How God Saved My Marriage

[Note: This story is about one couple’s journey into a God-honoring marriage. It is meant to encourage those who have struggled or are struggling with sin in their relationship, not to glorify it. If it will offend or cause you to stumble, please do not read it.]

We all have baggage, right? We all have different baggage, but we all have baggage. Still, having come to salvation, we understand that we have been redeemed. To me, that means that my baggage can be used for good, maybe to comfort another as I have been comforted. But it’s scary, so be gentle with me. :o)

My baggage is mostly sexual. I have a fear that sharing it will offend others and bring their judgment on me. The few times that I have, though, that didn’t happen. Most Christians are not condemning because they know there are no “levels” of sinfulness. And they have sinned and been forgiven, too. The worst that has happened was that, once, sharing my story titillated when I intended to testify. I guess there is such a thing as TMI, so I’ll keep it general.

My parents divorced when I was three. My mom remarried a few years later, but the man she chose was never really a father to us. She worked long hours, she provided for us, she disciplined us… He basically shared our house. He wasn’t a bad guy, but not a dad.

My real dad, at first, got my brother and me every other weekend. Later he, too, remarried and had more kids. He wasn’t able to keep up with child support, so he lost his visitation rights. I didn’t see him between the ages of about 9 and 20.

We went to church when I was very young, usually my grandmother’s. But as I got older, Mom became more of an ‘Easter and Christmas’ churchgoer. Grandmomma talked to me about Jesus and the Bible, told me what God liked and what he didn’t (based on how I was behaving at the moment.) And she prayed for me, which is probably why I’m still here at all.

So, I could blame lack of church life or a father figure, or loneliness, or crazy hormones, or the birth of Mtv *wink* – any number of things – for the choices I made in my high school years and beyond. All of that probably contributed. But mostly, I was just lost. I was trying to find my way in a very broken world, believing no man would ever love me and willing to take what I could get and be appreciated for what I could give. I learned that there were things I could do that would get me short-term attention, and I rationalized that as “loving,” in a very sixties sense of the word.

After I graduated high school and left home, I went to church for a little while with my roommate. I actually got baptized, but my ideas about what Christian love meant were still very messed up. Some say that the devil leaves you alone until you pledge allegiance to his “enemy”; then he attacks full force.  I would concur, at least in my experience. Instead of getting better, I got worse.

When I got into my twenties, I did have a couple of (abusive) longer relationships. The last one led to a rifle being held to my head. Believe it or not, he was the one who finally ended it, deciding to go back to his wife and son. I told you. I have baggage.

But just prior to this, I had met a young man in my Army unit who actually seemed to care about me. He knew about the other guy but pursued me anyway. He took me kite flying and laughed with me and shared his hurts. I was finally in a relationship that wasn’t one dimensional.

When he called from Saudi to ask me to marry him, I jumped at the chance – then I cheated on him before I even saw him again. Self-sabotage, I guess. But after I also deployed there, I confessed. And he tearfully forgave me. That was the first time I had ever, ever felt loved by a man.

But neither of us was living a Godly life. Rez wasn’t even a believer. I thought of myself as one but didn’t walk the walk. Suffice it to say we did a lot of things both before and during our marriage that we shouldn’t have.  

The “freedom” we claimed in our marriage was almost it’s undoing. After seven years together, Rez left me. For weeks, I cried my eyes out and barely ate. I remember coming home from work one Friday evening, literally falling through the front door and lying on the floor bawling. I was asking God, “Why? Why! I don’t deserve this!”

And you may not believe this, but I heard him chuckle. God laughed at me! And he whispered: Yes, you do.

What a wakeup call. Immediately, I was convicted. I knew that I had brought every bit of this hardship into my life by not living it the way He said. Who would know better how things are supposed to work? Me or Him?

My butt was in church that Sunday and, when the altar call was made, I was up that aisle. The Pastor hugged me and asked me how he could pray for me. Not realizing my mouth was right beside his lapel mike (!), I wept into his shoulder, “My husband is leaving me!”

The next day I was in his office, confessing all the sordid details.  That sweet old man, who I expected to have a heart attack from what I was telling him, just listened without batting an eye.  Then he reminded me of the plan of salvation and prayed over me.

My life did a 180 that day. It was focused on God and what he wanted rather than what I or anyone else did. Church and prayer meetings were non-negotiable, and I studied my Bible every spare moment. There was so much to learn! I acknowledged my responsibility for what had happened to our marriage and that I might lose it, but I prayed earnestly that God would save it. And I talked with Rez about what our relationship might look like if He did.

