My Brain is Wrestling Nonstop
My wife and I have a great marriage—always a work in progress, of course. We both love the Lord with all our hearts, minds, body, and soul. We are healthy, fit, and both work in the athletic world. We communicate well most of the time with a few glitches here and there, hence the reason for mentioning our fitness background: issue #1 is a fitness issue; #2 is as well but in a totally different arena.Currently, we have two pesky issues:1. I went through therapy for my knee, during which I relearned a great deal about the stabilizing structure and how to strengthen and maintain the entire area. Now my wife has issues with her hip popping out when making love on occasion. I mentioned that my work on the area surrounding my knee has created a much more stable leg, even with all my crazy movements. I asked if she had thought about doing the same for her hip. By her response, you’d have thought I’d asked her if I could spend a million bucks on a crazy venture! Has anyone had the hip issue? What did you do to fix it? Or if you have a spouse with a similar issue, how did you discuss it with them? Were the two of you able to get it fixed?2. Early on in our marriage, my wife was way more adventurous than me. Over time it balanced out. I have read many posts here, and yes, I get that life happens and changes come and go. My wife and I are normally good at seeing eye to eye on things. In the early years, she introduced play that was a bit controversial to me, but she is my wife, and I trust her. It felt amazing, and not only because it was new; it is actually amazing because the orgasms are mind-blowingly massive and multi. As time has gone by, we do less and less of that type of play. It is by far the most massively multi-orgasmic thing for me, and my wife still admits that it adds more to her orgasms than anything additional we do. But things have changed dramatically. (I know, the old time-and-change thing…) How so? We make love mostly one way with some good, pretty good, and the occasional PTL-it’s-amazing orgasms! We play with variety here and there but are nowhere near the multiorgasms or the number of orgasms. I hear someone typing now—”You are older, you are slowing down, you will not have as many…”—but it is not true when we do what we know works the best.Here we are in the present day; my wife once again wants to introduce something new into our sex life. Wonderful! The catch is this: she has introduced new things before that are off-the-charts incredible but now shows no interest in them. I love that she wants to do something new. We’ve never done it. Not something even on my radar to do. I’m willing, but… aw heck, I am apprehensive that, yes, I will probably like it, and she will piddle out on me yet again.
I know, I know: my wife is awesome, and I am a very blessed husband. But I am also a person who does not like discovering amazing things with the one I love only to no longer or extremely seldom do them again. I do not want to quash her interest at all; I do not even want to give her a hint of my apprehension. The reason for the post is that my brain is wrestling nonstop. I just need someone to talk to. Thanks, everyone, for listening. I appreciate any interjection. Maybe it will help my brain settle it.Oh, here is where the first ties into the second issue. When I have brought up if we could reignite more of the past sex play, I get that same reaction as if I’d asked her if I could blow a million bucks on a crazy venture. It’s so weird because we talk so openly about most everything, and these past sexual things were at her bidding, not mine. I didn’t know anyone did the things she’s done. I don’t get it.
Hello FOLM! Thanks for sharing, but I don’t know what to say. It sounds like you are asking for advice, but you never quite go there. And the details are so vague it’s not easy to offer a helpful thought. I would just say, if a wizard told me to choose between (A) you can have the most delicious burger ever – but you can only have it once – then you can have 300 mediocre burgers, or (B) never eat any burgers ever… I would take A 100 times out of 100. Enjoy the ride, even if it’s short. Your wife sounds adventurous, so if she gets board with the hot/sexy play, by hunch is she’ll soon be introducing a new idea. Go with it, man! Many husbands would give their left nut to have a wife that adventurous!
What Fearless Lunk said. I agree with him.
I’m going to tell you that if sex were a date night with your wife to a nice restaurant or buffet – that rotates the menu… then you should try to enjoy what’s on the menu that night.
If there is an especially good dish one night you need to not expect it every night. For us those special dishes usually “cum” around again at some point. And remember that it’s a NICE restaurant so all the dishes are excellent!
My wife has become more adventurous over the years of our 30 year marriage. Like you two, we both especially enjoy role-play sex. But we only have that sexual dish a few times a year. But I’m happy with that because it is such a delicious dish… if ya know what I mean.
My wife also has confided to me that sometimes she is reluctant to instigate something new and kinky because she has found that I then want it every time. So really, I have learned to be happy with what’s on the menu… so she will ADD those surprise dishes to our “cafe of love!”
