienced a remarkable transformation. We don’t know if it was the hog spray or not. But all of a sudden, she got her libido back. She is somewhat sapiosexual and loves the stories in her head. She developed a crush on a celebrity of sorts. Imagining him with a lover got her hot and bothered every day.
To one degree or another, she has been horny and wet every day since. This is in spite of her being 5 years post-menopausal (she is now 51 and I’m 46). Sex went up from two to at least three times a week. The sexual magnetism that had been lost for so many years was back. She was drawn to me again, like I was drawn to her. In March 2023, she started hormone therapy. We see a doctor we like to call “Doctor Horny.” We only sixty-nined once before, way back when we were dating. Bow it has become part of our regular routine.
Today, instead of tears of sorrow, Stephanie cried tears of joy. I entered her with no discomfort at all for the first time in almost 5 years. I even increased my thrusting tempo, and she enjoyed every inch of it.
“Oh yeah fuck me! Fuck your horny little slut!” she screamed.
I was a little worried about my own performance. It had been 5 years, and I was concerned about my erectile function. But as I focused on what I was doing I felt less human and more animal.
We couldn’t be stopped. It was all natural, organic, condom-free fucking.
I came deep inside of her, and massive white creamy loads poured out of her juicy pussy.
Afterwards, she cried a different kind of tears, she was so turned on. After I got out of bed to write this story, she masturbated and came again. Even though she used to be a one-and-done girl, she said it was her best second orgasm ever.
Never give up. We believe the best is yet to cum.
That’s a beautiful story of love and perseverance. I’m sorry for the struggles y’all have had, but thank you for sharing about how you’ve grown as a couple to overcome them. Blessings to you both.
Thank you for sharing your challenging sexual experiences with your fellow MHers. Your story is a testimony of your strength and love for each other.
We have had times due to my wife’s medical issuess where PIV sex was not possible. But our sexual challenges have been more recent.
Like you n your wife, a sex schedule really helped us. I am curious about what therapy worked for yor Stephanie’s vaginismus because my Melody has had that problem periodically.
BTW the sexual reawakening you described was absolutely beautiful!
That is a great story and glad she got past her problems and can enjoy sex.
You are right, Now it’s important that people know that sex is not just PIV. We were not having PIV together, but we were making love through foreplay, long kissing sessions, and mutual masturbation." My wife had a long term issue that made PIV sex difficult for her. But, we enjoyed mutual masturbation together for a few years, PIV was rare, a few times a year. Not as bad now, but we both enjoy mutual masturbating together once or twice a week.
Wow I'm sorry your wife was suffering through that, and happy that it's finally over! After reading both THE GREAT SEX RESCUE as well as a couple books by the Penners, I'd say that vaginismus is an affliction that is just not talked about much and certainly understood, even by people in the medical community. Women, sex should not be painful! First seek the help of a professional, and if that advice isn't helpful shop around until you find someone who understands. This is a needless complication to marriages, and even calling it a complication trivializes the issue.
Never heard about the hog pheromones before. I'll have to check that out. Do you still use them?
Kate has been diagnosed with vaginismus and I don't know the severity of it. She did physical therapy years ago, but really didn't stick with the routine. She just tends to tolerate the experience rather than actually work to resolve it, which is why I say it might not be as severe as Stephanie's situation. Fortunately, Kate is an oral enthusiast. We'd probably 69 every day if real life didn't get in the way. She provides me regular anal access too, which helps care for my needs. I think anal sex is more comfortable for her, but less stimulating, and we'd like to have at least one more child.
Kate rarely likes a finger in her pussy. She'll let me finger her asshole, as long as my nails are well-trimmed, but rarely the conventional port of entry. For PIV sex, entry and withdraw are uncomfortable for her, but one I'm aside, she's often GTG and finds it quite pleasurable. Why entry and withdrawal are what they are is a mystery. I did purchase a set of dilators, but we haven't used them, vaginally.
This encourages me so much! I know this is a common problem with women, and most are too embarrassed to tell anyone. I think that's starting to change as more research and resources come to light. Praise God for your new chapter of intimacy! I am so happy for you. I wouldn't be surprised if I need some kind of pelvic floor therapy if I ever get married, because I am very tight and my body just will not let go of tension. But thanks to the Lord, my masturbation journey has gotten better and better, so I'm very hopeful that sex with my future husband will be pleasurable and not too painful. Thank you for sharing this!
This is a wonderful story. Thank you for being so open. I’ve wondered about the hog pheromones before but when I search for the product, I start to wonder what might be legitimate and what is not. Can you provide a link to what you purchased?
I'm very happy to hear that you've had some success in having PIV activities.( Many ) years ago I knew someone that suffered from vaginismus . I believe it was a mental health / psychological issue, rather than stemming from a physical cause. Just did a google search, and according to the NHS this remains true. This may make it more difficult to resolve than if it was caused by a physical issue. The Cleveland Clinic hints that there may be a physical cause ( but it is unknown) and states that some physical factors ( i.e. types of infections) may worsen the condition. regardless, it's great to read that together, you've managed to resolve the issue, and enjoy PIV activity.
Congratulations, and ENJOY!
Please share which hog pheromone product you use!
Good on you for persevering.
That Stephanie masturbated at the end puts icing on the cake of success.
By the way guys, when your wife masturbates after sex – when you have a loving husband such as here – it means the sex was good. It is a compliment.
Good to know! I appreciate your comment greatly! I’ve never been with a woman so one day when I’m married, now I know ahead of time. Which is why I love this site! It’s a great resource for those looking to learn. ☺️
Wow! Great story! That’s an amazing turnaround!
I am so glad you got past your difficulties and now have such a fulfilling relationship.
So many couples let issues that affect their intimacy go unaddressed often leading to depression and even resentment. Hopefully your experience will encourage other couples to communicate their issues and together seek solutions to them.
I have been following your journey on another site. My wife and I are just starting on this path you are finishing. Good luck and I will continue to follow for inspiration.
Glory to God that you have reignited your sexual relationship.
As I read the first half of your story, I kept thinking, "Y'all need to do 69 every chance you get." And then, you did. I'm so glad for you.
I wish this type of article was right out somewhere on the main page.
Heading towards 70 over the decades we have faced various reasons for not being able to have sex.
Many of which neither of us had ever heard of before one of us coming down with it. Being those of the sexual variety..
This along with the standards of everyday life like being tired, sick, menstrual, etc.
Can to be very trying on a marriage.
And you too are a beautiful example of Love standing up to the test
🔥❤️L. & M. ❤️🔥