How to Make Her Mine (L)
I loved one girl in my class.
The reason, I don’t know.
The first time I saw her I liked her.
She was in line ahead of me at admission,
But I was afraid to talk with her.
Surprise!
We were in the same department!
And I wanted her,
Grew to love her …
Dear MH Family,
You may have read my fantasy about the girl I am in love with. That was only the first part of the post I sent in. I didn’t realise my first post was going to be split into two parts. I just wrote my fantasy with a note at the end asking for advice, but now it has its own post! Maybe it is God’s will that I get some input from all of you here on MH. Just in case, I thought it would be good if I wrote more about my current situation and my thoughts, so you can advise me properly.
In my culture, expressing one’s interest in a person is to be addressed in a reserved manner. Asking someone to be your girlfriend is tantamount to asking for their hand in marriage. And on top of that, most of us still take part in arranged marriages. Our parents choose our spouses. They may listen to our preferences, but they make the ultimate decision. Even though a few young people have begun to move away from it, it is still the most accepted and honorable path.
When I first saw this girl, I liked her. I tried to not even look at her, because I knew that I had an important task to do (taking admission) and I couldn’t afford to distract myself. Even so, a sudden thought crossed my mind. Come on, talk with this girl. Nope. I’d never done anything like that, talking with girls without knowing them. Instead, I just told myself that it would be nice if we were in the same class. Then we could see what developed!
Later, on the first day of school, I saw her in my class! Wow, great! We are in the same class and batch! [For Westerners, that’s like being in the same year of college with the same major.]
Not every girl has the kind of charm with which you can fall in love! But she does. And I admired her beauty the first time I ever saw her. But I’m a shy one…
How Do I Make Her Mine?
So then the problem became how to talk with this girl. And do you know what happened? She and one of her girlfriends came up to me and a friend of mine to ask about forming a project group. Wow, again! I didn’t know what I should expect.
Still, even then, I didn’t say anything to her about how I felt or try to develop a relationship. Now I look back and think of this as me missing a golden opportunity. I could have easily built a friendship between us and formed a close bond with her. But nope, I didn’t. It would have felt fake. I’m not like the other guys. During this phase, most of them tried their luck with her, getting her information, her contact number and calling her, proposing to her [asking her to date them, an exclusive relationship], and so on.
Yes, I felt jealousy and a little afraid, too. Why? I was afraid she’d start dating one of them and I don’t want to lose my chance with this girl. But we aren’t close enough friends for me to get to know her well enough. It’s so frustrating!
I began to masturbate while thinking about this girl, but only sometimes. Whenever I saw her, I just wanted to gaze at her and enjoy that moment! In my mind, I always desire her as my wife. Sometimes I ignore those feelings, sometimes I flow with them.
I am interested in a serious relationship. Yes, I want to marry her and I mean it! I need this girl. I want her as my girlfriend but I haven’t proposed [a serious relationship with the intent of marriage] to her. She is so sweet and still unattached. Lots of guys want her, but I believe she is meant to be mine. From the first moment I saw her, I loved her.
Making a Start
I have begun to talk with her, but how do I proceed now? Other guys have proposed to her, but she rejects them. I want to be the one lucky man who ends up with her.
I prayed, “Please, God, show me the path. Help me. I need your help. Guide me.” And yes, He listened to me!
Just a couple of weeks ago, I began to talk with her. I told myself, “If you want this girl, then let’s begin! You want to marry your dream girl but, if you don’t take any action, how can God help you? Let’s try! God must guide you, keep your faith in God.”
Please, God, I love her… How do I make her mine?
All I Ever Wanted
As a virgin, I have always wanted to share my virginity with my wife on our first wedding night. I always pray that God will give me strength to wait. When I read stories from married couples on MH, I feel happy for them. Wow, their marriage sex is so enjoyable! And when they share about their love making sessions, it make me happy because married sex is beautiful! They give me strength to wait and inspire me to share my real honeymoon sex story when my wife and I get to enjoy each others as virgins!
I definitely want a virgin wife. And because of that, I am afraid of what I see going on in society. Some guys only want a girl’s body and just use them. I hate all this.
Basically, I want to fully devote myself to only one girl. I want my thoughts, feelings, and imagination focused on only one girl, the one who will be my future wife. I want to wait until our marriage, where we can cherish each other! So I devoted myself to this girl. That is, I was always think about her becoming my wife and focused on only her.
