Gender Balance in the MarriageHeat Community
I have a tendency to peruse different stories on this site and look at the comments of others. I see a lot of the same names over and over, which really isn’t unusual, some are just more outspoken than others.
Out of curiosity, what is the balance of gender here? From my estimations, I would say it’s probably three to one in favor of men. I could be way off of course, but does anybody have an idea? And why is it that more women are not creating or commenting?
The understanding that we have about this site is that it is meant for couples to improve their sexual lives. And as a couple, we do both enjoy it.
But the question remains as to women’s membership and contribution here. It’s always a good thing to get the female perspective.
This is an interesting question. As a man in a sexless marriage, I am deeply interested in the perspective of women who view sex as a priority. Like you, I would love to know how the ratios tally up.
1. The ratio of men versus women who visit the site.
2. The ratio of men versus women who are members of the site.
3. The ratio of men versus women who contribute to the site by writing stories.
4. The ratio of men versus women who contribute to the site by commenting regularly.
If we follow the stereotypical models, I’m sure men would tip the scales for each, but who knows?
Thank you for your comment Kingdom man.
Having lived for years of living in the shadows with some of my true sexual feelings, and trying to fit into the mold I felt was expected of me by my faith, I had very little opportunity to open up about all of that. And having girlfriends who hold different values I see the effects on marriages. The fact that women come her secretly to read the stories and live out fantasies by vicariously would indicate a lack of satisfaction in their personal lives. And although they may not have the gift of writing sharing their feelings and opinions hold value and help all of us to understand that there is more of a balance.
One of the things that makes this particular site stand out is that there is no private interaction no way to get a hold of one another and have private conversations and that personal pictures are not allowed everything is out in the open and the danger of being found out is not like on other social sites.
It gives women the unique opportunity to actually voice their feelings and thoughts.
Lady L. 💋
As far as Jim and I are concerned, I am the dominant MH reader and writer, while Jim usually absorbs most of my favorite stories as I read them to him in our bed in late afternoons or evenings. I would ask him for a comment, but his mouth is usually busy and planted in my pussy – just where I want it!
Well Patty, I for one say that I'm glad you are here. I enjoy your comments and your stories and experiences. You have in your relationship with Jim, found what many wish for an exciting and vibrant sexual companionship with your spouse. And one that has lasted years at that! I have friends that I know you would fit right in with. Outspoken and fun. Thank you so much that as a woman you are prolific in your ratings and your comments here.
Lady L. 💋
the way it should be sister!
I’ve noticed this in the past year, as well. I would agree that it seems that the gender breakdown of marriage heat would be around 3/1 (men to women). I should also state that I'm a male.
Maybe it’s just that women don't feel as comfortable expressing themselves sexually as men do. I write erotic stories for my wife, and she enjoys them, but she doesn't think she has the creativity to write them herself.
I’ve also noticed that it seems there were more female contributors in the early days of MH than there are now, but I could be wrong. If you go back to the 2014-2018 posts, check out stories by LovingIt, cameron, Strawberry, Love 2 Travel, or sarah k, to name a few. All of these ladies are very good writers!
Most of my favorite stories on MH are from the ladies, though! Women express their inner dialogue and emotions more naturally than men in my opinion. They also provide setting, mood, and sensory details better…while us guys focus on the sex and climax. Sophtea, Naughtywife64, X&C are some of my personal favorite writers.
Get writing ladies!
Psalm139. Agree totally man with every point you have made.
boo hoo…;)
CreamyPatty your contributions really make things hard around here 😉
Yes 139, it truly is interesting to contemplate the seeming in balance between male and female here.
Seeing as this site offers the perfect opportunity for women to be able to speak out about their thoughts and feelings and to express themselves yet remain quiet.
And as for your lovely wife. Does not require a gift of writing to comment an Express your thoughts or feelings on another's writings or to share something about herself. I can say that I for one would love to read her opinions and viewpoints.
Lady L. 💋
I believe this ratio, 3 to1 for men, is in almost everything. Prisons have many more men than women in them. I used to frequent christian wives marriage sex & intimacy blogs & it seemed mostly men were commenting on them, too. It would seem, too, that men typically show their sexual frustration, & libido, more. I am not a Dr., nor do I claim to be correct statistically. Just going by my own experience.
