Chronic Disease and Sex

Hi, everyone. My name is Max Loving. It's just one of my pen names. I have published several books of science fiction and fantasy under others. But under this nom de plume, I plan to put out my first erotica novel sometime this year. As I was researching that genre, I ran across this site. Your stories and comments have taught me a lot. Thank you!

Now I'd like to share part of my story. Unfortunately, my marital sex journey hasn’t always been as wonderful as many here have had. It’s been a long and winding road for my wife and me. I hope that I can end up bringing inspiration to others like us and hope that there is more to sex than a mind-blowing orgasm. Yes, orgasms are good and necessary to attain at least some of the time. But I think that, like us, many people tend to be more interested in the destination than the journey itself.

Why do I say that? Because my marital-sex life has gone through all the stages of what many of us have experienced. I’ll divulge more of that in future stories, but one struggle we've faced is that I have had Parkinson’s Disease for about eight years. For those unfamiliar with PD, it is a chronic, progressive disease involving the death of dopamine-producing neurons in the brain. Dopamine is known for its work in the reward system of sex and drugs. It can create ruts that cause the addictive behaviors often noticed in the corruption of our God-given bodies. But it is also key in controlling our muscle movements.

Aside from the common motor symptoms of tremors, slowness of walking, small handwriting, the deterioration of muscles that characterize PD, several non-motor symptoms can plague its sufferers. One of those is a falling off of testosterone.

I didn’t notice my Low-T symptoms for the first six and a half years that I’ve had the disease. As I recently discovered, the primary drug used to treat PD, levodopa, aids in sustaining testosterone in men. For all we know, it may be a decrease in testosterone that causes some of the motor symptoms. Some trials done with mice have shown if they decrease the mouse’s ability to produce testosterone, that the mouse will develop PD-like symptoms. Whether it is one potential cause of PD or whether the disorder causes the drop in testosterone, the outcome remains the same: a reduced sex drive, erectile dysfunction, and a lower libido.

I discovered this effect once I had Deep Brain Stimulation. DBS is where leads are placed in the brain, and a pacemaker-like device sends electrical signals that block the tremors. I had it done around one and a half years ago. It was very effective in controlling my motor symptoms, such as tremors, left-arm dystonia (muscles continually contracting), Parkinson’s face, a stoop, and slower movements. It worked so well that, whereas before DBS I had done little writing mainly because it was such a chore to get through, now I’ve been writing up a storm in novels and such.

However, one side-effect has been that my libido has dropped to zero. And so, achieving and maintaining an erection required a dose of Viagra. My once-a-day orgasm by masturbation has been cut down to once a week. I still tried daily though. Until February 28th, I’d not had an orgasm with my wife during sex for nearly a year and a half. It didn't matter what we tried. Talk about sexual frustration!

When this symptom first appeared on the scene after my surgery, my wife and I both assumed it would get better as my healing progressed. My neurologist said it would take three to six months for the brain swelling from the operation to go down enough to be “over it.” Well, six months went by. I still struggled to have orgasms in my solo sessions. I could not get anything to happen in our marital sexual attempts either.

Early on in the process, I did some research. I found a study that followed a group of people who had undergone DBS. After nine months, about half felt that their sex life after DBS had improved. After more than a year without having an orgasm with my wife, I had concluded that I was, unfortunately, among the half whose sex life had deteriorated.

A few times that we had sex, I would almost cum. But then it would die off suddenly as I approached climax. I could no longer experience the joy of pumping my wife full of my cum.

That was disheartening, not only to me but to my wife too. She never said as much, but I knew she loved that part of our sexual life. I felt terrible, even though it was beyond my control, that I could no longer give her that experience of the two becoming one.

Despite that fact, I wanted to give my wife pleasure and the sexual attention she so deserved. I learned a long time ago that good sex means more than reaching orgasm. It provides an emotional and spiritual connection between two people. An intimate and God-blessed union of two people results, as love, bodies, and seeds mingle. The journey is just as important as the destination. In some cases, even more critical.

I knew that for us to remain connected during this time, we needed to have sex. It was vital, even though I couldn’t have an erection except by taking pills. I had become depressed about my inability to have an orgasm with her. But I consoled myself in the fact that, even if I received very little from our time together, I was able to give my wife what she needed. And I would gain at least the emotional connection I knew came from the act.

That was where I was a little over a month ago. I don’t recall what triggered the idea, but I did some research which confirmed for me that PD does affect testosterone levels. Primarily men recognize and seek treatment for that aspect, but women's levels drop too. But why did I not have any significant problems up until my DBS surgery?

