Bootylicious Challenge Accepted And (Somewhat) Completed! (L)
A while ago, Bootylicious challenged MH readers to masturbate and have sex in a place that was unusual for you and your spouse to do so. I thought about it and were the slightly adventurous girl I am; I thought that I would keep the challenge in mind and try to complete it. Knowing that we were going away for a night for our anniversary, I thought that might present the best scenario to get’s done! While packing for our night away, I thought that I would pack my vibrator knowing that if I were going to masturbate to meet Bootylicious’ dare, I would need it. I am not able to reach orgasm on my own without a toy. I have tried and tried for years, spending time with myself, learning my body, and while I can get a few sparks of pleasure, I rarely have been able to bring myself to a climax with my hand, and it takes A LOT of work. And if I do climax, frankly the orgasm sucks and lasts about 3 seconds instead of my usual 60 seconds or so. Not worth it in my opinion. So my fuchsia pink vibe is my go to when my husband is nowhere to be found!
During our night away, an opportunity to have sex someplace that was unusual for us didn’t present itself. I was counting on a masturbation session on the drive home to meet the challenge. The morning we were leaving to return home was lovely, and we spent some more time in the quaint town and picked up an antique piece of furniture to go in our house. We made room for our new acquisition, and we stored our overnight bag in the cargo area of our minivan. We then drove to another quaint little town nearby and spent the late morning and early afternoon there and had lunch. We got into our van and headed toward home and not long after we left, I chided myself for forgetting to leave out my “toy bag.” I hadn’t told my husband about the challenge so he didn’t know what I hoped would happen. I thought, oh well, maybe another time.
As we were driving and talking, I was watching the hot sex videos that we had made of ourselves the night before, and he said to me, “It would be hot for you to pull down your shorts and panties and jack off!” My ears perked up, and I said, “Oh really! Well, let me tell you something!” I told him about the MH challenge and that I was willing to do it, but my vibe was stowed away. He pulled over on the highway, and I quickly got out my “toy bag” and hopped back into my seat and buckled up! He got back on the road pulled out his cock from his underwear and gave me a smirk of approval to what was about to happen! I took down my shorts and lacy panties, hiked up one foot on the dashboard, reclined my seat a bit and pulled out my favorite silicon-vibrating friend! I turned it on…….wait…..I turned it on……wait……I turned it on……GASP! The batteries were dead! I guess I used up all her juice a couple of days before when I had some personal time. I usually keep all my toys and extra batteries in my “toy bag” but in preparation for our trip, I took out the extras and left them at home! My heart sank. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to cum without a toy to help. My husband offered to rub my clit for me, but he knows that he isn’t even able to get me off on fingering my clit.
I sighed defeated, BUT I WAS DETERMINED! I was going to give it my best shot, but I was on a time limit. We only had about 40 minutes until our destination, and we both had to cum so I got right on it. I began pinching my nipple and circling my clit with my hand, pulling out my juices, fingering myself in my pussy, thinking racy thoughts about my husband’s cock going in and out of me……….just a few sparks and NOTHING! My husband was cheering me on, and I decided to pull out my vibe and just screw myself with it in hopes of climaxing. I so wanted to do it for me, for him, for Bootylicious! I began to ram that pink butterfly vibe into myself, panting, sweating (even with the AC on full blast), thinking about all of the great fucks we have had, how it feels to have him play with my tits, how his cock feels when it fills me. I was going at it so hard, and I had to keep switching hands because I was getting tired from ramming myself so hard and fast. I gave her the best shot I had, but when I knew that we only had about 20 minutes left until our destination, with only about 12 minutes left on the highway before we entered busy streets, I admitted defeat.
