How to Move On From Shame?
Hi. This isn’t the sexiest post; I’m desperate for advice! This is my first post here.
I wasn’t raised with a faith; I came from a broken home and was not taught to value monogamy. My father advised me to have many sexual partners before settling down; he was a virgin when he met my mum & believed this led to him making the wrong choice of partner.
I became a Christian in my early 20s. At this point, I was in a sexually active relationship & I also had other sexual partners before I met my husband (including cheating on my ex-boyfriend). I was a very insecure girl and very focused on sexuality, as before I found Christ I believed relationships would be the answer to all my pain, and I believed men only loved sexy girls. I did not have my first time in a loving relationship but it was a one night stand & I never saw the guy again.
I was with my ex-boyfriend for 2.5 years before meeting my husband, & we conceived a child that I miscarried. Had I not miscarried I would have kept the baby and would now have a 7 year old, it broke my heart to lose the baby and I still think of my ex and all that we shared together often – not with any longing to still be together (he had many problems), but we went through so much together & I feel really sad for having messed him up about so much.
Anyway, I am now married with a toddler and could not be happier in my marriage. My husband is God’s gift to me, and he loved and accepted me despite knowing all I had been through. We have been married for four years now. He was not sexually experienced when we met, and I so wish that we had been able to go on the sexual journey together. We slept together before marriage at my initiation & while we repented of this before marriage & stopped, I can’t let go of how our relationship started.
I have never been able to let go with my husband sexually as the shame of all that I did previously holds me back. Since my son was born, I feel even more shame and am even more withdrawn sexually. We are often no longer intimate.
I love my husband so, so much. He is such a kind, strong, and gentle man and makes me feel so safe, and he’s so handsome too. He’s also a great dad. I want to show him how much I love him, and I feel so bad for struggling so much with intimacy. I want to feel the freedom to express my sexuality that I felt before I was a Christian, but I don’t know how to reconnect with it. I wondered whether readers would be able to give me some tips for letting go of shame and negative past experiences? And also tips on how to connect with my hubby? Every time we are intimate or even when I feel desire for him I feel ashamed and think of all I did previously. I wish I had come into our relationship with the innocence he had.
Dear friend, first of all, welcome to MH and I’m super proud of you that you’ve reached out to this loving community, which will surely be able to share some loving, good advice with you on this. I want you to know that through this post, you have taken the 1st step towards true freedom in Christ in this area, for what we bring out into the open, into the light, has no power anymore over us to keep us in any kind of personal bondage. What I’d wish you to do is to grab hold, by faith, of the Truth that shame has NO POWER over you anymore because you are a child of God in Christ. Take hold of the Truth that in the very moment that you have given your life to Christ (in your 20s), it is in this very moment that Jesus took on Himself all of your unrighteousness and He has given you His righteousness – this is the great exchange that took place in the moment of your salvation. Jesus clothed you in white – cleansing you, forgiving you, making you totally new. Since that very moment already you, dear friend, have not been the same person anymore – God made you a NEW person! You may not have felt like someone new; your past may have still felt tightly attached to you – but the Truth of God’s Word declares that you have been made new. So, don’t let that Truth be taken away from you. Hold on tightly to it, by faith. There is now no guilt nor condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, The Bible promises, and YOU are IN CHRIST. If there is no guilt nor condemnation, there shall be no shame anymore about your past either – the moment you repented for it is the moment God forgave you and forgot about it. God is not holding it against you anymore. Christ has already paid the price for your sins. Jesus paid it so you would be free in Him – free to move forward, free to enjoy your life in abundance, free to enjoy being intimate with your husband and celebrating your marital oneness in abundance with each other.
