Marriage Mentoring – A Challenge To Get Involved in 2026
One of the statements many of us have said on MarriageHeat is: “The modern church has not taught Biblical Sexuality.”
Most of us would agree that the churches we grew up in, or have come to attend, have sidestepped sexuality altogether and done the world a great disservice.
While this is true, the bigger question may be, “What are we going to do about it?”
I’ve heard church leaders say: “Don’t complain about a problem unless you have a solution.” Or another way to put it . . . if you see a fire, don’t bring more gasoline—bring a pail of water and help put it out.
So, what can we do to bring positive changes to our churches regarding sexuality? How do we help more people see the God-given beauty of hot monogamy? Maybe the real problem isn’t with our pastors, but it’s with us: the church members that are staying on the sidelines. Maybe it’s time for us to get involved.
What if 2026 is a chance for us to make a difference for Biblical Sexuality in our churches? What if rather than complaining about the lack of resources within our local congregations, we make a plan to counteract the silence and bring biblical sexuality back into our churches? What if 2026 is the year we all committed to be a part of our church’s marriage ministries? Or, if our church doesn’t have a marriage ministry, what if 2026 is the year we commit to start one?
Imagine if we were the ones doing the pre-marital mentoring for couples getting married in our churches. What if we were able to recommend positive resources to couples that would help them be more open to hot, biblical monogamy in their marriages? If we stepped up to serve in this way, who knows how many couples would be blessed?
So, my challenge is GET INVOLVED.
Feel free to add more ideas below, but here are a few ways we could encourage couples if we stepped up to be a part of marriage mentoring in our congregations. We would get to:
- Meet and pray with couples that are going through struggles
- Meet and pray with couples that are getting married
- Recommend couples read books like A Celebration of Sex by Douglas Rosenau, or others
- Study Passion Pursuit by Julie Slattery with them
- Study Song of Solomon with them and use some of the resources on MH to understand the erotic imagery in this important but neglected book of the Bible
- Offer couples guides on sexual positions so they can learn to be creative
- Introduce them to sex toys
- Tell couples about the joys of writing erotica together
- Tell couples about ways we’ve learned to be creative and playful in the bedroom
- Tell couples about our failures
- Add more ideas below
Anyone up for the challenge in 2026? Comment below if you’re ready to get involved!
I think all of those ideas are wonderful and I hope they catch on and make a difference.
Singles, you can be involved in making a difference too! Sorry I didn’t add a paragraph for you.
1) start/join a singles ministry with some of the same goals above. Some of the pre marital guides above can be discussed at any stage in the premarital process.
2) Talk to your pastor about the pre-marriage mentoring at your church. Give them the perspective of a single person. Let them know it’s important it is to have mentoring couples in your church to help prepare couples. Let them know you want to be married someday and that you hope a team is in place.
What a great challenge! This is certainly a burden on my heart. I am working on a book detailing all the things I have learned about Biblical sexuality over the last 8 years or so, and writing things I wish I had been taught. Knowing there are so many singles out there (some of whom may never marry) who need help navigating their sexuality is another burden. I'm convinced that masturbation is a gift from God; if used right, with the heart and mind focused on God, it is NOT the addictive, lustful, porn-associated curse many in the church have labeled it. Honestly, I would encourage singles to masturbate, appreciating their bodies, praising God for His handiwork and gift of sexual desire, praying for and fantasizing about a possible future spouse (without lusting for any specific person), and gaining knowledge and confidence in their physical and sexual makeup. Maybe I will have the opportunity, once my book is done, to start some kind of ministry. It is a subject of my prayers.
I have loved your writings and glad to hear you are writing a book. I have published one with a clergywoman based upon Song of Solomon that celebrates our bodies and desire as gifts of God. If you would like to huddle with another author about how much to share, how to share it, and how far to push the church to be more honest and celebrative about our sexual nature, I would enjoy conferring with you. Trust me, the church needs more women like you. (This was the third and final of the three books that I have authored.) Grace and peace unto in the New Year!
SultrySoulful, would you share the titles of your books?
I don't think I would want to talk to a preacher about sex with my soon to be wife. We met with the Pastor before he performed the ceremony. He provided us with some information and reading material. He gave us good advice. We have had some really good sex and it has led to 4 sweet little children who we regard as a blessing.
The Lord has blessed us. If we hadnt made each other horny last year and just went at it without regard to the fact we weren't looking for a 4th, we never would have had our last little angel. She's the perfect little baby and we love her so.
My wife knew all kinds of things. So did I. We taught each other and ourselves by just exploring and experimenting.
I’m glad you’re writing this! I look forward to reading it once it’s published. Maybe you’re even able to share portions of it here on the website.
I hope you’re able to get involved in a singles ministry at your church, as well. I’m sure you have much to offer!
This is a great challenge. I pray for the sexual attitude of the church everyday. In our small group, whenever a Bible passage about sex comes up I speak up. One of the easiest ways to spread the sexual truth is to use God's voice. When He speaks we should use that opportunity to speak. It gets a better discussion than if I were to just bring it up out of nowhere. The difference of being a disciple or some kind of sex fiend.
Something else that we don't see as important to our desire to spread the sexual truth in the church is our unity. Our unity has a direct effect on our influence. Church division hinders the gospel. I estimate it hinders any message we believers want to get out to others.
John 17:20-23 (ESV) 20 “I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, 21 that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, 23 I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.
Too, many times we want to do great things but fail to see our division as flat tires in a race we want to win. I hope no one sees this as raining on this challenge parade, because it isn't. It is the sure fire way we accomplish great things, such as this.
We stop thinking our 4 walls is the one true church. Give the reins back to Jesus. And, start living that He is the Way, Truth, & Life. Then, we will see things like this take off like a wild fire. It only takes one to start it. Here I am Lord, send me.
This is a good idea in theory. I often wonder what might have been if my wife and I had received more direct advice early on.
On the other hand, my experience is that sometimes the people most likely to seek and be receptive to advice are the ones least in need – ie they’re already 90% there and just looking for anything they’ve missed. I can’t really imagine my wife being very receptive to anything that personal from someone she knew. So I suspect the couples most open to advice would already be navigating things well. But hopefully I am wrong.
As I’ve said before, the biggest obstacle is just getting people to be comfortable talking about sex in the first place. That’s the real 90% of the work.
https://marriageheat.com/2023/04/02/talking-about-sex-when-your-spouse-wont-talk-about-sex/
I need something like this in my wife's life. She loves me, but she is disgusted by my sexuality. She is so conservative and sex was not brought up to her in her home that she found it in other places as a young teen. Now, I feel like I get the brunt of that and she is overly-conservative and does not like that I bring ideas like toys or things into the scene. However, when we are in the mood, she will talk about being tied up or about by manhood being just right. Then I look into getting some lingerie and maybe some things to go along with what she has mentioned in bed, and she sees our cart and blows up. Its like she forgets that she has mentioned these things to me. I don't know how to get her to talk about it and find out where her comfortablility lies.
To not bring up sex in the home I would call a false conservativism.
Conservativism is to conserve what is good. Jews of antiquity and the Christian Middle ages were not squeamish about sex.
I would use the word, "reserved", but it is an unhealthy, improper reserve. Parents should be open about sex, it is our duty to teach our children in the way of the Lord.
I do wonder if the swings you describe indicate some degree of mental health problems, maybe a little bi-polar or autistic?
An honest women's group would help, where sex is talked about, how you would pull that off where you are – I don't know.