Boobs
MH does not believe this discussion post is meant as “wife-bashing,” but as a sincere plea for advice on how to deal with the author’s personal feelings. Please take it as such.
So, I am a boob man. I sure hope I don’t sound shallow in what I’m about to say; I’m just stating my preference.
Ever since puberty, I have had an immense appreciation for and fascination with breasts. The shape, the jiggle and bounce, the amount of nipple protruding through fabric, the soft yet firm feel of them. I remember being around the age of 13 years old and constantly eyeing up the chests of the more ‘mature’ looking girls in school; I couldn’t get enough ‘eye candy’. And I LOVE the look of a nipple that has never been nursed (I wish I had pics of my wife nipples pre-baby). Cleavage is an art form all in itself.
Now having said that, can I be honest and vulnerable with you? I’m making this post because I trust that some of you know what I am going through and can maybe relate and not judge. I am struggling with the size of my wife’s breasts. They are so darn small, she is practically flat-chested. I feel bad for not being content with her size, and I don’t know what to do to find contentment. When I first met her she was 16 and I thought she was just a late bloomer. Nope, she was full-grown already. It’s been over 30 years now, and I’m still having a hard time with it.
Don’t get me wrong, I adore and delight in her breasts any chance I get! I just wish there was a little more to them. They got a little bigger when she was nursing, but they were still pretty small. She too laments the size of them a bit, and I think she would appreciate having a bit more to show off. Heck, she doesn’t even know what it is like to have a breast jiggle when you walk, let alone move while having sex. But neither of us would be comfortable with augmentation.
On the flip side, she is quite happy to not have the issues that come with having larger breasts. But small or no breasts have their own issues as well, like bras, bathing suits, lingerie and other items of clothing that don’t fit right because they require some fullness so as not to hang loosely. Then there is body image in regards to feeling sexy and feminine. Having some more boob would likely boost her confidence in those areas. Push up and padded bras just seem so fake to the both of us.
I’m trying to be thankful for what she has, but I still feel shallow and bad when a more endowed woman passes by and I find myself longing for more. Plus I would like to help her feel better about herself, but that is also hard when I myself feel let down. Not sure what advice you can give me, but I just had to get this off my chest (I know, bad pun).
First congrats on over 30 years together. My first advice is to pray thankfully every day for the blessing of your wife and to always appreciate all she is. God made her for you.
My second comment would be related to breast augmentation. It is quite possible your wife may be interested in considering surgery but is fearful of what you or others may think. My wife similarly struggled with her size. About seven years ago she broached the idea of augmentation with me. I never brought it up with her, but when she initiated interest in pursuing, I was just supportive in helping her think through the decision not trying to influence it. She went through with the surgery and made sure to not make herself dramatically different than who she was but something she felt comfortable with and that some people may not even notice. She has been extremely happy with the decision and I have certainly enjoyed it as well. In summary, my advice is to keep the lines of communication open, and don’t suggest any dissatisfaction on your part, but if she in any way opens the door for augmentation, be open to allowing her to consider it.
I have to say, this hits close to home for me. Since high school, I've been part of the IBTC (Itty Bitty Titty Committee) and was teased for the wrinkles in my bra. I went through the first year of my military career without even putting on a bra and was flattered when my platoon sergeant required me to wear one. I literally grinned!
Needless to say, the mockery of my small breasts didn't help my self-esteem. Imagine my hurt when my husband openly admired other women's breasts, even commenting to me about them. It took many years before he was able to convince me that I was sufficient for him, that he found me sexy not despite my small breasts but because of the whole package that God made them a part of. I'm perfect just the way I am to him, despite what the culture holds up as "sexiness".
I'm not jusdging you, HS-SS. You like what you like. I just know that if my husband expressed any disappointment in my figure when I already saw myself as inadequate due to the influences around me, I'd have pretty much never felt sexy enough to really enjoy my body or unselfconsciously share its pleasures with him. You know how they say the mind is the greatest sex organ? It works in an inhibitory way as well.
