Twice A Month

My wife and I have been in a relationship for almost 20 years. We have been together since we were 15. We have had ups and downs, and she has never had a high sex drive. At this point, we are only intimate about two times per month. I have tried literally everything under the sun to work on this with her and express my needs as well as give her space for her to express hers. We do love each other a heck of a lot, but am I going to live out my days in a sexless partnership? Help!

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5 replies
  1. HeSaid-SheSaid says:

    Sorry to hear. Has it been this way the whole time since you started having sex? What are your schedules like? Work load? Health? Kids? Any past trauma or abuse in her life? Has she had hormones checked? Could be any number of factors.

    I recommend listening to the podcast 'Sexy Marriage Radio' as they have talked about this topic a whole bunch. They discuss the differences in desire between spouses and the various reasons for it and how to work around it and such. Check it out.

  2. TPC says:

    I understand your fear and am thankful that you have the courage to share your concern. My recommendation would be to find a good Christian marriage counselor that is sex-positive and invite your wife to join you for a marriage tune-up. Call Focus on the Family. They can help you find a counselor in your area. I encourage you to work on being thankful that your wife is still sharing her body with you twice a month. It won't be easy but gives your marriage an opportunity to withstand this challenge while you all work with a coach. Blessings

  3. SecondMarge says:

    I believe the average frequency for middle aged couples that have been married for along time is 3-4 time a month. Usually the wife thinks they are having a lot of sex and the husband thinks they almost never have sex. But twice a month isn’t much below average. Hopefully you can come to a compromise and try increasing the number closer to what you desire.
    I know it doesn’t help but the vast plurality of men wish their partner would have more sex with them.
    Right now I would love to have even once a month.

  4. TW says:

    Twice a month isn't sexless. I would love twice a month! In our situation, it's more like twice a year – our record is six. So be thankful for the blessings of 24 times a year!

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