Skype Sex And Boobs? What Do You Think?

Okay, looking for input…

I spend alot of time out of town on business trips.  I have suggested to my wife many times that I would love to have some pics sent to me or have a sexy skype call with her while i am away.

She thinks that people can intercept those messages/texts and or skype calls and it will come back to bite us in the butt.

I have worked in the IT world and try to assure her that this will not happen.

She is not convinced and refuses to do that.  I have given up even trying to get her interested …

My primary love language is physical touch so i get pretty “frustrated” out on the road.  I have never strayed from her sexually but have deviated onto soft porn sometimes.  I know, not cool.  Embarrassed to admit it even!

I found this site and it is awesome because i appreciate the candor and openness.  It doesn’t feel sleezy or odd hearing stories of like minded folks that are not interested in going outside their marriage for their satisfaction.

I adore my wife and love her to bits but she gets hurt when i admit to her that i have strayed off into viewing “boobs” out on the net. (i am really not interested in seeing any of the hard stuff… just a boob man with too much time sometimes after the events finish in the evenings!).

She gets hurt and that just sets her back even further from me.  Takes her longer to warm up to me when i get home too.

My feeling is that if we can do some “fun” on the phone or skype while i am on the road we won’t have that gap when i get back where she needs to warm back up to me.

I also feel like i would not be going anywhere near that computer looking at other boobs if I had her on my phone/skype!  She is amazing and turns my crank massively every time she even just takes her bra off!  (i know… all guys are like that… i can see your eyes rolling as you read this).  It also will be an anticipation for me to know that at the end of the seminar day, i get to hang out and see my beautiful wife naked!  I will be thinking about it and maybe even getting a bit aroused thinking about her!

Any assistance would be helpful. I have given up trying to convince her.  I even had a conversation with another couple friend of ours to see if she could drop a hint into the jar for my wife. (i know, it is not a good idea using other people to do that).

Thoughts?  Advice?  Input?

Thanks!

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17 replies
  1. SouthernGent says:

    anon…stop looking at porn and don’t justify it by saying its just boobs. Your definition of beauty should be your wife. Many wives are reticent about on-line sharing just as they might be about you watching her masturbate in front of you, or touching their own nipples while you make love. This is a process of trust, a wonderful beginning of a journey and you need to view it as such. If you can’t go on a business trip for a few days without getting stimulation outside the marriage, why would she trust you with being vulnerable and intimate.

    All of us start our marriage at a certain place…she has a “circle of acceptability” right now that does not include naked pics and cyber-sex. You need to figure out, through non-threatening communication, what is in her circle, what she is curious about but is just outside her circle, and what are definitely off limits for now. Respect those limits, but identify safe times to try at least once those things on her “like to try” list. read a book like Intended For Pleasure.

    Don’t pressure. The love of your life is worth patience and a long journey! And focus on being the kind of husband she can trust – with all her heart, boobs and body.

    • Lowell Miller says:

      I agree with the Biblical limits of whats right and whats wrong but it seems this guy sure is getting hit hard for opening up and sharing his heart. Wow.
      I’m sure he knows the dangers of porn very well as he admitted and that is one reason he is here for help. Congrats for a sensitive conscience man. Direction is the focus here not correction.
      I think youngtxwifey has a good post. Your heart is very valuable to God and to your wife. Work on building trust. You get that trust built and she will be more than enough. If she can’t or is unwilling to do something you might have an issue to work out with God. I’m not to surprised she’s not into the Skype thing and I don’t think pressuring her would be good. Marriages did a lot better before the digital age by the way. Thanks for sharing bro, you’re awesome!
      Here is some advice I received from a marriage ministry that is very powerfully true.
      What love means to a woman.
      1. She wants to be a high priority to you.
      2. She wants you to care about her thoughts and feelings.
      3. She wants you to sincerely apologize when you are wrong.

      What respect means to a man.
      1. Acceptance
      2. Appreciation
      3. Admiration

    • shellyw says:

      Dear Anon, I am a wife of my beloved husband for ten years now, and I actually agree with you. I am the higher desire person in our relationship, and I masturbate in between our love making sessions due to my high libido. I think it's great that you want to see your wife's breasts! That is quite a compliment to her. As a person whose love language is physical touch, I can identify with your struggle. You want to be faithful to your wife, and you love her breasts. Maybe she would take some photos for you to enjoy on your business trips. I think it's okay to tell her that you struggle, and to let her know how she can help you remain faithful to her in your thoughts when you are apart. This is just my opinion, but I get where you are coming from.

  2. ATrain says:

    Agree with SouthernGent – your wife sending you pics or naughty Skyping will NOT stop you from looking at porn. I know this from personal experience – porn is too powerful. The only thing that will keep you from looking at porn is making a firm decision not to do that, and establishing accountability with someone, as well as implementing software to assist you.

