When the Mood Strikes
Jim and I were discussing, honestly, just how often the “making-love urge” strikes us and when and why it does.
Yeah, read the last line again, it’s important.
So, after a couple hours of discussion on this subject, fully dressed by the way, we agreed that being candid about details involving our sexual needs and wants and the timing of our urges is interesting and important to know.
This is not really about how often we screw or please each other orally with a quickie, but rather about how often we organically desire sex and when.
So, what’s your thing? How often do each of you desire sex, and are you usually in sync with your urges? If not, how do you approach that scenario?
I believe it’s safe to say we often have sexual urges with our spouses when they may not necessarily be in the mood. How do you handle that and still get that awesome orgasm you want so badly under these circumstances?
Would you answer this simple quiz in the comments?
- How often do you desire sex weekly?
- What percentage of the time is your spouse in synch with your urges?
- Is there any regular timeframe when these urges occur? (am/pm/lunchtime?)
- When there is a timing/mood conflict, how often do you fix yourself by masturbating?
Let’s see if there are any trends here. Thanks in advance for participating. Jim’s still sleeping, so I’m gonna try for a nipplegasm. Love to all!
Patty, this is a great question and discussion starter. Thanks for it. I have a lot of thoughts to share, but can’t take the time right now (church and grandkids!) so, more comments on the way, but just wanted to say this has the potential to be a good discussion!
Thanks! Look forward to your insight as well as Queenie's.
How often do you desire sex weekly?
I think about it daily, but wife is only up to sex a couple of times a week. Anymore than that and she says I am wearing her out. We do sex of some kind about twice a week.
What percentage of the time is your spouse in synch with your urges?
Two or three times a month.
Is there any regular timeframe when these urges occur? (am/pm/lunchtime?)
In the afternoon usually.
When there is a timing/mood conflict, how often do you fix yourself by masturbating?
I used to do that regularly, but I stopped masturbating without my wife or at least her knowledge several years ago. If I feel I have to masturbate, she "helps" me. Never in the shower etc.
1. How often do you desire sex weekly?
7 days …so pretty much I could have a full sex session with my wife daily. But our marriage, like many marriages, has desire discrepancy. I am hyper-sexual, and Melody is still probably more sexual than most women but not as rather sex-obsessed as me.
2. What percentage of the time is your spouse in synch with your urges?
33% of the time, but there are occasional weeks where she wants it every day or/& wants sex multiple times in a day. I usually want to give & receive oral sex more frequently too.
3. Is there any regular timeframe when these urges occur? (am/pm/lunchtime?)
Out of necessity we usually make love in the morning because it’s easier on my heart. But even so, sometimes we’ll go for it later in the day.
4. When there is a timing/mood conflict, how often do you fix yourself by masturbating?
Usually my Melody “fixes my problem.” This means that she orally & digitally stimulates my man-nips as I masturbate to orgasm. Sometimes I use a vibrating male masturbator when we do this. (I wrote a product review post about that excellent toy.) Often I get to love 💕 on her beautiful breast & nipples in this process. That really gets me going! AND sometimes (usually on holidays) she gives me the sexy gift of fellatio to orgasm. So, we do this regular “FMP” (fix my problem) almost every day that we don’t have a full Lovemaking session.
We used to quarrel about sex frequency, but eventually we went to sex therapists who convinced me that my wife & I had sex way more than most couples. So we set up a sex schedule that has made a huge difference. In the schedule, we had sexual contact daily but had sexual intercourse every other day. Melody would usually go for an orgasm just every other time we had intercourse. Last year, we changed it to every 3 days or so. Melody now goes for an orgasm every time unless her back is hurting her badly. In fact, we often have to adjust the sex schedule due to medical issues that one of us is having. But we do this with no animosity. We highly recommend a sex schedule!
BTW we also set up a fellatio agreement where Melody gives me oral sex on holidays and special occasions like birthdays, Fathers Day, Anniversary, etc. And sometimes, she’ll surprise me with an off-schedule session of fellatio. I give her oral 3-5 times a month because she does not want it as often as I want to give her the cunnilingus gift. Often in lieu of giving her cunnilingus, I’ll scoop our “protein shake” out of her cum-filled pussy and rub it on her nipples then lick and suck it off. Nowadays, she has most of her orgasms when using a vibrator on her clitoris as I “clean off” her nipples.
Being willing to compromise on oral sex frequency and overall sex frequency and setting up the FMP almost daily has made our marriage much better. But please realize that there are days we just wake up “in the mood” even if it is not a scheduled full lovemaking session day. Plus as MH readers know, we have incorporated occasional role play sex into our sexual relationship, and the results have been amazing! Thank you to the MH writers who gave us the idea of role plays!
As always, great and honest feedback from you, Lovingman! You two are truly treasures!
Creamy Patty, again, great question. My answers are based on Queen’s and my decision, and on-going work, to move from a dwindling chemical game (sex hormones decline with age) to an intentional, deliberate, “Brain Game” of sex-focused choices and actions!
Back in the chemical game days, I was the typical higher-libido husband, and Queen typically less so. However, she was always willing and able to meet “my needs”! This was long enough ago that it would be “guess-work” to answer from that perspective.
So, as I’ve posted in some comment a while ago, we knew we would either go down with the chem game (and I don’t mean the good kind of “go down”), or we'd figure out how to stay sexually active and vibrant by deliberate choice. That’s what we did. Hence was born the “Brain Game”!
So, these answers are not “bragging”, per se, but rather what we strive for, and have been very successful at so far. Obviously, I can’t recommend this Brain Game enough, for anyone and everyone. I don’t like to base my sex life on varying chemical levels.
