What’s the Deal With Edging?
Hi everyone, it’s me again 🙂
So over the years, I’ve tried edging on my own, and honestly… I hate it. From what I’m aware, the whole point of edging is to delay your orgasm so that you get a bigger one at the end. But every time I’ve tried it, the ending is so anticlimactic that I might as well not have bothered. It’s like blowing up a balloon and instead of a bang, the balloon deflates. Or you’re holding an ice cream, about to have the first taste, only for it to fall on the floor. The anticipation is nice, but the lackluster ending certainly leaves more to be desired and can be extremely frustrating, depending on the situation.
Am I doing something wrong, or is this more common than not? What tips would you give someone in my situation?
Thanks in advance!
Edging works for me, however it does NOT work for my Beloved. Like a lot of sexual things…it's not universal. When I try even to tease my Beloved during foreplay and draw it out, something snaps and her drive falls off a cliff, and it's done and over. We've had to introduce a policy that, "NOW means NOW!" 🙂
I see that's really interesting. Glad to know that I'm not alone in that 😊 Love the communication between you too and the fact that you've been able to figure out what works best for you and your Beloved!
I edge frequently. To enjoy it, relax and take your time. The goal is not get to over excited and close to orgasm, that is frustrating. If a 10 on the excitement scale is orgasm, don't go above about a 6 or 7. Don't get close to the point of no return and stop. Just be gentle.
I also enjoy edging over quite a long period of time, forgetting the world, fantasising and generally taking my pleasure from my God-given sex organ. It makes me proud to see my precum oozing from and covering my sensitive glans and how hard my cock still gets at age 71. When I ejaculate, I still feel as I did in my late teens – so fulfilled!
That makes sense. I've mainly tried edging with toys because my hands get tired and I just lose interest 😂 However, toys make orgasms a lot easier so I'd probably have to pull off when I feel like I'm at a 4 or 5 because I'm likely to misjudge where I'm at. I'll give it a shot and easy off earlier to see how that works. Thanks for the tips!
There’s probably people who could better speak to this, but I’ve edged successfully and I have had similar experiences to what you’re describing. I definitely don’t do it perfectly every time. I think when I lose it or my “balloon deflates” is when I waited too long to pull back or ease the touch of what I’m doing. To me it feels like I waited too long and I did orgasm, but I orgasmed without any current stimulation, if that makes sense. I basically stroked myself to orgasm but then I stopped stimulation so it just turned into a weak orgasm. So I could keep stroking but I honestly could also hang it up right there hahah. So in those situations, I waited too long. Ideally what would happen is I’m stroking, and I feel myself building to orgasm and when I’m close (but not on the actual edge, in a sense), I ease up or stop stimulation. There’s usually a moment of knowing if I continued I’d cum right then and any small extra sensation, like a small touch to the underside of my cock is electrifying. Then I think another important thing here is not waiting too long to get back at it. I’ve also waited too long, and I let myself come back down to ground zero in a sense. The goal would be to resume just after you get back off the edge or very soon after. There’s times where I would edge and then go back to touching or stroking for only a second or two before I had to lay off it again. And when I say laying off, that could also mean multiple things depending on what I feel is needed. It could be let go of my cock entirely. It could also be just leaving a grip on it but not moving it. Or it could even be just grabbing a small bit of my cock skin and tugging on it a bit. So for you, maybe that’s leaving a finger on your clit but not moving it, or hands off completely, or maybe grabbing your lips and giving them a squeeze and a tug.
There’s definitely a lot of timing to it, and I’ve misjudged myself many times before. But when I get it right and come back down off the mountain successfully a few times, it’s well worth it. That’s when I have my biggest orgasms and blow my biggest loads. Cum fires out from my cock like a rocket vs when I accidentally cum from edging gone wrong and it slowly oozes out from the tip hahaha.
I don’t know if the technical aspects of this translate directly to women as well, so hopefully some women will give their input too! The good thing is while it’s a great thing for women to know, it probably isn’t super necessary for you to get good at. Men often times need to do it out of necessity if they want to last longer and time their orgasm with their spouse. And that’s in part because we typically aren’t privy to multiple orgasms. For example, if the woman were to cum first, that’s not necessarily an issue because they could keep going and then cum again. But for a guy, it’s hard to orgasm and keep going.. it’s definitely hard to keep stroking and stroking immediately after cumming haha.