I turned to my husband, who was just as disappointed and said, “Pull over, if I can’t cum, you have to. We got to do it for Bootylicious and Marriage Heat!” A bit reluctantly he pulled over and we switched places. I began to drive at just the right speed – not too fast to lessen his time and not too slow that people would pass us and see what we were doing! It was mid-afternoon on a bright sunny summer day after all! He took out the phone, and he too began to watch our home movies from our fucking the night before. He was stroking and pulling on his beautiful cock. I knew how turned on he was so I knew he wouldn’t take long. I encouraged him and kept glancing over at him, watching what he was doing, knowing that he was thinking thoughts about me, about us. I was feeling excited for him and before I knew it, he erupted and climaxed within a couple of minutes! Good man! He did it! Challenge accepted and completed………….well at least half completed! A few minutes later, we arrived and greeted our kids. If they only knew what their parents did just minutes before in the family mini van!
I am not completely defeated though, and I will take my vibe, and extra batteries, on the next drive we take alone! Or maybe I will meet the challenge in some other way! Hmmmm……….my naughty wheels are turning! Stay tuned!
Juicy
That was fun! I enjoyed your "doing it for MH"! I've had similar thoughts before too. Also, so great that you and hubby were thinking about the same thing at the same time. Sorry you didn't cum though. Interesting that for some reason your hands can't do what the vibe can. I always enjoy what you write. God bless you both. LH
LH,
Imagine being a horny teenager and young adult and not being able to bring relief to myself AND trying to maintain my virginity! I understood male masturbation and why males did it so often but I never really understood female masturbation because it didn't bring me much pleasure either with external or internal stimulation. I now know that many women get great pleasure from masturbating but I also know that I am not alone. And thankfully I am married so now I am able to climax EASILY!
Awesome story juicy, really hot! I prefer masturbating with my vibrator as well. I can cum using my fingers, but like you my orgasms seem much stronger with my vibrator. Thanks girl!
Alicia,
Masturbation has been a bit of a journey for me. Not being able to relieve my sexual tension as a teen and young adult was difficult and I wished I could have been open about it with trusted people. But coming from a conservative family, that's difficult. While I am more conservative in beliefs, I have learned through my journey, as an adult, to push what conservative means, so I like to classify myself as "liberal conservative!" I wish I was more bold when I was younger to explore how I could have dealt with my urges and found someone who could have guided me though that with a solid Christian hand.
I am all about HOT MONOGAMY and proud of it and I am willing to share about it in the right setting, with the right people, with the right hearts. I am all about sex toys too! The method about getting them can be difficult for some. I am a bit uncomfortable with how a lot of sex toys are packaged because of the portrayal of women. Haven't you noticed that most men's products have naked women on them? What's with that?! Anyway, with the internet now, it can be so easy to purchase a sex toy and you don't have to venture in to a sex shop, if that makes you uncomfortable. I don't like the judgement that some people give about it and I usually ignore judgement towards me but I am aware of how it can portray my faith and my leadership. But that's another battle!
If I were to rate on a scale from 1-10 my orgasms, with my hand, they are a 1. And it takes me a good solid 30 minutes for 3 seconds of pleasure. Not worth it. With my vibrator, it takes 10-20 minutes and I would my orgasms at a 4-5 and they last longer than with my hand. They feel different with the vibrator too. I can't really find the words to describe it – not better, but not worse either. But with my husband, PHEW! I can achieve THE BIG "O" in 30-60 seconds, it lasts long but I usually hunker down to bring myself to another before the first subsides. And they are off the charts. A full 10 every time! So while I do have a vibe, I only use it once or twice a month, if that, because we are pretty regular at 1-3 times per week.
Juicy,
Your journey in all of this is fascinating to me. It goes to show that even with horny thoughts – we don't all respond the same to similar stimuli
I'm glad for your orgasms with your husband – and even with the toys
It is kind of a mystery isn't it?