Doubting My Intentions
A couple of weeks ago, I began to masturbate more and think only about her: her breasts, ass, pussy… all her body. Just about what it would be like to fuck her and about my desire for her body. Almost daily, I imagined fucking her. Sometimes I felt guilty about that.
Sometimes I questioned myself. “Do you love this girl? Most of the time, you just imagine fucking that pussy? Sure, you desire her body, but would you love her without desire for her body? Yes, sex is a most precious gift you can share with her, but what about pure spiritual bonding between you and her.”
Now that I’ve met this particular girl, I am sure I will always want her as my wife. Yes, lots of guys proposed to her or have the intention to! But I wonder if this is because of her beauty (desiring her body) or if they really love her? No doubt about it, she is cute and sexy; it’s no wonder so many guys go after her.
Yes, I admit that, at first, I liked her for her beauty, too. But it is also true that while I appreciated her beauty, I left it at that. I just hoped we’d end up in the same class. And it happened! But even when we were in the same project group, I didn’t talk with her on a personal level, trying to get close to her. One reason was that I didn’t want to get carried away by her beauty and her body. I wanted to know the true form of my feelings. As a guy, was I just attracted towards her beauty and desiring her for her body or do I love her soul?
And Now I Know
After one year, I have realised that I both like her and love her. Not every girl has what it takes for me to fall in love with them. What about her beauty? Well, yes, she is beautiful and sexy. But so what? Many guys chase after her, but she still remains single and virgin. I know now that I have a strong desire to spend time with her and talk to her. It’s only in my imagination that I always want to fuck her. (And when she becomes my wife, we can do whatever we want together. Hey, just being positive.)
Whenever I think about her while masturbating, about enjoying her, fucking her pussy, eating her out, taking her cute little ass, enjoying her boobs… even in these imaginings, I crave a bonding with her soul, that oneness I read about here and that I know is God’s plan for marriage.
I also admit I feel a little jealous when she’s with her group of friends. (Especially of the boys. That’s why I wrote the Becoming One Flesh story.)
It’s also true that I don’t know her feelings clearly, whether she “likes” me or not. Once I asked her about her opinion on marriage. She told me that she’s interested in an arranged marriage (her family would find a guy and she would marry him). This didn’t hurt my feelings because I believe in myself! I can do it… I can end up with her!
Except…
But I’m not talking with this girl about us being together. I’m not spending time in her company. Here I am, just cumming to thoughts of her while other people spend time with her. Of course, they are in the same group of friends. But I don’t think I’m doing this right.
I’m wasting my time! I can’t spend the time with her that one of the guys from her group gets to enjoy, hanging out together. I feel jealous of him. On top of that, she also enjoys chatting with that guy. She texts back and forth with him. (Yes, I confirmed it.) It’s common, I know, but I still feel jealous. I want to talk with her, too. I want to hang out with her, spend time with her. But what I am doing about it? Just masturbating in bed thinking about her! What!?!
I want this girl, but it looks like my efforts are directionless and I don’t know how to proceed! Being shy, I’ve never had a girlfriend. And I feel these pangs of jealousy that bias my thoughts. So I just switch off my mood so she won’t know what I’m thinking. I’ve never understood how to manage my feelings for her while at the same time focusing on building my career.
I think I’ll Try…
As for masturbating, I think I’ll stop it like I mentioned in comments. Why? Most of the time when I do it thinking about this girl, I just cum without feeling any emotional pleasure. It’s just cumming. It seems mean or small of me to just cum thinking about her and to get carried away by jealousy, anger, lust. I feel I’m being influenced by my environment, their thoughts about sex, etc. I’ve imagined some other girl, but that doesn’t help. I’m ashamed to say I’ve even tried watching porn and masturbating. I don’t want to do that.
I want to handle my sexual tension in a godly manner. First I’ll purify my thought and then, yes, I’ll enjoy this gift of masturbation. I don’t want to be involved in any sexual thoughts which lead me to an impure mindset.
This Should Help
Just recently I found out we will be in different batches for practicals. This is actually good. Before I was always hoping to be in her batch, and it always happened. But now that I want to put some distance between us and get my head straight, we will be in separate batches. I think that’s a good sign!
So, it’s true I want her, but I also don’t want impure thoughts or a bad mindset. I want to control my desire, as it biases me and distracts my mind from study. I also want to do something about that jealous part of me. And, for sure, I am waiting for my wedding night for sex. As for masturbation, I’ll try to control myself until I come back home again, hoping my mind becomes crystal clear and all my negativity burns off.
