How can I help my wife take my whole length?

Hello,

Saw a few people giving advice and thought someone might be able to help me.

I can not seem to ever get my whole length into my wife while we are having sex. I have tried multiple positions and some different lubes. I have eaten her to full orgasm to make sure she was very aroused, but no matter what, when I try and push into her fully, she says it hurts. I have always thought I might be a little bigger, but I never thought I was big enough to hurt someone.

Has anyone else ever had similar problems? What have you done to fix it.

It is very frustrating that I can not get into just having sex and have to focus on not putting too much of myself inside of her so as to not hurt her.

Thanks.

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18 replies
  1. Fearless Lunk says:

    I think my answer would be the same as someone who posts the Q: “My bank account is so big I just don’t know how to spend it all, can you help?” a) No I can’t help. b) Seems like an unnecessary objective. c) I’m sure you’ll figure it out. 😁

  2. CrazyHappyLoved says:

    Okay, let me preface this response by saying that my hubby is moderately larger that "book" average (which I doubt the accuracy of for several reasons.) I have no trouble taking his entire length, /but/ we do like to use larger dildos sometimes. I've noticed that, as I've aged, things don't seem to be as elastic inside as they once were. But one thing that helps is raising my hands over my head, even letting my head and arms hand over the side of the bed. This seems to let internal organs shift higher and out of the way.

    You don't mention a major height or size discrepancy between you two, but it's possible that she just doesn't have the room inside to stretch further and accommodate you. While it's not for everyone, you might consider investigating anal sex if she were in agreement, especially if only length and not girth causes the discomfort. You'd still need to be careful, maybe more so, but she might be able to take your entire length that way.

    Another possibility, since you don't think you are outrageously big, is that she might be suffering with vaginismus. For some women, this means inserting anything in their vagina, like a tampon or vibrator, causes pain while others only feel it during sex. This problem seems to be linked to anxiety and tension, but there's a chicken/egg question with that. Still, because you say it's only at full insertion that the pain occurs, it seems more likely that it's a physical issue.

    Could it be her uterus is low in the birth canal and gets hit with deep strokes? This is called uterine prolapse, and it isn't always visible. Many things can cause the muscles and tissues that support the uterus to weaken, like childbirth, aging, smoking, straining from constipation, or even the build-up of visceral adipose tissue. I'd certainly recommend looking it up online, and if it seems likely to be part of the problem, she could address the issue with her OB/GYN; there are treatments. But as a quick fix or a way to test if banging the cervix is what's causing the pain, here's what I suggest:

    Try having sex from behind in a modified spooning position. You lift and support her upper leg and let her roll forward slightly while you roll back to change the angle of insertion, with the goal being that the head of your penis finds a spot between the cervix and the wall of her vagina—a side pocket, if you will. (I, for one, find that point pleasantly sensitive.) If this is more comfortable for her, you may have found both the problem and a partial, temporary solution.

    Another potential cervix-avoiding position would be with her FDAU (face down, ass up) with you angling your body to the right-front or left-front, maybe with that knee raised to balance and maintain the angle better. She might shift her hips to the same side to help find just the right spot for her comfort.

    You only mention your own frustration, but I'm sure your wife wishes she could enjoy all of you, too. I hope this helps.

    🧡, CHL

    • CreamyPatty says:

      Great reply CHL! Jim and I don't have that problem but after reading your response we are going to try one of the positions you suggested! 🙂
      Keep up the hot Lovin'

  3. LovingMan says:

    So maybe you are bigger than many men or she has a shorter than average vagina. CHL made a good suggestion to try sex from behind like doggy style. My wife enjoys the head down buns up kneeling position. I’m significantly larger than average so there are times she has asked me to not bang her so deeply because I was hurting her cervix. Surprisingly sometimes she WANTS the pounding sex – but usually in doggy style. So in any sex position I’ve learned to be more careful and enjoy the penetration depth I DO get to have.

  4. FunJames says:

    All I can say is keep working on it. Hope she has seen her OBGYN to ensure she has no physiological issues. When Patty and I were first married, she was not able to take all of me, so she preferred riding me from the top position for control. There's good news: now she begs for me to bang her as deep and hard as I can, and she still sits reverse cowgirl on me in order to take me as deep as possible.
    Funny thing is, when at first she couldn't take all of me during intercourse she WAS able to deep throat me (Thanks, God) from day one! Tell me I'm not lucky! 🙂

    • LovingMan says:

      You are blessed! All of us are blessed who have a happy and fulfilling sexual relationship with our spouse that is filled with love too!

  5. standerson says:

    It might take a long time to get her aroused enough to take your length, just getting her to one orgasm may not be enough. Take your time with her. As a women gets aroused, her vaginal canal lengthens. Try getting her to orgasm with your fingers and/or your mouth, maybe avoiding intercourse the first couple of times. Go slow, be gentle and caring. When we were first married, we had the same problem. Sometimes it would take up to an hour of foreplay before she could take my entire length. Good luck and go slow.

  6. Rwoac24j says:

    Thanks for all the information and suggestions. I had my wife measure me. I was about 7-1/2" when measuring across the top of my penis. Not sure if that is the correct way or not…I have suggested and tried anal. I tried to get her loosed up with my finger while giving her oral to get her warmed up as it were. Then used lots of lube and was able to get my head in, but she could barely take that and said it hurt too much to keep going. I will try some of these other suggestions tips and see if anything else will work. And other thoughts and ideas are welcome.

    • NorthernExposure says:

      So I'm 8" long. I'm also 6'4 and my wife is 5'2". We had trouble the first few times we had sex with her taking my full length. She admitted the first time she saw me naked and the first few blowjobs she gave me that she was nervous about taking the whole thing the first time we had sex. I think it was like the 4th time we were really into it, very passionate and I went all the way in with no problem. She likes to call that our real first time. She said her nerves were gone and she wasn't thinking about it. She thinks that's what really did it.

      We still have this issue occasionally. Our height difference just takes certain positions off the table. We've found the best position when we are struggling is her on her side at a 90-degree angle with me on my side. Then she puts one leg between mine and it's basically a rear entry. Then we can easily move to missionary or a modified doggy style. More often than not we'll just stay in that position though.

    • SecondMarge says:

      Can’t imagine taking all of an 8” cock in any hole. Must take a magician to take all of it in her mouth, and sedation to take it anally.

    • NorthernExposure says:

      My wife doesn't deep throat and only takes me halfway at most during blowjobs. We've only tried anal a couple of times and never much past the tip. As I said, PIV took some adjustments, but honestly our height difference is the bigger obstacle.

  7. oldmarriedcouple says:

    Like everyone else has said, the first thing to do is make sure your wife has no actual physical situations that may prevent your full insertion or that may cause her undue discomfort. After that is off the list, I guess I would suggest some very 'one-sided' therapy to see if more relaxation is needed, both mentally and physically. So if you haven't tried this before, I would suggest setting a very relaxing environment for whatever pleases your wife (level of room lighting, soft, classical music). You could then start with a whole body massage, but the focus would be to eventually perform a slow, sensual massage of her vulva and outer female anatomy, gradually working your way inside. Use plenty of coconut oil (we think its the best lubricant). You could try using your fingers to explore and arouse her, adding more fingers slowly to see how many and how deep you can go. Of course, careful and gentle is the way to go. You could simply serve her needs (hence the 'one-sided therapy' description). I would even say, if she responds well to this and wants to orgasm, let her enjoy that without any pressure to try anything further. If everything goes well, I would do that for a few times and slowly work up to attempting full insertion. Being caring and unselfish is the key to great marriage and great sex. Hope you can find something that works for you and your wife.

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