I must say that I can have "10" orgasms from both my wife and from masturbating
I wonder if there are men like you who can't have "10's" by masturbation
I'm sure there must be! God has made us to be a wonderful variety hasn't He? We just keep living and learning – while hopefully being increasingly grateful to Him along our sexual journey
I'm learning something of this variation from you and others here on MH – and I find it fascinating
It helps me to know that some of my wife's variations in experience are not strange or abnormal
Juicy, thanks again for the depth of your heartfelt sharing
Oh, I would label you as still conservative – but realizing that the depth of the freedom you have is greater than you knew prior. The standard of Scripture is unchanged- but your realization of its sexual depth has been freeing to you
God bless you and your husband! LH
LH,
I asked my husband the other day to rate his orgasms from mastubation and from sex, this was after I watched him jack off, and he said his orgasms from PIV are much better than when he masturbates. He only masturbates for the quick satisfaction until he can get the real thing.
Juicy, Thanks for the feedback – I did not want to equate total satisfaction being the same from sex with my wife and masturbation. No doubt – nothing compares to sex with my wife! To be real specific, I can have mind-blowing, toe curling orgasms from both. Yet, there is nothing that surpasses doing it with my wife!! But, with both, lots of cum – along with powerful sensations. Both have their place in our relationship. Thanks again. God bless! LH
Gracie,
My parents, especially my mother being a woman, did a great job at explaining the function of sex to me. How it all works, etc. She also did a pretty decent job at encouraging me to wait for marriage and why. But I think so many of us never really had great education on other things regarding sex. Like masturbation is good and healthy, having sexual feelings is good, lingerie is good , toys can be good, experimentation with your spouse is good, everyone has their likes and dislikes in bed, etc. I never knew that men like the smell of a woman's pussy! Here I was always trying to hide the natural smell only to find out that it is an attraction to a man.
I am now under the umbrella that I think anything goes in a marriage bed and it is up to the couple to decide what their parameters are. As long as the two involved feel happy, loved, uplifted, secure, empowered, and satisfied, then whatever they do is their business. And I am having that conversation with friends now and encouraging them to go for whatever pleases them. I have been looking up Scriptures in regards to sexual behaviours and what is pleasing to God and I have realized that there is a whole lot of enjoyment that God wants us to have and not a whole lot of "don't do this or that." And I am including that in my conversations.
We are supposed to want sex, to enjoy it, have fun with it, console within it, need it, glorify God in it. Now there is a lot in the sexual realm that both my husband and I are not interested in, there is stuff he is interested in, there is stuff I am interested in, but we are open to try so much with and for one another. But I want people to know that we are free to be fully sexual with our spouses and have no limits. We can enjoy the lingerie, we can be adventurous, we can role play, we can be raw, we can use toys and masturbation to enhance our sexual relationship, not replace our spouse, etc.
I plan to educate my children, I have a mix of both sexes, on their sexuality. I will encourage masturbation, take my daughter for lingerie when she is old enough, explain positions, explain the responsibility and emotions of sex, encourage hot married sex, how to treat a person of the opposite sex,etc. I have the encouragement from other family members to have some of these conversations with older nieces and nephews because they themselves don't have the openess of sex that they feel they should have.
There is great freedom in sex if we are willing to let go of some of the limitations that the Christian community have brought on ourselves. I believe that our self imposed limitations can cause great problems instead of bring about the freedom we are supposed to have.
PS – I think I may need to once again think outside the box in regards to masturbation. Maybe I need to grind up on the bed sheets!
Gracie,
I have read that submission in that past and I love it! I communicate the same way with tough subjects – let them ask questions, answer straight, don't go too far off topic, keep at their maturity level, keep it a safe environment for discussion, and be honest.
Juicy, I am thrilled to read where you plan to tell your kids all about sex along wih the responsibility of it. I had major sexual frustrations in my first marriage due to my wife's conservative background. I talked and talked to her about it until after many many years I gave up. (Which I shouldnt have)
I have believed, every since that time, that in the course of teaching christians to live right, we have also hurt their marital adjustments in the area of sex. Why can't the kids be taught how wonderful it should be except there is responsibility with it?