I personally wonder if the ratio is due somewhat to horniness. I notice my brain goes to sex the more my wife & I do not have sex. As I have written, my wife & I can go through some seasons of sex drought & famine. Over decades this has conditioned me to be more self adventurous, in my mind, & has developed into me being on here more frequently. I asked my wife if she would mind me being on here, years ago. She said she was ok with it. But, she doesn't do/pursue sex like me. She has never shown an interest in MH. I have tried sending her posts from here, & she will comment to me, in a fair demeanor, but her sex switch is usually off, until she turns it on. If sex becomes regular it is because I push, nudge, flirt, or nag. She always enjoys it, & is never negative, in the act. She most always will cum. But, once it is over she switches off. Not in a mean, or vengeful, way. She is just done. Move on.
But, I also, think it has to do with biology. Men are hard, driving, attacking, go in & get it done kind of people spiritually, physically, mentally, & emotionally. We typically want to fix things. For some, this maybe an outlet of that fixing attitude. Like me, I don't get my share of input output of thoughts & expression due to my wife's style of sexual expression. Women can be less expressive. They are more soft, receiving, & nurturing on a general basis. Imo.
Lastly, I just think women are down right sexy. I read more sex stories from women, & I think that happens more, too. I do comment, way more, to the discussion stuff, like this, than I do the sex stories. I just want to absorb anything & everything a woman has to say about herself, marriage, sex, etc. Partially, wanting to see if I can learn something to fix my marriages' sex droughts & famines. But, also, because my libido enjoys & respects the crap out of women, sex, & nudity.
I wish nothing more than to enjoy & improve my marriage sex, with my wife. That we both would participate in solving the battle of the sexes. On MH, & all other ways, but it hasn't happened. So, I pray, & do what I can. My goal is to just be a man of God in the mission field where I am planted. Getting my wife & family to Heaven is most important, always has been.
I agree with your words I have heard a lot of the same statistics that you quote in your answer here. And I can identify with your wife's reactions having been in that place myself.
The fact is it's only through open dialogue that we can learn and grow. And in the instance of this particular site, grow in the sexual intimacy of our marriages. Breaking out of those things with prohibit us from truly enjoying each other completely.
Thank you for your comment I appreciate your words.
Lady L. 💋
"3 to1 for men, is in almost everything. Prisons have many more men than women in them."
This statement caught my eye, as a male, I had the somewhat rare experience of working in a female prison for 5-6 yrs. , in a housing unit for inmates that had a dx. mental illness + couldn't "fit in" with the general population. It was an eye opening experience, despite my having worked in the mental health field for 20 yrs prior, & working with all age groups, from children to seniors. C.O's ( Corrrections officers, never call the "guards") reportthe difference between men & women ib prison. Men inmates are very up front about their activities, while women are secretive, & prefer to "plot & scheme" what they are going to do.. Heard this attitude from a variety of C.O. with experience working with both genders that were inmates
Prison is an entirely different world, & not like what's shown on tv or in movies.
oldtimer
That is very interesting. It does not surprise me that it is that way. It fits. Yet, it is a little shocking to hear it put in the way you say.
Thanks for the info.
I am a part of several other sex-positive forums (Reddit, Discord, TMB, used to be on SOTB), and I find the gender ratio on MH to be much more balanced than the other sites. Even if it was just 25% women here (that prediction is low, I believe), the other sites tend to be way skewed toward men. One member on Reddit is trying to set up a new Telegram based on Christian sexuality, and it’s almost 100% men signing up. I think it’s partly because guys are in general higher drive and looking for more sexual forums. Women are self-protective (a good thing) and don’t want to be on a forum where they are constantly being ogled by horny men. Also men seem to be willing to push the boundaries on what content or language is appropriate, so women who do take a chance often will leave because they found some things too offensive. MH has been able to keep a very strong balance. It probably will always be more men than women… but a 70/30 or maybe even a 60/40 balance is WAY better than most sex-positive forums out there!!
