Hello, everyone! It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. I haven’t had much time to write anything new in a while. I’ve been checking the site for new updates and comments, but that’s about it. I don’t think I’ve even commented on anything recently.
And that leads to something I wanted to ask my Marriage Heat family for prayer and advice on.
The baby is doing great. Almost nine months now! (Hard to believe. It feels like we just had her!) So naturally she does take up a lot of time and attention. But we are having fun with her. She recently started crawling, and she is all over the place. And between that and work our day is pretty full.
Except…we aren’t having sex much. We seem only to be able to have sex on weekends and even then it’s a “hurry up and get it over with” kind.
Apparently, when you become parents, your body emits some hormone when you go to try to have sex. This hormone floats in the air and lands on the baby and causes the baby to cry. (Even when she’s been asleep for a while.) Because it seems the baby is determined to not let us have sex. It seems, that every time we try, the same thing happens: Get naked, jump in bed and start kissing and just when things start heating up and my wife is nearing her orgasm. WAAAHH! We’ve tried to push through but that is a major distraction, and my wife loses her concentration on the orgasm. So we have to call an abort. Or she says for me just to do her real quick and then we get up and see about the baby. So she hasn’t had an orgasm in a while. And we haven’t been able to focus on each other for a while.
So I wanted to ask everyone who has had children for your advice. How do you have a hot, passionate sex life with a baby in the house? She doesn’t regularly sleep yet so we can’t plan on her naps. We’ve tried rocking her to sleep and then laying her down, but she is awake within 5 minutes. (Or the second we lay her down. She’s been doing that a lot too.) So like I said we either don’t have sex at all or it gets interrupted or it turns into a quick get it over with session.
And while I love her beyond words, she is putting a damper on our sex life. We’re also tired from her awkward sleep schedule. She is still waking up a couple of times a night, and that throws us off. So we’re tired on top of all of it. But the bigger issue now is that we can’t get 20-30 minutes of uninterrupted time to focus on each other in the bedroom. As I said, it seems there is a hormone that we release when we want to have sex that makes the baby cry. Even if she is playing in her play pen, the minute we go in there and get started she cries. When we stop and go check on her, she stops crying. And we’ve tried everything: Leave her in her play pen with toys, lay her down for a nap, set her in her bouncer seat, and nothing lasts more than 5 minutes.
And just in case you’re wondering, no we don’t live near any family that can take her for an afternoon so we can have time to ourselves. And I know this is pretty normal and that it’s just a phase right now. I know she eventually will start sleeping through the night, and we can have a better routine and schedule. But it’s still getting frustrating. I feel like the days consist of: Get up, go to work, come home, fix dinner, get ready for the next day, go to bed and do it all again. So it just feels like we don’t have time, energy or time to ourselves to connect sexually. And lately both of our jobs have kept us busy during the day, so we can’t even text each other during the day as much as we used to. I feel like I never talk to my wife and only see her for a short time in the evening. There was a time when I went about a week without even seeing her naked because she went to bed before me, and we never had sex.
And between the sexual frustration, the relational frustration, and the exhaustion it is also causing me and my wife to be short with each other and snap at each other and get frustrated over every little thing. (Which obviously doesn’t create feelings of desire for each other.)
So if I could ask for everyone’s prayers about this but also your advice. Has anyone else out there dealt with this or something similar? How did you handle this? Any advice on getting a baby to stay quiet for 20-30 minutes so we can do something other than quickies? Or so we can finish properly without getting interrupted? And so we can connect physically and sexually?
I’m sure many of you have dealt with this, so I wanted to hear from you guys on how you dealt with it. Thanks in advance!