Any Advice for Me?
But this girl, I don’t know how to proceed with her. MH, please pray for me. And do any of you have suggestions for me on how to end up with the girl?
Faith, I prayed for you. Your words here were very touching – it made me just want God's very best for you. I have no huge advice. I encourage you to: 1) Be growing in the Lord and useful in your church. 2) Be yourself – and at the same time ask God for His will to be done in your life. 3) With the trust that God is working in your life – don't be afraid to reach outside of your most comforting zone and let this woman know what you think of her. You have already had time for her to see that you are a young man of integrity and caring. Trust God and embrace whatever comes from it. Your words really touched me. I'm rooting for you! God bless you. LH
Thanks LH.
3. sometime I hesitate to act, like somethings binds me, just little fear. But your words really encourage me, it's applicable in all situation in life…!
1&2. Sure, I try to maintain continuity to worship god.
and parallely praying too.
Oh, you sweet boy. I think you are on the right track. If her parents are the ones you have to convince of your dedication to her and ability to provide for her, then I think you should focus on becoming the man she deserves and that they are looking for. See to your studies, but you can also take time to build that friendship! It is not "fake" to be someone's friend, even if you hope for that friendship to one day blossom into more. Shy or not, you can be kind, give a friendly word or smile, and not come off as too needy.
But I agree that you need to get a handle on the jealousy issue. Though you believe she is meant to be yours, she isn't yet. And though it seems God keeps putting her in your path, she's in many other people's path, too. We don't know the specifics of God's will for the future. But pray for what you believe is right and then step out in faith. One of my favorite sayings is, "The rudder can't steer a boat that is dead in the water."
One more thing you might consider is whether *she* might also be trying to concentrate on her studies and career. Especially since she's expecting an arranged marriage, she may not want to become too close to anyone and start to have feelings for someone she may not get to spend her life with. Would asking her thoughts on that matter be considered inappropriate in your society?
Not to say that I think it's a sin for you to be thinking about the woman you want as your wife when you masturbate (I don't), but I don't necessarily think its healthy for you either. But neither are the other options you mentioned, in my opinion. Many young single men and women here say they fantasize about a faceless "other", focusing on the sensations or activities rather than the person. Maybe that would help you? It's hard, I know. You are young and in love, even if its an unrequited love. And what you crave, that spiritual union, may be a few years down the road yet. I hate to think of you pining away over her. Better, I think, to focus on being who God wants you to *be* rather than who he wants you to be *with*. But it's never wrong to be a true friend who seeks what is best for the other.
Like LH, I'm praying for you. I pray that God would conform your desires to His, that you will become the man of God he wants you to be, and that He blesses you one day with a helpmate who will love you second only to Him, whether it is this girl or another. His perfect will be done.
Thanks CHL,
" becoming the man she deserves and that they are looking for. "
It inspire me, to continue going on my track, knowing that destination is beautiful..
"Better, I think, to focus on being who God wants you to *be* rather than who he wants you to be *with*. "
Well said DHL, this line touch my heart and motivated me to become the person God want and believe that, then the right girl comes in my life.
your prayer , glad to hear it!
such kind words…
About friendship, I try to build one cautionly ( without any sexual desire )
About her thought on career or marriage, yes I can asked her , even I asked it before and that much friendship we develop.
I will be in prayer.
Thanks ArtRutherford for praying !
I believe it's God will that I got some help here on MH, even I never think about it.
Faith, I also agree that you should work on putting aside any feelings of jealousy you have. Jealousy is a nasty green headed monster that can potentially kill any chance you may have with this girl. I believe you need to concentrate on perhaps just being her friend first, then go from there.
In a way you remind me of my husband Trey and his relentless pursuit of me. We were friends long before we ever started dating and that bond slowly grew stronger.
We always enjoyed each other's company and he seemed to always be there for me, even though we were not technically together. It became clear that he deeply cared for me, though it took some time for me to realize it. I dated several guys and yet Trey stood strong and remained a true caring friend. That friendship gradually grew into a deep love for one another.
Now, to quote one of my favorite contributors to this site ( LadyGarden), I am his and he is mine. So be patient and show how you care for her by being a caring friend. Try and be there when she is down. Rejoice when she is happy. If it is meant to be, it will happen.
