Hormonal Horniness

Hi,

I’m a single Christian woman, and a mature follower of Christ. I’ve known and loved God my whole life and, through a lot of suffering in my family, I’ve come to trust Jesus with my whole life. I’m not married, but desire to be. I'm doing everything I can to put myself in the way of finding a boyfriend and eventually a spouse. But I’m struggling with that time of the month right before my cycle. That's when my hormones are very active and I need a sexual release. I’ve tried praying it away, but I know that’s not realistic. I know my body is designed by God to work this way. It’s like my body is saying it’s time to make a baby now.

I found this website a year ago, and it has helped me to get that sexual release. But then I started moving into watching not "hard porn" but sexual position videos, which allow me to orgasm.

I don’t feel comfortable masturbating. I want to save that for my husband and me to explore together. The problem is that I feel like I’m disappointing God because I continue to engage in watching those videos at that time of the month. I don’t ever feel like watching it outside of that time frame, so I don’t feel like I'm addicted to porn. But when it’s that time, I feel really uncomfortable if I can’t have the release.

I have talked to my counselor about this and she completely understood. She said that it’s normal to feel this way. She said to pray for forgiveness and not dwell on it. She didn’t recommend this, but I asked her to set a passcode on an app to block these sites. And that worked for a while. But then I had one cycle with a really strong hormonal swing, and I deleted it. I need advice. Is what I’m doing wrong if I only watch porn at that time of the month?

3.20 avg. rating (65% score) - 10 votes
22 replies
  1. HappyHubby says:

    My dear, you are so correct that what you are feeling is how the Lord made you. Your anxiety over masturbating to find relief is understandable and your motives are commendable but, I feel, misplaced. Touching your own body, in my opinion, is so much preferable in finding release than watching porn, especially if done with thanks to the Lord for providing a way to find release. Porn will lead you where you don't want to go but self-pleasure is a method God provides. If release from natural hormones is the goal, there are ways to do that while saving all else for your future husband. I hope you can be free from the guilt and shame that God never intended for you to feel.

    • SecondMarge says:

      None of us know if God led her to not touch herself, but I highly doubt he did.

      Like most people that drink wine don’t become drunkards, I think very rarely do those that watch porn become addicted. And sexual position video can hardly be classified as porn. It’s not a sound argument against watching sexual activity.

      Frankly, I am far more concerned with the qualifications of her “counselor” than looking at naked people.

  2. ILoveMarriage says:

    Hi--

    Watching sexual position videos may be simply erotica, not a sin in itself if the couple in the videos are married, which they probably are not. Even if they are married, watching that, while perhaps not a sin, may be a bad idea. There is not just the possibility of becoming addicted, but it could train you to become aroused by watching strangers have sex, and make it more difficult to respond to an actual person, or limit your ability to use your imagination to arouse yourself.

    I encourage you to rethink your no-masturbation position. Masturbation is definitely not a sin. A lot of Christians try to use Matthew 5:28 to argue against masturbation. "You have heard that it was said by those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." However, the Greek word for "adultery" definitely refers to unfaithfulness by married people, and does not apply to single people. What guy, the night before the wedding, is not going to be lusting for his bride?

    God created us to be sexual beings, whether we are married or not. I guarantee your future husband has masturbated in the past day or two. It's different for guys of course -- our bodies make semen that has to go somewhere. But women need release too, as you have discovered. God has placed our sex organs within easy reach so that we can take care of ourselves when necessary.

    Now is a great time to learn and develop your sexuality. Learn how your body responds to touch and what brings you to orgasm. Train your G-spot to respond pleasurably, and learn to ejaculate. Imagine the delight of your husband when his virgin bride, with no embarrasment, tells him exactly what to do to please her, and responds with mind-blowing orgasms on your honeymoon.

    Trust me, there will still be plenty to learn about sex. Plenty of things to explore. As someone married going on 40 years, you never stop learning, and sex just keeps getting better and better!