So I am proud of you Juicy !
Another great story Juicy! It's a win that you and your husband embrace and enjoy your sexuality with each other.
Very hot story! I love this challenge.
Your story also reminds me of my own journey to masturbation. Raised in a conservative home with no instruction on anything sexual, discovered masturbation in my early teens and had the guilt with it. That continued until my early 30s until I had a new revelation of masturbation. I wrote about my new perspective on MH with my post "A Defense of Christian Masturbation." I'm curious if you have read that and if it has helped you any. 🙂
I was also curious about something else you said. You mentioned that you had kids and you planned to educate them about sexuality. Even to the point of taking your daughter to get lingerie and encouraging masturbation. I'm curious how you plan on doing this. I have a daughter (only 2 now but time flies!) and again, I was raised with no sexual education at all, so when I think of trying to teach her about sexuality, I'm at a loss for words. Since I have no model, I just have to figure it out as I go. But how to do that without it being awkward for her or her parents!
But at the same time, I would hate for her to either A) have sexual desires and feel like she has to grit her teeth and just deal with it or B) she is masturbating but feels guilt and shame for it. Or C) I would hate for her to be curious and feel like she can't talk to me or her mother and instead goes to the world for her sexual education. But at the same time I would want to be proactive and teach her things that I wish I had known earlier.
Like I would want her to look forward to sex (after getting married of course) instead of dreading it or fearing it. I would want her to be comfortable with vibrators and various positions. I would even want her to be able to know how to please her husband orally. But again how to do all this without it being awkward for her or her parents??
If you have any thoughts on this (since you are in the same boat! LOL) I would LOVE to hear them. 🙂
HornyHubby,
I have actually used your article as reference! I sent it to my sister-in-law, who has a teenage boy and girl, and she really liked it and felt it had great Christian principles. I have a printed copy of it in my nightstand as my kids are approaching adolescent and teen years – YIKES! and I most likely will be dealing with it soon. Actually I deal with it now with my youngest who is 5! I have caught him numerous times masturbating and he was embarrassed. We talked and I told him it was ok to do it and acknowledged that it feels good but I told him to do it privately and to wash his hands afterwords. I also told him that his body was his alone and that he was the only one allowed to touch his personal areas. Even I ask him if it is alright to touch him when he needs bathroom help. It is important to teach the kids that their personal areas are theirs alone and that no one should touch them there without permission. We have a great family doctor who has the same approach when examining the kids. So I plan to keep up the conversation with each of the kids at is presents itself and let them know it is ok to masturbate and when ready, explain the sexual feeling that go along with that.
I was never taught much about masturbation. I knew what it was, but there was more of a negative tone to it. I wish I had been taught that it was a good way to deal with hormones and sexual feelings. So I want to arm my children and tell them it is ok, that it is natural, back it up with Christian principles, teach them how to deal with it maturely and privately, without shame but you don't have to broadcast it either! Hopefully by teaching them the role that masturbation can take, they will learn the important role of sex, how sacred it is and how it is a mature decision that can't be based on just hormones. I would love them to be virgins when they get married and I pray for that, but I know that not all things go as planned and I will deal with that as they present themselves.
So to answer your questions about my daughter, she is an adolescent and soon I will be bra shopping. In the beginning, she will be wearing the standard coloured plain bras that most girls start off with. But she sees me wearing lacy bras and panties, pretty much daily, and has asked me, "Why do you wear see-through underwear?" I tell her matter-of-factly that I wear it because I think it is pretty and it makes me feel nice to wear it. She scoffs at it but I know one day soon, more questions will arise – she is a thinker! I do shop at lingerie stores but I only go by myself or with other adults – no kids! While the basic bra and panties are obvious to them but it is the recreational lingerie that they are not ready for! I keep all of my fun stuff hidden. But when my daughter, or sons, are ready to talk more about that, I will explain the how and why women and men enjoy it. Right now I have a niece who is headed for marriage and I have had conversations, albeit short, about lingerie with her. We have even looked at some together.