Hopefully this was helpful and somewhat translates to the woman’s experience. Looking forward to hearing some other ladies chime in too for their perspectives.
Interesting. Like you, I have to stop completely. Totally hands off when I stop when I'm trying to edge. I think for me, my orgasms are probably more similar to men in the sense that I tend to be one and done too (most of the time). I've tried to figure out how to get multiples, but I don't know if I am or not so I just kinda settle for the one because everything gets too sensitive and I'm super tired afterwards 😂 Plus I only try edging with toys because it's easier. The pressure I need when using my hands tends to make me not want to edge as much because it takes so much longer to get there.
Timing does seem to be the main issue though. I guess I have plenty of time to practise lol. Thanks for your detailed response though; really interesting read!
Yeah that’s interesting, maybe the multiple orgasms is more of a learned behavior? Do you think it’s partly because the one orgasm you have is so intense and powerful that you’re too wiped to continue? Before you’ve mentioned using a vibrator on your clit.. what happens for you when you leave it there throughout and after orgasm? Is it too sensitive to keep it there afterwards?
And another thought about edging. Sometimes what you do during the edge moves you closer to orgasm, but also doesn’t push you over if that makes sense. So for example sometimes I’m so close to cumming that I have to pull my hands off my cock or else I’ll blow my load. But other times when I’m not as close to the edge I can just change how I’m stimulating myself, like I mentioned briefly in my first comment. That might be something worth experimenting with. So for me I might be stroking, but I edge with a squeeze of my cock or a tug at the skin on the underside of my shaft. Idk how well this would work for women since I’ve heard that mixing things up can be tricky while keeping arousal up. And in part you do want to “come down” a bit as that’s the point of edging. But you don’t want to come down too fast or too far. So maybe again in your case if you like to use a vibrator on your clit, you could experiment with switching back and forth between that and maybe using your hand to squeeze your pussy lips together to force pressure on your labia and your clit. (I’ve heard that’s a pretty good foreplay move as well, haha.) Probably a very different sensation, but maybe it’s enough stimulation to keep the high going without going too far. And I’m sure there’re 100 other variations of things you could do to switch it up mid-session.
Keep us updated as you experiment and maybe try some new things out!
You may be right. I think it's that and taking the time to learn these things. My living situation doesn't allow me a lot of time to relax unless it's at night so maybe that's a factor in not being able to try out multiple orgasms. My clit does tend to be pretty sensitive most of the time after an orgasm so I have to back off, let it calm down and continue but I'll normally just have aftershocks so I don't know if I'd call those multiples (maybe there are but they feel so weak I'm just like meh 😂)
You've made some interesting points. I'll give that a try and see how it all plays out!
Hmm interesting, I wonder if those are multiple orgasms for you, or that’s just how powerful and long lasting female orgasms are that the aftershock waves last that long.
Also something else I just thought of, do you ever involve nipple play? I’m curious if that could be a good thing to switch to in an edging situation as well?
Let us know how the experiments go! I’m curious to hear how things progress for you!
I'm not sure I know what the benefit is for women, considering how difficult many have achieving climax to begin with. I always thought edging was a guy thing. There's always this attitude of having to hold back as long as possible because usually, once it happens, then it's over. Whenever I read a story or listen to an audio where a woman is trying to hold back orgasm or says something like "I don't know how much longer I can hold out…" it kind of strikes me as unreal, as if it's the imagination of a man who knows nothing about female sexuality. I would think that most women are trying to orgasm faster, BEFORE their husbands cum, and considering it's a lot easier for women to have multiple orgasms, why not have one ASAP and go for more?
I'm probably a very odd woman 😅 Once I figured out how to orgasm it's not difficult for me to get there at all. I think it's only been maybe twice where I couldn't get there. However, after one I tend to be done, so I wanted to see if I can make them last longer. I've tried to get multiples, and sometimes I feel like they're not really orgasms just aftershocks from the first one, which is okay but I don't get the real hype from multiples that women say they are.
Again, maybe I'm doing that wrong too. Who knows at this point.