    Finally, marriage to the right person is worth whatever it costs and whatever effort it takes. Spare nothing to find the right man that God has in store for you.

  3. SecondMarge says:

    You have to come to terms with your beliefs and activities. You certainly are on one end of the wide spectrum of beliefs regarding masturbation. You may want to consider that in biblical times a woman was expected to marry and begin sexual activities at 13. We have decided that age is too young in today’s world. The instruction to not be sexual before marriage was intended for 10-12 year olds. Never for 17 to 25 or 30 plus year olds that don’t marry until that age. Our brains were given the ability to reason. To have rational thought. To use the knowledge gained in 2000 years to see the differences in rules given to people that married at 13 and died in their 30s with no medical advances and the world we have now.
    I never had the strong desires you have, but I married young. But if I could go back and tell my teen self some things that the years have taught me, I might have made different decisions.

    • CrazyHappyLoved says:

      Valid point about the young age at which Israelites (and later the Jews) were allowed to marry, though those were limits, not necessarily expectations. For the man, he was expected to have the means to care for a family, but that came about younger back then, it seems, qt least by 18 or 20. It is more of a challenge these days.
      But the instructions of God are for our benefit, not our repression, I believe. Sex (not sexuality, though) God reserved for marriage - a committed relationship meant to last a lifetime. And the Bible tells us it has symbolism in that it represents the relationship He intends to have with His people.
      I so agree that position education isn't what's meant by "porn". It makes perfect sense that your body and mind crave sexual stimulation during your most fertile stage. In the Song of Solomon, the woman seems to handle that situation by masturbating to thoughts and dreams of her future husband. Maybe a good literal translation of Song of Solomon would help here?

    • SecondMarge says:

      My point was that, in so many ways, life in our times is different than that of the time the Bible was written. We have recognized those when it comes to marriage age, divorce, incest, and many other areas. To pick others that we decide must still be adhered to as if it was still 2000 years ago seems illogical and convenient. No, people weren’t forced to marry young, it was an option and typical. Moving typical marriage age back by a dozen years brings up issues like the original writer stated.

  4. JAM777 says:

    Summary:
    I don't recommend porn.
    I do recommend MH or the authors on here's erotica novels/novellas!

    I don't recommend the porn just because of the "cerebro programming" that can happen to alter your mind when it comes to sex which can cause any number of issues.
    I am a guy so I can't understand your situation completely. As a man, I have had times where I get very sexually frustrated and will have erections not only at the most inappropriate times but they last a while, causing it to hurt. My testicles also tend to swell. This happens when I'm too busy or don't feel like masturbating or seeking a release.

    I share this to hopefully help you to understand that you are not alone! I am 29 and still single, hoping to have the door open towards finding my future wife soon!

    For me, personally, porn is too much of a stumbling block. I don't like the images and thoughts it causes in my mind. I even went as far as to find videos of married or unmarried couples having sex but still struggled so I had to purge it.

    I understand your hang-ups with masturbation, I have had struggles with it for the last decade. I wanted to save myself for my future wife, wondering if it was disrespectful. Thankfully, God led me to this site!
    Ladies on here helped me see that, all though it is possible, most likely my future wife won't fault me for masturbating to help alleviate sexual frustration and the pain from the build up. In fact, she is most likely doing the same!

    I would encourage you to continue praying on it.
    And like I said before, I understand the hang up with not wanting to masturbate, but try to think about it like this.... that you will know what you like and what to do to bring you the most pleasure in the best of ways once you find your future husband and get married. As a man, I want to be able to give my future wife the most pleasure in the best of ways that I can, so I hope she will be able to help me to! I hope and pray she isn't beating herself up right now for her God-given sexual energy! That she is enjoying herself through this time of her life before God opens the door for the both of us and then we can bring each other mountains of pleasure together!! 🙂

    Anyway, I hope I wasn't too long-winded and that I could be a help to you! Praying for you my friend! Not only with this but also with finding that guy who doesn't realize how blessed he is going to be once he has you!! 😉