Also, I personally do not feel that it is a sin to desire her sexually as long as jealousy and anger are not part of the equation. I do not see anything wrong with you thinking about her when you masturbate. Masturbation is a great stress reliever. However, masturbating to porn is unhealthy and can sometimes warp a person's sense of sexuality.
If cumming to thoughts of her make you feel guilty, then try as CHL stated. Masturbating to a "faceless other ". It will not be easy ( believe me I know) but give it a try.
Anyway, I will be praying for you!
Thansk Alicia..
Glad to know about you and your husband!
It inspire be to know how trey become your husband.
Your opinion on friendship, yes this is something I require to learn! With the blessing from God, I will learn it .
Hey Alicia, question if I may…?
Before when you and Trey were just friends did you guys ever have the talk that defined your friendship as "nothing more?"
Also, that's interesting about the whole masturbating thing… so you don't care if some guy thinks about you while masturbating?
How about anybody else? How do you feel about it?
About the part of mastutbution,
as all you suggest about " faceless other " and also letting me know it's difficult to achieve but with constant efforts and with God blessing I can able to master it, so that I can enjoy the gift of mastutbution without any guilt and in godly manner.
Just earlier this morning I have a desire to masturbate but I control on my argued, I know that again I am going to think about her and looking at her picture , so I leave that thought and again read all comments which inspire me alot!
About porn, now I have enough will to avoid it at all cost.
Jealousy part, yes I working on it and don't allow my mind to be diverted from the path which God shows! With his ( God ) will I surely remove it from my mind and also ,
other negative feeling associated with it!
One think I realize, I particularly thought about this girl but it applicable to any other girl who comes in my life.
Personally, I thought this is not the right time for a relationship , and God know when the right time comes and surely, at time I got bless me with a loving , caring wife , as God plan for me!
and yes, at that time as CHL said I am "the man she deserves and that they are looking for." also "a person who God wants you to *be* "
Just be the person who God want and leave all things on his Will, when the time comes you have one women who ments to be mine like "I am his and he is mine."
( btw i read stories by LadyGarden when I come to this site and become my favourite author as well but now I don't see any new story from her ? hoping that she write some more )
May I ask more about faceless other ?
It also inspire me to write some fantasy for this faceless other…
Faith,
First let me say that you are in my prayers. Second let me say that I agree whole heartedly with CHL and Alicia.
Through your comments that I have read. It seems you are actively working on these issues, and I commend you for that.
Your question concerning "faceless other ". Basically it is a "fantasy lover ". Have you ever had a dream where someone is in your dream but you can't make out who they are ?
Well a "faceless other " or "fantasy lover " is just that. A figment of your imagination that is created to spark your sexual desire.
You can give your "fantasy lover " a body that you consider desirable. Tit size, shaved or bush. Your brain is the largest sex organ you possess and is capable of creating alot of erotic pictures and ideas, often better than any porn you may have seen.
Like Alicia stated, it will take some time, but you can do it.
Let me say however, that masturbating to the girl your heart desires is not necessarily wrong, as long as it doesn't lead to a deeper problematic obsession such as stalking. Oh, and as long as the subject of your desire isn't married or betrothed to someone else. This would be sinful and definitely not recommended.
God bless you. Like I said, you are in my prayers. Stay Horny!
❤ Gina
Thanks GG…
ohhh I see faceless lover we can create it by my own imagination…look like it's useful but to be honest I try to not masturbute at all…
when that argue feel I just ignore it..and yehhh I am successful…
I want to put all this things on God hands!
I'll likewise be praying for you!!
I am a single guy and have been in the seat of constantly being "friend-zoned" or "brother-zoned." Several others have said it is because of my personality and spirit, that my desire to want to help them when they are hurting or struggling with something.
So it is both good and annoying! Haha
But as to the "faceless other," I use this pratice as well! I also do my besr to not allow the face of my female friends though out of personal reasons.
But I encourage you to keep God in it and ask for help with the "faceless other" practice if that is how you want it to be!
I have had dreams of having sex with my female friends and while the dreams were extremely pleasurable I don't feel like I should think about them during my sessions since I am not even in a relationship with them and/or I do not intend to pursue them.
As to the one you are in love with, I can't give much advice since I don't fully understand the situation so I will say to pray and ask God to lead, guide, and prepare you for the moment He opens the door of marriage to you!!
Remember He is faithful, loves you, and knows what is best for you!!!