But also it is even the functional lingerie that I want to explain to my daughter. Shape wear, different bra styles for different outfits, thongs for no pantie lines, best styles to flatter her figure, and the actual functional purpose of garter belts, not just the sexy purpose, etc. Will she be embarrassed, probably. Will I be embarrassed, probably. But I am pretty good at just handling these situations and keeping it calm and straightforward and not pushing it beyond where they are at.
Like I mentioned before, I was told the mechanics of sex, but I was never told that I was meant to enjoy it, to crave it and to look forward to it. So I sort of dreaded it and wasn't looking forward to it because I didn't know how to reconcile the sanctity of the marriage bed with the pleasure of the marriage bed. It took me a while and even after I was married and enjoying sex, I still felt a little embarrassed and apprehensive about people knowing I was having sex! That actually was my biggest fear on my wedding day, not that I was going to have sex, but how people sort of teased about it. I tell my older nieces now that it is something to enjoy and look forward to and that they should be both excited and appropriately nervous about it.
So as my kids get older, I will hopefully have an open enough dialogue to be positive about sex, how important moving into a sexual life is, that there are options to enjoy it, that there needs to be love, respect, and communication with your partner about it, oral sex, the benefits of waiting until marriage, and the downfalls to not waiting, to acknowledge that sex is God-given and that we are told to explore and enjoy it……..all without revealing specifics about what their Dad and I do in the bedroom! That's between us and MH!!! Without revealing too much here on MH, which I find ironic given what I have already shared, my kids deal with some pretty heavy stuff within our family so I already have an open dialogue about the very serious nature of what they deal with on a daily basis, so I think foraying into dialogue about the sex will possibly come about a little easier for us.
HornyHubby,
I also meant to ask how things are with your wife?
Thanks for asking. It's been an up and down ride for sure. As far as the thyroid cancer goes, she is clear from that. Her doctor told her she didn't need to do any further treatments and she didn't need to come back to him.
But now we are trying to get the thyroid hormones regulated. Basically since her entire thyroid was removed she now has hypothyroidism. The biggest symptoms she has with that are fatigue and low libido. Which sucks. She's been to an endocronologist and he put her on thyroid meds, but they aren't doing much. She says on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being her normal, pre-cancer self, she is at a 2. So we're thinking maybe she needs a higher dosage. But they told her to take it for 6 weeks and then they would check it and it's been 10 weeks now and she still can't get them to answer the phone. So she has an appointment with a new doc on Tuesday and we will see what she says. We are hoping she just needs a higher dosage of the thyroid meds. But she basically has no sex drive, never feels horny (even when she reads a hot story on MH) and her orgasms take forever and when they do finally get here she says they just aren't that strong. So it's again a 2 on a 1-10 scale. So it's been rough on both of us. Hopefully the new doc can get her better meds. Because she's also tired all the time which is part of hypothyroidism.
Thank you for sharing how you have and plan on having an open dialogue with your kids about sex and God's design of our bodies. This is so encouraging! My kids are 2 and 5 and we have already started the open dialogue even though it was a little akward at first. But now, it's been more just talking about how God designed our bodies. I was sexually abused as a kid and it's been huge to teach our kids proper names for their body parts and that we respect their bodies when we help them in the bathroom. Having all these things in place hopefully create a safe place for their future questions and as a safe guard. Masturbating without shame is new to me too. It took until almost a year ago. God bless!
Great! I'm glad my post on masturbation has helped so much. I really like the way you describe your approach to handling this with your kids. It sounds like a great way to teach them. I would love to hear some updates on how it's going and how they are handling those conversations. (And how you are handling those talks! LOL)
But really, as parents we teach our children manners, we teach them about God, we teach them how to share with siblings and friends, we even help them with their school work. But when it comes to sex, suddenly people freeze and either don't do anything or get embarrassed and just give them the basics and stop. My thinking is: They're going to learn it somewhere. Either from their parents or from porn. Which one do you want them learning it from? I think that's a no brainer.
