Dear MH, this is Dean. Some of you may know me, though I am not a well-known name around this great site. But, hey, I don’t need to be. Maybe you’ve seen me here and there on some comments in posts or a few of my own posts. So seeing as I admire this site so much and mostly trust you all, I’m gonna put this out here.
Years ago, when I was fifteen years old, I discovered pornography. It was of my own accidental doing. I won’t go into anything unwanted but suffice to say it was my introduction to sex. See, my household didn’t talk about sex. Period. Nothing — ever — at all. Now, I know why that is. I get it, but it’s something that has to be done sometime. Luckily, even though I was exposing my young mind to pornography, I didn’t get to the point where I felt I was addicted to it. Still, I did watch things that are completely sinful. It was also the first time I started masturbating. So during that time, I associated porn and masturbation together, which may not always be the case, in my current view.
Luckily, at my high school (I went to a private all-boys day and boarding school) in Year 9 (the same year I was fifteen, so 2015) my cohort had a sex ed day. It was on that day that the truth was shown to me, about porn and things, that is. I felt…I felt at a loss and angry with myself! How could I fall into such a trap so blindly and easily? Well, I thought that was all a message from the good man upstairs: my Saviour, our Saviour! So that day, I wanted to make a commitment to myself to never get into such a trap again and try to do things right, think rightly for my own sake. Luckily, I never had any bad views, thoughts or perspectives of women or anything; I like to think I see things clearly and know what’s right and wrong.
I started looking to the scriptures and seeing what the Bible says about sex from some sex-positive Christian sites (which are no longer around, btw) and I came to see that there’s more the Bible says about sex in terms of allowance than what isn’t allowed, things such as masturbation, nudity, seeing women as both people and something to admire in a sexually healthy way. Those were things that were warped by porn. I believe it paints a picture to a young person’s mind, or in fact, any person’s mind, about what the makers want you to think is real, acceptable or fact when in actuality it’s not. However, I now see those things are not only acceptable but encouraged in the right circumstances for both men and woman individually and together — in marriage. But by the grace of God, I found…
That’s right! I found this site and I gotta say it restored me and showed me the light into a better aspect of my future as a man. See, what this site has shown me, what all of you have shown me is a healthy, faithful and down to earth perspective on marriage, relationships, and sexuality. The stories, posts, and users here have helped me with that. I can see it in how you interact, encourage, and support each other here. That’s what God would want, a unification of his people. I am a nineteen-year-old young man now, trying to build a future for himself. A relationship with a godly woman isn’t in the frame yet, but I know it will be. And when the time comes, I want to approach it and her, whoever she may be, the right way. The way all of you and God would want me to.
But, hey, who am I to say that? God’s got everything mapped out for me, I’m just following on his lead. On the topic of that, I try so hard to be faithful to God. I really do, but sometimes I just drop off for whatever reason. And when I leave God, I feel like he leaves me, but I have to tell myself that he’s always here. I just gotta be there for him, too.
In conclusion, I’ve made mistakes in the past that I regret and those that had me for a while. But every day since then, I’ve been trying to stay on the right path. Plenty of times, I’ve gotten off it. But right now, I feel I’m on it again. So I want to thank God for this site, his Word, and all of you. Pray for me, that I will stick close to him and everything that’s right to do.
And if users here have children, talk to them about sex, porn, and God’s way for sex. Help them not make the same mistakes I did, for their sake and yours.
Talk to you soon,
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