Thanks JAM for your input…
form what you say look like we both are on same boat…
Faceless others interesting concept and I realize before 5-6 years I do same things.
just using my imagination I create one girl in my mind not her face and imagine fucking her…although that was basic thoughts…but now I know it has same name…
as year pass I forget it , and as I grow I try to thing about my female friend…
look like it's time to go again past, where I do exactly what faceless lover mean…
but sometime, whatever we imagine in our dreams, it's in front of us ?
then what should we do ? ( like special details about her boobs , beauty, body )
I apologize but I don't understand the context of your question….?
sorry about that!
let me explain it…
Our imagination is based on our senses…I mean what I feel, saw , hear and feel we try to imagin accordingly that…
Like sometime we created virtual image our imagination just Iike i thought my girl has long hairs….
beautiful boobs…( not about size, but I feel that yes , it's beauty and feminism that she posses)
sometime about her figure…her ass…about her height so on…..
and also about her private part…yes love her if she Is shaven…smooth skin..eating her and love her in all possible way as I could…
but whatever imagination we pursue somewhere it related to real world that we live…!
and may be some time you meet same one who partially look like my virtual girll( imagination a girl crated my my mind who don't have face but, Yes physical attribute)
That time your imagination just ahed you…!
this is what your mind pursue..
Then how to handle this situation…interesting ya ?
may be this is uncertain type of assumption…
but it can happens…
In this case the possibility exist so we can attracted towards this girl or something feeling sexually about her..! even may be she is not my belong to me…! ( who know, possibilities?)
Jam can I know about your faceless lover ?
And how you do it?
thanks…
Oh okay, that makes sense.
And sure, what would you like to know?
And are you talking the dreams or when I am masturbating?
Great !
Yes, like to know about your dreams as well when you masturbute.
btw it's 10+ days I don't masturbute!
Well the dreams just depends.
Most common is either a sexy librarian or teacher look. Beautiful young lady, very little or no makeup (I think women are beautiful as is), and in a library or classroom.
They will be in a business suit or just blouse with a skirt. Usually it starts out with kissing but sometimes she is just bent over the table with skirt pulled up and I am taking her from behind. She is usually a "faceless" person but sometimes it is my friend I mentioned before. Though that hasn't happened in a while. The other two sex dreams are either with a girl sitting on my lap/laying on the couch having sex and then the other is just in bed with me just looking into her eyes. I don't usually remember a face though.
Concerning masturbating, I usually read stories on here and get a scenario in my head. I will visualize it and then just stroke myself. I usually keep a sock nearby to ejaculate in.
The visualizing can be as simple as just visualizing some unnamed and faceless future wife or I will imagine the entire situation from the flurting, foreplay, the actual sex, and then the "cool down."
I like to also think about trying to get her pregnant and have a kid. Just thinking about the awesome future when God opens that door.
Does this answer your questions? Anything else you got for me?
thanks for input jam!
God bless you..
You are most welcome my friend! 🙂
I will be submitting a story or two of a fictional nature sometime soon. It will be my actual first erotica story I have ever written.
Faith,
May I challenge you, brother? May I share some things I've learned (and still learning) about being a gentleman and carrying ourselves with authentic masculinity?
1. Know deep down that God is a warrior and the Lord of Hosts. Man was created in His image—we are warriors too and our confidence comes from fighting the battles to which He calls us. This doesn't mean violence, but it means knowing what we are about and being unshakable. What does this have to do with "making her mine"? It gives us a base, an anchor of sorts, from which we interact with people. Women have a sixth sense for authentic confidence and can tell right away if you do not have this base. Many men are crushed by rejection because they don't have a roll cage of purpose and self-worth; if they don't get a woman's acceptance, they are crushed. Does this sound like Jesus, brother? Naw, man. People flocked to Him because He was so confident in His mission and handled rejection with grace (and really compassion for the rejectors). Forgive me, Faith, but you sound vulnerable. You have invested a lot of emotion into this woman behind the scenes, yet this investment may have come at the cost of your roll cage. Are you coming at this potential relationship from a place of purpose and satisfaction if you don't get it? Will you be crushed if it all collapses, or will you continue going about your business as a warrior? I pray the latter.
2. My second point is more operational, but it comes at the expense of being more culturally rooted. With that disclaimer, my tip is this: make clear your intentions. If you want to share a relationship with this girl beyond friendship, tell her. Women are not mind readers and most will wait for you to lead. If you hide behind a cloud of uncertain signals, you will feel unauthentic and she will have to assume you only want to be her friend.
