As we are nearing the 4th of July, my beautiful bride of almost 40 years has been out of town for nearly three weeks. Below is a note to my love as her return home nears:
Morning is coming. I’m here on the couch finishing up my quiet time. There is not quite enough light yet, so I spend some time looking at the weather and the world news. I also visit the Marriage Heat website. I enjoy reading a few stories of Christian couples who love the Lord and share some of the details of their hot marriage joy.
Light is coming. I slip on some shoes and begin my chores outside. I see bunnies along the fence line enjoying the tender, green grass under the safety of low light and nearby trees. Our two little buddies (young goats) hear me coming and begin their morning hellos. These hellos grow as they become impatient with their provider’s arrival. I open the door and provide a fresh wafer of hay. They pause at the door for their morning pets and scratches. They then scamper over to the picnic table where their breakfast awaits.
Chief (our rooster) hears the noise and sees the movement. H announces to his little harem that intruders are nearby. As they recognize that it’s me they gather at the fence awaiting their morning treats.
I walk up and down the driveway with egg baskets, pool chlorine bottles, and the tools of my morning chores. Though I enjoy the work in the great outdoors, my mind always drifts back to my absent bride. I realize the meaningless of this if you were not by my side. I understand how different my life would be….how different all this would be. How it would all go away if something happened to my dear, sweet bride and I found myself alone. And I begin to miss you . . . .deeply.
I miss your strength and resolve. Though I think it sometimes gets in the way when the resolve comes from family upbringing and not our Source of Truth. Still, I miss it. You’re much of my strength, my anchor. You’re my helpmate. You help provide wisdom & direction. I miss you.
I miss your laugh and how easily I can bring that out of you.
I miss our trips to our favorite restaurants. I love your relationship with desserts. I’m not sure why, but I do. For some reason, I like that desserts and Mexican food are your Kryptonite.
I miss when we just hang out. Perhaps I’m working in the yard or this shop. Sometimes you’re helping and sometimes, just watching. It doesn’t matter which, I just like your presence.
I miss your scent. The smell of your hair and your neck. When I connect with your scent, it’s the same emotion of recalling fond memories of growing up. I have a sense of safety, of belonging.
When I ponder these things, it makes me miss you even more. It creates a strong desire to connect with you in every part of our being. I know I don’t always do that very well.
After 40 years you’re still a mystery to me in so many ways. But I try…I always try. I never do it well. Sometimes it seems I don’t know the secret sauce of opening your heart. I fail…but I pursue out of love and longing to connect in the deepest, most intimate way. I want to unite in every part of our being.
I continue my morning activities, ever mindful of your absence. The gaps in my daily walk where you would normally be present glare at me. I miss you.
Eventually, the ache moves down the spectrum from the spiritual through the intellectual, emotional, and social levels and into the physical. Deep, intimate spiritual & emotional hunger for you crosses over to the God-given sexual longing. The holy desire for intimacy now intermingles with the physical.
Intimate spiritual connections and longing memories ignite and provide fuel as my body begins to transform. All the images of your inner beauty take on flesh, and I see my perfect angel. Your long, beautiful hair captures me. Your soft, squishy, perfect breasts cause my heart to pick up its pace. The curve from your rib cage down to your waist is God’s perfect work of art. That same curve from the flat of your back to your ideal, round, shapely ass is a masterpiece. I could lie beside you running my hand up and down those curves all day long.
I am driven to please you, and in the process, my own body ignites. In the same way, we want to know each other emotionally. I want to provide that deep, intimate pleasure and also be intensely pleasured in the physical. I want to become one with your lips…both pair. I want to be so connected in every part of our beings that we no longer know where one’s body, love juices, and soul stops and the other begins. We become one.
I long to see you free. I long to be in the inner sanctum of marriage, provided by our loving God, where we can escape from the worries of the world and let go. There we can abandon ourselves to pleasure and be pleasured. It is a place where there are no boundaries in the private safety of God’s plan for marriage. We let physical passion take over and unleash us to wild abandon. And the world is left behind and forgotten.
In this sanctuary, we have opened our souls, our bodies, our desires, our fantasies. Here is a place of perfect, safe, trusting love. And then to come back to the realities of the world after our passions have been spent. Where we’ve said and done things that we would never say or do anywhere else. But we smile, and rest, in the reality of our marriage vault, our inner sanctum.
My morning chores are done, and my entire being is primed and ready to take you.
And yet I’m here alone…and I miss you.
So I go to our room and lay on the bed. I place my head on your pillow. The scent of you connects me to you. There are times I’ll go to the hamper or your hangers to find a shirt you’ve recently had on and inhale it. This time in your absence, there was a pair of panties. You know what that did to me!
My physical stature has been in launch mode. Release must cum. :-). I connect to you as much as I can. Sometimes through memories, sometimes through the senses, sometimes on the phone.
So I connect, and I stroke. You’re here with me as I achieve sweet release. For a moment, we’re here, in our inner sanctum, where only soulmates can be.
Sweetie, I hope you enjoyed a journey into my heart. Make sure to download your email to your Ipad before you board the plane on Tuesday. I will send you a note for you to read on your flight home. The next one will focus on the physical. On what awaits your return. It is the season for fireworks, after all.
I love you.
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