But I do agree, the "I don't know how much longer I can hold out" doesn't make any sense when looking into male and female sexuality. It's probably feeding into the fantasy that the guy is lasting so long even the woman is tired, which is probably a lot of men's aim, so they play into that.
Sorry I made it sound like multiple orgasms are easy, I should have said "try" instead of "go." I'm sure it isn't learned overnight (but I still have faith in you! You can do it). I guess I can understand where you're coming from now. Perhaps I really should be building up self-control by edging more often, but I find it difficult to maintain the willpower right near the point of no return, which would indicate I need more practice! I tend to just go for prostate massage and leave my penis out of the equation altogether to build up sexual energy. And ejaculating pushes the reset button on that, which means I have to wait several days before having another good session.
I think of edging as enjoying the journey to [almost] orgasm and not being so focused on the orgasm itself. I call it "pleasure surfing." I suppose it's a type of foreplay or way of having the sexual experience last longer (for those who want to do that). Learn to enjoy the touches, sensations, the explorations, the mental discipline required to "stay in the experience" and not rush to the finish line. I would compare it to a delicious meal: Savor it, don't just satisfy your appetite. Or like a train ride through Europe: Don't just think of the next destination, but enjoy the experiences getting there. It takes discussion between lovers to develop connection and learn what the other enjoys. Feathers, blindfolds, massage, edibles, erogenous touching, toys, light bondage, etc. are in our repitoire. Inexperienced teenagers can reach orgasms quickly, but good lovers learn all the marvelous ways to create a "savory" experience for the other without always rushing to climax (although, there are times for that too, lol). A very popular YouTube urologist (female) discusses this topic… Worth listening to.
Well seeing as I'm almost a 30-year-old woman that has never had sex, a boyfriend, or even kissed/held a man's hand, I fall into the catagory of "inexperienced teenager" lol. Just something to note that not everyone has those experiences in their teens. There are quite a few of us waiting well past that age, and we may never get married, so self-stimulation is the next best thing.
I'm doing this all on my own, so learning about touches and sensations is very different when you're doing it on your own in comparison with your spouse. But if I do ever get married, it's definetley something to take into account, for sure. Having a spouse and learning/trying different things is one of the joys of marriage which single people like myself aren't privy to sadly. There's only so much you can do sexually on your own.
I do agree in enjoying the journey and making it last as long as possible, but since I find orgasms so easy to get, drawing it out for too long ends up being diminishing returns after a point because the main reason I am masturbating is to get an orgasm. And since I've lost them when edging, I don't want to risk it. But I still want to improve and make the experience last longer, hence why I asked this question. Like others have mentioned, timing is key, which I did think, but it includes backing off basically at the start (in my case probably) and I guess doing that a few times.
I'll see if I can find the person you recommended, thanks for the heads up!
Interesting discussion. I think I'm very similar to you, SinglePringle. I've tried a few times to back off or stop completely when I got close to the edge, but most times, I was too late. I basically had my little climax (I say "little" because my orgasms are quick and not explosive) the second I tried to pull up.
Then it's over, and I have no more desire to pick up again. Now, I did try drawing it out a week or two ago, just going slow and lazy instead of grinding like my life depends on it, and I did manage to calm down on time, then resumed and humped my towel to a finish. So it seems to work if I slow down earlier. I have to keep experimenting. Personally, I just enjoy the journey. The climax is nice, but not my favorite part. That may sound weird, and maybe I have not yet reached a really "real" level of orgasmic pleasure, but I'm not bothered. It's fun to learn. Question: do you prefer using your hands or grinding on something? I like the latter; have for years. It relaxes me and can feel just so good and stimulating, especially when I'm wet and warm.
Interesting that you both react the same way…or perhaps not, perhaps it's normal! If I can ask a (perhaps leading) question, are these purely/primarily clitoral orgasms then?
@LLL – Yes! That's pretty much how I am. I have tried praciticing using the tips in the discussion and it seems that you have to ease off very early for it to work which seems really odd at first but the orgasms do tend to be stronger and less like a deflated balloon lol.
The journey is nice, which is why I want it to last longer, so edging does help with that. but I'll never say no to a good orgasm.