Many women testify that a man is at his sexiest when he has clear intentions and acts deliberately pursuing them.
I say these things to challenge you and encourage you for the King's service. I pray that you are built up, brother.
Thanks brother…
wow it really fire me up…
I am suprize after getting inputs form all other here , I try to act on it…!
and at each day I face new difficulties , then by God's blessing thier are one advice for me, which are relevant to my situation!
Warrior , Yes I am warrior, your challenges really inspire me and motivated me…
it's true I invest so much emotions on her although not acted accordingly from start…
but it has own reason, I want to focus on my study and career and with God blessing I able to achieve that excellence , but same way not provide my attention to build friendship between us…..but what has been has been…still I can try now, and yes it little difficult now, because look like she has so close to another boy, its make my task difficult but not impossible, she can talk with me but not as much as she talk with this guy…
I must say that that guy hits bull's eye…going exactly the way and they become close friends… but still I can become her close to…
just seeing possibilits…
and yehh masrtubution nope…
controlling this argue for right movement…
about jeoulay, a little bit but yehh it's not cause trouble as I able to related it with God…
I pray to God I keeping faith on him, he know how things should happens…
but as all of encourage me to become her friend and try to remove jeously part , yehh I can practicing it…
it again require sheer will to do it and with the almighty blessing I can do the same…
Faith:
My advice is to form a good, solid friendship with this girl first.
She apparently fits your culture's ideal of beauty. She has a lot of guys pursuing her because of this. She is rejecting their advances. Maybe because she knows she can have anyone she wants and is holding out for someone better. But hopefully she is rejecting them because she wants to be loved for what is inside her and not just her hot body.
Spend as much time talking with her as you can. Have intellectual conversations with her. Compliment her intelligence and character when the opportunity arises. If, after getting to know her, she is still someone you are interested in marrying, then you can let her know that. If she feels the same way about you, it's on!
A concern I have is that you may be infatuated with her outer beauty more than her inner beauty. All cultures have ideals of beauty. Here in the USA, it is tall blondes with big boobs. The super-model body type. While supermodels are hot (assuming those tits are real 🙂 ), their physical looks are not God's ideal of beauty. He made girls in all shapes and sizes, most of whom could never be supermodels, but each is a "10" in her own right. I mean a ten in the sight of God and of real men of God.
So honestly look into yourself and ask yourself how much you have bought into your culture's ideal of beauty, and to what extent that influences your attraction to her. As you pursue friendship with her, you may find that you are not as attracted to her. Or you may discover that you really love her for what is inside and you would still want to get in her pants even if she didn't look like a supermodel!
I will share a little about me and my wife. She is the opposite of a supermodel. Short, black hair, and small tits 😆 By the grace of God I never really bought into supermodel looks as the ideal of beauty. There is a sameness about them, and I found myself attracted to a wide variety of body types.
My wife was a "10", no doubt. She is one of the five or six most attractive women I have ever, to my eye. But it wasn't love or even lust at first sight. Now don't get me wrong — had God appeared to me in a dream and said that she was the girl I would be making love to for the rest of my life, I wouldn't have been able to believe my good fortune. But I was 19 and not looking to get married.
It was only after getting to be her friend that I developed the need to get in her pants. I had never felt that way about anyone else before or since. I know this sounds cliche, but beauty fades. She was 16 when we met. Now she's pushing 60. She takes good care of herself and still looks better than many women half her age. Certainly, she has held up better than I have and is sexier than a guy like me could ever hope to find. But in all honesty, she looked better 10 years ago, and I don't expect her to improve as she gets to be 70 and 80.
However, in spite of her physical decline, my sexual attraction to her is stronger than ever. So make sure that whoever you marry is as beautiful on the inside as the outside.
Another aside that perhaps you can relate to: My wife is from a country full of dark-skinned people. My wife is even darker than average. I am White. We look quite good together, although we sure raised some eyebrows 40 years ago. In her country, the ideal of beauty is light skin. My wife would not be considered beautiful in her country because of that. On the other hand, I, and many white guys, LIKE dark women. If you see someone of my wife's nationality with dark skin here in the USA, it's a pretty safe bet she is married to a white guy.
In closing, I will say congratulations on your decision to save sex for marriage. We did too, and it was the best decision we ever made. Sex is a really big deal. You can't understand how big a deal until you actually do it. It will surpass your wildest masturbatory fantasies.
May God bless your efforts with a great smart, beautiful, sexy wife and many years of screwing your brains out!