We have tried some a few of those other places that you talked about Fearless. One reason why we feel so much more comfortable here is because of the limitations that are in place against pictures and private conversation. It's good to have guardrails in place at times. And one of the things to be careful of our impostors. Those who may not hold the values of faith that we would but actually seek to ridicule or undermine those values. We have to remember that as much as we believe that there is one who loves us and gave himself for us there is also one who hates us and wants to see our destruction. Bearing that in mind we have to weigh what it is that we're taking part in, being careful not to allow ourselves to be lured into things which would go against what we seek to follow.
I think men just think about sex more. Use more porn. Write more sex stories. I agree some of my favorite stories and comments are by women. Lately I think we have been more open about our sexual desires and fantasies admitting they include other women, masturbating and creative sexual activity. Years ago I remember too many stories all talked about size of his manhood and her breasts, the amount he ejaculate and how many orgasms he gave her. While much of that is still exaggerated I think the stories really written by woman have less yea right factor.
My favorite reading is still the discussion in the comments after stories. Most of the time the story is of minimal value except to bring up topics. Reading people admitting they read here to masturbate has made self pleasure more mainstream and accepted by Christian’s married women.
I think as others said is strong compared to other places and I enjoy it.
Marge,
You are very right in that men think of sex more than most women. Studies bear that out!
And what you say about the changes lately about being more open and honest here on this site is one of the reasons that we enjoy it so much. The willingness to actually allow things to be held up for open dialogue.
And all too often you're right, erotica has a way of focusing on people who have been given more sumptuous body parts. And being a woman who considers herself bisexual and has an open dialogue with my husband we both can say that we do enjoy seeing that. Not only in film but in places like new beaches.
However, quite often both of us being of what could be considered a more honest proportions, well in our private discussions about others that we find attractive. Will not fit the previous descriptions of large breasts, but or penis but a more standard sizes. To be completely honest with you I find women who are an A or B cup to be some of those who get my engine turning. And like I said well seeing a man with a sumptuous piece of meat between their legs, maybe interesting to wonder what it would be like to handle something like that. I have found that in my interactions it's not the thought of that which attracts me to man. It's their personality and overall demeanor.
And in our private times when we role play and sometimes include others in it more often than not those we refer to are of more of modest body sizes.
Indeed when we talk about some of you whose comments and stories we have read we don't always see you all at some glamorous pornstars but as people we could relate to and find attractive.
All of this made possible by having an honest and accepting relationship where we can feel free to speak what we feel with one another.
thank you for your comment Marge, seeing the women who are commenting here is encouraging and hopefully brings more out of the shadows who would be willing to comment as well if not right their own erotic tales.
Lady L
💋
I find it inspiring that you feel you can admit your bi desires here. And fantastic that Marriage Heat allows the topic. I think many people hide desires that they were told were wrong or even sinful. Makes sense that most of us find more of an average sized body most attractive whether breasts or cock, or both. Yes it might be interesting to satisfy a curiosity about bigger, but in the end I think we come back to the norm. Most people attracted to how most people look. Many people experiment with their curiosity in college which helps them find the best partner in life later.
To expand on what SecondMarge said, I'm also glad that MH allows such discussions of desires and temptations that many would consider shameful. We need to have grace for each other and realize that a temptation is never a sin, it's how we choose to respond to temptation that determines sin. As an example, Jesus was tempted in the wilderness, and almost certainly in other ways at other times too, but he always responded righteously and never sinned.
However, I also have a point of disagreement here.
To quote Marge's last line: "Many people experiment with their curiosity in college which helps them find the best partner in life later."
This is probably a discussion better suited for its own post, so I'll only respond briefly here. On the surface, this statement sort of sounds reasonable. If you experiment with people sexually and learn what you like, you can figure how who you're more "sexually compatible" with, right? Well, if the implication that sexual experimentation with others is a good and beneficial thing, that's not true. Beyond Biblically being an immoral thing, it's just scientifically not factual.
For sources, please search:
– New York Post: Promiscuous singles are screwing their odds of a happy marriage: study
– Brigham Young University: Wheatley Institute: The Myth of Sexual Experience
This news article and the study it references (which builds on previous research) shows that a lower number of sexual partners leads to greater marital satisfaction and lower divorce rates, with ZERO sexual partners outside or previous to the marriage yielding the best results. In other words, LESS promiscuous sexual experimentation—not more—leads to better relationship success.