Then a thought clicked in my mind. I did an Internet search for “levodopa and testosterone.” That’s when I discovered that levodopa helps to sustain testosterone levels in PD patients. Then it all made sense. Levodopa caused dyskinesia (erratic movements as a side-effect of the medication) in me. One of the main reasons I received DBS treatment was in the hope that I would no longer need the medication. And, it successfully took me off all drugs.

So, I no longer took levopoda. Since DBS did nothing for non-motor symptoms like low testosterone, it made sense that I experienced such a dramatic drop in erections and libido.

For the last five weeks, I’ve been taking a Longjack (Tonga Ali) supplement: five days on and two days off each week. It had given back some feeling of desire. I still needed Viagra to keep an erection and have sex with my wife. But at least something was happening down there. I’d almost given up hope of anything working. Now I am in the process of getting a referral to see a urologist to confirm whether low-T my problem and if the LongJack is rebuilding my testosterone levels or not. If not a testosterone deficit, what exactly causes my issues and can I treat them?

My money is on the supplement having increased my T-level. Why? Because of what happened these last two days:

Yesterday, I went to take a shower. I planned on masturbating, as I still did around once a day, even if I only reached orgasm once a week of late. Why? Because I’d never know if things start working again if I don’t keep a check on them. Besides, as much as I loved orgasms, I also enjoyed the feel of my cock in my hand and the view as it rested in my palm. Plus, I believed the LongJack was helping my libido. I'd been waking up more frequently to a “fuller” penis in the mornings and a desire to stroke it. Recently, I’ve wanted it more.

As I finished washing, I turned the shower head to stream down a single line of water. My son had left it in that setting after his showers, and I knew why. Though it had been a while since I'd done it, I knew that would position the stream to fall on a dick if one laid in the tub. So I tried it. Sure enough, it fell right on the top of my hard dick as I lay there, enjoying the feelings. As the stream of hot water caressed my dick, the beginnings of orgasmic energy shot through me. I enjoyed them but didn’t really think anything about them. Often I would reach that stage only to have it die off before I reached orgasm. I lay there, soaking in the tingling sensations that would surge through me here and there.

Then a stronger orgasmic surge coursed through my limbs! I wiggled in the growing anticipation that finally, after one full week, I might have an orgasm again. As the warm water poured over my dick, it grew into that super-stiff numb feeling that told me it was moving even closer to orgasm. I rejoiced, as the last time I had tried this several months ago, I was not able to get this far with a shower orgasm. Then it came. I writhed in joy as I felt my cum pulse through my member and I reached the peak of my orgasmic bliss.

I rejoiced to have an orgasm again, but I also felt sad. You see, I had promised my wife that for her birthday the next morning, I would eat her pussy and make her cum hard. I hadn’t said anything to her about having sex. But I knew she would want it, if only to feel me inside of her, pumping her pussy. I knew she didn’t expect me to cum, as it had been a full year and a half since I had orgasmed during sex. But what if that once-a-week orgasm would have come tomorrow and I had stolen it from her? The world may never know.

So the next morning, I arose and took my pills. I prepared for my wife's arrival upon returning from taking our granddaughter to the bus for school. When she returned, her pout indicated that we had a problem.

“Honey, we can’t have sex. I’m sorry.”

My heart sank. “But what about our time together?”

She said, “Our daughter is currently making me french toast for my birthday breakfast. I have to go eat it.”

I thought for a moment. “Then we can do it after we eat.”

“But it would be awkward to tell her that.”

“Just tell her we’re going to go cuddle for a while.” She would likely know that really meant, “We’re going to go pound each other’s brains out.” She was married too and would understand. I was okay with her knowing what we were going to do.

Apparently, my wife was okay with that as well. So, that’s what we did. After a leisurely breakfast, we went back to the room of their house we sleep in and closed the door. Then we dispensed with our clothes and laid down together. After some kissing and fondling of her breasts, I turned my tongue’s attention to her nipples. I flicked it back and forth over them, and she wiggled and groaned in response. How happy it would make us both if she climaxed as I pleasured her pussy and clit.

Then I pulled up and said, “Time for the 69, my dear.” She smiled as I positioned myself beside her, my face near her pussy and my dick close to her mouth. Oh, the sensations that ran over my body as she started kissing and rubbing my cock with her tongue. I groaned in response and thrust my hips toward her. Meanwhile, I enjoyed a delectable menu of pussy, all to myself. I kept rubbing her clit with my tongue as I poked one finger into her love-hole and massaged her G-spot on the other side. At times, it felt as if she would cum, only to recede.

I rolled up on top. Her warm mouth caressed my dick as I gently pumped it onto her tongue. I licked her clit as hard as I could, and she continued to thrust her pussy into my face. Oh, I so enjoyed both! A sweet pussy feast on one end and wonderful sensations on the other. Even if I never came in her again, this was definitely worth it.