I would like to suggest a mighty shift of perspective to you. You said:”I want to feel the freedom to express my sexuality that I felt before I was a Christian, but I donโt know how to reconnect with it.” But the truth is that what you believe to have been freedom of expression before you were a Christian was really not freedom at all because, as you mentioned yourself, you were doing it mostly because you thought it would be what is expected of you. Dear friend, the shift I would like for you to boldly embrace is not to look back and seek to reconnect to what has been or what you think has been but to let go of any former thing and move boldly in faith (together with your husband) into your most adventurous, truly free season of marital intimacy – for in Christ you have now the opportunity to start afresh and anew with your husband, right here, right now, loosened from any baggage, totally free. If you take hold of the freedom that Christ has available for you, by holding on to the Truth that your former shame has been already taken care of and that there is absolutely no need for you to let the Enemy mess with you through it, then I can guarantee you that this will be the 1st time in your life where you will experience true freedom in every area of your life, and especially in your marriage bed. I believe that you will have the opportunity to experience your very 1st time, for real, as you take hold of Christ’s promise to you.
I do realize that this is easier said than done but believe me when I tell you that I have walked this walk in my own life, and this tangible freedom from shame is close at hand to you, closer than you think. You are the only one who can walk it out but I believe in you that you can do this, for you are not alone in it! Jesus is on your side, God is on your side, the Holy Spirit gives you strength from within. Your husband is on your side. It may be harder in the beginning, as the Enemy will try all he can to keep you in chains to your past and in chains to the shame you feel but I do wanna encourage you with all my heart to drop the baggage of shame that you have carried with you for far too long, right here and right now. Don’t let it weigh you down one more second, one more moment, for you can be sure that God has already taken care of it all. Believe this Truth, receive it in your heart, enforce it with the confessions of your mouth – whenever you feel that shame rise up again in your soul, speak the Truth out loud right then and there – build yourself up in faith and tell yourself: “I AM FREE of this shame, of my past, in the mighty Name of Jesus! I AM a NEW PERSON in Jesus’ Name! I am no longer a slave to fear or shame or guilt, for I am a child of God! I AM FORGIVEN! I AM REDEEMED! I AM RESTORED! This shame I feel is but an attempt by the Enemy to cowardly steal from me the wonderfully, fullfilling and mega hot marriage heat that God has given into my body, mind and soul to bless my husband with in mighty, never before seen ways – and I will not give in to this shame! I choose to believe what God promised me and has already done for me – I stand in His righteousness by His powerful Blood that covers me and I stand on His Word! From this day forward, I will no longer listen to the voices or feelings that try to drag me back into what has been, for the former things have gone and behold all things have been made new! From this day forward, I and my husband will have the, to us, most amazing godly sex we’ve ever had and we will grow and thrive like never before in marital oneness with every day we are given, and we praise God and thank Him for it in advance, in Jesus’ Name!”
Dear friend, you are in a fight of faith in this area, but I wanna assure you most heartily that you have what it takes to reach your personal breakthrough in this – know that you have already the victory in Christ. The battle is in your mind and I’d encourage you to keep praying with your husband together to God and to not listen to anything anymore that contradicts what God said and promised His children. You are His beloved child. He chose you. He approved of you. He knew everything about you (sins and all) and He forgave you and He redeemed you and He will give you double for any trouble the Enemy brought into your precious life. Hold on to this truth, even if everything you feel tells you otherwise. The Truth is where your real freedom is – where the freedom you seek is. I have no doubt that you will get there – for as you take a step of faith about this in your mind, believing it in your heart, staying literally glued to it, then know that God in all His power will be right there fighting for you, helping you.
Know that I (as well as many others of this loving MH community) will be right here, at hand, for you whenever you need a dose of encouragement or anything else, as you let God help you renew your mind and set you totally free. Much love to you, dear friend! May God bless you and guide you and strengthen you and make you come fully alive in the freedom that is already yours in Christ! <3
Amen PFC! I wholeheartedly agree! Praise the Lord for His infinite grace! I always love reading your wisdom! Wife to a gorgeous man, i pray that God fills up your heart with His love, grace, and infinite peace! Never lose sight of your new life in Christ!