It took months, but my husband and I did finally reunite. At some point, he began his own relationship with the Lord and eventually was baptized. We rebuilt a strong marriage over time and went on to have three beautiful children.  I have been so crazily blessed!

So, that’s one of my testimonies. God doesn’t stop working on us at conversion. I’ve had a pretty wild journey so far, and I expect it’s not going to be smooth sailing from here on out either.  There’s always a new challenge, new ways to grow and things to learn. I see now that, while God didn’t make all those bad things happen in my life and marriage, they didn’t take Him by surprise either.  And He, long ago, made a way to redeem me and my past for His good pleasure and purposes. He’ll show me how to use it all for His glory.

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11 replies
  1. OneCouple
    OneCouple says:

    Great story CHL, I think you are correct, we all have a story, or a history or even some baggage, but more importantly, isn't it wonderful what God can do ! Praise Him – may you and Rez have more and more hot, horny and erotic marriage sex that will leave you both very happy and complete ! Thank you for sharing and God bless you both.

  2. Marie Lister
    Marie Lister says:

    CHL – Thank you for sharing your relationship challenges with our community. It takes a brave and confident person to share such personal and gut-wrenching experiences. I am so happy that you and Rez were able to work together and become a stronger union. Often, hard times break down relationships but then other times, it makes them even more devoted and stronger. I said the other day, in a comment, that when you have the right partner, marriage is wonderful. The older I get and the longer I am married (33 years), the more I realize how very lucky I am. I simply adore being married to my beloved hubby.

  3. PacMan
    PacMan says:

    Thank you for sharing! As a wonderful Caedmon’s Call song once said, “There is no judgment in these eyes.” The day a community doesn’t allow people to freely and honestly talk about God’s redemptive work, is the day I leave that community. Thankfully this is not the case at MH. I wouldn’t even mind more future posts about “lessons learned.” Again not to glorify sin but to call it out. Thank you for sharing your story!

  4. Adam Rose
    Adam Rose says:

    God does not expect you to come to him perfect, or even good. He wants you as you are. He will do the fixing of your heart on "His" time.
    I wasted most of my teen years struggling with this until I realized it was God's job to fix my weaknesses, not me. I only get participate in that war by standing on the full armor of God.

    I feel how incredibly far you've come just by reading this brief account. Praise God! Your testimony is amazing!

  5. TorrHead
    TorrHead says:

    Thanks for telling your story. We all have one. Every story that is surrendered to Jesus will be re-clothed with hope and life. Yours surely has been. Never underestimate the power of your story to be the doorway through which someone else might also walk into the Lord's arms. Great read. Thanks, again.

  6. Lovinghusband
    Lovinghusband says:

    I want to thank you for writing this. It really touched me. The way God reached to you – when you were feeling as low as possible – His grace and mercy is amazing. We don't deserve it. Yet, He is the loving Savior who forgives and restores and renews. Your story did not offend in any way. It was a real testimony. I'm just wanting to tell you and Rez that I am rejoicing with you in all of this. Look where God has placed your feet now: on solid ground. Your story points all who read it in the right direction! God is the one who rescued you and you make that abundantly clear. All glory and honor to Him.Yes, we all have baggage. You were very transparent in this testimony and I think it makes it useful to many who read it. Yes, this site is about hot marriage sex. But once again – another story here shows that we are much more than people of hot sex. We are people who need to be forgiven – and the only person who can is Jesus Christ. He is the one who has the power and authority. He is the one who died on the cross to take the punishment for sin that we rightly deserve. Because of Him and what He accomplished – all who put their trust in Him (and not in their own works) – receive forgiveness of all their sins and eternal life in His presence. I am rejoicing CHL. God has blessed you and your family. Much joy with you my friend. LH

  7. Juicy
    Juicy says:

    What a great story of restoration! Our journeys are not the same as anyone else's, and some are rougher than others, but all have a way to inspire and encourage others.

  8. CrazyHappyLoved
    CrazyHappyLoved says:

    @OneCouple, Marie Lister, PacMan, Adam Rose, TorrHead, ArtRutherford, Lovinghusband, Juicy, tolu, and PoeticSavoring: thank you so much for reading my story and for your lovely comments. You have all blessed me greatly.

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