I realized at one point that the angle I had on her clit wouldn’t be enough to give her the best orgasm. I turned to lie side-by-side with her so my hand could naturally maintain a better angle while massaging her clit. That way, I could suck her tits at the same time and give her an occasional kiss. I soon had her groaning and wiggling as she shuddered and arched her back. Then she came. My dick responded with a big hard-on as she continued stroking it. I loved seeing her cum. I played with her pussy as she came down from her peak.

Then she said, “You want to go in?”

“Sure!” Though I didn’t hold out much hope that I would make it to an orgasm, I knew she enjoyed it. It was her birthday, after all. How could I refuse?

She looked at my softening dick, and said, “But first we need to do something about that!” She moved her head into my crotch and started licking my dick. Then she swallowed it into her hot mouth, and oh, the joy that flooded my heart! Her warm tongue rubbed across my dick, flicking over its head, as her mouth went up and down my shaft. She enjoyed it, I believe, but surely not as much as I did. Within a minute of that action, my cock was hard enough to enter her love-hole.

She poured some lube over her pussy and invited me in. I entered rather easily. As soon as I started moving my dick in and out of her hole, it felt different than it had in a long time. It was as if her vagina was lined with little rough fingers, stimulating my dick to a sensitivity I had not known for several years. Still, I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I had risen to this point before, only to be disappointed one more time at another orgasm stolen from me by this disease.

However, as I kept pumping, sometimes slowly--which felt the best to me--and sometimes harder, an orgasm began building. With each push, ever-increasing electrical, orgasmic energy tingled across my skin. “Oh, God,” I recall thinking, “Let it be this time, on her birthday, that I have my first orgasm with her in over a year and a half!” I feared it once again dying off as I approached the point of no return. But I focused on my wife’s face as she was shaking with each pounding of my pelvis against her pussy.

There comes a moment when you know that you’re about to climax and there’s not much that can stop it. As I felt it coming, I started to rejoice. But I didn’t dare slow down! I continued to pound her like a dog in heat. Then it happened. Cum burst forth from my dick, in pulses that indicated I had satisfied both her and me. The angels sang “Alleluia!” as I filled her pussy with my sweet cum.

After it was over, we started laughing, but she also shed tears of joy. She said she didn’t think she would ever feel that again. We both laughed and cried as we hugged each other and rested in the contentment we finally shared once again. On top of that, I had two orgasms in two days! Something else that has rarely happened before. It was glorious!

So, what’s the moral of this story, if one can be found? It would be fourfold:

One, there is always hope. Enjoy each other even when you don’t arrive at orgasm, and if that is all you get, consider it a blessing from God. But God can always surprise you when you least expect it.

Two, stay intimately and emotionally connected. Being one in all other ways, including spiritually, is just as important as physical union. They all link to what it means for the two to become one. To paraphrase St. Paul: for the married, do not forsake the gathering of yourselves together into one flesh.

Three, get checked out by a doctor, especially if you have a chronic medical condition like I have. Assume nothing. See a professional. If not for yourself, do it for your spouse. Often erectile dysfunction is a sign of a bigger problem, sometimes a heart condition.

Four, don’t blast by the scenery in a desperate attempt to reach the Big One. Instead, give God the wheel of your sex life. Spend your time enjoying the sights and sounds of the journey, leaving it in God’s hands when and where you will arrive.

I’m not suggesting that my sex problems are now “fixed,” whatever that may mean. This morning may have been a one-off. In any event, those are the lessons I’ve learned through this frustrating time in my life.

4.75 avg. rating (94% score) - 16 votes
15 replies
  1. Southernheat says:

    Such a sweet story. Made me cry. So very touching, your love for each other. Being married many years, there have been times I’ve struggled to orgasm and times when he has struggled to stay hard or orgasm also. We’ve learned to enjoy each other, the snuggle time, the kissing and fondling. Even if it doesn’t end in orgasm, it’s still enjoyable connecting.
    Enjoyed you sharing your story hope to see more stories from you. Prayers for you and your wife as you continue walking through this journey together.

    • MaxLoving says:

      Thanks, SH. Yep, I've got about 6 more in the que. More to come! Glad you enjoyed this one.

  2. MaxLoving says:

    The strange thing about this is it happened shortly after I found this site. Normally, I wouldn't have anyone to share this with. But after it happened, my wife was like, "At least you can share it on MH". 🙂 Yep, I said, for sure. Nice to have someone who can rejoice with me over my successes sexually.