    Think about this: how would your wife respond if you said, “I am deeply sorry that in weakness I have viewed porn in the past. I know that has hurt you, and I hope you can forgive me. I don’t want to be that kind of man anymore. I am committed entirely to you, and have taken these steps (accountability, software, etc.) so I will never go down that path again.” I’m guessing THAT would be a HUGE first step toward building intimacy and trust, which are really the essential building blocks for any particular sexual practices you would like to explore. Praying for you!

  3. Happy Husband says:

    If you are looking at other women for sexual stimulation, it probably is a problem. I have many, many pictures of my wife naked and posing, and if I need to look at a woman to get stimulated sexually, I gaze at them. I will admit, I have had her in some really sexual poses for just this reason. She knows that I masturbate when she is not available and she has been quite happy to give me some photos of her for me to think about. As for her concern that the pictures might be seen, you have to be super careful with your phone or computer, no doubt about it. I appreciate her worries, as we have had a close call or two.

  4. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Although I can’t understand your wife not wanting to Skype you, and yet being angry with you looking at porn because she won’t send you pics, I agree with SouthernGent as well – if you keep looking at it, soon you might be dissatisfied with real-life sex, or you could expect her to be like those actresses, and I’m sure neither of you want that to happen, so stop right now, and you won’t regret stopping. Porn damages the view of what sex should be like. May God guide you and I’ll pray for you. Bless

  5. hfmw25 says:

    I agree with the group. Viewing porn is not a good idea or substitute for your wife. Can lead to bigger problems. I too travel a lot and have struggled with my wife on the same issues. I too have struggled with light porn (if there is such a thing – Not!) so I understand that. She also has the same concerns and also doesn’t seem to understand the needs some men have for visual / sexual love language. It’s taken a long while to build trust and I have been able to get her to talk a little dirty and send a picture or two but few and far between. I assure her that I delete the text and pictures immediately after we are done but she still doesn’t do it very often. I also don’t get sexy with her as often as I used to on the road because she told me that too much made her feel like she was just a sex toy to me. That help put it into perspective for me as I never want her to feel like that again.
    My advise would be:
    1) Stop viewing porn and insure her of that. Insure her that she is your only one.
    2) Continue to talk and pray with her over the issue but don’t push it.
    3) Last but not least – Respect her comfort level with what she is or is not willing to do and give it time. She has to be comfortable and trust the environment or it will never happen.

  6. youngtxwifey says:

    Hubby here, for some reason my account’s been getting locked out, so I’m on the wife’s account here. I agree with everyone here warning about the dangers of pornography. It’s a slippery slope and can entangle you without being aware to it. At the same time I understand your predicament, and while it doesn’t give excuse to porn use, I understand how you might feel about wanting to Skype or do something with your wife while on travel. It sounds like you already have an open line of communication with your wife if you’re confessing things of that nature, which is good. I think it’s very likely that this is effecting her affection towards you and willingness when you ask to do things together when you travel, which means you could need to earn her trust again. I would suggest setting up something like Covenant Eyes to assure her that you take the sin seriously and have no intent on returning to it. Then have an open and non-threatening (where you don’t push for your views, but want to listen to her) discussion about what your requesting and why it makes her uncomfortable, while still respecting her boundaries. My guess is that there’s something deeper than the cyber-security reason, which I think would be helpful to discuss and get into the open.

  7. PacMan says:

    It doesn’t surprise me that this community reads the word “porn” and then calls in the troops. I’m not condoning or condemning a man seeing another woman’s boobs. There are other issues in your post that shouldn’t be overlooked either. 1. You have sexual needs when you are away on business. (Most guys do.) 2. You have found that a visual aid is necessary (mental pictures aren’t enough). 3. You have expressed this need to your wife and she refuses to help this specific need. 4. Your wife could fulfill this visual role, but since she won’t, it causes your eyes to wander.

    First it sounds like a cause & effect thing, not an addictive behavior. In other words, if the itch was being scratched, you likely would stop looking at soft porn. You might not be able to stop if it were an addiction, but I see no indication that it is.

    I have admitted to my wife that if she rejects me sexually the rare moments I’m in real need, it’s like saying “Take your sexuality elsewhere… it’s not getting fulfilled here.” If my wife goes completely non-sexual, it’s hard for me to even mentally think of her sexually. In those rare moments it increases the temptation to have a wandering eye or thought. I can understand that.

    My advice would be to see if she is open to you taking videos and photos of her if you store them on a password protected secure app. She might be open to “helping” in this way – and might not get to the point where she will take photos and videos of herself.

    • ATrain says:

      You are using the word “cause” very liberally here…
      Looking at boobs is not actually a biological need for a man to survive. And the issue is not really “addiction” but faithfulness, trust, and security

    • Chocolate Thunder says:

      At the same time, the Word let’s us know that one reason for marriage is to keep us from sexual unfaithfulness and immorality. So yes, it’s wrong to look at porn of course, but the wife also has a part to play in this. She does share some of the blame. She is to meet her husband’s sexual needs. She’s not. She’s wrong in this area too. He’s not asking her to do anything breaking the law or against God so she should submit to her husband in this area just like he should submit to her and keep his eyes and thoughts on her alone.

