My Confessions

Dear MH, this is Dean. Some of you may know me, though I am not a well-known name around this great site. But, hey, I don’t need to be. Maybe you’ve seen me here and there on some comments in posts or a few of my own posts. So seeing as I admire this site so much and mostly trust you all, I’m gonna put this out here.

Years ago, when I was fifteen years old, I discovered pornography. It was of my own accidental doing. I won’t go into anything unwanted but suffice to say it was my introduction to sex. See, my household didn’t talk about sex. Period. Nothing — ever — at all. Now, I know why that is. I get it, but it’s something that has to be done sometime. Luckily, even though I was exposing my young mind to pornography, I didn’t get to the point where I felt I was addicted to it. Still, I did watch things that are completely sinful. It was also the first time I started masturbating. So during that time, I associated porn and masturbation together, which may not always be the case, in my current view.

Luckily, at my high school  (I went to a private all-boys day and boarding school) in Year 9 (the same year I was fifteen, so 2015) my cohort had a sex ed day. It was on that day that the truth was shown to me, about porn and things, that is. I felt…I felt at a loss and angry with myself! How could I fall into such a trap so blindly and easily? Well, I thought that was all a message from the good man upstairs: my Saviour, our Saviour! So that day, I wanted to make a commitment to myself to never get into such a trap again and try to do things right, think rightly for my own sake. Luckily, I never had any bad views, thoughts or perspectives of women or anything; I like to think I see things clearly and know what’s right and wrong.

I started looking to the scriptures and seeing what the Bible says about sex from some sex-positive Christian sites (which are no longer around, btw) and I came to see that there’s more the Bible says about sex in terms of allowance than what isn’t allowed, things such as masturbation, nudity, seeing women as both people and something to admire in a sexually healthy way. Those were things that were warped by porn. I believe it paints a picture to a young person’s mind, or in fact, any person’s mind, about what the makers want you to think is real, acceptable or fact when in actuality it’s not. However, I now see those things are not only acceptable but encouraged in the right circumstances for both men and woman individually and together — in marriage. But by the grace of God, I found…


That’s right! I found this site and I gotta say it restored me and showed me the light into a better aspect of my future as a man. See, what this site has shown me, what all of you have shown me is a healthy, faithful and down to earth perspective on marriage, relationships, and sexuality. The stories, posts, and users here have helped me with that. I can see it in how you interact, encourage, and support each other here. That’s what God would want, a unification of his people. I am a nineteen-year-old young man now, trying to build a future for himself.  A relationship with a godly woman isn’t in the frame yet, but I know it will be. And when the time comes, I want to approach it and her, whoever she may be, the right way. The way all of you and God would want me to.

But, hey, who am I to say that? God’s got everything mapped out for me, I’m just following on his lead. On the topic of that, I try so hard to be faithful to God. I really do, but sometimes I just drop off for whatever reason. And when I leave God, I feel like he leaves me, but I have to tell myself that he’s always here. I just gotta be there for him, too.

In conclusion, I’ve made mistakes in the past that I regret and those that had me for a while. But every day since then, I’ve been trying to stay on the right path.  Plenty of times, I’ve gotten off it. But right now, I feel I’m on it again. So I want to thank God for this site, his Word, and all of you. Pray for me, that I will stick close to him and everything that’s right to do.

And if users here have children, talk to them about sex, porn, and God’s way for sex. Help them not make the same mistakes I did, for their sake and yours.

Talk to you soon,


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5 replies
    • Stephen Lynn says:

      What is interesting is that the Bible is a book that speaks about the topic of sex constantly, either by way of direct instruction (e.g., Proverbs 5,6,&7) negative examples (e.g., David and Bathsheba) theological points (e.g., …behold, a virgin shall conceive…) casual mention (e.g., …and Adam knew his wife Eve, and she conceived…) or poetic description (e.g., Song of Solomon).

      I found that as I read the Bible to my children every night after dinner, the topic of sex came up as often in our discussions as it came up in the Bible, which was quite often, and natural discussion followed.

      If parents would read the bible to and with their children, they would get a very natural and complete sex education in a wholesome spiritual context in an age-appropriate fashion – how deep you go depends on the age of the children.

      When reading the story of Mary and Joseph a five-year-old might ask: What is a virgin? The answer might be: a woman who is not married. When a thirteen-year-old asks the question, a far more detailed answer is in order. Each parent will be the best judge of what their child is ready for, and when they are ready for it.

      But the point is this: the way to avoid awkwardness about talking about sex with your children, or not talking to them at all about it, is to let the Bible bring up the topic, and then proceed from there.

      This, of course, requires that the parents actually turn off the TV, internet, and cell phones in the evening and have consistent Bible time with the kids. We read through the Bible a couple of times as a family while the kids were growing up. They are all married now, faithful, and enjoying their marriage relationships.

  1. CrazyHappyLoved says:

    @Stephen Lynn, well said! Bible time (and having a hobby farm when my first was young) was the introduction to many sexual subjects with my little ones. The Bible does get pretty graphic at times, especially it's depictions of rape and gang rape, and I tended to summarize these sections rather than read all the details when they were quite young. And the parts of the law describing sexual perversions affected me as a preteen, introducing ideas I could have done without. So I avoided those sections until they were older. I do wonder now if it might not have been better to discuss them (mildly) at an earlier age when the yuck factor might have had a greater effect.

    On a different point by the Dean316, I am so glad that watching porn early in life didn't have a chance to poison your understanding of right and wrong. It's good that you are able to turn to the only One who can define that for us. I don't think the "industry" is focused on convincing its viewers that what is wrong is right – they are just feeding off of the desire to define it for ourselves. And without God as their authority, they don't really have a basis for determining it themselves. So anything goes, as far as they are concerned. Being saturated in that attitude can definitely warp our understanding.

    Marriage is the only relationship that God put in place for the fulfillment of our natural sexual urges with another. And the Bible tells us that it represents the relationship He wants with us on a spiritual level in many different ways, not least of which is the aspect of exclusivity. So glad that you are waiting and preparing for that special someone.

  2. MaxLoving says:

    Hi Dean. I believe you speak for many people in this day and age. Amen to what Stephen Lynn said. I was talking about this to my wife this morning, prompted by your post. When I was growing up, we didn't have the easy access to porn that the teens of today have. The most we had was Playboy if you were "lucky" enough to get a hold of a copy, and then it was pictures of naked or nearly naked women, no sex acts depicted. Not even a hard-on.

    The problem is we've allowed secular thinking to make sex and either/or topic. We either allow it to be all bad and a "dirty" topic, or we say everything goes and everything about sex is great. With a Biblical understanding, that sex is designed by God to bond two people into one flesh, it becomes clear when it is good and when it is abused as bad. Within a committed relationship, that created bond becomes a fulfillment of marriage and a strengthening of that bond. It is when that bond is created minus the commitment to fulfill it that it becomes something dirty. I actually have a post coming up on this topic, to a degree, so I'll hold off saying more. But that is one of the beautiful things about this site: kept to a committed relationship, the bond of sex becomes a wonderful act that should never be considered dirty and not talked about. How else will people know the truth of the Bible on this topic? Most certainly not from porn, which is the depiction of sex as something dirty and separate from a committed relationship. As you well know.

    Thanks for posting this thought-provoking article.

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