    • HeSaid-SheSaid says:

      Those are my sentiments too regarding MH. I mean, if my wife and I are either having difficulty in sex, or having a great time, it would be nice to share with someone without feeling awkward. MH is a great outlet for that. Not that it is a place for complaining, but rather a safe place that a person could share what is going on in their sex life and receive compliments, praise, constructive criticism, and even advice.
      I do have a good friend who, because we both have had difficult periods in our marriages and we have supported one another in those times, has been open enough to talk about a few things sexually, and I with him. We don't get into sordid details, but enough to encourage or support one another in whats going on. Friendships at these levels are rare in my opinion, especially in the Christian crowd where talking about anything sexual was/is taboo, and as a result is unfortunate.

      Thankyou MH for making a safe place to be adults and talk frankly about a very important part of our lives, our sexuality, without shame or condemnation.

  3. LovingMan says:

    What a wonderful story. My wife and I also have health challenges. We both deal with asthma. My wife is dealing with a treatable form of cancer and pain from other issues. She also has some neurological problems. I have severe heart failure as well as RA. It was nice to see a story about a couple overcoming the health challenges and having successful and loving sex with each other.
    We have had to experiment with new positions and I need supplemental oxygen during our lovemaking sessions. I am able to reach orgasm but it is not without having to really take our time and change what we are doing (sometimes right in the middle of intercourse). But my wife is infinitely patient.
    Before the heart failure, simultaneous orgasms were the norm. Now I often love on her nipples as she uses a vibrator to climax. Other times we figured out a perpendicular position where we can have intercourse as she uses the vibrator. That often (although not always) leads to orgasms for us both.
    I think that married couples should have no problem with trying a vibrator. My RA made it impossible for me to stimulate my wife’s clitoris for a sufficient period of time so years ago we bought a vibrator. That was a great decision!
    Also, my doctor discovered that I also had low T. For me bio-identical testosterone helps a lot. It is a cream I rub on twice a day.
    We are both capable of orgasms and often in a session we each have two, during the first years of our marriage we both were often multi-orgasmic. But rather than bemoaning the changes we are both very grateful to God that, in spite of all the health challenges, we still can share a sexual relationship with each other. and your wife are an inspiration! Thanks for sharing your journey with us!

    • MaxLoving says:

      Thank you, Loving Man. You're an inspiration too, if you don't mind me saying so. We all are, in one way or another. God knows what he's doing, even in stuff like PD and the things you are going through as well. Many blessings to you and your wife.

  4. SecondMarge says:

    Whether a serious illness as you unfortunately endured or simply aging many of us can relate to these kind of situations. And the special happiness when lovemaking actually functions the way we hope it always would. Seeking out cures, medical, emotional, or mental becomes a project for both. I hope your ability to complete grows more frequent and emphathize with your wife.

  5. LovingMan says:

    I think your post and several of the replies (as well as other posts I’ve read on MH) remind us that wonderful married sex comes to many couples of all ages, shapes, sizes, and includes many of us with health conditions. Great sex is not just for the early years of your marriage.

    We can be creative and inventive in order for love to find a way! For example...
    When I was two states away, in the hospital my wife had to go back home to work. Before she left she and I made love in the shower of my hospital room. (It was the only time the heart monitors were off.).

    • MaxLoving says:

      LM, I agree! Obviously. I have to add, the picture I received of what heart monitors would look like if they were connected while you two had sex gave me a laugh. Thanks for the kind words, from all of you here. Nice to be part of such a great community.

  6. MaxLoving says:

    I realize I never came back to say what happened with the low-T test. It came back that I had a normal amount for my age range. Which is both good and bad. Good, in that i don't have to have that treatment for the rest of my life, bad in that we're still not totally sure, though I have an idea now, why I've had this problem since my DBS surgery. As it turns out, it is the missing dopamine in my brain. The one thing that the urologist did give me a clue on when I was describing my situation was that a dopamine agonist (it is a dopamine "imitator" type medication) could help to restore feelings in some cases. So, recalling that taking a DA wasn't suppose to give one dyskenisa (involuntary movements like Michael J. Fox had for so long) like it did when I tried taking levadopa, which is the standard medication for replacing dopamine in the brain, I asked my neurologist for a prescription.

    At any rate, my neurologist prescribed me some and I've been taking it for nearly a month now. The result appears to be it has given me back some feeling. We've only test-driven it once, unsuccessfully since then. The good news on that front is that we will be moving into our own apartment in the next 3 months, and are both looking forward to more frequent sex than can be had in the granddaughter's bedroom, with her sleeping right next to us.

    At any rate, there may be some light at the end of this tunnel yet. We shall see. Our anniversary is next month. Maybe then we'll have success story #2 to report? I hope.

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