Manscaped to Masturbation
(A) -This story contains a brief mention of anal play.
Saturday morning. 5:30 a.m. I’ve always been an early riser. As I finish my coffee, I decide it is time to do my weekly manscaping. I’ve found that if I do it once a week, there is never any itching and very little hair to remove.
Jumping into the shower, I lather up, taking my time to enjoy the hot water flowing over my body. I wash every inch of my body, taking extra time with my cock and balls. Finally, the anus. I am very sensitive about cleanliness. You might call it OCD. I bend over and use the washcloth like toilet paper, ensuring that I am wiped completely clean.
Exiting the shower, I dry myself. Generously, I cover my entire balls and length of my now hard cock with shaving cream. Gently, ever so gently, I begin at the back of the shaft and work my way down to my balls. Stretching my sack tightly, I make sure all hair is removed. I then go to the front of the shaft, paying particular attention to where it meets my groin. I shave right up to the base, leaving hair on my groin area, but neatly trimmed. I don’t like leaving it looking like a hedge, but somehow I don’t want it shaved completely either.
Satisfied that my balls and cock are smooth, I bend over in front of the full length mirror and shave the hair around my anus. Seeing my clean, white anus in the mirror while bending over is strangely arousing. My cock is rock hard. When I am finished shaving my anus area, I lay the razor on the edge of the sink and bend over again. Slowly, gently, I insert a moistened finger inside. The sensation is amazing. I slowly twirl my finger around inside for a few moments, enjoying the feeling.
Finished, I clean up my manscape items and grab the Crop Soother, generously applying it to my balls. I love the warm feeling as it soaks into the skin.
Returning to my recliner, I lie back and gently begin to stroke my cock, pre-cum glistening from the head of it. With my other hand, I massage my balls, loving the sensation of the smoothness. I lube the full length of my shaft, and moan, listening to the sloshing sound as I stroke.
As I fondle myself and slowly run my hand up and down my cock, I being to imagine what it would be like to have sex with Emily again. Oh, how long it has been! Will she ever allow us to reconcile? I so desperately need love and affection. I begin to visualize what it would be like:
As we finish praying together and thanking God for our reconciliation, we passionately kiss. Our tongues find each other, almost bringing me to the edge.
Not yet! I lick her now hard nipples, causing her to moan in ecstasy, as she slowly strokes my cock. I cry as I share with her how I came across the book The Act of Marriage and realized after reading it how selfish I’ve been. I had never understood the importance of attention to the clitoris.
Emily never seemed to particularly care if she orgasmed, but I so want to pleasure her. The fulfillment of a man in the act of sex can only come if he knows he is pleasing his wife.
As I massage her clit, I can feel the wetness of her pussy. She is close. Oh, so close. Suddenly, she cries out. “Oh, Paul! It feels so good! I love you so much! Please enter me! I can’t take it anymore!”
Happy to oblige, I slowly enter her. The feeling! It has been so long! I almost explode as I relish the sensation of feeling my cock slowly engorging her. Remembering the book, I enter her to full length and stop. Now would be a good time to pray again before I being thrusting. The last thing I want is to cum too quickly. I pray and thank God again for my beautiful wife and once again being one with her.
As I finish praying, she is begging me to begin. “Paul, please, I can’t take it any longer! Pleasure me! Pleasure yourself! Fill me with your cum!”
I can’t hold back any longer. Furiously thrusting, I watch as my cock goes in and out of her pussy. Such an erotic sight! I feel myself getting closer. Emily is screaming and I am crying her name. Finally, the point of no return. My cock explodes with rope after rope of hot, wet cum, deep inside her wet pussy.
I look down at my stomach. What a cum-shot! As I grab a towel to clean up, I realize I had been loudly crying Emily’s name as I furiously stroked myself to ejaculation.
And then the anger. The grief. The mental agony. I slam my fist into my body pillow with frustration, knowing that what I have just experienced can never compare to cumming inside Emily’s pussy. The emotional connection is missing. I can’t describe it in words. But the feeling of being one flesh is arguably the most satisfying and exhilarating feeling a man can ever experience. Someday soon, may God answer my prayer and change Emily’s heart. Until then, I will continue to keep myself groomed and take care of my physical needs the only way I can without sinning before God. The emotional need will just have to wait. Someday very soon…
I feel your pain, and although I can’t offer you any helpful advice, I would like to encourage you in the fact that you are not alone.
Continue to pray, continue to love, and continue to seek your release in the God-given gift of masturbation. It is not the same, but it does provide a temporary outlet for frustration and sexual need.
This is why I pray, write, fantasize, and look forward to a better future.
KM, thank you for your encouragement. It is a blessing to me.
You are in my prayers, as are each couple and single here on MH. My heart grieves for your hurting marriage. Yet I know God is at work. Somehow, He will bring all things together for your good. I'm having to trust that with my own personal struggle with depression. How joyful it makes me to know that heaven is going to be unending bliss and fulfillment and all our tears will be wiped away! Know that you are loved in Christ by others here.
LLL, Thank you for your prayers. Your post really resonates with me. I pray every day that if "Emily's" (not her real name) heart will never change towards me, that God will take me home to be with Him. I miss my young children so desperately and I crave sexual intimacy with "Emily." Without her or my children, I feel I have nothing for which it live.
