I was brought up as a conservative Catholic. My parents had a big family and homeschooled us all. My husband was raised in a similar home. Three years ago we met at a Catholic homeschool event. I was 17, and he was 20. I was helping with the younger kids of my family, and he was assisting his mom with siblings, as well.
To this day, I remember the first time I laid eyes on him. I was wearing a very conservative dress, revealing nothing. He looked up at me and smiled as our eyes met. Then he walked up to me and introduced himself.
“Hello, My name is Jared,” He said.
“I’m Lydia,” I said.
He gave me a proper handshake. As our hand’s touched, sexual impulse jolted my pussy, and I felt it tingle. As a conservative Catholic, I had not explored any of my sexuality. For instance, I did not masturbate through my teens. I was taught the purpose of sex was procreation in marriage. It shocked me that my privates actually could tingle like that. In fact, I could feel involuntary pulsation. (I hope I am making sense.)
We talked for about five minutes. Well, he talked. I just said, things like, “yes” and “no” and “not really.” Then he left to attend to his family.
I proceeded to go to the ladies room. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I was flush with lust for this young man…his smile, his voice, his laughter. As I was talking I had glanced at his man part area; I was thinking about that, too.
I went into the stall and lifted my dress and pulled down my panties. My wet undies testified to my sexual wantonness. I sat down on the toilet and ran my fingers down there to my still tingling flesh. Despite all my Catholic upbringing, I couldn’t stop the impulse to touch myself. I started to caress my pussy in the bathroom stall. After just a few minutes, I was feeling intense waves of pleasure. Wow, it was like the pleasure switch was turned on, and I loved it.
I saw Jared two more times at that weekend homeschooling convention. My sex stirred each time. Once again, he came up and talked to me. This time he asked my email, and I gave it to him. I also gave him my phone number. I was bedazzled.
Upon returning home, I struggled with guilt. I was wantonly lusting for a man. I masturbated for the first time and in a public bathroom, no less! If he had seduced me that day, I might have fallen. More than that, I probably would have seduced him. I went from a young woman who never tasted the sexual fruit to one who wanted more of it. Was I Eve in the garden of Eden? Had I eaten the forbidden fruit?
Jared did not email or call me. I joined Facebook and found him but didn’t friend request him.
I went back to my normal life, but I was different. A new sexual curiosity overtook me. A few days later, I asked my mother about sex. She said that we should make that a unit in our final year of homeschooling. She shared that she and my father are changing some of their views on sexuality and marriage.
“Like what?” I asked.
“We were raised to believe that sex was mainly for procreation,” she said.
“I already know that,” I said jokingly. We both laughed.
“Well, we are Catholics and love our most holy faith. But we see that some of the teachings on sexuality may be steeped in too much tradition. Still, there was a time in our lives when we needed that tradition.” She said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“As you know, your grandparents were not practicing Catholics. Even though your grandparents took us to mass on the special holy days, they hardly knew our Catholic faith. Grandma made an appointment with our local doctor to get me on the pill before I left for college. She said you are not ready for babies, and that was it.
“My roommate loved to party; she was already living a sinful life. The first thing she said to me was: ‘Wow, you are gorgeous! You are going to be fun to party with!’
“She brought a guy to the room on the first night of college. They had sex.
“Honey, you get the idea. Soon, I too was sexually active. One of the guys I met at a party was your father. He was also brought up in a weak Catholic home. We lived like St. Augustine did before he converted to Christianity. I had eaten the forbidden fruit, and I wanted more. As sad as it makes me to admit it, I had threesomes with other men and your father. I should not be telling you all this.”
“Thanks for letting me know,” I said. I sure understood the part about eating the forbidden fruit. “So, how did you become such a strong Catholic?”
“Well, one of the men we partied with the year before sent us a letter that he was HIV positive. He was one of our first threesomes. Of course, this came as a shock!” My mother said remorsefully. “Maybe we would get AIDS, we thought.
“I panicked, and your father did, too. Eventually, this led us back to faith. It turned out that we were free from HIV. But we realized that our lifestyle was out of control. Afterward, we found our way back to the Catholic church. We went to CCD and became members, and then we got married. Some very enthusiastic Catholic members became our friends. The church brought a beautiful order to our lives as we walked with God.”
I could not believe my mom was telling all this to me.
She continued. “But, by this time, the spark in our marriage was nearly out. We were looking for marriage intimacy apart from a procreational activity. Then my friend Rhonda mentioned Marriageheat.com. I checked it out and showed your father, too. The views there seemed more Biblically balanced than some of our Catholic teachings on sex in marriage. You should investigate MH in your research.”
Prompted by this revealing conversation, I soon checked out Marriage Heat.com. I loved the stories written in the tradition of Song of Songs in the Bible. And here I learned that masturbation does not damn you to hell. In the stories at MH, I came to see a sizzling Christian worldview. Of course, I ignore any of the stories that make me uncomfortable. However, I do like the pictures. Great job on photos.
Jared emailed me after about a month. He started courting me, and later I shared MH with him. We remained virgins until our wedding, but are confident in a balanced view of sex. We love sex, no guilt. And I love the Catholic way, too. Now I am pregnant with number two. Masturbation sure is a God’s send because I am one horny momma! Writing my sexual journey was fun. Maybe I will share more stories soon.
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