Where To Find Christian AVE?
Preface: This discussion isn’t about the morality of audiovisual erotica. That has been discussed multiple times in other posts in the last few days. This is a question specifically for those who do not find it problematic and use it in their life.
So, there has been a lot of discussion lately about the use of audio/visual erotica (AVE). So this is my super blunt question and its only for those who support such a thing.
What means do you use to find actual AVE, especially between a (preferably Christian) married couple? What is it that you do to avoid all the garbage on most pornographic sites in order to find something that is appropriate to watch?
[From MH: We are allowing the question, but will not post links to other sites. Neither does MH make any recommendations for sources, since we are aware of none that limit themselves to biblical monogamy.]
It’s a good question. The Liturgists just had a podcast about porn, and the hosts landed in different places. But the consensus was that it’s important that you are consuming porn that women are not exploited. This doesn’t just mean big things like sex-trafficking…. it’s also as simple as getting paid fairly. So there is a NEED I believe for someone to create a subscription-based married-only Porn site… even better if it was Christian marrieds only. It could be a very lucrative business opportunity while also serving an audience that cares about ethics. •• Until that day, I think the best we can do is narrow our searches when visiting various porn sites. Use terms like “wife” “married” “husband” – which doesn’t rule out non-married couples, but does give a better chance it will be a married couple.
I think, at the current place the Evangelical Church is at, the likelihood of there arising a Christian AVE site is not too good. I heard of one couple who tried uploading their personal marriage sex videos onto a site and when the Church members where they attended caught wind of it the Pastor asked them to leave the Church. I think such a scenario is still likely to repeat itself in many instances. I believe, because virtually all Christians watch porn from time to time, that eventually the negativity that surrounds the issue will resolve. If the majority of believers occasionally watch porn but say they don't it's going to take a huge number of believers to say "Yes, I watch the milder/couples oriented AVE, and my wife and I enjoy it and don't believe it compromises our walk with Christ." When that begins to happen more and more then I think we'll find Christian AVE sites springing up all over the Net.
We watch a small amount of it, but our personal standards are:
1) Avoid all videos that demean either the man or woman.
2) Avoid all videos that portray sex with what looks like children.
3) Avoid all videos that appear to be forcing a woman to do something that is hurting her or causing her pain that she doesn't want. (Some women like some pain, so I'm not referring to those sites. BDSM is becoming a huge favorite for many couples and the pain caused can either be truly awful or just a light amount of enjoyable pain, such as gentle butt slapping, etc.)
4) Avoid gang sex, orgies, multiple people having sex together.
5) Avoid all sex with animals.
6) Avoid all sex that mocks the wrongness of fornication and adultery. (I'm sure much of the AVE that shows couples represents fornication but generally it isn't possible to be certain, and as long as they aren't mocking God's standards of moral purity as related to fornication I don't make a big deal out of it. That's just me…)
7) Avoid all sex that represents illegal forms of sex, I.e. sex in public places, unsolicited voyeurism (ie. upskirt), rape, prostitution, etc.
8) Avoid all sex that intentionally mocks God, I.e. sex with nuns and priests, etc.
9) Principally enjoy videos that depict a couple enjoying sex that doesn't include the above 8 areas. There is a ton of it out there…it just takes turning away from the videos you feel uncomfortable with and enjoying the ones you feel comfortable with.
Each person has their personal sets of standards…you will find your comfort zones, but I throw these out because they are the areas that make my spirit uncomfortable. If you like a small amount of plot, rather than just pump and grind, then softcore is often nice. These rarely show genitals but the sexy element is strong. We actually get weary of seeing genitals depicted in videos because they rarely have any plot to them and it just becomes same-o-same-o after awhile. I'm sure others feel differently…
Hope this helps a little…if not…you will find your own preferences…
How do you suppose that "…the Church members where they attended caught wind of it"?
Not commenting on the right or wrong of the couple's actions, but the most likely way this became known was someone in the church was on the same site. Oh the ironic double standard!
Yes there is a big double standard. But here’s my HOWEVER…. Folks who upload videos of their sexual relations are likely exhibitionists — they get turned on at the idea of being seen. And sometimes that mindset leads that couple to have loose lips about their activities. Remember they LIKE showing off a bit. So it’s not always about someone else being on that site. Just a different perspective— but I agree with your point about a double standard!!
Booted out of a church huh? That's unfortunate. I've heard of people not allowed into a church service because of the type of clothes they were wearing, and then those people decided to never go to a church ever again because of that. Legalism is far reaching. Fact is, we have fallen short of the glory of God, yet Jesus died to cover up all our sins. In my home church there are alcoholics, drug addicts, adulterers, and more. Our job is to love them the way Christ loves us. We fall short though because we are not Christ, yet, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I believe porn is porn, so if it’s wrong to watch mainstream porn then I believe it’s wrong to watch any porn. Porn has proven to be habit-forming and some deem it a public health issue. I tend to agree because I've been addicted to porn and served in the military with others who were as well. Some of them were so addicted to it that they would not stop using military computers to watch it, and one who was at his 19-year mark was kicked out and lost his retirement because of it.
Sex is sacred and should remain sacred. Erotica such as MH does not give you an image to replace your spouse with, but mainstream porn does, and people become fixated on a starlet or star and substitute them for their spouse. It also creates unrealistic expectations for a spouse to do things they’re not wanting to do. Young people going into a marriage may think one thing is perfectly normal, while their new spouse could be creeped out over it.
That’s my opinion and my experience too.