The good news is that minds can be changed! I'm not suggesting that you'll ever not appreciate a lovely set of jugs, but that you can teach yourself not to feel disappointed and to see the sexiness of your wife just as she is. Just as when we meditate on God's word and it transforms us from the inside, when we purposefully tell ourselves what we want to believe, we can change the way we think. (That's why daily affirmations, visualization, EMDR, and even self-hypnosis have been utilized to help people who want to change. It's not fooling ourselves, it's retraining our minds to see what's really there and be happy with it.)
If you can see her as a sexy being with breasts that God created to be exactly the way they are as part of the whole package that you married and love, then you can help her see herself that way, too. She can grow into the self-confident, self-accepting woman you'd love for her to be. Then one day, when your head is turned by a passing set of knockers, she might just lean over and wisper, "Nice tits, huh?"
There is no shame in enjoying the aesthetics of a female figure with curves. Occasionally wishing a spouse had different attributes, whether physical or in regards to temperament, is probably near universal. Can a desire for our spouse to be different become harmful to the relationship? Certainly. Acceptance of our spouse ‘warts and all’ is a key to lifelong love. The thought of your wife with larger breasts can be a very erotic and sustaining fantasy for you both, possibly more potent than the real thing.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, one thing I have found helpful in situations like this is to very proactively adopt an attitude of Thanksgiving and realizing the upsides in a given situation. We all have limitations as people as partners and people. A tall muscular guy is great for moving furniture but not for fixing the plumbing in the crawl space, and vice versa a short guy is great for crawl spaces, not helping move the piano out of the second story apartment.
I know some flat chested women have more sensitive nipples that can really get their vulva wet when the nipples are stimulated more so than women with huge boobs that are not as sensitive. Is that your case- then be thankful. You have already mentioned some of the pluses of smaller breasts- so continue to be thankful for those.
Can you mutually take each over the moon sexually? If so, you are the definition of sexy to each other. Be thankful for that.
Both of you acknowledging to each other that yes, part of you wishes she were bigger might be ok, but then mutually reassure each other how hot you are for each other and how great sex is now with each other and continue to make choices to enhance that lovemaking.
I know this is a difficult set of emotions and desires to feel as you do. It helps to remember this, that we love our wives bodies because they house the woman we love. We love from the inside out, despite the changes that time and child bearing, and just the weight of life cause. You married in hope and expectation of larger breasts, and that is not shallow. God said in Proverbs 5, “Let her breasts satisfy you at all times.” God made us attracted to breasts, and desiring them to be what we dreamed is how God made us. See your wife as a whole, a unified person, not a separate body and person, one which you love and the other that you endure. And maybe revisit augmentation. I’ve known several women whose entire view of themselves changed to confidence and sensuality.
Being a boob man, an ass man, a legs man, etc. are all learned preferences. We are conditioned to be any one of those and, in the right environment, can receive new conditioning and learning.
It will likely take time, but your preference can change for the better of your marriage.
I don't like plastic (cosmetic) surgery either and would hate to have my wife undergo such for any reason. Fake is fake, real is real, and self-deception sucks.
You should try to focus on some other quality your wife has that supplements adequately for what she lacks. God is Just.
I am a woman who had a breast augmentation to keep my husband's interest. The medical procedure was difficult because they gave me too much anesthesia. It was painful recovering, taking care of three children. I would go through the pain again, for the sake of my children, but feel resentful I was encouraged to go under a knife so I'm "big enough" to keep him from coveting. After all, the small breasts I had were attached to the body that bore his children, cooked his meals, cleaned up after everyone, and took care of everyone when they got sick. I only can dream of a man who says, "You are soft, and hot, and your hair smells wonderful, and I can't keep my hands off you!"
That is so sad. And so wrong. I hope things work out for you.
I'm probably preaching to the choir, but remember that God often brings very specific challenges into our lives to force us to grow in very specific ways. Sometimes, and perhaps frequently, this involves growth at the deepest levels of who we are, or adjusting the preferences we hold closest. Know that, as tough as it is, God wants to do some kind of work in you through it. Humbly ask him what that is! As BAlove said, pray, be consciously and frequently grateful to God for what you DO have. Draw closer to God in every way, and ask for his work to be done in you; that's an applicable action step in any situation.
It sounds like you're both uncomfortable with the idea of enhancement, but is that mainly because of the whole process of surgery? I believe there are alternative options out there that use non-surgical means (not just fake "boob pills") that are safer and less invasive. They would take more time and effort and will probably not get results as significant as implants, but if the surgery idea is the main point of concern and you're both willing to look into alternatives, try researching them.