We MUST honor God's ways that he lays out in the Bible, whether those ways are clear and explicit, or whether they take a little digging to discern. When we stray from them and think we know better than God because we've supposedly progressed as a society, we inevitably reap the negative results.
Surveys can say anything. What defines a happy marriage? Is it the fact t’hey are not divorced? Devout Christians that marry as virgins are also more likely to believe “until death do us part”. Sexless marriage most likely are acceptable to those willing to wait or never were asked. Then there is the fact your best match is the last one you date. I doubt anyone thinks it is a good idea to sample as many people as possible.
Rather than get into all of my many issues with those claims, I'll just offer a constructive critique. In future discussions, I'd encourage you to offer a little more explanation for your rebuttals, claims, and ideas before you bounce off to second, third and more unexpounded claims. Talking through your reasoning will make it easier for readers to actually grasp, understand, and consider the ideas you're putting out there. Clarity is especially necessary when the ideas being presented substantially conflict with many Christians' beliefs and experiences.
I could disagree at length with most of the claims and implications in that last reply, but to avoid continuing further off the topic of this post, I'll leave it at that.
I've been reading quietly for a couple of years now. I am the lower-desire partner in our marriage and had been reading erotica as a way to try to switch my brain from mom mode to wife mode, but it was difficult to find anything good written within marriages. Out of frustration, I went searching for Christian erotica and discovered MH. I grew up in a "christian" home where sex was dirty and never talked about. MH conversations have played a part along my re-learning and healing journey. So in our house, I am the reader, but we both are the beneficiaries. 😉
Mrs. Doc,
If I could reach out I would wrap you up in my arms and give you a huge hug. I think you represent an army of women who find themselves in the same position as yourself having been there myself.
Number one I thank you so much for your comment, and so much for sharing your journey of trying to expand yourself sexually as we all should in our marriages. Sex is not something that is special to the wedding night or two when the kids are at an overnight somewhere else but sex should be something that is special in all that it is. That we should be able to communicate and share and be everything that we desire to be and that are spouses desire us to be.
I love the way you said switching from Mom mode to wife mode. That was one of the things that my husband said about me is that throughout my day I invested myself and everything else. My kids, my work, my friends, my house, and sex became almost non-existent. In other words he had started to doubt himself and felt he was being pushed out of our relationship. I began to neglect the one person who should have been the very most important to me. The one who should have been my partner in all the things that I do and instead everything else became more important in claiming my time. So much so that at times I was completely exhausted at night and sex was nothing that I wanted. And as I learned unfortunately I created an atmosphere where the weeds of infidelity could take root. And in fact they did!
Fortunately we were able to make it through that and have come out much more victorious than more in love and happier than ever..
Thank you so much for sharing know that your voice and you're written words are also being read the other women who may feel the same as you and feel comforted to know that they aren't the only ones who feel that way. Keep writing girl!!
Lady L. 💋
I would guess there are a lot of women that are "reading quietly" here as well. I don't think you're alone.
In terms of "writing and commenting" on MH, I think the ratio is probably around 3/1 men versus women. But when it comes to "reading and viewing" on MH maybe it would be closer to 1/1. Women tend to like erotica more than men, so maybe there are regular female visitors we would never know about.
On a different subject, I think women write about 'Overcoming Inhibitions' better than men do. Some of my favorite stories are about someone exploring a sexual act they had previously viewed as taboo, unchristian, or off limits. Many women on MH have written about learning to enjoy self-pleasuring, fantasy, or simply "letting go." I think more ladies should contribute to the conversation by sharing their stories about how they have grown in their sexuality and explored new areas of freedom.
Hi Tutchh,
What a thoughtful question. It’s something I’ve wondered about too, especially in my earlier days on MH. Master Joe and I are a couple, and while I’m usually the one engaging, reading, and replying, we both enjoy the stories and the community. Sometimes we read them together, sometimes I report back with a flushed little grin.
