Different Friends, Different Comforts
Written by Lady L.💋
Like many who are here on this site, both I individually, and we as a couple, have different circles of friends that we hang with. Some of them we have known for years and feel comfort with, but don’t share certain things with.
We have friends from church, with whom we have a G-rated relationship.
We have neighbors, with whom we can have a modicum of freedom without giving away the details of our sex life.
And then there are those who we can speak completely freely with.
I have a small group of girlfriends who I get together with on a regular basis. They’ve come into my life at different points, some through school, some through work, some through other friends. I have kind of become a common thread between all of us, having introduced them over the years.
The common bond among us is that we can talk about anything freely. And when the girls get together over a glass of wine, I mean anything.
We are of varying ages, as young as mid-thirties, with me being the oldest in my upper sixties. Any time we are together, there are some deep discussions which include our age and experiences.
I consider myself pretty well versed in sex with my husband M, both in the things that we have tried over the years, and the things that we still do. And we have tried a lot! And yet some of the things I hear these ladies tell me are things that I would have never thought of.
Among this group, probably over half of them have had an experience with another woman. I myself and a few others are attracted to women, and have confessed in the group, but have never done it.
There have also been offers to have the experience from some of those, but to the best of my knowledge none of us has taken them up on it. Consequently, when the stories come out, there are a number of attentive ears. And there are some of the girls who would jump at the chance to have sex.
Now, I have been that way myself from time to time. But these girls have described experiences where it didn’t matter who, where or when.
And at the same time, I can also tell you that a few of us 50-and-over girls have had the younger ones looking at us in wide-eyed wonder with their mouths hanging open at hearing some of our experiences and stories.
What I have found with this group is that a few of us, being very anchored in our faith, are able to temper what’s being said without being judgmental. Rather, we stimulate conversation and thought as to why certain practices should be discouraged and others encouraged.
Over the years, my husband and I have heard that we should be separate from the world. And in many ways, that’s right. However, we often take that to an extreme, shunning or running away from anything that might have a hint of being unacceptable, and thereby closing ourselves off from others. And I can tell you from experience, from personal talks with some of these girls after the larger group conversations, that some of the insights they’ve gained have changed their relationships for the better.
I love going through the stories here, and very much appreciate how they are broken down into categories so I can search according to what I am feeling that day. And I can tell you that sometimes the comments and stories can get pretty raw.
And I’m sure that many who are of the faith have taken one look at this site and hightailed it out of here. And at one time, I would have done the same thing. But I am also thankful for having come to the point—not only with my friends, but with my husband—of not being judgmental, but accepting and beneficial in others’ lives.
I can also say that we have often, upon our next get-together, found that others had tried something that we mentioned in a previous conversation. And I’m not talking just about younger people trying something older people said. I’m talking about my husband and I. And good gosh, some of those things are insanely satisfying.
Lady L. 💋
It’s a lot to copy and paste, but I think this is my favorite part of your post, “And at the same time, I can also tell you that a few of us 50-and-over girls have had the younger ones looking at us in wide-eyed wonder with their mouths hanging open at hearing some of our experiences and stories.
What I have found with this group is that a few of us, being very anchored in our faith, are able to temper what’s being said without being judgmental. Rather, we stimulate conversation and thought as to why certain practices should be discouraged and others encouraged.”
I don’t know of any church, (certainly not ours), with any community group, life group, or family group where sex is an open topic.
Despite all of our growth, sex remains a taboo subject.
For that I’m glad that as a woman anchored in your faith, you can share the hotness available in marriage sex.
Thank you K.M.
We do believe that as much as we cherish grace and freedom. It does not release us from our need to live as examples of self control for the greater purpose of honoring the cost of our redemption .
Lady L. ❤️💋
❤️
I admire and respect you two, the more friends with like and/or diverse opinions, the better! I have written about our "Church Ladyfriends" in a few of my posts here, so you know where we are cumming from … 😉
Thank you Patty,
Yes it is indeed fulfilling to find out where other people are coming from in their viewpoints.
This world can offer temptations which can bring us to the lowest points of depravity.
And being an example of restraint while still showing love towards those around us has an unspoken effect on those we know.
As for lady friends being one who is in the ranks of the senior class, brings with it a wisdom that comes through experience and can be shared and given as a light to those who are younger than us. While at the same time loving those who may not share our values and yes do have some salacious experiences.
It's the ability to share not only those experiences which not only have brought us pleasure and we enjoy to this day. But to also share those which we had to turn away from seeing what the end result could be.
Lady L. 💋❤️
That is wonderful how you share with and encourage other women! I wish more women, especially older women, did this. So far, my only circle for such conversations is my married sister, and we do have a blast! We joke that our one-on-one conversations always turn to sex lol. But it would be so beautiful to have my mom involved, and other girls I know.
Thank you Lovely One,
It is indeed satisfying to have friends who you could speak freely with about everything and anything.
sharing the joys that can be found in a sexual relationship can be an inspiration to the hearers and being able to temper it with faith and the boundaries that accompany it create a lit path for the listeners to follow.