Thanks ILM,
This is something , I want!
God is great and thanks for tips…I surly going to utilize it…
for that I need to come out from my comfort zone and conquer my fears and hesisteation!
One day we hangouts together that time I felt so good , just spending some time is feel me good…
and all my thought like finds its destination, I am so calm and Evan don't feel any sexual thought for her..!
About friendship I try very best of me, I know that I need patience as I thought she take her time for become my friend, Yes we can talk but she never text me or call me without any reason ( mostly academics) so here I need patience just praying God give me strength so that I can wait, when she realize my friendship and my care…!
I just pray for it..also give me wisdom so that I can able to related my feeling very well, and become her one friend she looking for!
I never thought something like before, it's just outside my comfort zone praying for some , God show me path for it, so that I can walk on your path and that girl also become my closest friends as well I become her close one..!
Glad to know about you and your wife, some time our thought become so bias that we forget what beauty rally is !
Yes , God gives me strength so that I can wait for sex until I am married to one girl , as God want!
thanks your praying..!
Now the major concern of mine is to become her close friend, and she is the girl who need to be care, love and respect and love to attention as she receive…
I try to do it, but I know I can't expected good result now, cause it take same time, to realize her yes I also care her , respect her and want to give her my priority although I don't want to compeite to anyone else…
I can do all this as I could do for her, without diverting my attention and yes I know that if my feeling are pure she realize my care and true friendship..yes it's quite hard for me to be at transmitting end only, without receiving some attention and care from her, I excepted same from her, but look like I need some patience, same way o not want to be irreating and disturbing her…as many other guy's do the same…
just want to give first , and hoping she realize my care and love….
and if this not end with marriege, fine with me , but I like to be her close friend with whom she can talk anything about her life…i just pray that God bless me with true friendship from this girl, first I want to become her close friend and I don't care if I only become her close friend only..
in such case , in deep down my heart I know that God planning something best for both of us…! trust God, keeping faith on him and yes one day I blessed with right girl, who love me for who I am !
just an update:
that girl love someone else!
( from the same class also he was my classmate )
I plan to writing a advice cum fantasy post after knowing it..
Jam777,
Personally, if a guy finds me attractive enough to masturbate while thinking about me. That is his business as long as he keeps his fantasy to himself. I would not care to know and he would not want Ben to know for sure.
Hey Mrs. G, my long reply will be on my reply to Alicia's comment if you want to view it too, but I had a feeling it was going to be something like that!
If you look at Alicia's comment, you will see the reason I asked the question.
Thank you so much for taking the time to think and respond Mrs. G!
Hope you and Ben are well!!
Hey Jam! I truly don't know how I would feel knowing somebody other than my husband was masturbating to thoughts of me. I don't know, I guess, on one hand, it would probably be a compliment, but on the other hand, I think I would rather not know. Like my mom (GG) said, as long as he keeps it to himself, I don't have a problem with it. Never really thought about it to be honest. In a way it seems creepy to think about! ?
Thank you for taking the time to get back to me Alicia! I really appreciate you and your family!
The main reason I asked that question was in response to your comment to Faith, which I'll copy and paste below.
I was just rocked by it when you said it and was curious how deep your views on it went.
I don't know if I could masturbate to another woman. I might use past visuals to create my fictional persons but sometimes I do have trouble and it makes it harder to actually make myself cum. No pun intended!
So just finding a middle ground can be difficult!
I just hope God opens the door for marriage soon because my body is becoming more annoying with keeping it under control and not masturbating more…!
But thanks again for your thoughts for taking the time to come back to this post to comment. Hope you all are well! Still thinking about and praying for you all!
"Also, I personally do not feel that it is a sin to desire her sexually as long as jealousy and anger are not part of the equation. I do not see anything wrong with you thinking about her when you masturbate. Masturbation is a great stress reliever. However, masturbating to porn is unhealthy and can sometimes warp a person's sense of sexuality."
JAM777: for me, this falls into the realm of personal piety. In other words, you have to know yourself and discern whether, by fantasizing about a certain woman, you have "coveted" her: desired to have her when she rightfully belongs to someone else. Some will say if you have no intention to act on your fantasies, then it isn't coveting, i.e. lusting. (The word Jesus used for 'woman' in his "if you look at" statement always referred to a married woman, a wife, based on my personal study. I really need to write a post on this.)
