Tips on Role Playing?
I wanted to ask some questions for those of you who enjoy role playing with each other. I could use some tips on role playing. I’m not talking necessarily about “kinky” play, but strictly role playing.
As an example you might pretend that the husband is the cable repair guy and the wife is a single woman home alone. Or you might pretend the wife is a hooker and the husband picks her up. Or the wife is the nurse and the husband is the doctor. Stuff like that.
My wife and I have thought before about trying some kind of role play, but we always felt like we would feel too silly trying to act it out. So we never tried it.
My questions are these:
- How do you “get into character” when you know that you are really husband and wife? Especially since you know each other so well?
- Once you get past the initial “act” is the sex pretty much the same as it always is? After all, you have had sex with each other many times before. So once you get into it, does the moment pass?
- Do you ever feel silly acting like someone else?
- Do you talk about it first and plan it out? How detailed do you get? Do you go so far as to have lines or a script? Or do you just say, “I’ll be the repair guy, you be waiting at home” then let it unfold on its own? How do you keep it from feeling “fake” and “scripted?”
- How involved to you get with it? For instance in the example of the husband being the repair guy, does the husband leave the house, the wife calls and requests a repair and then he agrees to come at a set time and then he actually repairs something, etc. Or in the example of the wife being the hooker, do you take the wife somewhere and have her stand on the street corner and the husband drives around for a while and then comes and picks her up?
- Does it ever feel like you are in a cheap porn movie when you act out something?
- Do you ever buy special outfits for the occasion? Like a nurse/doctor outfit?
- Was it awkward the first time you role played? Did the awkwardness go away with practice and multiple fantasies?
- I’ve had some ideas for scenarios I would like to act out. What tips would you have for getting started?
- How did you handle it if one of you wanted to try role play but the other didn’t?
- Do you ever feel like it takes something away from the sanctity of your marriage or is it just another form of play between husband and wife?
- Do you ever feel awkward or guilty for role playing scenarios where you aren’t married to each other but you still have sex?
- Do you have any rules you stick to in acting out fantasies? Like maybe a rule might be “No rape fantasies” or maybe you have a special code word for stopping if you need to?
14. Do you think it would be inappropriate to act out an affair scenario? Like if you were to meet at a hotel on your lunch break and just have sex and then not talk about it that evening as if you were trying to keep it a secret. I’ve personally got mixed feelings about this. On one hand having an affair is wrong so that feels wrong to even pretend to have one. On the other hand part of the allure of an affair is the excitement. And it is with your spouse so it’s technically not an affair. But would it create a temptation to actually have a real affair. But, on the other hand, ANY scene you act out will be based on the idea of the two of you not really being married. The secretary and boss, cable repair guy and wife at home, etc. None of those involve you being married. So what difference does it make? But what are your thoughts? Is the affair scenario going too far?
Feel free to offer any other tips/suggestions/advice you have about this.
Thanks for asking these questions, Horny Hubby! I have actually have the same questions, dear brother. I kept saying “I know, right?!?” every time i read one of your questions. Especially 11 and 14. I sort of have the feelings of the apostle Paul… “everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial.” I would really like to get some peace from godly and Biblically-minded brothers and sisters! So, in advance, thanks everyone! From me and my husband!!
Jake and I have tried a few things and it was a lot of fun. We have done one where he comes to fix some thing and I seduce him lol. Or when ever he is sick I will be his nurse and tease him till he cant take it any more and drills me hard. Staying in the role is easy for us most of the time. And yes some times we do buy stuff to wear.
Hope this helped a little bit 🙂
Personally, I believe your characters in the fantasy should be married, like take for example, a sailor rescues a damsel in distress and they get married at the nearest port, or you can play a king and a queen or something like that. I think that period fantasies are good for where you can dress up and still be husband & wife. Remember my story “Love in Venice”? It wasn’t a role-play, per se but we did happen to dress in Venetian nobility clothes that dated back to the late 1500s for the gathering and the fun of imagining ourselves as Italian nobles actually made it’s way into our bedroom because of the thrill of it all. Ok, it was a bit spontaneous, but maybe if you are one to throw parties you can host a fancy-dress or theme party so that afterwards you can imagine yourselves as the characters in your bedroom.
I may seem “old fashioned” and I probably am, but I think there are dangers in the prostitute fantasy, because you never know who can be lurking about, and your wife could be uncomfortable dressing like that. Also, if police happened to see her, they could possibly mistake her for someone she’s not, know what I mean? Also with the affair one, that might make it look like that Godly sex is boring, and it really should not be, so I personally think that’s inapropriate because in pretending to have an affair, you’re pretending to commit adultery. I agree with the no rape fantasy
On the other hand, as I mentioned before, if you are dressing up, but still married in the fantasy, I don’t believe there is any need to feel guilty, you are just spicing things up – to me it’s like a wife putting lingere for her husband. But ultimately it’s all up to God, so I’d pray about it (which I’m sure you do) and may your sex life be great! 😀
Bless
P.S. I meant to say I agree with the no rape fantasy rule, sorry about that.