W2aGM-PfC is absolutely right about everything she said about Gods grace and forgiveness. I remember the first time I realized the magnitude of God’s forgiveness it totally rocked my world. I remember it hit me when I was studying the book of Romans….I wish I could remember what bible study I was using, I’d recommend it to you. Instead, You might check out the book, What’s So Amazing About Grace? By Philip Yancy. And even if you aren’t much of a reader, you might just try googling quotes from that book. He makes some pretty amazing statements about the depth of Gods grace and forgiveness toward us.
The other thing that struck me the most about what you wrote was this idea that you missed out on taking a sexual journey with your husband. And I just want to say that I think this is a very dangerous line of thinking to go down….first if all because it is depressing to the point of being debilitating and secondly because it is simply not true.
I have this goofy analogy in my head about the Grand Canyon. I’m not sure if it’s going to work or not, but I’m going to give it a shot. Lets say that sex is the Grand Canyon. Let’s say that your one night stand was the time you visited the Grand Canyon the first time. But maybe you were drunk, and you just looked over the edge and then you had to puke so you left. Thinking of that trip leaves a sour taste in your mouth, but you want to check it out again anyway, bc everyone says how great it is. So enter the 2.5 year boyfriend. You start hiking down the canyon with him. But you didn’t pack your bags right. Things are falling out all over the place. But you do have a memorable journey together a little ways down into the canyon. You help each other, you support each other when things are rough. But ultimately, you realize it isn’t safe to go any further down. So you get out, and you go home. You go home and you start studying about backpacking. You want to do this again, and this time you want to do it right. And one day while you are reading a magazine at the library about packpacking you meet this guy. And he’s amazing. And he’s spent years reading about backpacking down the Grand Canyon, but he’s never actually done it. You are both so excited to have the chance to try the journey again that you rush to the canyon and start heading down, but you barely get there before you realize you aren’t prepared. You forgot everything you’d learned. You forgot about packing your backpack, you don’t have what you need for the journey. You go home again. And this time you take your time together preparing for the journey. This time you pack your gear the right way. This time you make sure you have everything you need. And you make plans for the big day, and friends come to see you off, and finally you are off down into the canyon! You’re on a different path than you took any of the other times you were here. The view is completely different. You’re taking the journey with a different person. Someone who you can see yourself going all the way down into the canyon with. And sometimes you see a rock or a bird that reminds you of something you saw here once before. And sometimes you remember fondly or sadly something that happened on one of your other trips, so you talk about it. And then the memory of that other journey gets rolled into the memories from this journey and you keep moving on, working your way down the canyon. And then, all of a sudden, you realize that you are further down the canyon than you’ve ever been before. And things are looking so great! Your supplies are holding strong. You’re finding new ways you never even dreamed of before to help each other in this journey. And you realize this time you can keep going. And as you keep going, you look behind you and you look in front of you. And you realize something you didn’t realize on your first trips. On your first trips, you’d barely scratched the surface of the canyon. Sure you were in it, but you never went down deep before. You suddenly realize just how big this canyon is. You realize it would take a life time to explore every nook and cranny of it. A lifetime and the right companion to help you on your journey. Things you never had before, but you do have now.
Sometimes as Christians we get caught up thinking that the fullness of our sexuality is defined by blood on the sheets. But blood on the sheets is only one of the millions and billions of sexual gifts we can give our spouse. Ultimately, being there, exploring each other’s kinks and desires and insecurities day after day, week after week, year after year, ultimately that’s what the depth of the journey is really about. Going deep emotionally and relationally is how you really go deep sexually. And no matter how many times you’ve “had sex” before, no matter how many times your scratched the surface of the canyon, there’s always more to explore and greater depths to achieve. There’s always a journey to take with the person you love, because while “having sex” is a quantifiable activity, relationship is limitless. And good sex is about relationship,
So please believe me when I say that if you let it happen, you and your husband still have an amazing, lifelong sexual journey to take together. You’ve only just scratched the surface. You still have thousands of feet to go before you reach the bottom, and if you get that far, you still have 277 miles you can travel along the river. And heck, you can always go explore the other side of the canyon if you run out of river. ๐
Okay…so maybe my analogy is starting to run out now. Haha! But really, keep traveling, my friend. You’ve only just begun.