One other thing I was curious about is what age do you think you might help your daughter get her first vibrator? And how would you go about handling that? Just ask what color she wants and order one? Or have her look online with you at the options? Then how would you explain all the various things your can do with vibrator?
I wonder if introducing a young single girl to a vibratorisn't too much too soon. Definitely could "train" her body so that she can't respond to physical touch…and why do they need a vibrator. For thousands of years young girls jilled off without their parents buying them specialized electric devices. I think just framing masturbation in a healthy way may be enough. Just my perspective. God bless
Atrain,
I absolutely agree. A vibrator is an adult decision to make, not one for a young girl. Being aware of options and knowing that it is a healthy alternative/addition in masturbation is something I want my daughter to know about when she is mature enough for the information. At that time, when she is old enough and mature enough to understand the responsibility, use and purpose of a vibrator, then she can make that decision on her own.
Very hot. My late wife loved masturbation. When I asked her if she did it growing up I was shocked and happy that she did it twice a day. She and I both remained virgins, and I think it was our self awareness of our sexuality and release through masturbation. I could never give her an orgasm with my hand or while I was in control of motions. But if she was in control, or if I ate her out, then wow! She was a happy girl. We masturbated alone and together a lot, and I love to watch her. She could cum as easily with her hands as with a vibrator, but the vibrator was faster, and she could do it again and again without wearing out her hands.
I miss her deeply, but I have great memories of her and I, and I think back on those times while I masturbate now alone, but with her in my heart.
Sarge,
I often think of the singles and the widowed here on this site and I hope that it is more helpful than a hindrance. But I love when you do comment and remember your wife so lovingly! My husband and I need to step up our game when it comes to masturbation sessions! I think because he can cum easily and it takes so much effort for me, that is the reason we don't together. But I have said that I would like to introduce the vibe, the finger tickler, and the vibrating cock ring more into our love making together. Not necessarily to climax, but to play and have fun. I have mentioned in previous posts that he is vanilla not the one who comes up with the more adventurous stuff! God Bless!
Hi everyone ! First of all, sorry for my possible english mistakes. ^^'
All of this makes me wonder about a few questions, I need your help about a problem I struggle with for almost a year, now… But first, I have to tell you a few things. Sorry, it is long, and perhaps this is not the right place to post it. If it is the case, please remove my message to the right place !
I'm a christian young man. My sexual life was pretty simple for a few years.
When I was adolescent, I started masturbating with sinful thoughts, but when I met Jesus in my life, I gradually stopped. Nobody ever told me that it was wrong : my parents never told me anything about that, nor the pastor of my church. The whole society around me, however, told me that it was normal, that everyone was meant to do it all the time with any thought. You know, for the modern world, anything goes.
But I didn't care. I wanted to follow Jesus, not society. And with that wish in my heart, I gradually masturbated less and less, whithout thinking about it very seriously.
The " complete stop " of this habit took place when I fell in love whit a very cute girl. I didn't want to masturbate with thoughts of any girl other than her. But I didn't want to masturbate thinking about her neither : I would have felt… I don't know… Pathetic. Unwhorthy to enjoy to see her cute smiles again.
So I stopped. During a year or two.
It wasn't a problem for me. I didn't felt a lack of sexuality or anything. I was too busy being in love, I guess ! That girl didn't loved me back, but it didn't changed a thing about my position.
But then life separated me from her. And after a few months (it was during vacations), the desire to masturbate came again, and I asked myself for the first time seriously : " Hey, is masturbation a sin or not? ". And I googled it, thinking that the answer was probably " yes ".