Great questions!
My wife & I are currently discussing these very same questions as well. She feels guilty at times for scenarios & fantasies involving sex outside of marriage while I don’t think anything of it since we are acting them out together. The one point/question that hit me was #14. We are looking forward to reading the responses to this one.
Play is play. God created us with the capacity for imagination and commanded us to use it. He also commanded us to love our neighbors as ourselves and gave us the wisdom to discern if we are doing that or not. So my take on any of the scenarios you’ve listed above, including number 14 is that if it is something you and you spouse both find enjoyable to play, then go for it. It is play. It isn’t real.
Walls and I don’t really act out these sorts of things the way you were talking about, but we have a long history of laying in bed at night telling each other stories about stuff like this. It happened innocently enough at the beginning. We were in bed, not being sexual, and I happened to relay a story to him about a sexual encounter I’d had years ago with an ex boyfriend. Woah! I was so not expecting the level of arousal he got from hearing that story! I wasn’t trying to turn him on! I was just trying to tell him about this one part of my life that shaped who I am. But he totally thought it was the hottest thing he’d ever heard! And we had some really hot sex because of it. So time passed and he started requesting more stories like that. I tried it for awhile, but the truth is, telling real stories about real people from my past for the sake of arousal just felt really wrong to me. So we found that that particular sort of story telling was not mutually beneficial, so we try to steer away from that.
But we didn’t steer away from storytelling altogether! Actually, realizing how aroused he got from imagining me enjoying my sexuality with someone else opened up a whole new world for us in terms of emotional intimacy and sexual adventure. We’ve found that for the most part, as long as the “other” characters in our stories are fictional people, both of us can both enjoy the stories and be deeply aroused by them. And I can’t even begin to explain to you the level of freedom and intimacy these stories have brought to our marriage. We both feel free to express even the most “disturbing” of our fantasies. And we trust each other more because of it. I don’t think there’s any fantasy I would feel uncomfortable sharing with him, and I am pretty confident he feels the same way. And we’ve gone into some pretty dark and disturbing places! I mean, we’ve pretty thoroughly tested this out. 🙂
And the bottom line is that it’s been good for our marriage. We are more intimate, and we trust each other more because of our openness and honesty about out sexuality.
So, my advice? Go there. And if it makes one if you uncomfortable, talk about it and figure out why. And then maybe modify your play to accommodate. For example. Walls gets turned on thinking about me with another guy. But, I get turned off thinking about cheating on him. So, our new storyline has him setting me up on a date with someone else. He gets what he likes and I don’t have to go through a thought process that makes me uncomfortable. It’s a win.
And then it’s really a Win. If you know what I mean. 😉
You bring some great questions and ideas. By no means, we are pros but we have enjoyed playing in this way. Here are some of our thoughts on this topic as they address some of your questions.
Let’s start somewhat addressing question 11, 12 and 14. For us personally, we feel that we guard ourselves by working with material that doesn’t go far from who we are as individuals. Example, some hot scenarios have come up as we have seen pictures of us before we met in a sports tournament, a different job, etc. We have learned that between experiences, travel, jobs (especially the odd ones to pay for college), hobbies, education,… we can find a lot of “role play” material without pushing the other person to be someone they are not and opening ourselves to insecurities, sin. Because of our previous sin, they are areas that are out of the picture, as they could be too connected with memories that are best left in the past. It is key for us that after the fun times, we can cuddle and use our imaginations to make a story how we still ended up together. (Using this method some hot combinations have come up. Business man, meets hot freshman girl, new girl in town meets young repair guy, etc) We feel that since we are married now, the fantasy can revolve around what if we met at a different stage in life. This also helps on not being fake and it’s actually helpful to learn more about each other.
The only exception to the method above was one time in which my wife had a dream after reading a critique on the movie Magic Mike (or something like that). She has never watched it, but she had a dream that I was the guy. We played that scenario one time in a fancy hotel room (that could be a good story actually) with the final scenario being me quitting my job and marrying the lady.
Regarding planning, I would say that the scenarios work best when the other party doesn’t see it coming. Once again this doesn’t meant that they find out about this “fantasy” for the first time when they walk into a room. Lot’s of communication and trust has been built so that the spouse can do this as a gift for the other person. With that in mind.. knock yourself out in buying props, clothes, etc.
Finally, I have learned that this is a great conversation to have after (sometimes even during) a nice lovemaking time.
Hi, While there are so many questions in this post and I did not want to go through each one the one that stood out was the question on, would it lead to an affair. My thought is that it is better to have some spice in your own relationship, keep it fresh. Doing something different and acting out something together is better than actually having an affair. You can also try writing some of your fantasies (either yourself or even better together) and post them up anonymously. Both fun and erotic visit http://www.myromanticstories.com for more info on this.
1 Change names, go out, book a hotel room but don’t tell her where.
2 Not if you’re both in escapism mode. Forget about your daily worries, work and everything. Remember the excitement of your first kiss, your first date – it was exciting because you were focused on the moment. You need to escape from your daily grind and the sex will be different.