Lady L. 💋❤️
This is an interesting post. I think that we as a society are way too prudish n secretive about sex. For many of those who are believing Christians we are especially prudish.
Yet there is the world’s attitude of anything goes and free love etc. That is one of Satan’s biggest lies. The best sex is found in committed marriages. Data backs that up.
So you and M are being an excellent example to your friends. Whether the friend is a believer or not you should be commended for striving to make a difference. You are keeping the correct boundaries and both teaching and learning.
Your willingness to be friends with others who don’t share your values is how Jesus was. You can’t teach the sinners if you refuse to be friends with them. Not that they are all terrible people- but you have the right idea.
I wish we had friends like you have. MH is kind of fulfilling that role. The open sharing about marital sex n relationships can be so educational and informative and down right inspiring! Fore instance, MH introduced my Melody n I to role play and WOW! We recently had a great sex session in an Indiana Jones & Marion role play! (I’m still writing that up for MH.) Without the education we found on Marriage Heat role play never would have happened.
So keep up the good influencing you are doing. And remember that you are also influencing others here on MH.
On a side note, it probably blows the younger people’s minds when you talk about your sizzling sex you share with your M. We older married couples can really sizzle sexually! 😉 I think that we older authors on MH give younger people hope.
Thank you LM,
You bring up so many valid points and there are so many of those things which we have both live through and come out on the other side better for it.
Too often we listen to the voices which actually prohibit us from fully experiencing all of the wonders that we have been given and in fact Make us out as a pariah to those who are outside of the faith.
And yes we seen your certainly can sizzle!
Lady L. ❤️💋
Thank you Lady L for the chance at some open discussion here. I am more opened minded than others when it comes to sex and while I want to contain that between husband and wife, is there anything that you would be willing to share that is more “taboo” that has benefitted your marriage or has increased your libido for the better? Sometimes just talking about sex with your partner is stimulating and beneficial alone.
Thank you mustang,
The one thing that we found the most beneficial is not really taboo at all. It's called communication. Open, honest communication without fear of loss or judgment between us. It has opened up the most deeply held secrets between us, and created the space for us to be able to explore our deepest fantasies and desires together.
Lady L. ❤️💋
In the military we were a horny bunch, especially when deployed. Even at our base we would talk about sex, including positions, methods, or types. It was always heterosexual though, and even outside the military I’ve never spoken with a woman who has experience same gender sex. When my wife was alive we had a friend couple that we could talk about sex with, and that was always fun and ended up, after they left, with my wife and I very aroused.
I see no problem talking about sex with friends, and though I advise great caution, I uses to talk with the wife of our friends about sex all the time, but our love for each other was not nearly as strong, or the same as we had for our own spouses.
Have fun, talk about sex with caution, don’t ever judge with this one caveat. Several of the guys I served with had affairs when away, I never stoke to the jerks like I could with friends who had deep loving marriages.
Thank you Sarge,
You make a lot of valid points and are truly blessed to have had a wife with whom you had such a wonderful experience together .
And life can be a minefield which we at times have to walk very carefully across being sure not to cater to those who would drag you into something that could blow up on you.
Being able first of all to communicate with your spouse openly and secondly to have friends who you can openly speak with is truly One of the most precious blessings.
Lady L. ❤️💋
"Over the years, my husband and I have heard that we should be separate from the world. And in many ways, that’s right. However, we often take that to an extreme, shunning or running away from anything that might have a hint of being unacceptable, and thereby closing ourselves off from others."
I have to admit, as I read through your description of this friend group, I felt myself reflexively wanting to take that same approach you cautioned about in this part I quoted. Especially as you mentioned some of them offering to engage in unmarried, same-sex sexual activity. And I don't think that reflex is entirely wrong, since the company we choose DOES influence us, and also influences how people see us as representatives of Christ.
However, you do bring up a good point that should bring us pause. As I'm sure you know, this is a biblical concept that you reference. It comes from a few places, primarily 1 Corinthians 5:9-13, and with a bit of it at the beginning of Romans 12:2. When Paul says not to associate with the sexually immoral (1 Cor. 5:9), he makes an extra effort to say he does NOT mean sexually immoral unbelievers. He was writing about keeping the church pure, not about distancing ourselves from unbelievers. He acknowledges that in order to avoid associating with people who act immorally, we'd have to live in a different world entirely, because EVERYONE sins.
And you're correct that, by being well-anchored in your faith and choosing to still participate in that group, you are able to influence them toward better and more moral decisions. It sounds like a tricky balance to strike, but I'm glad you're able to be a light in a place that might otherwise harbor a lot more darkness.
Thank you patient passion,
Your points are all valid and scriptural thank you for sharing me and putting so much thought into your answer for all of us.