I LOVE the Grand Canyon analogy, Eva!! You skillfully and tangibly painted the picture. You’ve shared so many amazing points here – one of my favorites:”Being there, exploring each otherโs kinks and desires and insecurities day after day, week after week, year after year, ultimately thatโs what the depth of the journey is really about. Going deep emotionally and relationally is how you really go deep sexually.” God bless you all!!
Both the advice by PFC and the Grand Canyon analogy by Eva are great and very sound..Feeling of guilt and shame have become innate to humans ever since the Fall and Satan uses it to trap us and make us miserable. Truth of redemption has already defeated Satan and cleansed us whole just as if we never sinned. Hold on to this Truth. As a spiritual exercise keep repeating the positive affirmation penned by PFC. Praising God for everything positive and most importantly everything negative is very helpful. God uses even our failures and sins to springboard us to greater heights and deeper experiences. St. Augustine said:”Oh! Blessed sin that required a Savior so divine” If we have been forgiven much we love Jesus all the more. Surrendering the miscarried child to Jesus and imagining that the child is now in the bosom of Jesus can bring mush emotional healing. May love and mercy of God the Father, the grace of Jesus and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit surround you, guide you and keep you. With prayers . .
Just the fact your reaching out is already helping you! Well done , I would encourage you to share this firstly with your husband and pray together, so powerful when we pray as husband and wife, share with a trusted friend or christian couple, I have prayed with many christian women over the years in this area, and have found several ways to help
1 breaking all soul ties from any previous sexual partners in Jesus name
2 Washing yourself anew in the blood of Jesus and asking for forgiveness over any previous sexual sin
3 Speaking scripture aloud each day, God will reveal the correct scriptures for you
Hopefully this may help and I pray freedom for you from all guilt and shame in Jesus name and his abundant blessing over your marriage
I’ve been thinking a bit more about your story. And there were a couple more things I thought of.
One, I was wondering about hormones. The way you told your story, it sounds like things got worse after your child was born. And it isn’t unusual for this to happen. Sometimes it’s because of the practical concerns of taking care of a baby. Sometimes it’s because our hormone levels are different. I know I had an incredibly difficult time reconciling the fact that I was supposed to be a cute wholesome little mommy by day and a slutty wife at night. Everyone is different. But I just wanted to put it out there as a possibility for you to consider that there just might be some practical hormonal or kid related issues that are playing into your sexual drought as well.
I also was thinking about your husband. You said that he “accepted you.” But I was wondering if you could unpack that. Did he grudgingly accept you? Did he accept you, but does he now bring up your past in a negative way? Does he have hidden jealousy about your past that he is trying to suppress? OR has he accepted and embraced your past? Does he love your past because it is part of who you are? Has he encouraged you to talk through with him the things that you want to share about your past as a way to build greater intimacy in your marriage?
There are different ways to accept our spouse’s pasts. But in our marriage we have found that we actually very much love each other’s pasts, because our pasts are what make us who we are, they’ve shaped up into the people we’ve become. We’ve built greater intimacy and greater trust in our marriage by embracing…and not just accepting, each other’s pasts.
So I’m just curious about how that “acceptance” is actually playing out in your marriage.
And another thing. Sometimes as women we get ideas stuck in our heads about what our husbands want or think and we continue to let them make us miserable even when they aren’t true. Women do this a lot with body image issues, right? “Oh, I’m so fat, he doesn’t want to have sex with me.” And meanwhile the poor husband can’t figure out why he isn’t getting laid anymore! So, I’m wondering if you are in that same position with your sexual past. Maybe you are hung up on it, but he doesn’t give a rip at all. Maybe he just wants to get laid!