Please don't misinterpret this as a "cry for help". I would never "self eliminate", as I feel it would be a ticket straight to hell. But, I can pray for God to take me His own way.
Every time I think of your broken marriage, my heart aches for you. I pray for you and Emily every week. May God heal your marriage and restore your intimacy, and may he give you comfort in grief, peace in pain, and strength in every moment of loneliness. Hope in the Lord, be brave, be strong. You are loved.
Poiema, thank you so much! What a blessing to have a family here at MH for support! Your prayers mean more to me than words can ever express.
Sometimes God needs to change your heart before you see Him working on your spouse's. Please do everything you can to work on yourself, and know that we're all praying for you.
As a person who knows what it is like to be in a difficult marriage where sexual and emotional needs are not being met, my heart goes out to you. However, I would like to offer you a bit of insight into how your wife may be feeling. You see, I am a woman who has been married for over 30 years to a man who has been a very selfish lover. This has made me feel worthless and unloved and it has literally destroyed my marriage. I have not felt any attraction or romantic love for my husband for more than 3 decades. The pastor who did premarital counseling with us actually did have us read The Act of Marriage. But, because we were virgins who had very limited understanding of interacting with the body of someone of the opposite sex, we had a hard time trying to figure out how to put into practice the advice in that book. To be honest, I didn't even know how my own body was supposed to work because our church at that time took the view that masturbation is shameful. As I recall, The Act of Marriage also discouraged masturbation especially with regard to the use of vibrators. My husband was interested in sex mainly for his own gratification and he only wanted to do things that appealed to him. If those things did not give me pleasure, that was my problem and he was not overly concerned when he was the only person who enjoyed sex. I did eventually learn how to have orgasms but not by interacting with my husband. I learned how to focus on fantasies in my head that had nothing to do with him because, as a result of his selfishness, nothing about him is attractive or exciting to me. Because I felt that it was my obligation as a wife, I allowed my husband to use my body for his gratification 3+ times per week for more than 25 years until he almost died from a major health crisis. During that time he re-evaluated his life and realized that he had not been a good husband, that we did not have the "good, normal" marriage he thought we had, and that I do not enjoy or even want to be married to him. He has acknowledged and expressed regret for his past mistakes. He wants things to be different. He wants me to want to be married to him and to enjoy being married to him. But that is a very hard thing for a wife to do when she has been beaten down for many years by the choices of her husband.
This brings me to my thoughts on your situation now that you may have seen why I think I might understand a bit of your wife's perspective. If I am correct, you came into your marriage a virgin but also a porn addict. The combination of those two things would have had a seriously negative effect on your wife and your sex life. Your wife may have felt that she could never measure up to the images in your mind of porn stars and how they perform in sexual situations. You may have come into your marriage thinking or hoping that your sex life would be like the porn you have seen. You may have thought that your wife would see you naked and get so hot that she would let you do whatever you wanted with her and that she would love every minute of it. Your wife may have felt your disappointment when real sex was not like that.
I commend you for your commitment to giving up the porn. I am sorry that your wife has cut you off at this time. But I believe that your wife may be terrified to allow herself to hope that things can actually ever be better. That is the way I feel about my marriage. Proverbs 13:12 says that hope deferred makes the heart sick. It is much more painful to hope for something that is really important to you and be disappointed (sometimes over and over) than to just accept your life without that thing. Your wife is protecting herself from more hurt and I get that. I doubt that your wife was really uninterested in having orgasms. She may have just accepted that it was unlikely that she would experience that and just let it go to protect herself from the disappointment.
I got really nervous when you said that you are praying for your wife's heart to change. I hope that your wife does allow God to heal her heart but that is not going to miraculously heal your marriage. You are going to have to be willing to put in the work of doing whatever your wife needs you to do to show her that she can believe that things can be better. Your efforts to show your wife that you are truly committed to being a better husband and lover may be a necessary part of what God will use to change her heart toward you. My husband also is praying for my heart to change but he is unwilling to do what I need him to do to fix what he broke. So there is no way that I can allow myself to even remotely trust him. If your wife is willing, I strongly suggest that both of you read The Five Apology Languages by Gary Chapman. It really might help you understand what your wife needs to believe that you are sincere.
Again, I do genuinely hope that your wife's heart will be healed because I know what it is like to live with a broken heart because the person who is supposed to love you so much that he would literally sacrifice himself for you chooses to break you with his actions. It is so true when the Bible says that we reap what we sow. My husband is not willing to put in the work to sow a new crop. I hope that you are willing to do that for your wife. Because my husband has expressed regret and asked for forgiveness, he believes that the responsibility for the current state of our marriage rests solely on the condition of my heart. Please don't make that mistake. You have a hard task ahead but I truly hope you can have the marriage that God wants for you.
I would like to comment on one other thing. I know from seeing your comment on another post that you live under the same roof as your wife but are technically separated because of the use of a mother in law suite. But above you mentioned that you miss your young children. Your wife can choose to not interact with you as a husband but is she denying you access to your children? If that is the case, you may need to pursue a legal separation agreement that gives you access to them. It is not healthy for children to be isolated from either of their parents unless there is an actual issue regarding their safety.