1. How often do you desire sex weekly? – we “desire” sex every day! We choose to be sexual in some way each day. We make room for it, we prioritize it, we pursue it with abandon, and we defend it against the never-ending onslaught of “stuff”. So, uh, that’d be a 7!
2. What percentage of the time is your spouse in synch with your urges? – We are both retired, and so have a lot more control over our schedules. And so we each plan to be sexual with each other each day. So unless one of us is sick or otherwise out of sexual commission, we choose to be in sync all the time!
3. Is there any regular timeframe when these urges occur? (am/pm/lunchtime?) – again, given our more controllable schedules, we do “stuff” in the morning, and tend to plan to be sexual with each other in the afternoon. More specifically, we “send heat” to each other from 3-5, and then we fuck! So choice!
4. When there is a timing/mood conflict, how often do you fix yourself by masturbating? – based on the above, we are rarely in conflict. When one of us is on the Injured Reserve List (IRL), due to sickness or aches, we graciously grant a “bye”, and skip the day. We rarely masturbate!
We both have a lot more control over our minds and choices than glands and chemicals. And so our proactive choice to be “passionate” with each other daily really keeps us in sync. We are rarely in conflict!
There is so much more behind my/our concept and implementation of the Brain Game, but this is long enough as it is. Again, great Q, and the responses should be enlightening!
Sure is great that you two consider your intimacy time to be very special and consider it a top priority! You guys are so candid and open with your expressions, Love you guys!
We pretty much match, Ron33.
Good hearing from you, Frankie.
Hi CP,
My answers may not be as steamy as some, but here they are…
1. How often do you desire sex weekly?
– If I had my way, we’d have sex every day, whether is was PIV, masturbation, or oral.
2. What percentage of the time is your spouse in sync with your urges?
– We’re rarely on the same time clock
3. Is there any regular timeframe when these urges occur? (am/pm/lunchtime?)
– I’m pretty much always in the mood, and even in those rare moments when I’m not, it wouldn’t take much to get me there.
4. When there is a timing/mood conflict, how often do you fix yourself by masturbating?
– Whenever the opportunity presents itself, I masturbate. A lot of times it’s in the shower because of the easy cleanup.
MMMM, Wow, KingdomMan, nothing like a guy who is Always in the mood! You need to get with Jim and compare notes 😉
Seriously, though, since you are an exceptionally horny mate, I'm hoping you two try to "Schedule Dates" sometimes in order to bring yourselves in synch and get maximum quality sex whenever realistically possible. Jim's lucky (and he knows it) because I'm always ready for him, but God knows there are many occasions when my toys spring into action!
I’m glad you guys have each other, CP. It’s (unfortunately) a pretty rare gift.
Hoping more will respond to this survey. C’mon, everyone, Booty, Marge, etc., I know you’re out there😎
Ok all I’ll be 65 in July & my wife 60 in November & and I’m happy with our sex life. If I need something I would ask. I have a little documentation I’m doing without her knowledge as a discussion topic after 1/1/24 below is what we have done this year so far.
Jan 1
Jan 8
Jan 23 2X
Jan 29 HJ
Jan 31 HJ
Feb 4
Feb 5 HJ
Feb 12 HJ
Feb 16 BJ
Feb 19
Feb 26 HJ
March 4
March 4 HJ
March 5
March 11
March 19 HJ
March 23 HJ
April 8
April 14 HJ
April 22 HJ
April 26 HJ
April 30
May 1 HJ
May 2
May 4
May 11
May 29
May 30 HJ
HJ is me receiving a hand job of course BJ blowjob & nothing after the date means regular sex. I can’t wait to see how the next 7 months goes. After the 1st of the year, I’m going to total them & have her guess all 3 items. I’ll update you later.
Wow, Smile, talk about specifics! 😉
Can't wait to hear back from you on how close she guesses your sexual activity!
Dude…You guys are are awesome. 👏👏👏 I couldn’t find a “Tip the hat” emoji, you totally deserve it!
How often do you desire sex weekly?
Almost daily 😉 but more realisticly, 3-5 days a week.
What percentage of the time is your spouse in synch with your urges?
This varies greatly, but we are probably in sync somewhere around 50-75% of the time.
Is there any regular timeframe when these urges occur? (am/pm/lunchtime?)
Usually the afternoon, sometime between lunch and dinner. For some reason, this lines up with the kids' naptimes…
When there is a timing/mood conflict, how often do you fix yourself by masturbating?
Usually I masturbate when she isn't around or awake. Several times when she wasn't in the mood I would masturbate to take the edge off. At times this annoyed her, but other times it got her into the mood enough that she would help me finish, engage in some mutual masturbation, or even go all the way.
Awesome you little Bugger! Sounds like you two squeeze it in as best you can (Pun intended;))
1. I desire sex approximately every 3 days, and start to get cranky if it goes longer than that. We needed to prioritize sex in our marriage, so I try to be available to my husband for sex whenever I can.
2. Most of the time if we're not busy he is up for it. I do find that he has trouble connecting with me if he is stressed about something else.
3. I usually have moments in the day where I start thinking about sex, but wouldn't say I get urges until night time.
4.I don't love masturbating, but sometimes I touch myself for a minute or fantasize, then I'm even more cranky if my fantasies aren't realized later.
I think about it all the time but we can't do it all the time. I work and there are three little kids who expend a lot of our energy.
So we do it when we can and stress quality over quantity.
Back in June I posted above I was keeping track in 2023 our sexual behavior, The totals are SEX 37 times
Hand jobs by her on me 37
Blow jobs 5
Not to bad for being married 25 years & I’m 65 & she’s 60,
Keep the good times rolling everyone!!