Licking my Wounds
What does it really mean to “lick your wounds”?
This is not an erotic story. But it might help you to have more erotic days and nights if you apply the truth I want to share with you. You might be losing out because you “lick your wounds.” The correct English word for this is “sulking.” (Be silent, morose, and bad-tempered out of annoyance or disappointment.)
I am inclined to SULK and it has cost me dearly. Are You A Sulker!?
Often when things don’t go my way, I will keep pondering how unfair my spouse was and how deeply I have been hurt. I chew on it over and over. My entire demeanor screams out that I am hurt and angry. Then I blame her for being ugly and unfair towards me.
My shoulders hang. My voice is emotionless. My face is doing its best to show my hurt and anger. My breathing becomes shallow and I give deep and very audible sighs. I am licking my wounds and doing my utmost to make her aware of the fact. I’m SULKING!
None of this emulates Christ, and I need to repent. Do you?
This type of attitude does NOTHING, ZILCH, ZERO for building a good romantic marriage relationship. It is a form of manipulation, just like intimidation or deception. Such selfish behavior stands in opposition to love. It produces fear and resentment; not trust and openness. What we want to create is an atmosphere of deep connection and fun monogamous playfulness!
Your marriage can be your greatest testimony of the Love of God to your friends. Don’t send it to the depth of the sea because it crashed against your iceberg called “licking my wounds.” My dear brothers and sisters, let all of us be quick to forgive, extremely quick to apologize, and desperate to have a marriage filled with joy and love.
James 1:19-20 NASB – But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NASB – Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
Thank you, Climaxx, for this! I hope it helps many couples in their relationships.
Early in our marriage, this was a Big problem! When we would have a disagreement I might blow up and say things I wish I could take back, but once I had expressed my anger I was over it and didn’t think any more of it. I would apologize for my outburst and I was good. But my husband [didn't get over it as quickly. He responded as you've described.] This would lead to us having at least one more fight, if not two, over the same (usually minor) thing. His sulking would infuriate me. Also, he would bring up past things over and over when we would have a disagreement.
We have grown so much and learned how to fight fair if we have disagreements. These days we have very few arguments, just small disagreements. He seldom sulks anymore. We have learned as we've matured that it’s not worth being unhappy just to have the last word or to be "right". It’s much more fun to have make-up sex!!!!!!
Be open and honest with each other. Tell your spouse when they have hurt you, apologize if you’ve hurt them, and forgive and forget. Never go to bed angry! It’s much better to be a lover, not a fighter!
Good comments Southernheat
Good words. I agree.
Thank you, your words seem to be very well timed. I must give credit to God on that since my wife and I are currently suffering through one of our worst roads yet. Undoubtedly, I sulk etc. I feel much pain and resentment over years of little burrs in my saddle. I told her just three days ago that God didn’t bring us together just to let us fail. I pray we can both change our ways.
Prayer does change things. Put God first in your marriage and everything in your life.
There is an older book by John Bevere called The Bait of Satan. It’s all about how the enemy uses offenses in our lives, like being offended by a spouse, a friend, the church, the pastor etc. He talks about how unforgiveness and bitterness rob us of happiness.
For instance, sometimes we say we forgive someone but just the mention of their name will stir anger back up as we rehearse what they did or said. I've learned that we have not forgiven until we can truly pray for that person.
If we think we’ve forgiven but can’t seem to let it go, we can ask God to help us and He will. We have to talk things out rationally, without yelling or sarcasm or hurtful speech. That way we can share our feelings and hurts with each other, forgive, and try to start fresh.
It's not a bad idea to seek counceling and do whatever it takes to get your marriage back on track. I will be praying for you both.
EagLe44BC – It has to become a fight of all fights. May I make a suggestion? Talk to your wife. (Still see her as your Lover) Get her to join you in the fight. The two of you have to stand side-by-side and form a team that fight together FOR your marriage.
Then make a date to talk for an hour every day to discuss the hurts and problems. (Switch off the TV and phones.) If you cannot talk without anger, you could write your feelings down and then exchange notes.
Thanks to ClimaXX and Southernheat. I am going to use ClimaXX's advice article and Southernheat's comment as part of my teaching this Lord's day to our house church group. I am going to let your words teach the lesson!
What a great blessing from you 1blessedman. I feel we have to start speaking into the marriages of our congregations. Do we want to see church growth???? Then start addressing Marriage Issues!!! If we have healthy couples, we will have healthy congegations. And HOUSECHURCHES are on God's heart.