I get where you are coming from here. My wife is 34C so her breasts are large enough for lots of fun but not "big" by any stretch. Large breasts become saggy over time–not good. In early college, I dated a girl with very large breasts so I get it. That said, just enjoy your wife for who she is.
I had big breasts during pregnancy. Fairly average for most of my life. Neither husband complained. In fact my second could not praise them enough. I think women with small breasts are very sexy naked. But larger breasts can fill a dress nicely. Ones big enough to move when walking braless I enjoy the most. I guess my husbands preference for those influenced me. There is too big when talking about breasts for health reasons. Whatever God gave you be happy. I hope no one ever feels like they have to have augmentation surgery.
You can be sexy any size even flat chested.
I also am a boob man :thumbsup:! What you say about your fascination with boobs from a young age could have been written by me.
But unlike you, I didn't have a strong preference when it comes to size. I did and still do enjoy looking at women with all sizes and shapes of boobs. I couldn't wait to get married and have my own wife's boobs to enjoy, whatever size they were! My wife has two healthy boobs, so needless to say I am happy :-). Even though they are less than A-cup size :-).
My conscience says that I must discourage you and her from going the boob job route. (I intend no disrespect for women who have chosen that option.) Here is why: First of all, assuming her childbearing years are over, the #1 function of breasts is not the husband's enjoyment, but her enjoyment. They are very sensitive sexual organs. Cutting into them and implanting foreign objects will not increase her pleasure. If she gets surgery, she risks losing sensitivity.
Secondly, I can't imagine that they would feel any nicer to you when you rub them. I have never felt anyone but my wife, but I have felt silicone-filled artificial breasts designed to teach doctors how to manually examine breasts and detect possible cancer. They do not feel like boobs at all.
Thirdly, it isn't just a matter of paying some money and enduring a few weeks of pain. The do not last forever. Implants have a limited lifespan. You should only count on them lasting 10 years before they need to be removed or replaced. BTW, makes detecting cancer more difficult. Mammograms on women with implants require more X-rays be taken, exposing her to more radiation.
You say that push-up and padded bras look fake, and I agree! However, implants do not look real either — in many cases it is obvious that a woman has had a boob job.
The good news is that you and your wife can both learn to love her little boobs.
Size is just a preference. A preference that is, uh, largely, influenced by society. Girls with big boobs are not inherently sexier than girls with little boobs.
Don't beat yourself up for having a preference. That's OK. If you truly appreciate your wife's tits, there is nothing wrong with admiring other women's. Big ones wouldn't be as attractive if God didn't make small ones, and vice versa. For everyone, there are a lot of things about their spouse's appearance that is not their preference, but still attractive.
Some guys prefer little boobs. I sure do. Now anyway. As I said, I married a gal that is well below A-cup size :-). I was attracted to her boobs from the first time I saw her, and cannot get enough of them 40 years later. If she were to wear form-fitting clothes in public that showcases those little breasts and her big post-pregnancy nipples, I'll guarantee that she will turn as many heads as a DD-cup gal!
It is important that your wife learn to like her boobs and her overall appearance. A big factor in whether men find a woman attractive or not is whether she finds herself attractive. A woman who think she is smoking hot is going to carry herself with a confidence and bearing that attracts men.
Part of the confidence a sexy woman has is knowing that she knows her way around a man's body and is a good lover. If your wife wants to do something to make herself more attractive to you, why not learn to be an expert at fellatio? Do Kegel exercises to make her vagina tight for you (it will make sex better for her too). Go to the gym and keep herself toned and in shape.
Does she have a pretty face and hair? For me, there is nothing more important than how a girl's face and hair looks. If she is pretty above the neck, whatever she has below the neck is fine. If her face is not pretty, no amount of sexiness below the neck will make up for it.
There are advantages to small boobs. They are sensitive. My wife loves for me to rub them and suck her nipples. Thirty years into marriage, they still looked like they did when she was a teenager. Time can work to your advantage. Now, 40 years into our marriage, they actually look better. Gravity has had its effect over the years, and they now gracefully hang down just a bit. She is still just as small as ever, but more rounded and less flat-chested. I am so lucky!