Well we do have to show caution in this life. We also have to recognize that we can also learn from it. We just need to show the temperance that comes along with our faith realizing that we do have guidelines to follow but we need to understand them correctly.
not all advice we get from people who claim to be believers is necessarily Godly advice, But quite often personal preferences and viewpoints.
Lady L. ❤️💋
Thank you for sharing this. I find that though a lot of women in church are willing to talk about sex, they’re not really going to get into what it’s like. Though there is one woman I go to church with, who wooooo, she’s hot and willing to talk about anything she and her husband do, but there’s not really a group for horny singles like myself. In mean I guess any YA or singles group is full of horny people lol. You know what I mean. But on the other hand, I have my older siblings, I’m not too much younger than them and they’re twins (brother and sister). And these two, though they go to church and grew up in it like I did, will literally f any thing that bats an eye lash or opens a car door. And I talk with them about sex, but both of them just tell me that I should go for it with my ex (we’re still super close), I’m not going to. I think it would be super cool to have a group where I can talk about the urges I have to get bent over, or pushed against a wall and stripped without being told the desire is wrong and equally without being told, just go for it. And if the desire is wrong, which I don’t think it is, most humans in history were married with kids by my age. Ugh. I’m frustrated lol. Sorry. Anyway, I’m envious of this group, in a good way lol. Thanks
It sounds like you're looking for exactly the right kind of group: people who will be encouraging and affirm your good, God-given sexual desires, but also encourage you to use them in the right way (in marriage) rather than the wrong way. I hope you find that group! But in the meantime, everybody on MarriageHeat is here for you! We're always willing to talk about sex, desires and fantasies. It may not be as close a group as you might get in person, but we're at least willing to talk just about anything sexual!
Tell me about it Emma! Having close friends where discussing sex and desires and fantasies is a bless! Even much better when one reads a story and others listen and daydream 😉 preparing a session makes it more fruitful. I mean a subject where each one comes with ideas and questions and suggestions to talk about. Our group is three ladies. Katie is the lead..she has a voice like singing. MH stories and posts sound different when read and discussed together 🥰
I just want to commend you for your strength of conviction.
An excellent Discussion topic! Thanks Lady L for sharing your perspective, experience, and encouragement. We are blessed to be part of the MH community that gives ‘voice’ to our deepest, honest, God-given sexual desires as He designed us. Thanks, Missy and Calvin, for providing this platform!
Yes, sometimes the edges of sexuality intimacy get ‘pushed’ on MH, though it’s a vital and vibrant platform for Christ followers to exchange their sexual views, practices, delights, fantasies, struggles, and encouragement.
If only more comfortable IRL groups existed for many of us!
❤️very true!!
Lady L.
I don't mind saying that I am judgemental and don't feel guilty about it one bit.
I see the ravages of sin in my professional life and it seems to bolster my belief sin brings ruin to people's lives.
Such as a couple who tried to have an "open marriage". She ends up having a child with another man. He is overgrown child himself who lives with his crazy mother in a filthy trailer. The wife in this relationship went to him out of resentment towards the husband's relationship with another woman. They seem to use others to spite each other.
What did it get them? They are on the verge of losing their children due to domestic violence and other nonsense that their children shouldn't have to endure because their parents are too irresponsible to act like functional adults.
Fantasies are one thing but people who indulge in their sins have no place in my trusted personal circle. I don't have time to deal with the problems they create as I do that in my work.
At the end of the day, my wife remains the sole object of my desire. She lets me do filthy things to her with a giant smile on her face. She releases all of her inhibitions with me and vice versa. I don't want anyone else peeping into our relationship or getting too obsessed with what we do, except to draw inspiration to be as dirty with their spouse. I have no interest in watching others or having them watch us or any of that. If I met someone who did, I wouldnt know them long. It's better to live a clean life that dabble in perversion with other people outside of marriage. That's not just my preference. That's God's law.
Thank you for sharing your feelings.
Lady L. ❤️💋
Perhaps a little off topic, but, as someone who likes sexy games, I've always liked the idea of a group of wives (or husbands I suppose) who sometimes make little, or perhaps not so little, bets or wagers with each other with sexy 'stakes'. Whoever ends up 'losing' the bet/wager then 'pays off' the stakes to their husband in due course (rather than the group there-and-then!).
So for instance everyone in the group could pick a team in the big game, and whoever picks the team that loses has to do a striptease for their husband. Or perhaps you play a quiz amongst yourselves and whoever gets the lowest score has to give her husband oral. Or as another example you all draw some straws and whoever draws the short straw has to take a trip to the waxing salon. Or maybe you could just have a box/jar full of 'activities' that you take turns drawing from.
I also agree with the other commenters that having people you can be honest with is such a good thing, and I think that applies to sex as much as it would any other topic
Very true, better to have friends you can be open and honest with (and that includes having the freedom to share our faith, in the full context of real life, including our sexuality.)
I don't want people to think our conversations are always sexually focused, but it's the comfort of non judgemental conversation that opens doors and brings clarity through factual conversation.
❤️