3 Don’t start off with silly roles. Play out roles that you both feel comfortable with. They don’t even need to be roles – start out by just adopting alter-ego names for yourselves. A role will only feel silly if it’s a role either of you are not comfortable with. Imagine what you’d like to be – who you’d like to be and go with it. If you imagine yourself as a powerful businessman seducing a sexy work acquaintance, then dress the part, meet at a fancy restaurant on a date, take your wife to a nice hotel.
4 Have a general idea of what you want to do but don’t script it. Just prepare for the day’s events. Treat each other to an amazing day out as your alter-egos. The rest will fall in place.
5 In the repair guy example – yes, you should leave the house and come back a few hours later. This will give her time to prepare to seduce the repair guy. The repair guy should come with a gift – perhaps a new sex toy that he had in his tool-box or a little gift, chocolate treats. She perhaps asks his opinion on a sexy lingerie item she recently purchased.
In the case of hooker – I would not suggest the street corner scenario for a first time. Rather set up a ‘date’ where you meet the sexy escourt in a bar or hotel lobby. Use a new alter-ego e-mail address and sext each other. She can offer various services for a fee – and pay her in cash. Another scenario is to treat her to a shopping spree – but anything she wants but only on condition that she purchases a new lingerie item too. Make a day of it.
6 Not in our experience – except the times when we do play a game of porn director or photographer and actress or actor/model etc. We always delete the footage after we watch it together. We have no footage or photographs. It’s the safest way to film each other and it’s fun playing director – for both of us.
7 We’ve never played the nurse game – that we find a bit silly. Costumes – not really. If we’re doing a dominatrix type of game, then I’ll dress up. If we’re playing a hooker date night kind of game, then I’ll dress up a bit skanky – but just a little bit. Underneath, I usually wear stockings and suspenders. I always wear very sexy underwear underneath. It makes me feel sexy and my husband loves it. I guess we don’t wear costumes in the haloween sense of the word but we do ‘dress’ for the game.
8 A little awkward at first – but practice makes perfect. Now we use it quite often – maybe 5 or 6 times a year and it’s a great way to re-connect, to forget all our worries and to focus on each other. We usually make a day of it. Kids off to grandparents and we usually leave the house.
9 Start simple – with a scenario that you know will be easy and comforatble for you both to play out.
10 My husband was a little reluctant at first – but he played along when I teased him with a glimps of what I had on underneath. If you start off simple and straight forward with a tease, some reward, your wife should follow. It’s all about giving and sharing. You should discuss it first to avoid disappointment on the big day.
11 It’s a form of bonding – of focusing attention on each other.
12 We’ve never felt guilty and been doing it for 15 years. We don’t play roles with multiple partners. It’s always the 2 of us. Think of the roles as alter-egos. You’re still the same people, with the same bond with the same morals. You’re not fundamentally changing who you are or what you believe in. You’re just using the roles and the characters to help escape from your daily grind. Life is quite stresful. Being hooker Jane and customer John for a night meanse that you’re not thinking about bills, kids, work worries, house mortgage. I’m thinking ‘how much will he pay me for a blow-job, will anyone in the restaurant see me if I grab his crotch under the table, this g-string thong feels so sexy under my skirt, he looks so handsome dressed up like James Bond sipping on a Martini – I’ve never seen him drink a martini…
13 We don’t do rape fantasies. It’s not something we’re interested in. We do have a code-word if we’re doing some S&M stuff but we’ve used it maybe only once or twice. We’re quite in tune with each other’s limits. Don’t start out with anything that you know your wife will find offensive. I would not suggest starting out with the rape scenario. That’s for advanced users. If you’re having these questions and doubts – keep it clean.
14. If you’re having doubts about an ‘affair’ then don’t role-play that game. Play one as alter-egos – you’re not married, take off your rings – meet as strangers, take your wife to an art gallery, a theatre – anywhere nice that you wouldn’t normally go to and be strangers. That way you avoid daily grind talk and focus on new experiences and in the act of impressing your hot date. It’s not an affair if you’re in a role-playing space where you’re not married. That should ease your guilt.
Enjoy and I hope you manage to have some fun with your wife.
Wow!! That’s some good answers.
Most of these questions seem to be the whole point of role playing. Playing someone your are not. We’ve done that many times and we’ve never felt guilt. Just adds to the spice of the marriage without stepping outside the bounds. Perfectly healthy and hot.
My husband and I are very open to what ever and sometimes we are risky and oretend to be people we know. It gets so hot. But then when we see those people makes me so wet. I like being those people and making his fantasys come true!
You asked the same questions I have had regarding role playing. I want someone to tell me how to do it, you know like an instruction manual. I don’t want to look silly, or feel silly. I did one elaborate role play with my wife, but it was easy because I played out my actual occupation. I had a lot of props. I should write it as a story sometime to submit. Lots of scenarios you can do when you’re a cop. It was pretty hot!
Please do!