  5. HornyHubby says:

    I would recommend first that you read my post on a defense of masturbation. You can search for it on this site.
    Second I would recommend you read two books: The Naked Gospel and God Without Religion. Both by Andrew Farley.
    I feel you are feeling unnecessary shame over something that isn't sin. I would stay away from the porn type stuff of course, but masturbation in itself isn't sin and God isn't displeased with us if/when we do it. And being single with normal, healthy, and God-given desires, what else are you supposed to do? That would be cruel of God to give you desires and then tell you not to satisfy them. And God isn't cruel.
    So read the defense of masturbation post first and then get those other two books. They are on Kindle, if that's how you prefer to read books. I think those 3 resources will help you. Let me know when you read the post if you have any questions.

  6. HeSaid-SheSaid says:

    Hello and thanks for sharing. I found this statement in your post interesting, "I don’t feel comfortable masturbating. I want to save that for my husband and me to explore together".

    Could you provide further explanation to your discomfort with masturbating? To want to explore it with your future spouse is commendable and darn right sexy. But I suggest you get good at first, so that way you have more to share with him. From everything I have studied and read on the subject, married women have always benefited in the marriage bed from becoming excellent masturbators. That takes practice, lots of it. No reason not to start now.

    Now, you don't need porn to masturbate, and like others have said, that can cause complications with arousal. During your horny time of the month, your body is already in a heightened state, so simple physical touch and concentration on the feelings should be enough to get you off and get your release.

    When I was much younger I used to feel guilty about masturbation because of the thoughts I had when I did it. These thoughts were of being sexually active with people I knew, putting their face and body into the fantasy. But then someone told me to try praying 'while' masturbating instead. So I tried it. Amazingly the whole masturbation experience lasted about 5 seconds start to finish, and was rather exquisite! I didn't feel any guilt, and had no inappropriate thoughts, but I had my release.

    So my dear, instead of having to seek God for forgiveness, bring Him right into the situation first. Ask for His help and His solutions. He wants to be included in every part of your life, even your sexuality, so let Him right in. Blessings to you.

    • SecondMarge says:

      You learn something new every day. Not sure which is a bigger shocker to me, having an orgasm in 5 seconds or praying as One masturbates. Frankly, I have no desire to do either.
      But I do agree the original poster need not refrain from pleasuring herself and you spoke well in that regard. I see no more harm in looking at sex positions to help her climax than reading MH stories have helped many here increase excitement.

  7. PatientPassion says:

    My heart goes out to you! I'm so glad you had the courage to ask for help!

    I'm a guy, but I have felt many of the same things you expressed. The fact that you haven't been watching "'hard porn' but sex position videos" especially resonates with me, because that was EXACTLY my experience for a while! And praise God, I've been free of that particular habit for some time now.

    Having been through that myself, I can say that while it was of questionable benefit short term, it surely would have been detrimental long term. Even though those videos do much better than most porn in showing something that looks like a loving, committed relationship (if you and I have seen similar videos), I would echo what ILoveMarriage said. Even if they show good, married, non-sinful sex, they can gradually train your brain to sexually respond to that in favor of other things, like your future husband. That might make it more difficult to have a thriving sexual relationship with him because you have to retrain your brain and body to respond to him and not a video. For that reason, I would strongly encourage you to find a way to stop watching things like that.

    However, going cold-turkey without any other solutions is a recipe for failure. As others have suggested, I would encourage you to rework your views on masturbation, even if it takes a while to get comfortable with it. I think it's far healthier than any kind of porn, and even a positive good! Others mentioned how you can use it to explore yourself and learn what pleases you so that you can be a more whole and engaged sexual being when you finally get to be with your future husband. That's a very good reason to spend some time in self-exploration! I wouldn't worry about saving it to explore together with your future husband. If you read around MarriageHeat, you'll see there are TONS of ways to pleasure each other! I'm not sure you could run out of ways even after a lifetime together, and you have all of those ways to explore with your future husband! I believe self-exploration through masturbation can give you a greater understanding of yourself, which will allow you both to explore those things more, better and deeper when the time comes. (Think of it another way: if you were a construction worker, you would be wise to learn how to use a few of your tools before stepping onto the job site. That way, you can get to work and start building as soon as possible. It shouldn't eliminate the novelty either; it's still a completely new plot of land you're stepping onto, and there's plenty to explore as you contemplate what you want to build with your new "business partner!")