My bad ! It was the beginning of one of the most confusing periods of my life. The first website I found showed seven opinions from christian personalities about this question. Some said that it was fine, others said it wasn't. I was confused, and very surprised that it can possibly be good. I was like "Oh, cool, it's fine!" But then I went like " Hey! It's just one webpage. I need to do a serious research about it. Perhaps these people are just wrong. "
After all, you can found anything you want on the internet. Being labelled as " christian " doesn't make a thing right. There is a lot of sinful stuff labellised as " christians ", so I needed to be vigilant.
So I began my searches. And it was long, very long. And even dangerous. I found horrible websites about supposed "christians" who said that adultery was fine, that swinging was fine, etc. I found people who said that masturbating was a mortal sin, others that said it was a little sin, others that said it was fine, others saying masturbation was a gift, etc.
I was very confused. For one week or two, I was like " Okay, masturbation is fine ", and then, for two other week " No! It's a sin. I must avoid it ". I really felt bad, unstable. I didn't know what to think. I spent long hours of research about this subject, to the point to get sick of it. Many times, it took my peace away, my sleeping time, my joyfulness. That horrible question harrassed me. I prayed many times about this, but my heart was unstable and I had difficulties to hear clearly the Holy Spirit about this question. I felt many times unwhorthy of my Lord.
" What if it is not a sin ? " " What if it is one ? " I was never completly sure about anything.
Then I decided to make my mind clear and think about it well and seriously.
I went through dozens of websites telling christians opinion about masturbation. The majority said it was a sin (with a minority of them saying it was a MORTAL sin). A minority (20% or 30%, I guess) said it wasn't. But, when I looked carefully to this minority, I found out that the majority of this minority consisted of disreputable people. " Christians " telling that anything goes, that you can desire the wife of another person while masturbating, even " christians " telling that pornography wasn't that bad, that abortion was acceptable, that climate change was an hoax, that polygamy was fine, etc.
Only a few websites of the " christian pro-masturbation minority " didn't seem to be written by disreputable people, and caught my attention. MH is one of them (by the way, I found your website by the « Defense of Christian Masturbation » article (or something like that) written by HornyHubby).
But at this time I didn't thought about that. I tried to make myself a clear position about masturbation, based on the Bible. Both camps (anti-masturbation and pro-masturbation) used a lot of different verses, but I had to take all the verses together to make myself a coherent answer. So with the verses advanced by the two sides, I started to think. And I had a few Bible verses to help me to make the difference between the truth and the lie :
" Beware of false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? "
Matthew 7:15-16.
So, I could recognize the « true » christians of the " false " christians by the fruit of their teaching. And the majority of the " pro-masturbation " christians I found on the internet seemed to have bad fruits, you see ? So I started to think that masturbation was, indeed, a sin.
Another verse caught my attention :
" But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no Law. "
Galatians 5:22-23.
I thought in myself " all the times I decided to believe the pro-masturbation camp and I masturbated, have I had those good fruits of the Spirit in me ? "
The answer was no. All the times I masturbated, saying to myself that it wasn't a sin, I always felt guilty, shameful, unworthy, sad, angry after doing that. I was like " why have I done this again ? It always make me sad ! Forgive me Lord ! Why have I trusted that guy on that website ?" And all the anti-masturbation arguments always came into my mind in those times. Sometimes, the guilt came immediatly, sometimes after a few minutes. But it always came. Not a single time I have feel the peace and joy of God, not a single time I've said " thank you Lord " after masturbating, I just couldn't. I slept really bad after doing that, crushed by the weight of the guilt. It usually took me almost a whole new day to smile again.
So the answer became clear in my mind. Masturbation wasn't good for me. But then, what ? Was a single christian man like me meant to not have any kind of sexuallity at all before marriage? No masturbation, no sexual thoughts at all, nothing? Well !. God knows better than I what it is good to me, I said to myself. It will be difficult, but let's never do this again.