I read a quote last night that made me laugh out loud. I shared it with Walls and he said it was absolutely true. “Men like women with pasts because they hope history will repeat itself.” Haha! Maybe not the most “christian” sentiment, but I think it has a ring of truth to it nonetheless!
“I know I had an incredibly difficult time reconciling the fact that I was supposed to be a cute wholesome little mommy by day and a slutty wife at night.”
Yes, it’s this, exactly ๐ it has been much worse since my son was born. Now I have to be a role model, everything I did prior to meeting my husband has hit me all over again and much worse. Also I struggle to see my breasts as both nurturing for my son & sexual at the same time. Breastfeeding really challenged the way I saw my body.
Before we had our son we had a good sex life, tbh not as physically good as I had with my ex (have never told hubby this), due to my shame & inhibition. I feel like I pursued sex as an aim in itself rather than as a proper expression of love with my ex, and the worry of that happening again holds me back. I know how consumed I can become by sex.
My husband is loving & generous & honestly I don’t think he cares about my past at all. It bothers me so much, but I’ve never seen a sign that it bothers him. I think as you say he just wants to get laid ๐ I feel like I am so less than in comparison to him, in all kinds of ways. I was abused growing up (not sexually), and he is my safe place. But I still project onto him the ‘feeling less than’ that I experienced throughout my childhood.
I should say also that I cannot have children naturally (we had our son via ivf) whereas my husband functions perfectly down there! Which is another contributing factor for me.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful replies! So much appreciated. My heart is so touched.
I think you shouldn’t be afraid to go there with your husband, go all out, don’t let the past hold you back. Life is WAY too short to beat yourself up about the past. You asked forgiveness from God of actions you were convicted of and it’s over, you can pray for any of the people in your past or even reach out and apologize to them if you feel that really needs to be done. But that is the beauty of trusting in Christ, there is not need to hold the guilt and you should FORGIVE yourself too. God is blessing you right now with a husband who loves you and beautiful life with a new baby, don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t waste the opportunity to love your spouse to the fullest now as you BOTH deserve that! I wish you the best! ๐
Hi
At first i want to say that we are the slaves of our parents ideas,if we dont have ours.
Parent often think about their actual and ongoing problems,not a wider area.
and the second that i want to tell u is if i was in your shoes,I would accept what I did in the past.because in that moment i thought this is the best way to do it,so i respect my past desicion and Im glad that I got some great experience from that.
for now accept your past,
And believe me every person in the world (including me)has done something that brought him regrets and shame.
And the most important thing,the way you think and then act will absoultly affect everything around you positively or negatively,so be relax and be sure that a good dictation can improve ur life :like:
I love my husband and my husband loves me with all I have done in the past.
GOOD LUCK???
Thank you all SO MUCH for your responses!! I have just logged on and seen them and am so blown away by your compassion & kindness.
I want to reply to each individually in time, however, I don’t have time tonight. I didn’t want to leave without posting a short update!
Writing this post & reading the stories on this site have already begun to heal something in me. I’m so glad I came across it! It really opened my mind & aroused me to read about married sex in this way & I began to think of what might be possible in our marriage. This week we have enjoyed two of the steamiest sessions of our relationship!! I felt so able to let go with him and be more vulnerable than I am normally, and he responded enthusiastically ๐ I’m really excited about the future ๐ it’s been a long time since I thought of sex as anything other than an unwelcome chore and a link to my past. This week I’ve felt like a new person starting over ๐
So pleased and happy for you, thanks for letting us know!!our hearts and prayers are so with you.This is one of the things I love about MH , is the support and encouragement !
Wife To A Gorgeous Man,
One: Love the username.
Two: Thank you for taking the time to share.
I thought about it for a little bit and the first thing that came up to mind is remembering one really important thing:
YOU ARE FORGIVEN!