But even if it isn't coveting, why stir up the chemical bonding cascade that comes with orgasm over someone that you can't possibly have? Better to fantasize about someone you want to and *could* rightfully become one with, I think, and let those feelings inspire you to take the next step in pursuing the friendship and future romance – NOT take the place of doing so. If that person isn't in your life right now, you could think of a future relationship (or activities, lol) with an as-yet-unknown spouse.
I want to be clear that I don't think married women -or men- bear the burden to 'prevent' others from thinking about them inappropriately. In my opinion, the book of James is very clear that the source of our temptations is our own evil (disobedient) desires. We have to shoulder the responsibility for our own actions and thought lives.
Also, I believe there is a difference between appreciating and being stirred by beauty or attitude or some other desirable aspect of a person and lusting to have a wrong relationship with them (assuming either or both you or they are married to someone else). My husband is not jealous and even likes to think or know that other men think I'm pretty or sexy. It is a tribute to how blessed he is to be my husband. But we both know from experience that there have to be limits on how that appreciation is expressed, for the sake of all involved.
Long-winded, as usual, and all my own opinions! No authority claimed, just my two cents worth. Sorry.
Interesting Mr. Or Mrs. Crazy (sorry, not sure which of you is responding.)
Yeah, I don't understand enought about the chemistry of the brain in connection to orgasms but I wonder if orgasming even to a "fake" person/apparition would cause the same stumble…?
Little children can become so convinced of their imaginary friend(s) that they actually develop a bond and a sense of love. A deep level of commitment even.
So would an "imaginary lover" have the same affect?
Thank you Ladies for your thoughts and for replying back to me!
Hear me out, I think I can relate to you and give some advice:
I really enjoy reading about how you are still a virgin and want to save it for your wife. I also was happy to read that you (think?/know?) she is still a virgin as well.
I am 21 myself and am in roughly the same situation. (This page is about you so I will keep this short as possible!)
I met the most attractive woman I have ever seen 2.5 years ago. Last January I decided to ask her out. No solely due to her looks, but because of her looks AND because she has such an obvious faith. Four months later I proposed a date and she said no. This was heartbreaking.
Why do I write this? Here is what I have been doing and what I suggest you do:
If she is the woman you want to marry, show her you are the best man. She seems like a picky woman- she can and should be. If she is attractive as you say, why should she just date any man? She can tell if someone is interested in her personally, or just wants her body.
What I am saying you should do- and what I am doing: devote yourself to being the best man you can be. I mean REALLY devote yourself- I have spent 90% of my waking hours over the past 17 months trying to be better than all the other men, and when you look back at how far you come, YOUR CONFIDENCE will come with it. You talked about a lack of confidence. Perhaps there is a reason for that- SHOULD you have confidence? If you were in her shoes, why would she date you?
Work harder than the others, be as (if not more) handy, work out so you are stronger than most, show her you have endurance. Push yourself so you know what you are capable of! While you do this, expect nothing in return! That is what grace is, no? Giving yourself and expecting nothing in return. While in conversation with her, make sure she knows that you are always working to improve, to have more resources, and to get stronger. If she asks why then tell her- you want to be the best man you can be for a special woman some day.
THAT will perk her ears up. Remember to put yourself in her shoes- if you are a woman who is constantly approached by men who do not know God and just want to have sex with you, then this other guy who works his hardest, fears God, and wants to support a wife with all his might is interested in you, who will she be more inclined to choose?
I really appreciate you posting this. I am eager to hear if this helps or possibly hinders you. (I hope the former!)
Also, please remember that I am 21 and have not been on a date yet. This just seems like the best way to do it for me. Others may disagree with me- and may very well be right to disagree. Either way, I hope for only the best for you.
Sorry for my late reply!
I log in after so many days…..
first I am glad if I read this early…It really helps me a lot. Your word really calms me, now it's so many days I have to post this…So many thing changes…. even now I won't talk with her… because I don't know but I feel a little awkward and her presence and the guy she with… I am happy for them but I also feel aloneness. It reminds me how single I am… I am not complaining but It's just what I feel.
As both of us going on same situation… still I don't date anyone and never be in any romantic relationship with any girl… not every girl have magic so you fall in love with…
Sometimes it's hard to wait…
Your thought really calms me and help me a lot.
You know what..maybe God wants us to be the man he wishes for then Right girl enters our lives and make our life fill with love and of course some beautiful night as well…
Ohh about that virginity part I thought about it…actually I don't know much about it!