But after a few days, the voices always came again. " What if it is not a sin ? " " What if you just made it the wrong way ? Try again ! ". And I masturbated again. And I decided to stop it definitively again. And I did it again. And I decided to stop it again. I was unstable, but my heart was more with the anti-masturbation camp than with the pro-masturbation camp.
During all this time, I came regulary on this website. It was one of the only pro-masturbation websites wich seemed to be… I don't know, trustable. It was because of your love, I guess, the love that you seem to have to one another. The interesting debates I read there. The prayers demands, the gentleness you show for one another.
All of this confused me. "These people seem to be really christian, loving God and loving one-another, and they are pro-masturbation ! So what have I to think about it ? Perhaps they are just wrong about the masturbation for singles ant not for the rest. Or perhaps I'm wrong. How can I know?"
That means, dear MH community, that, for a christian single like me, you are one of the most helpful christian website about sexuality OR one of the most dangerous christian wepsite about sexuality.
I'm always in this situation of confusion. But, in order to help me to make myself the right opinion, I wanted to ask you a few questions about some of your teachings that continue to make trouble in my heart :
1.-What about the images ? I didn't saw a text about your theologically position about all those photos. You have arguments about christian erotica, but what about that visual erotica ? Some of those photos are just fine, but for the most bold of them, I wonder in what situation and context they have been took. If I had a wife, I wouldn't want her to be shown to the world like in some of these images. So what is the opinion and position of MH about this ?
2.-About the role-play, some of the MH contributors seem to think that role-play implying sinful activities (such as sex between unmarried persons) is fine if the couple is ok with it. But I've read one verse that seem to contradict that :
" Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. "
Philippians 4:8
In a role-play inplysin sinful activities, you think about sinful things. They are not praiseworthy. I cannot see how that verse can allow such role-playing, but I'm just curious about what you think about it.
3.-Finally, if you really think that masturbation for me isn't sinful and that I'm wrong with that, what have I done wrong ? I've tried, many times, but failed all the time. So what?
And another question about one detail in the HonyHubby's article. He says that a single person without engagement like me "can picture in your mind the idea of just having a spouse without necessarily having a specific person in mind". But what does that exaclty mean ? That I have to imagine a faceless woman ? Kind of creepy ! Or a imaginary woman ? It's a little bit… « vague », for me.
Thank you all for your future answers, and God bless!
With regards to the masturbation question my opinion is that the bible is completely silent on that subject specifically so we have to go by other principles taught in scripture. I would tell a young man masturbation in itself is not a sin. Its all in how it's done.
1. No fantasizing about real women, neighbors, movie stars, the girl at the mall etc. The benefit of being a young man is that they can masturbate quite easily with largely just the sensation and the feeling going on physically. At age 54 I need more mental input but am married so I have a woman i can think about.
2. Self control. If it is taking over and out of control that is a problem. Once a day OK… 5 times maybe some change is needed. Perhaps guarding the eyes is needed. What are we watching etc. Why add fuel to a fire that's already burning fine on it's own.
3. It can be quite easy to masturbate to a nameless, faceless woman. I wouldn't say it's creepy. It helps focus the event, allows relief. Once one is married you have a wife to think about and it should move more to the back while intercourse etc moves forward as there are two of you now and it is about becoming one and sharing with each other.
Our culture has people marrying later than most of history so we have more time to deal with things as single people, combined with a hyper-sexual society in terms of images it is a challenge for young people. Appropriate masturbation can be an aid in keeping purity, faith-fullness intact while stopping the guilt, struggle and "failure" cycle. Consider it a gift and a relief valve while you prepare and wait for your marriage partner. Just understand like anything it has boundaries that do require some discipline. But that is what we are called to.
As for the pictures on this site, many do not agree with how explicit they are. I believe there is an option to click on to opt out of the pictures, as a single man I would advise you to do so and perhaps I should also.
Hope this helps it is tough to say things in a few words
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