Being Comfortable With Who You Are

This is not a story about a romantic night although I wish it was. Hopefully, that story will be coming up soon. Anyway, this is a story about being comfortable with who you are and accepting yourself–flaws and all. I know there are a lot of women out their that struggle with body image and acceptance and I was one of them. First, please allow me to give a brief history about myself.

I have never been a small person; as a child I was plump–with a pokey belly. The women in my family are plus size, but they are not what you would call obese and unhealthy. They are healthy, they eat right, and exercise about two or three times a week, mostly walking. They are just pleasantly plump and they are very comfortable with who they are. They keep their appearance up — hair, nails, makeup, clothes that fit properly and just right and not too revealing. So now you see where I am going with this. They are comfortable with who they are and they accept themselves. My sisters are married and have fulfilling sex lives — and they are a beautiful and voluptuous plus size.

Brief history over, back to me. I realized that if I am to be happy with a happy marriage and fulfilling sex life then I must change my thinking and learn to accept myself for who I am. I must learn to be comfortable with my body, learn to love my body, learn to appreciate my body and be grateful that I have a body that is very much alive. That is how I need to see my body. When you learn to accept yourself and become comfortable with who you are that opens up other doors. Doors that allow you to enjoy a satisfying sex life. My husband and I had a very long and wonderful conversation one night and he said some things that really registered.

He reminded me that when we first met I was not a small girl. I wasn’t skinny; I was plump. He then went on to say that “if you weren’t skinny then why are you worried about your weight now? You had three children for me back to back. Those extra pounds mean you loved me enough to carry my children.” He then went on to say that he found me to be sexy, very arousing, and very appealing and he loved me and my body for who I are and what I am—flaws and all. Needless to say that I was all smiles as you can imagine. I felt so good after this talk with my husband.

I now view myself as a beautiful and voluptuous plus size woman. At 4’11, with a round face, plump mid section, round bottom, and 44 F breasts I am learning to accept my body for what it is and I am learning to love my body how it is—flaws and all (by the way, I walk a lot and drink plenty of water. I just need to get my snacking under control and make healthier choices when it comes to food, LOL). Realizing that my body is loved by my husband made me feel so good about myself that I decided to stop allowing my weight to interfere with my enjoyment of life. After that I felt so incredibly sexy; I haven’t felt like that in a long time. That’s when I realized that sexiness starts in the brain. You have to believe you are sexy in order to feel sexy; which all starts with body image acceptance.

Looking back at the past, I realized that, yes, the kids were time consuming, I was in school full time, and was always exhausted at the end of the day. But, I now see that the real reason I said no was because I was uncomfortable with who I was as a person. I was uncomfortable with my weight. I had no idea my weight gain didn’t bother him, he still wanted me. But, I said no so many times that he eventually lost interest in it, not wanting to go astray. Now we have to find a way to fix what has been damaged but not broken; remember communication is key. With much prayer, diligent, and hard work we will revive our sex life. I love my husband with my all. We have been together for a total of 12 years this August and married for 9 years this October. That’s too much to throw away and start over. I can’t imagine my life without him. I don’t want to, it scares me so much. I know I must sound crazy but when he’s at work I go into our closet and just smell his clothes. I love the way he smells, he smells so good. And, the smell of his clothes comforts me.

So my advice to all women is learn to love yourselves for who you are. Please don’t allow your body image issues to interfere with your life and your marriage. This act will damage your sex lives and your marriages. Your husbands will love you for who you are. Don’t keep your bodies away from them. They will love every part and will be more than happy to caress and kiss you all over. Let go of your insecurities and relax, and enjoy that precious time and closeness with your God sent husband.

I am not a writer by any means so if this seems unorganized I do apologize. I just wanted to share what I learned and to spare others the pain from the results of poor body image. Plus, I don’t know if there are other women that come to this site because they may be going through the same thing, but I decided to share my awakening concerning body image to help those that may need a few words of encouragement so they will know that they are not alone. If this little story has helped even one person then I feel like I have accomplished something. Thank you for taking the time out to read my story. I hope you enjoyed it and found it informative.


Click on a heart to thank the author of this story!

Average rating / 5. Vote count:

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

We are sorry that this post was not one of your favorites!

Help us understand why.

19 replies
  1. Seeking Passion says:

    Thanks Blondie,

    Body issues are very serious and women deal with these issues on a daily basis. TV shows, movies, music videos, and magazines all give a misconception of the female body. The truth is that the perfect female body do not exist; at least not without tons of plastic surgeries. We are all unique and different and come in many different sizes and shapes and have a few wrinkles here and there; we are human.

    For the first time ever, I realized something. If we were to marry for the perfect body, what will we do when the body starts to change with age? Divorce or remain married and be miserable. But, if we marry for love, values, morals, personality, respect, compassion, happiness, lifetime companionship, to share our life with someone, share our goals, and share our dreams; then when the body starts to change with age we still be in a state of happiness and contentment because we married for the right reasons.

    My goal is for women to love themselves for who they are; light weight gain or (in my case) heavy weight gain. Become that strong confident and sexy woman you know you can be! Confidence is real sexy and attractive!

    • Blondie says:

      I agree so much with that!

      Real Women body types are all very different and they all fill out differently:
      Pear Shape (large hips, small bust)
      Apple Shape (Large breasts and round midsection and hips)
      Hourglass Shape (Large hips, small waist, Big bust)
      Willow Shape (tall and lean)
      Diamond Shape (Large bust and shoulders, small hips)
      Petite Frame (small, short, and fine boned)

      These all are very different ways women are naturally built and meant to fill out according to their genetics. They are all beautiful in their own way! I hope when women come to Marriage Heat they don’t have to think about their body type or whether or not they are what the media declares “beautiful”. Like you said, confidence is really sexy and so important!

      Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised! – About Proverbs 31 woman from the Bible.

      I also loved how you talked about not marrying someone for their beauty. Beauty does fade. You get wrinkles, you get stretch marks from having children, and you get grey hairs.

      I have a c-section scar right at the bikini line and my husband whispered to me right before my emergency c-section, “I’m going to kiss that scar.” I remember how special him saying that was to me, cause he knew I didn’t want to have a huge scar right there. Yeah, some people may find it freaky looking and wearing certain lingerie will never look the same, but that scar is a reminder to us that my life was saved and that I’m still here and that our beautiful daughter made it into the world.

      Beauty is as beauty does. You can know a beautiful person on the outside, but if their heart is ice cold you would eventually be disgusted by them.

    • Seeking Passion says:

      Blondie you are absolutely right. Beauty fades with time, so why base a marriage on it. It’s here today and gone tomorrow; base a marriage on something that will stand the test of the time. I also would like to point out something else that is not healthy, if I may.

      I’ve noticed that a lot of young women are caught up in penis sizes. I would just like to comment that penis size should not be a determining factor when considering marriage. The size of a penis is not going to guarantee a very satisfying love making session. What guarantees good love making is being married, being committed to one another, having patience, thoughtfulness, selflessness, trust, understanding, being considerate, and being encouraging, etc.. One can have a long and thick cock but if he lacks some of the words above then the love making will not be enjoyable.

      Women need to change how they view themselves and how they think when it comes to sex. I hope this was not out of context, but I had to speck on this subject as well. Young ladies are getting to hung up on what they see in the media world and it is damaging their minds.

    • Blondie says:

      That’s a good thing to point out, a man can have a huge cock and be a total jerk. Also, I don’t think if you’re trying to save sex for marriage you should ask to see his penis anyway as that can present a temptation.

    • Seeking Passion says:

      Those are my thoughts exactly:-) The reason I am concerned is because I have an acquaintance that is in her mid twenties and is severely caught up with sizes as is some of the young women she hangs with. I’ve tried numerous times to get her to understand that size should not determine who she commits herself to and marry.

    • hornyGG says:

      Very insightful post and comment seeking passion! Thank you for posting this. I 100% agree with you and Blondie on all your points.

      Young women today do tend to put too much into penis size. Of course the way the world is today, all you hear is ” bigger is better “. This also plays into the psychy of men as well.

      There are many guys out there who are made to feel inadequate due to the size of their cock. They feel that if they are not a foot long, they will not be able to satisfy a woman. Many suffer sexual dysfunction brought on by performance anxiety.

      My husband Ben is the only man I have ever been with sexually , my love for him kinda overshadowed any thoughts of penis size. I would have married him regardless.

      Sure, when we are making love I may boost his ego a bit by telling him how ” big” he is and how he ” fills me”. I mean let’s face it a man likes to hear it! They like being made to feel that they are ” super studs” in the bedroom.

      For years I felt inadequate as a woman because of my breast size. I mean guys like girls with ” big tits” right! It’s not that my breast are super small, actually they are quite nice. It has taken some time but I have come to love my breast. BEN loves them, saying I have ” perfect titties.” Lol. I would still like to maybe move up one cup size, but that is more of a cosmetic thing for me.

      Well, sorry for rambling on! I just felt the need to comment. God bless you girl and stay horny my dear!

    • Blondie says:

      lol! I totally agree about making your husband feel like a super stud in the bedroom. I say the same things to Josh. Like you, GG, my husband is the only man I’ve given myself to and I wouldn’t have it any other way. His cock certainly qualifies for rockstar status with me! 😉

    • Seeking Passion says:

      Thank you hornyGG.

      I am hoping this post will benefit other women who are going through what I went through. If I can, I want to spare them the pain that poor self-image can bring. I also agree with your response about penis size. I feel the same way you do; I would have married my husband regardless of his penis size. We feel in love before we ever saw each other’s bodies. And you are not rambling, I enjoy reading your posts as well as your comments:-)

  2. Blondie says:

    She should be more concerned about falling in love with someone who is compatible, is considerate, and who loves, and respects her and has the same life dream. I believe chemistry matters in a relationship and I think initial attraction does matter as well, but she should go into it with the mindset that her husband will be her perfect fit and forget about comparing penis sizes to other men. There will always be the “bigger” or “better-looking” guy. lol And I am betting your friend would find it completely unfair and hurtful if a guy she was interested in wrote her off just cause her breast size wasn’t “perfect” (whether he found them too big or too small).

    Bottom line: penis size won’t make an incompatible guy any more fun to live with or make sex with a jerk any more hot. Be comfortable and confident with who you are whether you are a man or woman.

  3. Anonymous says:

    So griping. So true. Yet so sad. How many marriages have followed this path and never come to this knowledge.

    What if your husband did not…

    Women please wake up. Life is (meant to be) easy. We men go through this but…

    I was sharing these same only a week ago with a female colleague. And I know it was the Spirit ministering wisdom through me.

  4. J Morris says:

    Your husband is a lucky man to have you as his wife you are both blessed. Me and my beautiful sexy wife have been married for 30 yrs and when i met her she was a plump sexy high school girl I fell in love with her .Then and over the past 35 yrs she has gained wieght and lost weight and the love for the wonderful woman she is my love for her will always grow deeper every day. she is still my plump sexy best friend and wife whom struggles with what she feels she should look like but at least shes mine.God bless you

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply