My Wife’s 10 Rules for Married Sex

My wife and her female colleagues at work often talk about sex. They’re all about the same age, early to late 40s, but there are a few women in their 30s. All of them are wives and moms. The conversations can get very personal, and it’s not uncommon for several of the women to come to my wife for sex advice, as there’s a prevailing (and accurate) perception that we have an exciting sex life.

My wife shares much of what they talk about with me. The most common topic of angst and discussion: Most of the women don’t desire sex nearly as much as their husbands do, especially the women in their mid to late 40s. Other themes have emerged, too. Although all of the women give their husbands blowjobs, about half of them are repulsed by cum and won’t swallow despite their husbands’ pleas to do so. Also, about half never orgasm during sex, and their husbands also only rarely perform oral sex on them—and yet all are under pressure to generously give blowjobs. All of the wives masturbate, some more frequently than others; for some, masturbation is the only way they orgasm. Sex toys are a frequent topic of discussion.

My wife’s advice to her friends over the years has been consistent and out of it, I think, 10 great principles for healthy married sex have emerged. These are from my wife and me, and I want to share them (in no particular order):

In a healthy marriage, sex should be frequent—quantity matters. Our approach to frequency is that sex is sometimes scheduled, occasionally obligatory to meet the other spouse’s need if you’re tired or not in the mood, and at least once a week, ravenously exciting. We have lived by this code for 21 years. I would say 1/3 of the sex we have is scheduled, 1/3 “maintenance” (quickies/obligatory), and 1/3 incredibly exciting (usually saved for the weekends). We typically have sex 5-7 times per week, including some “double days” on the weekends. That includes “oral-only” sessions. A typical week for us:

Sunday night: Scheduled/quicky (occasionally Sunday morning, too)

Monday: Off (both tired)

Tuesday night: Scheduled/about 10-20 minutes (typically use a vibrator during intercourse to ensure she orgasms)

Wednesday night: Maintenance/quicky

Thursday night: Scheduled/about 10-20 minutes

Friday night: Big session (1-2 hours)

Saturday: Quicky in the morning (15 minutes); big session in the evening (1-2 hours)

Oral sex is a two-way street and should almost always be 50/50. A good wife sucks her husband’s cock, and a good husband devours his wife’s pussy. There should never be instances of a husband getting a blowjob and not returning the favor, and vice versa—unless it’s that time of the month for a wife, and she’s doing her man a favor.

Savor your spouse’s orgasmic juices. As a wife is orgasming, a good husband should lick her wetness, taste it. Go deeply with his tongue. Swallow her nectar. Make her cum again. Kiss her immediately afterward (my wife loves that.) By the same token, a good wife relishes her husband’s semen. This reminds me of a Q&A about my cum, captured on a sex tape we shot together only a few weeks ago as Lauren was giving me a blowjob. In the throes of pleasure, I asked her if she wanted my cum. She said “yeah.” Eager for naughty talk, I asked why she wanted it. “It’s from you,” she replied. “It tells me I made you feel good. It’s salty—I love salty. It’s warm…messy. Sometimes pungent. Feels good filling my mouth and going down my throat.” I then asked her if she likes big loads or smaller loads. She smiled, giggled, and answered, “Definitely big loads.” Then the kicker: “Feed me.” And I did.

For wives only: Occasionally sexually submit to your man. Let him have his way with you. If you consider yourself a strong, independent woman (as my wife does), then sexual submission is an act of confidence. My wife greatly enjoys, at times, letting me have my way with her, such as fucking her really hard and deep in doggy-style position while I spank her ass cheeks. By the same token, she has at times enjoyed handcuffing me and riding me hard. Don’t get me wrong: Sex for us is typically 50/50, but there are times when Lauren wants to submit and just get hammered. About sexual submission, she has told me, “I love to feel like your woman.”

Don’t be ashamed of any part of your body. Every part of you is beautiful. Let your spouse fully experience your body.

So long as it’s consensual and between a husband and wife, do it (but only if you both desire it). We will be the first to admit that with this rule, we have occasionally pushed the boundaries perhaps too far, such as with exhibitionism, our camera, use of toys meant to simulate group sex, and one or two other very naughty things we did in previous years. We have learned as we’ve gone, and for us, the key to exploring boundaries is talking them over first.

Every woman needs a good vibrator, and some need a dildo, too. Not much else to say. We own three vibrators and two dildos. We use them together, and she enjoys using them alone, as well. It is so fun to press her wand vibrator against her clit and watch her pleasure!

Don’t be afraid of anal pleasure. Deep down, most women want it. This one admittedly isn’t for every couple. It took us years to fully experiment with anal. Lauren enjoys it more than I do. It’s not super frequent for us, but there are times when we go all-in with anal (so to speak).

Masturbation shouldn’t be hidden from each other, and it’s not a replacement for sex. We have always been rather open about masturbation. My wife’s view on self-pleasure is that it’s not a replacement for sex; it fulfills its own purposes. As much as we enjoy sexual intimacy, there are times when she wants to pleasure herself with a vibrator or her fingers, and quite honestly, it’s that way with me, too. We also use it in foreplay. I would say 100% of sessions between us involve masturbation to tease each other during foreplay. Every single female friend of hers masturbates, but only a few are open about with their husbands.

A woman’s pussy is a temple. It is beautiful and should be kept as such. This one may cause controversy, but my wife often counsels her friends to keep their pussies well-groomed. A woman doesn’t have to shave her pussy bald as my wife does, but she should keep it in order for her man. By the way, she absolutely applies this rule to husbands, too. She would not suck my cock the way she does if I were a hairy beast down there.

If you have other ideas to add or a different take on one of these suggestions, the comments are open. -MH

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14 replies
  1. southernmost says:

    Yes, there is a bit of controversy in the last one. I don't think people ought to shave for their partner. If they want to, then great. But if they don't, then the other should accept that. If you partner does have an issue with it, then doesn't this go against the very rule number 5 above?

    We grow pubic hair anyways to cushion the impact of sex, and in my opinion it looks beautiful on both a man and a woman. And penises are temples too! Often the way men see their penis is how they see themselves and we as men should celebrate our penises! And if it's a hairy penis then it's a temple with lots of plants! And what woman doesn't like plants around her house?

  2. LovingMan says:

    Lots of good advice here. I agree with a lot of it. I would emphasize where you said that so long as it is consensual with both husband and wife…

    I do want to mention that some things will be a NO for some spouses and that the other spouse must accept that. Yet being willing to try some new things can truly add to your mutual pleasure and joy as a couple over the years! Introducing a vibrator for instance (as you recommended) was a great idea for us! We now have several vibrators and etc.

    I also liked the advice to not be ashamed of any part of your body.

    We would agree with southernmost in that pubic hair does not need to be shaved. Yet we recognize that some couples like it shaved.

    Finally, although it may not be necessary for some couples, quantity matters to us! But every couple is different. Many couples are very satisfied with sex once a week. Although we would not be satisfied with that much sex, many couples are. And again, every couple must figure it out together. We have found that a sex schedule is helpful. Yet we also have some great off-schedule lovemaking sessions as well!

    • MarriedtoaHotBabe says:

      Well said! On quantity, I agree—good quantity for some couples is once per week. For us, it’s amongst daily. Every couple has different needs.

  3. JuicyForMyMan says:

    I was a wife who hid masturbation from my husband initially. I would finish myself off if he finished and fell asleep and he never knew. Then, one day, I decided I was going to let him “catch” me doing it. It opened up a good discussion about how I’d been feeling left out, and he took more care to be sure I came as well.

    • MarriedtoaHotBabe says:

      When we first got married, Lauren was a little shy about masturbation but once she saw me do it the flood gates opened and it's been very much a part of our sex life since then.

  4. Honeymooners says:

    Despite a few disagreements with some points, I love this post, especially the part about submitting. Sometimes I like to submit and let my husband do whatever he wants—within reason, of course. It turns us on.

  5. Giants05 says:

    Love this and so did my wife. Quantity is so important, we so agree. We have definitely evolved in the last 6 months from once a week to at least 4 times a week of sex and at least another night of watching each other masturbate..doing oral..etc. The more we see each other enjoying something, the more we want to do it.

    We have scheduled Sunday nights (something we started doing 6 wks or so) where we have the little one in bed super early and join each other in bed. She's usually already in bed in either something super sexy or nothing at all.

    We have learned the more we express something that makes each other super hot, the more confidence we both get—especially her.

    I always say not to be ashamed of any part of your body; I love that rule. The anal certainly so ties into this. We started playing with anal a few months back and she loves it. It got me so attracted to her ass even more than I was and gave her a HUGE confidence boost w/ her ass. She is a little thicker, and she always was self-conscious of her ass, but I always loved it. She started wearing a thong here and there on occasion (now, that's all she wears) and she realized how hot it got me, so it got her so much more comfortable where now she knows she looks great in anything.

    Great point w the grooming as well. It def gives the ladies confidence to be well groomed as well as a turn on to the guys.

    Lots of points and rules we can relate to.

    • MarriedtoaHotBabe says:

      Thanks! On anal, admittedly I am not totally comfortable with it but my wife enjoys it. We are still figuring our way out on it but we haven’t done anything with anal in a while as she knows it’s not something I am totally OK with. It “feels” good to me but no where near as much as intercourse or oral sex. For her, she loves anal penetration especially when paired with simultaneous vaginal penetration (yep, DP).

    • Giants05 says:

      You and Lauren are def inspiration for me and my wife. We just started playing w DP and it drives her wild. Just bought her her first dildo recently and just this morning she wanted it up her ass while I we had sex …she told me she never had an orgasm that intense. Got me super turned on she was so turned on. I never had that hard of an orgasm either nor came that much.

  6. 1blessedman says:

    The stated rules are wonderful for the couple that chooses them as their sexual path. Others may choose to alter them in some way and find an equal amount of happiness. I believe the underlying theme is a selfless attitude. Brother Paul encouraged the Christians in Galatia concerning the fruits of the spirit. (Galatians 5) If we consider our spouse as more important than ourselves, then their sexual pleasure will be most important. In a covenant union in which both individuals hold such an ideology dear, joy and peace and harmony will abound. When selfishness enters the picture, disharmony is introduced.
    Why should I care if my wife will not swallow? Maybe someone likes their mate looking like Chewbacca down there. There is some reasonableness as it concerns cleanliness. No one wants to lick a dirty backside… well… no one should be licking a dirty backside. The point being that tidying up and offering fresh and inviting genitalia is a good practice. That said, much of life is preferences. In our sexual unions, whose preferences reign supreme? And why?

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