Jesus came for all past present and future sins, he went to the cross with you in mind and knew exactly what sins you would have on your record, but he still looked up to the Father and said, “She’s worth it.” And took all your pain, all your sins, all your punishment with Him to the cross. All that shame that you have is just a trick of the devil trying to keep you from experiencing the God given Marriage he still set up for you even in the midst of it all. When you feel the enemy try to bring back all the pain and the shame, you look back and say, “But I’m still worth it to my Father.” One of the biggest things that got me through my life was something my mother said, “God couldn’t FATHOM spending eternity without you so he still made a way for you.”
Always remember that God still sees the perfect creation he wanted and is still fine tuning each and every day. Walk in his Will and his way and you will remember the Joy he has every time he sees you.
But I was in the same boat. I grew up in a Christian household, at a young age I was all set to wait until marriage. At age ten, a teenage boy told me to look up some keywords on Google and from that moment on I was addicted to porn. Even today, married with two kids and a smoking hot wife, who at this moment is walking around in her lingerie making me some dinner, but wearing it in anticipation of what’s to happen later, I still struggle and feel the tug to look at porn.
There were many times when there is stuff I want to do sexually that I remember the exact video from my teenage years and a little into my adult years that taught me how to do that and I feel ashamed. I wish that I had come up with that myself instead of seeing two actors do it on my computer screen or my phone.
But one thing that has helped me get through that is while it wasn’t the best of things in my life to have that addiction, it still made me a better lover. My wife, never masturbated, never watched porn, had barely even made out when we met. I on the other hand, had done everything I possibly could to myself and to other girls except have sex. And our sex life is great because of the stuff I do know, even when I was watching porn I always told myself I was learning so I knew what I was doing, I now know sex is nothing like porn, not even close…except maybe the dirty language ๐ But I’m reminded of one verse, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” (Romans 8:28) The important thing about that it doesn’t say everything will be good but it will all be worked out for the good.
How many times have you been in a bad situation and realized after God brought you out of it that he still used it to work out for your benefit. So every experience you had before him, the journey you went on still lead you to a God given man who has seen the scars and loves you in spite of it all.
Which leads me to my next point, you have a man WHO STILL LOVES YOU AND YOU LOVE HIM! In a way, unfortunately your father was right in his own twisted way. You still slept with a virgin before marriage after everything you went through and still found a partner you want to be with for the rest of your life. And, I’m gonna say also ask him, you might find out that a woman with experience might excite him just a little. And he’s not going to be worried about who was she with when she learned that, he’s just going to know you can show him some things that God gave him a woman who can give him a sex life very few men can achieve. He married a woman who was already sexually expressive, you can look all over marriage heat and find many wives had to learn to open themselves up to their husbands.
It’s the same I feel with my wife. She doesn’t need to know what video I learned from or who came into my life that I practiced on, all she needs to know is she got the main prize, me forever, doing it only to her forever.
I feel it too, I’m pretty sure there are plenty of use who feel it and have been in some sort of similar situation, but those are the three things I keep in mind for me. I am loved and forgiven, I am better because of it, and my wife still loves me in spite of.
Keep walking with God, and you’ll find that sexually open woman again, but she’ll be transformed by a renewing of your mind that continues to follow His word, and she just may have a few more tricks to show you that you can test and perfect on with your forever lover.
God bless you, hope this helps.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply ๐ I relate a lot to your words. The conflict I feel during intimate times is that almost anything we do, I haven’t learned with him, and then I remember who I did learn it with, and also wonder whether my husband is questioning how I know it. (He’s never shown anything but enthusiasm but I’m paranoid!) And there are things I want to try but seem to ‘belong’ to previous partners, eg once I met my ex at the station with only underwear on under a coat, if I ever did that with my husband it would be really conflicting. And then I feel ashamed for withholding the person I know I can be from him. So much internal conflict!! I’ll really treasure your words. God bless.