From our side, I do most of the writing and commenting. Master Joe encourages me to document our adventures and fantasies, and over time, it’s grown into something quite personal and meaningful. We’re in a D/s dynamic, and my writing often reflects that. I try to write with both men and women in mind, but of course, my own feelings and sensations are closest to hand, so they tend to shape the perspective most naturally. I know from the replies I receive that readers come from all sides of the spectrum, and I deeply value that range of connection.
Like you, I’ve noticed familiar names cropping up, and I’m very grateful to my regular contributors, who know who they are, for supporting and encouraging me to keep going, especially when the stories become more personal, less vanilla, or even dangerously explicit. That kind of encouragement is priceless.
As for the gender balance, I think you may be right. There does seem to be a greater number of men contributing openly, but I also believe there are many women here reading quietly, perhaps unsure of how or whether to join in, especially when the site can feel quite male-led in tone. Hopefully, conversations like yours help to make it feel more inviting.
The female perspective is important, and I hope more women continue to find their voice here, whether in stories, comments, or simply recognising something of themselves in what they read.
Warmly
Lauren x
Thank you for your comment Lauren. From all of the comments good to see that M. and I I'm not the only ones that have noticed this.
And thank you for sharing the experience that you two have.
We are familiar with the Dominant/ submissive relationships, having explored it ourselves, and having learned about it years ago from R. My sexual mentor / mother. And no she's not really my mother I just referred to her that way because she was older than I and taught me many things about sexuality. Well we do have fun with that dynamic on occasion M. and I have determined that it's not really within our persona to live in that dynamic it's just not in us. But I can tell you that we do enjoy your stories very much and you have had me biting my bottom lip as my hand roamed over my skin reading your stories.
I truly feel that whether women who visit here should be more vocal on their opinions and feelings whether they agree or not because all opinions are valuable. And it's an open dialogue where we all grow and put our opinions and beliefs to the test of truth.
And I truly encourage all of the women to at least take the steps to comment to make yourselves known. And dear Lauren, thank you! For giving us insight into the feelings and workings of your truly fascinating relationship.💋
Lady L. 💋
Thanks for the very sweet comments, friends in super sex!
I, too would like to thank the many contributors here who have added to Jim and my orgasms and sex play – and a special few of you women, I have […] read your hot stories while feverishly, or, sometimes just hedgingly, masturbating with thoughts of getting off […] while Jim watches … really!
[Edited by MH: After further consideration, we've determined that this comment is in conflict with our guidelines. Specifically, fantasizing about other MH members does not align with our mission. Some controversial topics are allowed for non-erotic discussion purposes, but as written here, this content is in conflict with our marriage-centered mission.]
❤️
Sounds hot to me. Let him watch. We may get a look too.
At a glance, I’d guess there are more men here. I agree with many of the comments here. I do think men think about sex more often. However, I see more and more women opening up to voicing their opinions and desires around sex. It has certainly been true with my wife over the years.
I enjoy all the content here, and while I can relate to what many of the men post here in discussion or story form, I often find the content the women provide more immersive and, at times, more erotic. If I enjoy the stories to the point I masturbate, it is always to stories written by the women here. They provide the female voice and perspective; my male imagination assumes the other role, but I think that’s a natural reaction. So, thank you, ladies, for your erotic content. I also find this true when my wife and I share these stories, no matter which of us is putting on a show for the other.
I wish more women would take part in creating content and commenting. It is nice to hear their perspectives and about their intimate desires, fetishes, and kinks. We all have them and can benefit from the exchange.
MH has just been such a Godsend to me in that it has opened my eyes to what married sex is meant to be. And hearing from couples who are living it out excites me for possibly being married someday myself. My whole view of sex and masturbation was transformed through seeking the Lord and the Scriptures, and then finding this site. I am so looking forward to enjoying my future husband, and being enjoyed by him. I'll definitely keep writing and staying involved as long as MH is around!
This should have been a poll! I guess when I think about the regular authors there seems to be a fairly good showing from the ladies but I've never considered that there might be a lot more men, especially in the comments. I too really enjoy reading stories from the ladies but I've had my attention focused elsewhere lately so haven't had much chance to read to begin with.