    Besides preparing us with knowledge of ourselves, I think that masturbation can also help set our hearts in the right place. Instead of reaching sexual release while having your mind and heart occupied by images of strangers having sex, dwell on your future husband! Even if you don't know who he will be just yet, you can imagine different aspects of the deep and loving relationship you will have, and how that will manifest in beautiful, God-ordained sexual union. You can imagine how he will please you, how you will please him, and dwell on that as you bring yourself a release. (I do this with thoughts of my future wife, even though I'm not 100% sure who she is. It's a beautiful thing to look forward to!) That should help orient your thoughts and desires toward something good rather than using unhealthy visual stimulation just to get the release and get it over with.

    I also use a few other tools to control my sexual desire, like learning about sex and writing about my hopes for the future, but those may not work for everyone. At some point I may write an article on "stewarding sex drive while single" that goes into those things a little more. I hope this helps some! Our prayers go out to you!

  8. Euroman24 says:

    So there’s a misconception that when you get married that all of your sexual urges will be satisfied all the time.
    For the most part they will be fulfilled. Self-control though must be learned for those times when your Hubby isn’t there to give you a Booty call. That’s is why is so important to live empowered by the Holy Spirit. Pray in tongues. Build yourself up in your inner Man. He knows our weaknesses. Remember Jesus was a single man! Lol Don’t wait till the last minute to pray either.
    The great thing is you know your triggers so you can make special arrangements to steer clear those days. Communion with the Father is very key to healthy sexuality. Boldly enter into the throne room in your time of need. He totally wants to love on you extra in those times. He has so much Grace for you. More than you could ever imagine. But with that Grace he will give you the power to overcome and to have full control over your body's hormonal peaks.

  9. hornyGG says:

    SStone30,
    First of all the wonderful people who have given their views and advice are awesome! As are the rest of of the many here on MH.
    You definitely can rest assured that these members will be honest and caring. Marriage Heat is a wonderful site and you definitely won't regret being a member.
    Let me say that after reading this post, I prayed for you.
    Now as most here can probably tell you that I am a strong advocate for masturbation. However, I am not going to try and convince you to masturbate.
    I really can't add much other than I agree with these wonderful contributors.
    I especially want you to know that you are in our prayers.
    God bless you and Stay Horny always darlin!
    😘 GG

  10. PacMan says:

    Great post! Great comments! A few random thoughts, hopefully something that’s helpful in here.
    • Masturbation is a good thing. In the last 2 years, my wife & I had to have “the talk” with our young teenagers. We told them to feel free and masturbate in private and feel no shame.
    • My wife and I married as virgins, but I was VERY happy to hear (when dating) that she masturbated regularly. I don’t think orgasms and self-pleasure should be “saved for marriage.” I was HAPPY to know that she knew her own body well.
    • Visual erotica is a complicated topic. I personally believe that it IS POSSIBLE to partake in a healthy way... similar to partaking in whiskey or even the written erotica on this site. Some people need stricter boundaries so it’s not one-size-fits-all. My biggest concern is becoming addicted, which sounds like you are keeping a close eye on that. Do you think your future husband would be ashamed of you for looking at (even researching) visual sex position videos? I’d place my bet on “no.”
    • I do enjoy some visual erotica (do not enjoy hard porn) from time to time. It’s something I never really indulged in (outside of R rated movies) until my 40s. I think it’s possibly more dangerous of an activity for those who had addiction struggles or were exposed to porn earlier in their lives. If and when I do this, I realize it can be dangerous (like alcohol). The key 3 areas for me: Is this becoming addictive? Am I keeping secrets from my wife? Do I feel it is *interfering* or *helping* with my marriage and even my passions for my spouse? So, my wife knows that I occasionally view erotica... I even show her what I’m viewing... sometimes we even enjoy together (although it’s not a desire of hers). Our love, passion, intimacy, and understanding of each other has GROWN over the last couple of years.
    ••• Hope this helps! God bless!