      Btw, I feel like as a whole we are jumping on this brother. Yes, porn is sin BUT Christ and His grace are greater. Let’s not act like we don’t have our own sins we deal with. That’s not to excuse him and his actions but it’s to bring back our eyes to our own sin struggles & failings and to point all of us back to Jesus crucified and risen to give us eternal life & the power to overcome our sin which will only be fully realized in our glorification in eternity.

      Stay strong in the Lord brother, look to His grace, and move on. And by His grace, seek to make things right with your wife. Btw, Covenant Eyes is awesome.

      God bless you all!

  8. Robin Worsham says:

    The stream is rather tedious to follow all the way through. I agree that porn is not a good idea. Likewise, I am quite conservative and find the idea of a guy taking nude pictures of himself for his wife (and encouraging her to do the same for him) a risky proposition. Not that is doesn’t have appeal, but my experience is that my wife and I can experience excellent sex with multiple other means revolving around reunification after prolonged separation . Just offering a different prospective.

  9. Don Bryson says:

    Soft porn is one foot into quicksand. I am retired USAF, and had been deployed many, many times. I also worked shift work for 26 years. I started out looking at playboy, then penthouse, then hustler, you get the idea. I only wanted to just look for a minute, yeah, that didn’t happen, it just got worse as both feet started to sink in the muck.
    My wife knew, she didn’t like it, but she was patient with me. In all of the time that I spent away on deployments, I never strayed physically, mentally maybe. We have four children, and as they were growing up, she was tired all the time, and I was one horny man. It was frustrating, but porn only made it worse.
    My dear wife passed away three years ago, and I have been struggling once again with porn. But the great thing is that, as the kids left and made us empty nesters. The sex got really, really great. Okay, I mean awesome. So what I’m struggling to do is replace the porn with memories of our adventures. Also. Finding MH has given me a way to try to avoid porn and use others adventures to help me think of her, and only her while I masturbate.
    Whether you use her photos, not up loaded pics, that’s dangerous. Or whether you close your eyes and see her in your memories. It’s better than getting in over your neck in porn.
    Good luck.

  10. Lovinghusband says:

    I love the picture here. I have had the pleasure of seeing my wife reproduce this picture in a number of different t-shirts and tank tops – for my private viewing. She knows how much I love seeing her nipples in a t-shirt or tank top. It turns her on to put the show on for me. Once she is into it – she’ll go in and out of the closet coming to show me.

    I encourage you to keep talking to your wife about how much you enjoy her – and would want her image to be available to you on the road. I don’t have the magic answer – my wife is very wary of anything digital being saved, too. Perhaps if it is in a t-shirt or tank top – without her face showing – she might go for a picture. May God grant you grace in all these things. LH

  11. PacMan says:

    I recommend the app “Photo Vault & Video Safe App” by Mo Wellin. There is a free and “pro” version depending on how many files you want to save. It’s a password-protected secure app where you can store photos, videos, even documents (if you want). You are then free to delete stuff off your photo stream or camera roll, and it is saved solely in this app. Knowing I have a safe place to park videos & photos has opened my wife up to me taking shots of her – but it still only happens 1-2x per year. 🙂

  12. Eva says:

    I really appreciate the insights of pacman and chocolate thunder and robin here. I don’t know that I have a good clear answer either, but, anon, I am so glad you asked the question. It’s a really tough situation to be in when your spouse is not comfortable with what you are requesting and you are trying to balance both your own basic sexual desires with love for your spouse and respect for the place he/she is on her own spiritual/sexual journey.

    I think the idea of having a friend drop hints is totally appropriate. Like anything, I’m sure there’s a right and a wrong way to do it, but sometimes it can help a woman a lot to hear an idea from another females perspective. So, maybe that idea didn’t work out in your case, but I think it was totally a great idea to try it.

    As a woman, I have to admit, it took me a really long time to understand just how visual men are. And it also took me a really long time to understand that a mans need for sexual acceptance and support from his wife are absolutely vital to the health of a marriage. There are two books that really helped me understand this. And so I’ll recommend those to you to pass on to your wife. I can’t promise they will convince her to suddenly start taking pictures, but they might help her understand the bigger picture from your perspective a little better.

    Is that all he thinks about? By Marla Taviano
    For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn

    Also, I am curious if it is pictures in general that she is scared of or if it is digital ones specifically. I mean could you print out a picture of her and keep it folded up in your wallet? Sure, it isn’t “live” and probably not quite as fun, but maybe it is a step in the right direction? Alternately, if she isn’t into sending pics over text, is she open to just sending some dirty conversation back and forth in a text. I know I am not especially keen on the picture thing myself, but we often amuse ourselves quite nicely with words.

    All the best to you as you struggle together to figure this one out! God bless!

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