Health Issues, Sexless Marriage
This is my first post.
I’m 62, and my wife will be 60 soon. I’ve been married 39 years, and sex has always been predictable: same time, same position, etc. And all of a sudden a few years ago, sex kind of dried up. I have health issues with my back and recently had hip replacement. I take pain meds for degenerative disc disease, and I have problems with getting and or maintaining an erection.
My wife is very beautiful and sexy, so I wonder, why is it that I’m very horny but can’t get an erection or maintain one? I wake up every day with a large hard-on, so I know my penis still works, but not when I want it to. I’d love to do oral, but my wife has always been against it. I’m aroused to the point I’d almost jump on any willing woman, but you know I can’t. I would love a way to clarify that I’m still capable. I’m lost and very confused. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Definitely see a doctor, ED pills can work wonders. Generics are now cheap and safe.
I am the same way and we are the same age. I wake up hard almost everyday, but after 2 or 3 hours later, can't get hard at all without ED meds.
This is probably a very complex situation. I would recommend that you see a doctor. Possibly some erectile dysfunction medication may help. I’d also suggest you see a therapist or even a couples sex therapist. I’d make sure the therapist has Christian values first.
My wife n I have multiple health issues but we made sex a priority in our marriage. Hormone replacement therapy has been a blessing to both of us. We each use bioidentical hormones. They are safest. Over the years the health challenges have become much more difficult to deal with. We can’t do everything we once could do but we have been happy with what we can still do sexually.
I also want to share that our sex almost always happens in the morning. Testosterone levels are higher then. Maybe that would help.
Thanks for the information, I have tried ED meds and they worked for a while, I found that nitric oxide has helped, not completely but better
Welcome to MH! You couldn't have found a more supportive or wise community of pro-marriage, pro-sex people! I've been so helped by this as a single woman.
When you say that sex dried up, do you mean you lost the desire or your wife did? Your testosterone levels would be the first thing I'd check if you're having an issue. I'm certainly no expert on male physiology, but from reading and researching, I see that as a common theme in men's sexual issues. Second, I would encourage counseling or even sex therapy if your wife is having trouble with her libido. So many things factor into women not wanting sex: trauma, abuse, bad or limited sex ed, wrong presuppositions or mindset about sex, etc. A Christian counselor/therapist can do a lot to help retrain someone in sexual thinking. I pray you will get answers I try to pray for everyone on MH often.
It's my wife that has lost the desire for sex, when we have sex it's like I'm the only one involved, no passion, she's been dealing with menopause
Ooh, I remember going through this myself—menopause, I mean. Keep in mind that desire for sex for your wife isn't stimulated by how sexy she (or you!) looks; she needs to feel close to you to even get turned on and want sex. You don't mention how much time you spend cuddling or talking with her, so could more emotional connection help her crave more of the physical?
As for the erection problem, we went through a spell like that, too. We had to find creative ways to make sex less predictable, and that helped him maintain his erection. They say the mind is the biggest sex organ, and it can get bored with monotony. Just things like me starting to be more vocal, or using stronger language during sex, or admitting to each other our secret turn-ons… these helped us turn a corner. Not only were they sexy in their own right, but they required a new vulnerability and acceptance that made us feel closer.
Eat some fresh organic beets. Steam them so they keep most of their nutrients.
While I'm no expert, I'd say that you don't feel like you have a safe place for intimacy. Take deep breaths, (search box breath method) and spend time touching each other without the end goal of getting hard. If you successfully get hard in the mornings, perhaps try for intimacy in the mornings. Do you masturbate often? If so, cut that back and perhaps make a game out if it where she determines when you orgasm. Enjoy your relationship and have fun with it, don't take it all so seriously and certainly don't focus on the end goal or you will undoubtedly set yourself up for let down.