We still sometimes discover new big kinky things to do and also little ways to please each other sexually. I strive to be satisfied with what is on the sex menu and that means I pray for both of us to be satisfied and happy with each sexual encounter. If I get so I want & demand the ultra-kinky things all the time then my Melody won’t be willing to do them – or introduce new kinky things.
Finally, some of what we do on a regular sex session would probably be considered ultra kinky to some people. But of course we only care about sexually pleasing each other as we are pleased by them.
Interesting post, if lacking in questions/details. By day I teach yoga, and I know that hips tend to be the seat of our emotions/emotional pain, especially in women! This may be why your wife has issues and is reluctant to have the area worked on. It may also be the route of the sexual decline, if there is one; it's hard to assess from your post. I think all you can do for now is go with the flow. Asking questions is reasonable, but go gently, especially if she is on the defensive. Vary your own technique (sexual and otherwise). While we can't change other people, we can always change our reactions to what they say and do, which could help. Finally, if you are open to adventure, then go with that too; to attempt something is always better than not to try, even if it only happens once. You usually don't regret what you do in life, only what you don't! Wishing you the best.
First, having a wife that is willing to explore some sexy things is amazing.
Second, I get that you would love to make some of them a regular thing.
Third, I’m in no way qualified to give you any marital advice, but if so much of your life is amazing, maybe you could change your approach when you bring up the past sexy things. Praise her for being willing to explore. Thank her for being so open with you, and so willing to try new things.
Last, whatever it is she wants to try now…just go for it. Then maybe she’ll be will to try something you might like.
I second Fearless' comment. Wasn't sure how to reply either after reading, but I think he hit the nail on the head. Be ecstatic with what you've got and enjoy the next adventure. I will say I think all of us readers really want to know details of these crazy, sexy ideas she comes up with if you care to share!
Hear, hear! Do tell!
Thanks HH. And I agree, we want the DEETS!!
FOLM, your post reminds me of issues my wife and I have experienced in our own way. (The adventure part, not the hip. Sorry!) We like to think that, moral questions aside, sexual decisions in marriage are as easy as "Do you want to do it, or don't you?" But it's not always that simple. For what it's worth, I love it that you're wrestling with the question. I think it's a worthwhile struggle.
Can I offer an opinion? I suspect the person who most needs to hear about your internal conflict is actually your wife. I know, you've already said you don't want to give her any hint of your apprehension. And I can imagine why — you risk hurting her feelings, sounding like a jerk, or sabotaging any chances of doing … whatever the mysterious new activity is 🙂
Here's my case, though. You let her into your brain, you tell her the truth that the new sex thing sounds fun but you're afraid she'll quit just when you're getting into it… and yes, you can't predict or control her response. But now you're more naked than before, more exposed to your wife. Which is terrifying, but whatever happens next, you and she know each other better than before. That's fertile ground for intimacy, which for reasons I can't explain usually leads to better, hotter, more bone-shaking and wild-eyed sex.
I'm still trying to get good at this in my own marriage. I have a bad habit of trying to curate for my wife how much of my mind she sees, letting myself believe I can control sexual outcomes this way. Especially if my thoughts are critical of her in any way. But time and again, the real sexual payoff comes when I drop my mental defenses and let her in.
FWIW …
You mentioned that your wife introduced certain sex practices years ago that were 'mind-blowing", but for some reason abandoned them. The 'details' would be intriguing (and exciting) to hear as well.
Now the same opportunity is offered again, only several years later. Just my humble opinion: I would welcome the new experiences, but if both of you enjoy them, I would make sure your wife definitely knew your level of enthusiasm. And before the new set of 'passionate practice' grew too old, you could request that these new ideas become part of your regular 'rotation' of lovemaking events. I wouldn't complain about the old ones being abandoned (she might take it wrong and stop the new ones altogether or resent if you bring up things that she has changed her mind about.) Some of that is for you and her to work out, of course, but by making your desires known to keep the new ideas as a more regular practice, maybe she'd agree to do that.
It's like my wife and I have a kind of rotation where sometimes we have sex in our master bath Jacuzzi tub, sometimes we use my massage skills as a 'jumpstart'. We vary it up but don't go back to the same 'wild' stuff every week (although I would be okay with more of a regular scheduled sexual calendar :).
Your wife must know you're going to enjoy her ideas, or she wouldn't bring up the new stuff. As I have mentioned in my stories, I enjoy my wife's talented touch on me and she has discovered how to really get me going in specific ways, and now she uses those exquisite practices pretty regularly almost every time we make love. Hopefully, the same can come to fruition for you both!