Why not make it a point to enjoy her boobs more? Compliment her on what you do like about them. How nice they feel. That they are still youthful in their appearance. Take extra time to enjoy them when you make love. We do intermammary intercourse. She lies on her side and I rub my penis on her chest between them. I cum, then rub the semen over them — there is more than enough to cover them! It hasn't made them any bigger 😆
View them in different positions. Lying on her back with her hands over her head might look very different than when she is kneeling down on all fours. Have a photo session! Find a place outdoors where you won't be seen and follow the photo session up with sex.
Thank God for them. The more you show appreciation for His creation, the more you will like them. Her boobs are unique — His special gift to you. No one else has tits exactly like hers.
And remember their most important feature — the thing you like best about her boobs. They are attached to her!
I completely relate to this story. My wife had small, but nicely shaped breasts when we got married, but then after nursing they became deflated. I would never have brought up the idea of augmentation, but she ended up bringing it up to me. A friend had shared that she went through the procedure. I wasn't excited at the risk or cost, but I did warm up to the idea, especially since we had a good referral to a doctor that was safe and got good results. It was scary for her and I was gently supportive, but in the end we both agree it was a great decision. It gave her such confidence and it renewed our passion. She felt much more comfortable to dress in sexy lingerie for me in the bedroom and we both felt a dramatic improvement in our intimacy. She even got boudoir photos taken for me and that was an amazing experience for her to feel absolutely beautiful and me to enjoy her beauty. I think it is worth revisiting the idea of augmentation if she seems interested.
"The secret to happiness is to admire without desiring." (Carl Sandburg)
You posted this almost 2 years ago, but after 30 years of marriage, I'm sure that you are still together and that this is a persistent issue on which you are seeking a variety of viewpoints, so perhaps this comment is still timely.
There's nothing wrong with admiring the shape of another woman, as long as your wife knows that you are merely admiring and not desiring, and as long as that is what you are doing (admiring, not desiring). As for somewhere deep down wishing your wife had more, that's a problem.
I heard a story once of a husband who asked his wife if there was anything she wished was different about him, and she said that she loved him but listed a few physical characteristics or behaviors in which she wished he was at least slightly different. He accepted her reply and thanked her for her honesty. She then asked him the same question – if there was anything he wished was different about her. He replied that he would not change one single thing about her, because if anything was different, she wouldn't be the woman with whom he was still so madly in love. She felt shallow and superficial, as you indicate you do. My recommendation is to take the attitude of the husband in this story, not the wife. Right now, or at least when you created this posting, you had the wrong attitude about your wife's breast size. Well, not wrong, but not in your best interest, nor hers.
As to her attitude about her breasts, there isn't much you can do, other than to praise her for them, which you do. Keep the other thoughts, anything negative or wishing they were bigger, to yourself. Don't lie about it; just leave the wishing-they-were-different thoughts completely unstated. It's unlikely at this stage of life that she will ever abandon her persistent insecurity about them that likely began in adolescence. However, she probably cares a lot less now than when she was 15 or 20 years old. The intensity of such feelings fades over time, even if it never goes away.
I have some relevant experience. My first wife was large-breasted and developed early, and she told me all of the disadvantages, especially unwelcome and unwanted attention from persistent men. My second and forever future wife has small breasts, and they're perfect because they are part of her. She had some insecurity about their size when she was growing up and in her 20s, but she got over it. Some do and some don't. Again, my advice to you is to focus on what you do like about her, not what you wish was different.
I wish my penis was larger. My first wife certainly wished it was also. It's actually very small, and ineffective for pleasurable physical stimulation during penetrative intercourse. I didn't have a problem with her admiring a large bulge in a man's pants, enjoying a well-hung male stripper's show at a bachelorette party, or delighting in the knowledge that one of her friends had a husband or boyfriend who was well endowed. However, it became a problem when she wanted to know if bigger would be better for her, and she decided to sample the forbidden fruit of sex with larger men. Setting aside her "forsaking all others" promise, she indulged her desire, and decided that a larger penis wasn't a wish for her, but rather a need. She ended the marriage, and told me it was a definite factor.
While driving through Ohio, I saw this lettering on a church sign: "Forbidden Fruit Makes Many Jams." Take it to heart.