There are some things that only belong to one relationship. I can identify with that. I had one relationship where foot massage was a frequent part of our intimate play, but as much as I enjoyed it, that is something that has never really translated to my marriage. And I guess that just is what it is. You could have that experience of fond memories from an ex even if you weren’t sexually involved. I used to date a boy who played the guitar and we’d sit for hours singing old hymns together, and that’s a great memory, but Walls doesn’t play the guitar so we just have other things that we do together and that is just fine.
On the other hand, though, there were some especially hot memories that we just decided to reclaim as our own. My husband had a girlfriend who once tied him down and rode him. And that used to bother me just a little that he had such a hot memory with somebody else. But then I realized, I can play that game too! So I did. And it was lots of fun. And now we have a version of that memory that we share. And it is true, I do kinda always think of it as “the Lisa move,” but whatever. He and Lisa went to football games together too, and so do he and I, that doesn’t make them any less special.
In brief, kudos to you for breaking off unmarried sex with your husband before you wed: that is an excellent story of repentance. second, Mark Gungor claims in his “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” seminar that a woman’s body produces less oxytocin after many partners, so it is not that your love isn’t sufficient or that you are broken or a bad wife. Third, even if you don’t feel like sex, you can give it to your husband: blow jobs & hand jobs don’t require your pussy to be ‘in the mood’ & if you like doggy style you can just bend over & let him lift your skirt. I guess what i am saying is that you shouldn’t let your lack of desire or enthusiasm prevent you from giving him your body & your love.
You might want to do a little reading from more scientific sources if you are interested in the effects of oxytocin. I am not someone who has studied a lot about it, but I do know that oxytocin is released in men and women during all sorts of social interactions. Singing, deep conversation, petting your dog, breastfeeding, cuddling a baby, competition, and even prayer. It seems to me that if we accept the the claim that “more sex partners leads to lower oxytocin levels,” that it would logically follow that the more babies a woman breastfeeds the less she’ll be able to bond with her children, or that the more dogs we pet the less we will be able to bond with them. And those statements don’t really hold up. It would certainly be interesting to do a bit more reading on the subject. Or to take a look at the study that gungor was referring to to see what it actually said.
I did read an interesting article lately that talked about how oxytocin boosts muscle maintenance and repair as we age….so I’m thinking I’m gonna keep having me lots o sex to keep my muscles just as healthy as they can be!
Dear friend
Redemption is a universal need. We all need it. Everyone. Most good literature, movies and plays deal at some level with the concept of redemption. Shame or remorse is a powerful human emotion and motivator for change. Too often, people are not able to feel the absence of remorse that should come through the redemptive power of Christ, The Great Redeemer. I would not pretend to understand all of the forces that keep people looking backward at their sin filled past and not forward with hope at a much brighter future. But I do know two causes, and both might be at play here. One is a failure to forgive. Have you fully forgiven your father for his harmful teachings about your inner beauty and sexuality? They were very harmful. A second cause of persistent remorse is a failure to apologize to those we have injured and to ask their forgiveness. Whether or not they forgive us, is irrelevant, but it is important to humbly admit fault and to ask. Within your text, there are two individuals that you feel that you have injured. One is your old boyfriend. The other is your husband. It may not even be appropriate for you to communicate with your ex. But if it is, I can easily imagine writing him, saying that you are in love with a wonderful man who you have married after turning to Christ. That you are very happy. And then telling him that when you have looked back at your relationship together, although there were great times, that you are sad because you feel that you hurt him. Saying the words, ‘I am sorry, I hope that you can forgive me.’ is a powerful statement and often a step towards leaving remorse behind. Your husband may be much more complex. But have you showed him what you have written? I would have shed a tear or two with my wife after reading such tender feelings as you have expressed. You need to take steps to move on and cut the tethers from the past that hold you back. In my experience when I forgive and when I ask to be forgiven, I can move on. Then, the redemptive power of Christ can pour over you so that you can look forward to greater intimacy with your husband and fun in your shared sexuality.
Can you take my name off of this reply? And purr arrowhead or J.G.