This erotic parody of the familiar classic retains over one-fourth of the original words including six complete lines. It also maintains the original rhyming sounds throughout the poem.
The night before Christmas, you pranced through the house
Your breasts bouncing free in a lovely sheer blouse;
High stockings of white lace, you’d chosen with care,
And a tiny black skirt with no underwear!
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sex play now danced in our heads;
And mamma in her skirt and cute Santa cap,
Was causing excitement to surge through my lap,
You were a hot sex dish, no, really a platter,
My cock kept on growing longer and fatter.
Then you lifted your blouse to give me a flash,
And teased me by tying my hands with a sash.
The view of your breasts in that blouse white as snow,
Made hardness swell up in my tool down below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But your marvelous breasts now all free and clear,
With little hard nipples so long and so thick,
I could feel in a moment the ache in my dick.
More rapid than eagles erotic thoughts came,
And I whistled, and shouted, and used each pet name:
“You, Flasher! you, Dancer! you Prancer, you Vixen!
Hey Comet and Cupid! My cock needs some fixin!
We could fuck on the porch! Or the top of the wall!
Let’s dash away, dash now and give it our all!”
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up in the house to our bedroom we flew
To our sack full of toys – we have quite a few!
And then, in a twinkling, we raised to the roof
Our prancing and pawing, and that is no spoof.
Then I thrust in my head, and shoved it around
Down deep in your chimney. You made a sweet sound.
You were gorgeous indeed clear from head to foot,
In those lovely white stockings and skirt black as soot;
I searched through our toys with you flung on your back,
Till I found the right one to pull from the pack.
Your eyes—how they twinkled! Your dimples, how merry!
Your cunt lips like roses, your clit like a cherry!
Your droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
Waiting to give my hard cock a good blow.
The length of my rod you caressed with your teeth,
Then your lips encircled my head like a wreath;
Then I rolled you over and onto your belly
And lubed you up good with our scented jelly.
Your cunt lips were plump, my sweet little elf,
And I could no longer keep holding myself;
A wink of my eye and I thrust in my head
And pounded you hard as you lay on our bed.
I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,
And filled you with semen; with each mighty jerk,
Then placed the vibrator on the spot where it goes,
And your orgasm spread from your head to your toes;
I loved it so greatly I gave a big whistle,
Still keeping you filled with my giant hard missile.
And then we both shouted with all of our might—
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
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