  11. O-man says:

    I don't think there's any righteous way to thoroughly surmount this challenge going by anything less than the power of the word of God.

    I agree it is good that you prefer to not Masturbate when your hormones are raging and for the personal reason you have stated.

    Hormonal activity can be very strong in some more than others and the pressures to give in to the desires of the flesh can be powerful and are easily magnified as 'the only way out of the need'.

    It's not easy putting out a fire using fuel. We can use fire to put out a fire but using fuel to put it out? That's tricky and, I believe, near impossible.

    You have to turn to greater fire which is of God to bring your thoughts at such times into subjection to the will of God for you.

    Unrighteous habits we entertain merely prepare us for unrighteous ends.

    [MH does not support the view that masturbation is an unrighteous habit. But the opinion was respectfully offered, so we include it. Any responses must be equally respectful.]

    • O-man says:

      You can use the word of God to take hold of your thoughts and to crucify your flesh and its fleshly desires that do not edify your spirit.

      This challenge you are facing now may be to prepare you for marriage. If you exercise the conquest you have in Christ Jesus over it, then I believe, in marriage, you will be rewarded. If, however, you choose to let it master you, I expect it will influence your life in marriage.

    • O-man says:

      Here are some Bible verses you can read and meditate on:

      "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the RENEWING OF YOUR MIND, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

      Romans 12:2

      "That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;
      And BE RENEWED IN THE SPIRIT OF YOUR MIND;
      And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness."

      Ephesians 4:22-24

      "Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls."

      James 1:21

      "Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
      But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
      Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
      Do not err, my beloved brethren."

      James 1:13-16

      "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is COMMON to man: BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but WILL WITH THE TENPTATION ALSO MAKE A WAY TO ESCAPE, that ye may be able to bear it."

      1 Corinthians 10:13

      "Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses."

      1 Timothy 6:12

      "(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)

      Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity EVERY THOUGHT to the obedience of Christ;

      And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled."

      2 Corinthians 10:4-6

      "Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us."

      Romans 8:37

      "He will keep the feet of his saints, and the wicked shall be silent in darkness; for by strength shall no man prevail."

      1 Samuel 2:9

    • O-man says:

      You already have the victory over the flesh. You only need to take it by the way God has made power available to you to take it, which is through the word and by spirit. Get in the word.

    • CrazyHappyLoved says:

      This all assumes that masturbation and seeing other people have sex is sinful. I don't see where the Bible tells us that is so.

      Should the flesh control our actions? Clearly no, especially if we are convinced in our spirits that those actions are sinful (whether that conviction is based on the clear teaching of the Scriptures or not.) Will it sometimes? Sure. We're human and don't always walk by the Spirit. Can, but don't.

      But the ONLY sexual restrictions placed by God's word on His people are to keep intercourse between a married man and woman - everything else enumerated is covered by that simplification. And the argument could be made that touching oneself could be that very "fighting fire with fire" scenario to which O-man alludes.

      There is no indication by the OP that she is lustful of a sexual relationship with those she observes, so Scriptures that condemn lust aren't really applicable here. Desiring a sexual release is NOT lusting as Biblically defined - lusting (in the negative sense) is coveting that which can not rightfully be one's own. I see no justification that a sexual release would fall into that category.

      I especially appreciate the quoting of 1 Tim 6:12, because it focuses on obedience over imaginations *and* disobedience, which I understand as us "adding to" the instructions we are given in Scripture by making new rules for each other (as the Pharisees did) as well as failing to obey those instructions.

      But if it hurts our conscience, of course, we shouldn't do it. To us it is sin.

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