As for your question, it's interesting; I've been a weird mix. When I was younger, I would either use my hands or find something hard to grind on like an empty deodorant container lying on my stomach. I tried pillows, but they do nothing for me because they're so soft. Now I tend to lie on my back and use my hand, but more often than not, vibrators and more recently a clit stimulator, which has just been… wow! I tend to use toys a lot more because I like to have my nails done, and using my hands isn't the most comfortable anymore, so there's that aspect. So toys it is for me atm
@Faith-Manages I've only experienced clitoral orgasms. Sticking fingers in feels nice, but it doesn't do much unless there's clitoral stimulation. As someone who hasn't has sex and has had very little success getting more than two fingers inside, G-spot orgasms feel very far, far away (maybe with a rabbit, but I'd have to work up to that, and without a marriage in sight, it feels like a lot of work for something I may not need to do).
Edging is fantastic. I have been an edger since high school. It teaches you so much about your own body. My record is four hours straight keeping myself on the "edge". I use coconut oil. Of course, I can only speak for men. It's a unique blissful experience. I have enjoyed dozens of orgasms during a session while keeping my hardon and my load. It's a different type of orgasm. My nipples are extremely sensitive already. However, with keeping my load everything becomes even more sensitive. Even my body hair feels more sensitive to wind and such. I never get blue balls, either. You have to retrain your mind to just enjoy the strokes with no goal of cumming. A tip for fellas that are new to it – if you feel yourself getting close to cumming, gently pull down on your sac with your non stroking hand. The feeling will pass and you can start stroking again. Also, don't jack like crazy. Use slow and deliberate strokes. Think on affirming things. How masculine you are, your body hair, your strength, what a good lover you are to your bride, how wonderfully God made you as a man. Try watching yourself in a mirror as well. You will be surprised at all the negative stuff you likely think about yourself and your subconscious will start accepting the positive affirmations, giving you a much healthier outlook. I can't say enough about the benefits of edging and not cumming.
Thanks for sharing how edging works for the men. As a woman it's an interesting read😊
What is edging?
Delaying orgasm with the intent of creating a more intense experience. As discussed earlier, some feel like the idea is to get really close and then back off. I think this is (also discussed earlier) more often a guy thing. At least it has been for us.
@OldGoat1 has summed it up pretty well. It does seem to be more of of guy thing but women can benefit from it as well, hence why I asked the question. Thanks for your responses.
Longtime reader, first time poster. Have to give a big (friendly) hug to the site hosts for maintaining such a wonderful resource. The only erotically oriented site I’ve found that facilitates (or supports) getting off without the guilt!
I concur with other guys who found edging not only pleasurable but helpful in learning about their own bodies, limits, etc. I sometimes stroke without lube using a soft blanket or cloth wrapped around, or – this may sound odd, but “lever” my penis back and forth so the sensitive head grazes against the skin of my belly, while the blanket or cloth gently caresses my sensitive balls again and again before eventually settling into a traditional stroking action. Delicious. This may not translate as much for women, and I’ve tried to encourage my wife to essentially edge or delay orgasm when we make love, but she sometimes has trouble waiting, or “peters out” if it takes too long; sounds similar to SinglePringle’s experience. She assists with a vibe, which while necessary for her, also seems to rush it along maybe. But I would say in general don’t be afraid to try out new or seemingly odd moves. You never know. Don’t think I’ve ever topped three hours (that was a chest blaster for sure), but even 30-60 min edging, done right, allows one to ride the electric pleasure waves, build up that pre-orgasmic tension again and again, and with the right rhythm, crest over the peak into a mind-numbing, ball-tingling, toe-curling, neck-cracking swoon of ecstasy that approaches (and sometimes exceeds) that of natural intercourse.
Also good points on the body image stuff, texasman76. Probably not uncommon to have some negative head trash we’ve collected and associated to these amazing bodies we’re blessed with.
Thanks for sharing. Interesting read. Oddly enough using a vibe allows for more control. When I've used my hands, I get far too tired and give up, so using a toy makes trying to edge easier and more possible.
I've never timed my sessions to be honest, but mainly because of my living situation. I can't spend too long as most of the time people are around, so I'm limited to certain times of the date. Hopefully I'll be able to get the opportunity to have a longer session.
I'm a guy, so its probably different, but for me its less "The orgasm is more enjoyable" and more just letting me go slow and enjoy the whole experience for a longer period of time.